Got back my taurus gf but...

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ioana
@ioana
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 11 · Topics: 3


So i'm a girl (cancer) and i've been dating this other girl (taurus) for a year now. We're both 22. Here's our history, so you can understand it.

The first 2 months we're great. She was texting me non stop, wanted to see me, sleep with me, and what not.

The summer break camed and she went home(13 hrs away). I stayed for work. The next 2 months she texted me non-stop, called me, even waited numerous times 'till 4 a.m for me to get back from work and skype. We made plans for her to come over but that didn't go well. She had some problems home.

Aaand here's where our problems started. Slowly she became distant, with her mind constantly somewhere else, and i VERY needy. We had some fights, but she always wanted to solve them out. I was a wreck and at some point she broke up with me (and i don't blame her). She wanted so stay friends and see where things were going. Slowly i distanced myself, but then i found out she had even bigger problems and somehow, for the next 2 months we kept in touch, mostly with her reaching out to me. (meanwhile i was trying to improve myself, work on my self esteem). When she came back the first thing she did was to come and see me. Jumped into my arms and spending the whole day around me. We imediately started to flirt, and we kissed that night. She panicked, and said that we're always gonna go back to the same problem.

The next 2 months we went on and off, with her being hot and cold, kissing me, sleeping with me, then being bitchy and distancing herself. At some point i stated that i can't stay only friends with her and walked away. We have some classes and some group projects togheter, so we've seen eachother. After 10 days she came back and we we're officially togheter now.

But she kept having breakdowns and problems(college, familly, work. For 2 months now), and every time she distanced herself and was bitchy with me. One time she even ended things but 2 weeks later she was back. This time i distanced myself and she started chasing me. I told her what was bothering me and she said i was right.

Last week she said she doesen't have motivation to be with me anymore and she dosen't know if she still loves me. I said ok, but I reminded her the can't staying friends thing and she got so angry about that, as always. She left things just like that, in the air, without taking a decision.

Two days and she's back into my bed. After flirting while working for college, her being touchy, acting jealous and me inviting her over to watch a movie. I didn't make a move, but 20 minutes into the movie and she started kissing me. We had sex that night, the next morning, and in the afternoon. She was kissing me non-stop, was all over me, and said that she dosen't understand how am i so patient with her, that she doesen't think there's somebody else that loves her like i do, that she feels bad about the things she said to me that night, and that she's crazy about me, that i am like a magnet to her. I was honest and told her that i love her, but she hurt me and that's gonna be on my mind for a while (also i mentioned that we're taking fights to seriously - proff: in the middle of the fights we start laughing about what not, and we always end up hugging or laughing about us).

Now I'm out of town for a week and what i did was letting her do ALMOST all the contact (2 times i told her i prefered skype instead of texting and she seemed to enjoy it. She said that when we're spending tme toghether i'm fun, i'm 'wow', but when we're texting there's always gonna be something to argue about. She said maybe it's a cancer thing cause her sister has the same problem with her boyfriend, also a cancer). If i don't text her all day she texts me good night before going to sleep and asking about my day and stuff.

For two days she seemes to be backing off a bit and i don't want her to get angry cause i don't reach out to her like i used to. I don't want to seem always available and i want her to miss me. I don't want to seem needy again, and let her treat me that way, i want to be a priority, but still i understand her and all of her problems. How should i act? Next week is her birthday.

Thank you so much, and sorry if my english is bad.
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peo
@peo
8 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 196 · Topics: 6
"that she doesen't think there's somebody else that loves her like i do"

This isn't just a red flag, that's an outright evacuation alarm!

You're the safe bet to her sweetie and you deserve SO much better. That's why she chases you when you're actually showing her the cold shoulder and when you tell her that you can't be friends. It means you're taking that safety away from her.

I've been there more than once. I think it's an easy trap for cancers to fall into, so for your own sake: try to fight your way out.

She's using you for the safety you provide and you should be with someone who is willing to provide this safety in return and she clearly isn't.
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jeane
@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
I think that you can solve a lot of this by creating your own clear boundaries.

Do you mind her coming back in and out of your life?

Can you control your own neediness?

Are you happy for her to use you emotionally?

No? Then they'll her how you want and expect to be treated and when she says 'youre right', then you have to make her stick to it.

Shes young, shes selfish, she dealing with other stresses in life. She is going to make mistakes but you also have to make your expectations very clear.