It's been a while, but I came back

I havent posted on here in forever but I thought I would sign on today and give an update. Last time I posted I was seeing a Sagg and still kinda seeing the taurus who is my daugther father well things are kinda the same and some are very different now. Needless to say me and the Sagg are not talking any longer but that is for another thread the bull and I are still just moving at this slow place, but on a older post I stated how I kinda found out the was talking or dating this other women I dont think it was too serious cause he was still trying to flirt and everything with me so I didn't even bring it up to him. In another thread I stated how we started messing around again in April which I only did because I assume things were not serious with him and this other women well that messing around stop in August and I confronted him about this other person. I seen pics of him on her Fb pg where he was spending some time with her son playing like Xbox and him riding his bike and what not. this really upset me and I just had to confront him, so when I did he was like you are late and we are not together anyway. I replied "Exactly we are not together but you are playing step daddy and you barely spend anytime with your child. he replied it doesnt matter where I am I will do my part and I replied you need to spend more time with her so she can know you he replied she will know me cause when you need me I will ve there. I also had to let him know I havent been knowing for a while I just now decided to say something about it.
so all that happen Fri and we hadnt talk until this Tue when he call me a 11pm and I was out so I text him back and said I cant hear you I am out but what's up he replied I am just checking on the baby. next day he text me around the same time and ask me did I get her stuff which he had gave me some cash for a couple of days before I ask him about the other women. I replied the next morning since I was sleep no cause I need to go to cotsco or sams but I will go to walmart today. then the next day he call and she was stopping by to see her and bring me his cotsco card he came over spent a little time with the baby, gave me the card and left. when he came over i didnt bring all that back up i told him then i said my peice about the situation and i was done with it. i am glad that since i confronted him he is trying to put in more effort so we will see ofcourse i still love him but i dont know we will see i need him to change emotionally.

wow, you're still twisted.


i am glad that since i confronted him he is trying to put in more effort so we will see of course i still love him but i dont know we will see i need him to change emotionally.


^what does your love for him have to do with anything? why does he need to change emotionally? he's dating someone else.

is this what happens when women get pregnant out of wedlock? you are not your child. your child is not you. his emotional maturity ain't got shit to do with you or your love for him. he's failing his daughter...not you. you don't matter. you mean nothing. you're essentially a caretaker. he doesn't mean you any harm but he ain't gotta love ya.

also, you're still transparent. i hate women who play games. you didn't answer the phone because you're running game...like you have been from jump. if i know it, he knows it. you might want to switch gears and play with a new deck.

@cutiebullie no we didnt get back together we kinda just started to mess around again. I actually was seeing someone when we started messing around but because of that attraction between scorp and bulls I had just long for him or wanted to be with him it could be lust or maybe it really it love. like you said aphrodite Bull maybe I should be up front with him and tell him lets just try again to be together but I get so nervous with him I cant explain it and I also feel a nervous ness with him toward me. We are actually on good term though I just talk to him yesterday, so I dont think he feels I am playing games or anything and yes I told him he can see our child whenever he would like just give me some type of warning since I work and attend school.

and personally i think there is something wrong with a woman who while the child is in utero begins dating someone other that the child's father. there are some women who honestly can't stand to be alone but this is kinda sick.

I didnt date the other person until my baby was about 4mths old, and I told him about the situation with her father before we begin dating. I am perfectly fine with being single and being alone which I am now at this moment. I date but I am not in a relationship with anyone, maybe I should tell the bull my true feelings for him but i think he is afraid and yes i am confuse right now but I am okay and I will be okay.

Posted by cutiebullie
it's not wrong to tell him you still love him, but what's confusing me also in this situation is that why is it that you still love a man who made you and your child feel abandoned while he was dating other girls and was not man enough to settle things with you first before moving to another girl?

is this lovable?

correct!

she's playing games. she's used her child as a pawn to regain his affections. she's justifiably exhibited anger, possessive, irrational and manipulative behaviors. i have no doubts that she's already expressed her desire to get this man back but the point is...

he's moved on and she's claimed to have moved on...repeatedly. at best, he's immature, has feelings for her and hasn't manned up yet. but regardless of what space he's in, she's in a bad space if she thinks it's rational to care for an asshole who would do this to his child...NOT her as she's inconsequential. he's disrespecting your daughter and that should be enough to snap your ass out of it and realize you deserve a better partner but noooooooooooo...

I really need to just tell him, it just that I even from day one really liked him it's crazy I dated the sagg and we seperated I dated others though not seriously since the sagg and no one compares to him the bull . I think I put on this demanor as if I dont care so he doesnt know how to react to me it's not a mind game its just that I got hurt once when I was young so I have this tuff demanor and I know he can since that. If I really open up to him and express how I feel maybe things would be different, I feel like he wants me to express it first so he can know how i am feeling. He didnt really leave me when I was pregnant it was an unplanned pregnancy he didnt want kids at the time I didnt want to have an abortion so our last phone conversation at that time was like well him talking to me when you figure out what you want to do let me know I never call him back i figure he didnt want the baby so I felt I made my bed I will lie in it and take care of my baby on my own. But when I had her I couldnt do that I had to let him know. He came to the hospital it was funny we had no communication for about 7mths nothing and we talk and name her and our communication begin again. It was just as parents for I think he felt bad and didn't want to face the past or talk about anything that happen. He then starting coming over to see her and it was just that ,come see the baby or call me about the baby and life went on. So I had just heard he had starting seeing this one girl but it wasnt a lot of girls or anything like that so I had my baby in Nov from Nov to March we were cool. I went to Mexico in march I told him just in general conversation I told him I would give my mom his number in case she needed anything for the baby. When I left for my trip I thought we were cool it was normal between me and him. but he text me asking me to send him a pic of me to store in his phone I just sent one and he said no a sexy one. I replied you dont deserve to see my sexiness just kidding as me and him always did. he then said I desire to see it or something like that I still just kinda shrug it off.

then in April one night he call me and ask me about the baby and said he was coming over the next day I went out that night but I text late like at 2am and said let me know what time you are coming so I can be home. He replied the next day and said why you text me that late you must have wanted something, he started talking sexual and I responded something back sexual and it went from there. at that time I was dating the Sagg but like I said I still wanted the bull I yearn for him. so we mess around from like april to Aug I wanted to know the truth about the other person but he want tell me much so I just left it at we are parents but no sex. Since I ask him about it we now act like nothing happen he just tect me today to ask our baby size so he can get her some thing he is a good guy I know anything I need if I ask him he would do it. I am content but I really do just need to tell him

*applause*

believe it or not, it was your post that made me join this site. i read it and i was so frustrated with you and the advice you were receiving from a certain member. you were in hell and she was adding wood. you were so clearly in denial to me and all i could think is, "what about her daughter?"

i get that you were guarded and trying to protect yourself and although it took a good 8-9 months for you to get real, all i can say is "finally!"

even though you're still pulling your punches ("I am content"...no you ain't), i think what you need to recognize is that IF anyone here is capable of helping you, you have to lay it all on the line. how can you expect anyone to help when they don't know what's really in your head and heart? how can you expect him to connect with what you're thinking/feeling when you fear being vulnerable more than you do being loved?

you know what i find interesting? the last two posts were like reading your original posts on the forum. it's almost october and those events are still fresh in your memory. they haven't faded and the pain and confusion is still there after all this time. so what has this guarding/protecting gotten you given you're in the exact same space months later?

i think it's time to get real and you know, it's scary as hell but better to risk and move forward than hide and be crippled.

how long were you two dating before you got pregnant?

on a side note...hells kitchen is off and so am i!

Yes everything is still fresh I just thought I would restate some of the facts for those who are new to my situaion. It all happen so fast I met in Oct of 2008 and We started off right away but like I said I like him from the jump he was different funny but he had kind of a dark past. He told me from day one he had been in prison he had done some stupid things when he was younger and he is trying to get his life together at first I thought this is too much I hope he dont call me back but I like the fact that he was honest. At first he was very aggressive he call me the same night he meet me and he is in the music business he wanted me to come to one of his events I came it started from there I also went out a lot so I dont know if this bother him too. so there is a lot of little factors that play a part in our dating but initally things were cool in March I pregnant so we had only knew each other like 5mths we were caught up in the heat of the moment we were not thinking in aprill he wanted me to go to texas with him to visit his family but I could not becuase of work when he came back I told him the news and I stop all communication with him.

^^^^^^Read this & take it to heart. Scorps & Taurus are opposites, when it's good, it's great, when it's bad, there is no understanding. This is the biggest factor. Scorp waiting for the Taurus & he's doing the same with you.

You said:
"I just had to confront him, so when I did he was like you are late and we are not together anyway."

He waited for you to let him know if you wanted him for real. Anything else is trifling, so he'll go off on his adventures since he doesn't know better. It is up to you to be open & direct, not a Scorp thing to do, but it's the only way.

5-6 months? it's lust, not love. cutiebull is right. i'm suspect of women who move on so easily. when you can lay down with another man at the blink of an eye, it's not your "heart" that's wounded, it's your head or your lady parts.

so now we know...he's an ex-con and you only knew him a short period of time. sure, people are capable of redemption but the answer is in your posts.

you were ashamed to reveal the truth, to state the reality even though you sought help. i think most women do this when they're conflicted....hell, i did it. we fear saying aloud the tragedies that this man has inflicted upon us. it's why a physically abused woman hides her scars. she's ashamed to admit the reality.

when you think of your relationship with this man before you got pregnant, do you feel "not so happy" inwardly that you didn't make better choices? i know you lover your daughter. i know that because of her, you would do it all over again but independent of her, what are you beating yourself up over? what are your fears with regard to him? is it solely rejection or are you afraid to admit that maybe you chose the wrong man?

to her credit, she has grown tremendously. early on it was REALLY clear that she was trying to manipulate her way to love and affection. on an astrolevel, as the other ladies stated, manipulating a taurus to love ya? that dog don't hunt. it may work once we're already invested as we fear change but if we got one foot out the door to begin with, it's easier to drag the other one along.

so i think it's great that she's finally admitting that she cares for him. the question now is, does she care for him for the right reasons or is this an ego thing? you're a lovely person and you have a lovely daughter, why isn't he trying harder to make the three of you a family?

i can't fathom what it's like to be in your position and i've seen many women in the same predicament. on one hand, they're trying to do the adult thing and on the other, the resentment, pain and anger sometimes cloud their actions.

i think you should sit down and evaluate if this man would be a good father, provider, spouse? is he capable of giving your daughter and yourself the support you need in all areas? he can't give what he doesn't already possess so if you're going to attempt something more with him, go in to it with a clear head and an open heart. failure couldn't hurt any more than this already has.

Thanks you all for the great advice when I think about it all I could think he felt maybe I was playing games, the Sagg I really only dated him because when the bull came back in my life it was simply just to be parents I didnt even know he still had those thoughts about me until he sent me those messages during and after my trip and no the Sagg was not to make him jealous he never even knew I was dated anybody at least I think he didnt. I thought at that point nothing would come of us so that is why I dated the sagg and so on. its funny all this talk about him and text me last night and said what r u doing I replied just some homework would you like to do it for me Lol he said no you take care of it I did my math wrk already then I replied what r u doing at the studio he replied no just got home from the studio. I replied well let me know when you want to pay us a visit so this open the door to him coming over but me I was a chicken I still didnt really express my feelings to him. and keep in mind we hadnt had any contact really in like 3 weeks except short conversation about the baby and a short visit or two from him in that time but very straigh forward so I knew he was kinda missing my company a little because when he got to my house he was very talkative and we talk about general stuff like my school work and other thing and other things happen but maybe now that our communication is okay I think I should keep it going and start to express myself to him and this is the best plan I think. I was very nervous before he came over I had butterflies in my stomach its crazy I feel like I am in high school or something but ofcourse after he arrive everything went smoothly.

Also no we dont have common friends he is orignally from Texas I met a couple of his friends at his plac of work but no we dont hang out with common friends.