Joke of the Day!

AQ & ML,

Here is one for ya!!!! You may pee in your pants; I almost did! My pops told me this one.

A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.


On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.


However, he now had a problem: How to carry all of his purchases home?


The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"


"Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.


In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"


The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."


The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"


The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"


The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."


WB

WB:
OHHHH . I have no words,,,,,just can't stop laughing,,you are marvelous ,hilarious.i guess i got to use that room you mentioned before.
Have a good one ,,,by-bye
Aqua2

Well, it's an old joke but so is my pops!!! Glad you liked it! We'll have to keep the thread going!

You're crazy......LOL keep them coming.

ML

Hey everyone here's something for ya, I got this from a friend of mine:

Subject: THE STUPIDS


Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything.

It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. Didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a moving truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope." We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big stringer of fish and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.

There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it".

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my car into a gas station. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope." I was driving around and those other three just swelled up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "butter, that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning.. Ok.. No problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So, Is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him

and said "no I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Money lady

In a recent interview, General Norman

Schwartzkof was asked if he thought

there was room for forgiveness toward

the people who have harboured and

abetted the terrorists who perpetuated

the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer:

"I believe that forgiving them is God's
function.

Our job is simply to arrange the meeting"

hahahahaha
WB 🙂 Love ya!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL....you get it!

yall are crazy, have we been drinking the koo koo punch?

ML

NO! Got home early because I had a interview today!!! I thought I sucked in the meeting and was really disgusted with myself on the drive home, but when I got home, they called me and want to do another one!? Lucky me!

Anyway I feel like having a drink, but I have to pick my sister up from work. She working nights now until(9pm). I like to have one in the evening while I'm making supper, but I have never been stopped for drinking and driving before and I don't intend to start! I am the taxi in this house!

WB

Cool! I hope you get the job. By the way, I was joking about the punch. It's great to have a sense of humor.

ML

cheeeeeeeese...just eat cheese.LuZ

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental
> Hospital.
> >
> > > >>> One day while they were walking past the
> hospital
> >
> > > >>> Swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the
> deep end.
> >
> > > >>> He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary
> promptly
> >
> > > >>> jumped in to save him. She swam to the
> bottom of the
> >
> > > >>> pool and pulled Jim out.
> >
> > > >>>
> >
> > > >>> When the medical director became aware of
> Mary's
> >
> > > >>> heroic act he immediately ordered her to be
> discharged
> >
> > > >>> from the hospital, as he now considered her
> to be
> >
> > > >>> mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary
> the news he
> >
> > > >>> said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news.
> The good
> >
> > > >>> news is you're being discharged because
> since you were
> >
> > > >>> able to jump in and save the life of another
> patient,
> >
> > > >>> I think you've regained your senses.
> >
> > > >>>
> >
> > > >>> The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved,
> hung
> >
> > > >>> himself with his bathrobe belt in the
> bathroom. I am
> >
> > > >>> so sorry, but he's dead."
> >
> > > >>>
> >
> > > >>> Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put
> him there
> >
> > > >>>to dry."
> >