Does this sound bi polar?

I have been married to a libra for 5 yrs. I was very much in love with him when we 1st married. well I never did feel like I should be married to him. but I loved him. anyways we have had our problems.I never wanted him to leave me. and he has always fought top stay. (we both cheated) at the end I always have cried to be with him.when we decide to work it out It always seems like its not what I really want. so we eventually went our separate ways and I have had some many different emotions. He always says he wants a divorce but he will not go file. I still cry to be with him but I am really starting to realize I really dont love him . So why am I putting up a fight. I really just want him to file. I love the attention he gives but when we entertained the fact of being back together I was actually disgusted.I knew that it was not what I really wanted. i dont know if this is a virgo thing or if its just me. i would like to remain friends with him we do have children. but Like I said I dont want him as a husband. any 1 have any insight. am i confused about my felings. why wont he just go file. all we do is fight and he ignores my calls or texts have the time. he cant say he stays for the kids hello we are separated. so please help .. any advice?

I dont feel belittled at all. No one knows my staory so there for no one can judge me.Its just feels weird be case I really know that I dont want to be with him. honestly it feels like we clam and everything is smooth we could be really nice and good to each other. but as far as a relationshp he is just not what I want..but still the ablity to just let go is very hard.

well i guess I dont wanna be the one that really ends it. sounds weird i Know. plus the money. we have 3 children. I really dont have the money to file.. but he got this huge bonus for like 12000 and i was sure he was gona file but he never did. he keeps saying he wants it but thru all the fighting he will not file. we have been separated for a year.

i just dont know....

Im not trying to be insensitive here..I understand how this isn't a fun situation to be in and a monetary loss all the same. But don't you just want to be able to get on with your life and stop the stress? So you can be happy soon enough?

Getting someone on neutral ground to advise you both would be helpful to get the process started. You will not be able to reach him to come to terms with this by communicating at all on your own unless its absolutely a miracle. It's a test of wills honestly over money now it seems by what you said if so. He has it, you don't, he knows this..etc etc. He knows you want out stronger, he's not going to offer up to pay out of this then because you are the driving force wanting release. With that said.

Knowing it's over. Honestly, do you really want to drag your kids through this any longer if that is the case? I would be very concerned for what they are going through by seeing you like this and having this tension in their lives. I know money doesn't come easy but there is a degree of damage you do with stressing everyone on all levels for periods of time, including yourself. Is it worth it really because it will cost them more in the end having gone through all this and seen the up's and downs and unsteadyness happening around them.

Money isn't really the issue here .. it's just another excuse. Clearly, you've outlined where your feelings go back and forth, and I should think that any reason that presented itself, you would justify as valid as to why you won't take the next step.

It's fear of not having something, or someone in which to be dependent upon ... uncertainties lie beyond a divorce. Eventhough you don't get along when together and don't really want to be together .. still, there is crutch, a safety net that you can put your feelings onto so that you won't have to be afraid = dependence. This is why you can't let him go, eventhough you know it should take place.

It's not uncommon for a Virg to be dependent upon another, so don't think like you are odd and something is matter with you, for you share this condition with your fellow Virgos.

What you have to do is find someone on the rebound .. now, while you are seperated, find a man to whom you can have really good feelings for, someone who cherishes you and to whom you can depend on him to make you feel good about yourself and your situation. Then you'll be able to let go.

The problem that exists with this is really it's just replacement for the dependency and not really a cure ... however, once you do that, you can then tell yourself that got past him, you did it ... and if you are strong enough to get past him, then you are strong enough to get past the dependency all together. Once you conquer the dependency, then you'll be able to look back and view the ex as just a friend and not have any desires to be with him, due to fear of being alone.

I thought that about her husband because I almost want to think he knows her well enough and is holding that over her a little because perhaps he knows it was comfort all along and knows she's miserable. He just doesn't want to deal with it or pay for it because he knows her better. It may be stupid but situation like this if one person knows the other views on money, virgo wants to save it..libra is opposite with it and probably abhors this of the Virgo in general..if there is a quarrel between the two.. is the other person really going to give what the other wants since their are hurt feelings present? That battle can happen in many relationships to a degree. Might be another excuse but the matter of the fact is, they didn't agree on things and money, career and intimacy are big factors always for a situation not working out with each other. So it's held hostage by the partners sometimes becuase they never wanted this issue to begin with whats happening.

I agree P about the dependency she does I wasn't ignoring that...I just feel though she's got this far and not realized what co-dependency is. So I have a different outlook on that view of band-aiding the situation right now like that. I just feel there needs to be another person, ie, therapist, neutral party involved to identify this pattern she chose to do before she got married even. Just a matter of being honest with the situation with herself really, like you said there are alot of excuses. But, she should get to the root now, while the situation is present and not wait on it. She cares about his feelings, all the thought is projected on the partner, not on her habits or her actions in this relationship to understand to her what went wrong to learn what she needs. To be able to let go. There's logic knowing someone has A, B and C and understanding you need D, E and F..therefore you can see, theirs no point in staying in this. Anger and conflict change you and show you things if you face them. Virgo doesn't face conflict, if you give a door to escape this nothing will be learned because their will be no relfection on themselves unless its happens a zillion times to them. They will just place blame on anything but themselves. And its always two people that don't make it work, they need to KNOW why it didn't I feel to grow strong and be happy.

If she married fast perhaps for not wanting to be alone or perhaps for security overall of support by other means other then affection. Stayed married for comfort all this time knowing something but merely accepting it as her life. She doesn't know the difference to get herself out of it and another man isn't going to teach her to value and love herself to correct the situation. I dont think a Libra she needs to realize is gonna give any earth sign that feeling honestly of reciprocated depth of feeling cause they don't admire the other enough in what they make up as a Virgo. If anything I think they'd rip eachother apart with the opposite views they have. Where Virgo is more wounded then Libra.

I don't see how starting up another addiction like this will be beneficial to her in the long run or present. She will experience turmoil since she's virgo and feels for the other partner still on some level. Hold onto this never seeing she's holding on this loyalty of caring for the person so much she doesn't attain what she could to be happy in her life. If she does find soemone else, she probably will feel great again, then think she's fine and happy, then 2 years later when the dopamine rush is over and the rest plays out she may be in the same world again she had years before. Thats why I think she should face it now, when she's unhappy and knowing it and seeking understanding.

"Stayed married for comfort all this time knowing something but merely accepting it as her life. She doesn't know the difference to get herself out of it and another man isn't going to teach her to value and love herself to correct the situation."


I agree with that .. however, I don't know if it's within a Virgo to be able to correct a dependency issue like this, for it seems to be apparant in all of them. Everything they do in their life is based around being service oriented, to provide reflectively according to what another person needs .... so, in this being their nature, I don't know if it's possible to overcome a situation like this without having another person in which to be able to serve reflectively for her self-worth and value.

Beyond that ... I absolutely agree. To heal means to face it.

Strength comes from bravely facing what would hurt you if you ignored it ... weakness comes from ignoring that which wouldn't have hurt you, if you had only faced it.

thanks for your replies. I tried the rebound thing it didnt work. I mean everybody just wants sex.. I was into a scorpio and we have been involved for about 9 months now. I really like him and i think he is really into me but i think the fact that i am still married bothers him so there is little emotional connection. I want an emottinal connection...

I have learned my lesson in this relationship with this libra. I was only 20 at the time. we got married sooo fast. i realize i married him for more of a stability issues. I did love him though. I ust knew it was way to fast. at the time it was a perfect fit. we didnt have responsbilitys at all. so none of that other stuff matterd.I know you say where are your morale . at 20 I was not thinking about it.

with kids and the longer we stayed matter is when I started to change. it seemed like everythime i got pregnant the emotional attachment with him and lessen.I was sadder and sadder with each child. I seek emotional dependency. yes i do. i just dontknow how to let go.. so yes ill admit the money is just an excuse. i know i will be well off with alimoney and childsupport.I just got to figure out how to let go. i honestly though once we separated things would be easier and i would get over him like that. howver it has not.i think if i fight with him maybe hell change his number and get tired of it so then i cant contact him at all. i know this sounds childish.. but i really dont want to be like this but i cant let completly let go. its been a year. some things i have came to terms with but its still issues there. hope u can give more insight.. i know thjis sounds crazy..

trust me I know and realize my issues it took me 5 yrs to admit to them. so not confronting them is not the problem. thats why the replace/rebound is hard because I know I am in search of something more deeper. My b-day is sept 15. am i close to being a libra. because some guys I have dealt with say I do the dissapearing thing