I Do Not Know How to Handle This!

So, the Virgo who I am dating recently was laid off and has been trying to find a job. He is also in school. I have been helping him look for jobs. Sometimes I have emailed him 15 job postings at a time. I think he was supposed to register for classes a few weeks ago. I asked him about this a little bit ago and he said that he did not have the money at the time to register. Last night, he told me that he was going to look into registering for the classes that he needs to take. When I woke up this morning, I saw that he texted me "FML" late last night. When I got into work, I went on Facebook and he was signed on. I sent him an instant message asking what FML meant. He said f*ck my life. I asked him what was wrong and this is how the convo went:

His responded, "I waited to long and the class that I need in the fall is full. I've been wasting my time on job-hunting that I forgot about what I really came out here for. Now it looks like I'm only going to get into like two classes. And my damn phone is off but oh well I can't let people distract me anymore. I'm headed to school now to see whos dick I have to suck to get into these classes"

My response: "how much is your phone bill? why cant you take the class at another school in the area? that what i did when classes got full at mt sac i would take them at chaffey"

His response: "Chaffey has a billion students there. If Crafton is full then I'm sure they are too"

My response: "im sorry and i hope that i have not distracted you. how much is your phone bill? but just look into it....arent there other school that have the class other than chaffey...in your area."

His response: "I can only go to chaffey or Crafton. Other then those I'd have to go to a LA county school."

My response: "oh ok. hmm...what is the amount of the bill? you need to have a phone in case a job calls or something."

His response: "No, I'm not turning it back on until I'm enrolled into classes.??

My response: "okay. good luck i hope that everything works out with your classes. like I said I hope that I haven't distracted you....but good luck. it will all work out let me know if you need help or anything else"

And then he signed off. I feel so terrible for numerous reasons. I am so worried about him. I know that he is really stressed and depressed. I wish so much that there was something that I can do to make IT and him better.

However, I do feel as though he is not taking full responsibility for his situation. I am not aware of any distractions that he has in his life. Of course, he probably does not disclose everything that goes on, but the only distraction that I can think of that he might be referring to is me. I do not feel as though I have been a distraction to him at all. In fact, I have been the one pushing him to look for jobs, reminding him about registering for classes, helping him find various funding for schooling. How is that distracting him? I feel as though the only distraction that he might have is himself being depressed and unmotivated. Consequently, dropping the ball. I am not saying that I have never been guilty of not setting my priorities and handling my business. Everyone is guilty of this from time to time. But in this case, it is a little different. It is not as though I have had him around me partying and not allowed him space to do the things that he needs to do. Again, I have been the one who reminds him of the things that he needs to do. Also, for him to allow his phone to be off is ridiculous to me. Just because he might not be able to get into one class does not mean, that he should let other areas of his life suffer (allowing his phone to be turned off??_a potential employer not be able to get in contact with him). One has nothing to do with the other. So, I have so many different feelings going on??_concern, sadness, frustration and confusion. Please do not get me wrong. I think he is a terrific person and I know it probably sounds as though I a completely ragging on him. That is not my intention. I am just venting.

What do you guys think? How should I handle this moving forward? If anything, what did I do wrong in how I handled the situation?

you did nothing wrong in how you handled the situation (other than ask repeatedly about his phone bill). he is not your responsibility and you are not his mother. he needs to man-up and handle his own life. you cannot do this for him anymore, otherwise the lessons of problem solving and time management will be lost on him. there is no reason for you to feel guilty over his lack of motivation!

Tamara. You re right. I do not feel about his lack of motivation. I feel that he is in this situation. It is hard to watch someone go through a tough time.

::::: shakes head ::::::

Ohhh P-Angel....if you have something to add/input...stop shaking your head and say what you think. That is what I am asking for. Input... Give it to me straight. I am a big girl who realizes that I do not know it all (again, why I posted this) and I can take advice, criticism or whatever else comes my way. After all, isn't that how people learn.

Alright ..... stop trying to fucking CONTROL the situation.


From what you've written ... as soon as he opens his mouth, or takes one step in a direction .... you are right there trying to micromanage him and/or the situation.


STOP IT


Don't you know that people are rebellious by nature if they feel like someone has crawled up their ass?

The more you wedge yourself up there, trying to control every situation FOR him, the thicker his wall of denial/difference to the situation will be.

Thank you P! Lol. That is what I want to hear. Someone's honest opinion. You are right. A few years ago I was laid off and almost evicted from my apartment. I know what he is going through and I hate to see it. But I know I have to step back and allow him to be a man and handle his own business. You're right. Me being a crazed Scorp makes this hard bc we by nature are anal control freaks who get off on micro managing our own lives. Lol. I have to take a step back....

Next question... what to expect next? Is he going to play a push/pull game. Push away b/c I could possibly be the "distratcion" that he mentioned? I gues there I go controlling/anticipating the situation but I cannot help but to wonder.

He'll be fine .. he's a Virgo. They are born men.


The moment he realizes that you are no longer going to be his safety net in being accountible for everything (which you are by means of taking on the responsibility of being the care taker of these things) .... when he knows that you are backed off and it's up to him to sink or swim .... he'll step up to the plate.


One thing is for certain .... you can carry it to the bank .... a Virgo KNOWS what to do. They may be stubborn, they may be spoiled, they may be totally insufferable with their fucking critisizing everything under the sun .... but, they KNOW, fully, what is right.



He'll be fine ...... carry on with your life, do your job, have your life .. and just let him sort it out. He won't let himself fall, don't worry.

And yes, you are the distraction in which he is referring to.


Not distraction as in he cannot pay attention, a distraction as in ..... you are doing everythign for him, so he has lost focus of his aim because you were doing it for him.

Yea P. Although, you might not be the most tacful, you do know what you are talking about. Thank you. You 100% right.

This reminds me of a convo that him and I had a few weeks ago. I asked him a question about our relationship and he answered it but then he said something like, "Everything will work out. Dont you worry. I have some things planned for us....let a man do what a man is supposed to do." he said it jokingly, but I could tell that he was partly serious.

Okay, I see what I have been doing wrong or a lttle too much of! I will let him be. I am not his mother.

I was with a Cancer for 3 years before this. I am used to playing the role of "mama". I have learned that Cancer men and Virgo men are like night and day. Two completely different beasts. Lol.

I will give him his needed space. Him and I are supposed to go to San Diego to Sea Wold (an amusement park) this weekend. The tickets we got were free. A gift. I really hope that he does not feel bad about money and things like that. Maybe, I can make us lunch before we go. So, we will not have to spend money there.

But from here on out I will give him his needed space and allow him to sort things out for himself and to be a man.

"Along those lines: Natural may be a distraction for him in that he probably feels like a failure in her eyes, and that's tough on any man, regardless of Sign..."

This is so true. He told me last week that he feels so bad that he has been low on cash and that I have had to pay for some things here and there.

"Good Luck! Hope y'all have a great time at Sea World!"

Thanks Dy! I am sure we will.

**
Yesterday afternoon, he called me which surprised me a bit. I did not expect to hear from him until today. I thought that maybe he would be in a bad mood. But he did call me and we discussed him coming over to watch Big Brother with me but we decided against it b/c I had to get up this morning early for work. But he seems to be doing okay. He sounded a little stressed. I asked him about his day and just told him that everything would work out and left it at that.

P-Angel was right about one thing. When a Virgo man cares for a women, she surley knows it. There is not this push/pull thing that I often read about on these threads. Maybe, I have not experienced it from the Virgo who I am dating b/c it is still very early. Or, maybe he is just really interested in me. I gues only time will tell.

Hikoro - I think a lot of factors contribute to this push/pull habit. Maturity, astrological sign, mindset as far as if they WANT and are in a position to commit. I made this comment in Virgo78's thread - I think it is important to remember that I think that many men do this regardless of their sign. Some signs might be more notorious for it. But I would be willing to bet if any of us went into any other astrological signs forums on DXP, we would find a few threads about this VERY thing. A man saying one thing and doing the exact opposite. Or, a guy displaying hot and cold behavior. This is perhaps not as big of an issue pertaining to astrology as it is about men who are simply not ready to commit OR who just do not want to commit to the woman that they are being hot and cold with.

My father used to always tell me, "if a man wants to be with a woman, he is going to be." Of course, this is not ALWAYS the case 100% of the time. However, in most cases I believe this to be true.