Need help with Virgo man

New here and need some advice. I have been dating a Virgo man for about 3 months and we live 1 1/2 hours apart. Both of us are in our mid 40's & are currently going through separations/divorces. We see each other almost every weekend for 3-4 nights on average. We have a lot in common and get along wonderfully and our feelings show naturally when we're together. His actions of how he feels is very evident. My problem is he is very quiet and withdrawn during the week. Very light on texting & communication & this of course gets me confused. I called him & finally said something & expressed that I do not wish to be fwb and would like to know what he see's us as. I personally don't believe in sleeping around with others while dating due to diseases etc. He said we are more than in a casual relationship but feels pressured to give a title answer but can not be in a serious relationship right now due to the stress involved with the divorce etc. I agreed with him. He was finishing up lunch at work & said he couldn't talk about it right now. I told him I understood and to have a good day. That happened on Thurs 9/25 and I have not heard from him since. I did email & apologize for making him feel pressured. What I would like to know is has he gone silent b/c I pressured or offended him? I read Virgo's also go silent when they have feelings for someone. Do I leave him alone to sort through? Do I contact him at all so he knows I haven't disappeared on him? Very confused & would like some advice

My situation is different as I have been mentally disconnected from my marriage for at least 2-3 years so I am mentally & physically available even though papers say not. Something that yes I honestly forget from time to time & therefore may seem needy or even selfish forgetting we are not actually available. I have been on my own since April & he since Feb.

He's the one in the beginning that came on super strong with me. He gave me a key to his apartment and I have a few things there. Mixed signals I suppose & because of my emotional availability I have grown attached. I can however back off and give him all the space he needs. I was/am just curious if Virgo's get silent due to the reasons I explained in my original post.

Yes you nailed it with me I am a Sagittarian and I can be very impatient with just about everything when I want something I want it yesterday 😢 I am trying to work on that but it is a very hard habit to break.

I have a 20 yr old daughter and he has 3 young boys. I've been married for 23 years and he has been for 7. Prior to this marriage failure for him he was with someone for 4 years & engaged which obviously didn't work out. I know that he is going through an incredible hard time b/w the divorce, feeling like a father failure etc. The sad part is I can tell myself that he is going through a really hard/stressful time right now and I have been there for him whenever he needs to talk etc. I do have a very genuine caring side but can also tend to be a bit selfish which I hate and then I show my butt when I get hurt, offended, or when my needs aren't met 😢

Your advice is great and I have not tried to contact him at all giving him the space he needs. Just hoping that doesn't backfire with him thinking that I don't care? Obviously the damage is done with what I said & do wish I had just kept my mouth shut.

Guessing he will at some point let me know if he's willing to continue this with me slowly or part ways. I hope I haven't pushed him too far with this conversation. Staying silent for too long doesn't seem like what will take place considering we each have items to receive/return. So not used to getting the silent treatment & have always discussed matters so this is very difficult for me. Any suggestions for me on how to not come across as needy or clingy but yet still very interested?

From what I understand from him they had a lot of fighting issues etc. prior to the birth of their last son 3 years ago so it was a mutual agreement for the divorce. He did say that he was willing to stay miserable in the marriage in the beginning(Feb)to be there for his boys though. Haven't came right out and asked him if he still loved her but did ask if he was over her and he said yes & would not go back to her. I would assume he would still have some feelings since it's only been since Feb & they do share children together.

I honestly don't know how to answer the rebound question. I guess one won't know if I am the rebound unless things progress. Right now we enjoy each others company and I could possibly be filling a lonely void in his life. How can someone actually ask someone that?

I have no problems with him having his boys at any given time. That is clearly one thing I will absolutely not be selfish about. My daughter has and always will come first for me as well. He asked me to their baseball game last weekend which I thoroughly enjoyed, however I did not meet them of course except for saying hi the 3 year old b/c he was playing on the bleachers lol.

All I can ask for is honesty from him & to not be led on in any way.

Posted by jd
From what I understand from him they had a lot of fighting issues etc. prior to the birth of their last son 3 years ago so it was a mutual agreement for the divorce. He did say that he was willing to stay miserable in the marriage in the beginning(Feb)to be there for his boys though. Haven't came right out and asked him if he still loved her but did ask if he was over her and he said yes & would not go back to her. I would assume he would still have some feelings since it's only been since Feb & they do share children together.

I honestly don't know how to answer the rebound question. I guess one won't know if I am the rebound unless things progress. Right now we enjoy each others company and I could possibly be filling a lonely void in his life. How can someone actually ask someone that?

I have no problems with him having his boys at any given time. That is clearly one thing I will absolutely not be selfish about. My daughter has and always will come first for me as well. He asked me to their baseball game last weekend which I thoroughly enjoyed, however I did not meet them of course except for saying hi the 3 year old b/c he was playing on the bleachers lol.

All I can ask for is honesty from him & to not be led on in any way.

He may be over her and will never go back to her. Just realize if you end up with this guy, whether you like it or not he will very much be involved with the mother of these three boys for the next 15/16 years. It doesn't just go away. As long as you take the back seat and allow the mother and father parent those boys, you'll be ok. If not..move on.

Posted by jd
My situation is different as I have been mentally disconnected from my marriage for at least 2-3 years so I am mentally & physically available even though papers say not. Something that yes I honestly forget from time to time & therefore may seem needy or even selfish forgetting we are not actually available. I have been on my own since April & he since Feb.

He's the one in the beginning that came on super strong with me. He gave me a key to his apartment and I have a few things there. Mixed signals I suppose & because of my emotional availability I have grown attached. I can however back off and give him all the space he needs. I was/am just curious if Virgo's get silent due to the reasons I explained in my original post.

How many kids are involved in these divorces (his and yours)?

All I ask for is honesty. Not going to try and step in. This is one thing that of course we do not share in common as I have raised my daughter to an adult and he is basically just starting out at such an older age.

4 total. He has 3 young boys 8, 6 and 3 and I have a 20yr old daughter

Ok...so because you think your divorce is going to be a walk in the park (it's a common illusion women have until the reality of divorce and what takes place during divorce that knocks that fantasy out), doesn't mean his is going to be. Three kids child support, custody, visitation, his lawyer's fees and how much his ex is going to rape him in court. He tells you he's stressed about that and taking the time while he's not with you (which is admirable really) to address this. He's giving you a lot of time which is unusual for a Virgo going through a divorce. They analyze the shit out of everything. He's got pile to analyze and a shit ton of pressure from all of it. Then you tell him

"I called him & finally said something & expressed that I do not wish to be fwb and would like to know what he see's us as."

Where do you get fwb out of him seeing you 3-4 times a week? Don't forget, his 3 kids come before you do and will until they are 18 years old, yet he's accomodating you. It's not enough? I suggest you take your fantasy divorce elsewhere and find a guy who has it easy like you think you do. You've only been on your own since April, not divorced (nor have you experienced the punches from that yet). Why not give the guy a break, stop texting, stop apologizing..you already told him how you felt and that you are in a fwb (—don't get that at all)..and who knows maybe he had a bad day in court this week? Let him contact you. If he does...stay off his ass and enjoy his time when he's with you. If you don't..you'll push him away.

Look up fwb before you accuse someone of treating you as such.

FWB is friends having sex without a monogamous or committed relationship. I told him I didn't want to be that not that that's what he said we were.

I am on here asking for advice b/c obviously I am the one involved and needed some outsiders looking in to help me see things. It is very easy to get caught up in the moment & yes b/c I have been emotionally gone from my marriage for so long in my mind I feel as though I am already emotionally available. I know what I said to him could have maybe been brought up at a different time. However I do have a right to know what is going on with our relationship since this is the first time it was brought up. His stress is not going to go away anytime soon for sure. I have been extremely understanding about his stress and hard time he his going through. I am by no means asking for him to commit and marry me, just wanted to know where we stood.

The only reason to begin with I even mentioned about where we stood was b/c after I leave with him he becomes very quiet and distant with me. Seems a little off considering we just spent an awesome time together and he was very strong for me for about 2 months straight. If I like someone I act the same not hot and cold so it made me speak up.

I myself am not in the divorce stages b/c my husband is not cooperating with it. I am ready and wanting to and he refuses to accept it is over. I know my life will also be miserable once the paper process begins and honestly I am ready since I am so disconnected.

I do plan on giving this new man as much time, space and support that he needs as this has truly been quite an eye opener for me.

Posted by jd
FWB is friends having sex without a monogamous or committed relationship. I told him I didn't want to be that not that that's what he said we were.

I guess I don't understand why YOU think it's a FWB especially with what you share with us here:

Posted by jd

We see each other almost every weekend for 3-4 nights on average. We have a lot in common and get along wonderfully and our feelings show naturally when we're together. His actions of how he feels is very evident. My problem is he is very quiet and withdrawn during the week.

and here:

Posted by jd

He's the one in the beginning that came on super strong with me. He gave me a key to his apartment and I have a few things there.

click to expand

This is NOT FWB. FWB..there's no feelings, certainly don't get a key to his apartment. FWB is once in awhile wham bam thank you mam kind of thing. You see him 3/4 days a week. The other 3 is concentrating on his job, divorce and kids. It's completely understandable, and you need to chill and realize his plate is very full. Not to mention Virgos don't like to yack on the phone..he saves it for when he sees you. Are you looking for him to ask you to move in with him or something? I guess I don't understand your ugency..that's all.

No not looking at moving in with him nor do I want to be asked to. So ok, the FWB isn't a factor.

I only brought up to him about the relationship status b/c I am looking to be monogamous and thought it would just be an honest question answer thing. Thought he would just say I'm sorry, I can't be monogamous with you, I want to be casual & date and see other people too. Honesty, is that too much too ask? I had no idea he was going to act this way about it.

As I mentioned I have been married for 23 years and have never dealt with this silent treatment. It is very baffling to me and don't understand why they feel it's necessary to give it to someone? Just answering the question would have been very easy. We didn't get into a full blown out fight about it but he was very stressed about it. Virgo's are new to me and am not sure if this is their usual demeanor about things.

I have no problem "chilling" & am not looking to say we are a forever couple or anything like that so really no urgency. However, I don't sleep around & have no interest in dating someone who is playing the field. That's my right to be able to walk away from the relationship with.