Dealing with a friend & boss..

So I'm curious, when you're working with a 'friend' who is your boss.

I have a friend who also happens to be my boss, which for the most part is fine. We were friends and a position opened so I applied and got accepted. I knew there would be some tension because we're different when it comes to dealing with conflict, I shy away from confrontations where she admittedly enjoys arguments and butting heads. She is quick to anger and I'm usually more sensitive and diplomatic. We're also very different in our approach to things which is fine, not everyone is the same and I overlook a lot of our differences because at work it doesn't matter. For the most part, I try to just stay calm and not take it personally.

I'm grown enough to understand the line between friendship and work, I have no issues understanding the different dynamics between the two and try not to take it to heart when disagreements occur at work.

Lately, her behaviour has been close to intolerable. The lines seem to have been blurred. As a boss or otherwise, it's almost demotivating having to go into work everyday, it's tiring to have to hold my tongue just to avoid conflict. I know it's partly my fault that I didn't set boundaries sooner but it's like walking on eggshells. She throws tantrums, shouts, speaks to me disrespectfully, shoos me away like a dog when she gets upset over trivial things like why I choose to come in to finish some work on the weekend (because the deadline moved forward by 2 days) and not go to brunch with her. (I don't ask for OT, or any form of compensation, so surely how I should to spend my weekend is up to me) I only found out about the change on Friday and she expected it to be in by Monday morning, so obviously I'm gonna have to work on the weekend to complete the damn thing. Since when does working for someone mean that they get to dictate other aspects of your right. I feel like it has affected my view of her as a friend, trying to talk to her also has not work because she deems it as disrespectful of her authority.

I'm at my wits end.

So I'm curious, where do you draw the line?

In a situation of 'conflict'. What behaviour is appropriate/acceptable behaviour for you?
What's an acceptable way for a boss to behave towards you, what would you tolerate and what would make you put your foot down?

My apologies this is a also a bit of a vent. Sigh.

I don't know what she would be threathened by. I think she just likes control and big herself up. She's relatively young to be in her position but I feel she is highly capable in key aspects of her job, so it's not like anyone is going to snap that up from under her feet. I am not competitive by nature so I would rather keep the peace, obviously much to my own detriment. She likes to be liked and likes to be right.

I've realised that over the past year of working with her and putting up with butter, bigot is her middle name. The more I spend time with her, the more it makes me look at her differently, consciously and subconsciously. I'm almost at a point where I don't treetrunking give a butter about it. I've concluded that you can't reason with someone who doesn't want to put themselves in your shoes for a moment and she's in HR, ironic. so that makes it even worse. I thought I was being oversensitive but I observed and realised that she doesn't speak or behave that way with anyone else in the office. Sadly, she's my direct line of reporting so short of going to her boss who she claims she is very close to, I'm not sure what else to do.

A close friend asked me some questions that made it apparent that I may have to just distance myself from her in my personal life just so she doesn't feel like she can dictate what I do, how I spend my time or who I should spend them with outside of work. It's just sad that it has to come to that but if she isn't able to respect me as a person, a friend or a colleague, it seems like that's the only way I can give myself some sanity. I see her day in day out, and probably spend more time with her than I do my other friends and even family.

1) we work together
2) she decided to move like 5 mins away from where I live which means after work, she will always ask me to wait for her or she will wait for me to go home.
3) we always seem to have 'errands' to do for work, after working hours.

My friend asked me, what is she gonna do - fire you if you're not her friend? it made me laugh. I guess that's a different way to look at it. Take yourself out of the equation and just be normal at work, no HR violation there right?

I've had situations where I had a boss who was a close friend first. Shit erupted when my boss couldn't separate personal from professional and using work policies to explain their personal views on things

He'll I got written up for stupid things that was passed on personal perceptions