truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Aloofness
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Merry Christmas Truecap!
Question and I may have asked you this before so I apologize in advance for asking again.
Have you both verbally spoken to one another about being in an exclusive monogamous relationship?
The reason I ask is because the only time I've been aloof with a man is when I'm one foot in and one foot out the door, being an Aquarius myself I have to really BE in love to never whip out my "being aloof" card.
Are you dating anyone else besides the Aqua? If not you might want to consider getting your love life busy, 2 and a spare is my motto, therefore you never have time to notice what any one particular man is doing, this isn't about sex, having sex with multiple men, it's more about understanding what you need and fulfilling that need so you can be happy.
From my years of assisting and helping and guiding women with there issues with men, typically when a woman is too ALL IN with a man and he's ONE FOOT IN AND FOOT OUT on her there will be a problem. Too all in means your heart, mind, emotions, body is with him only whereas he's doing the out of sight out of mind dance with you which can create conflict b/c you're emotions, thoughts, desires are not aligning itself with one another, this kind of behavior from a man can turn a woman into a needy hot mess, needing more of his love, affection, his presence and this neediness only serves to push him away even more, be even more aloof with you. Don't lose yourself in being the nag about him him him, don't turn into a doormat emotionally trying to squeeze the aloofness away so you can get what you surely deserve, don't be that woman.
I don't believe there is nothing to talk about with him, he's just doing what feels right for him and you have to do the same thus if he's not making you feel right b/c he's more out than in with you then you have to decide to get moving and start dating, essentially keeping your eyes peeled for that man that can do the job of loving and taking good care of you.
If you have to say something, be honest but don't make this about him. "I'm not happy, I'm not happy with my relationship, I'm frustrated" and if you need a break take it "say I need a break" if he's still pulling the cold card then he just don't care enough, adios to him and go out there and get back in the dating scene, there is a man out there looking for someone exactly like you.
The bottom line is you can't fix it, you're not the man in the relationship, the men fix what's wrong
Question and I may have asked you this before so I apologize in advance for asking again.
Have you both verbally spoken to one another about being in an exclusive monogamous relationship?
The reason I ask is because the only time I've been aloof with a man is when I'm one foot in and one foot out the door, being an Aquarius myself I have to really BE in love to never whip out my "being aloof" card.
Are you dating anyone else besides the Aqua? If not you might want to consider getting your love life busy, 2 and a spare is my motto, therefore you never have time to notice what any one particular man is doing, this isn't about sex, having sex with multiple men, it's more about understanding what you need and fulfilling that need so you can be happy.
From my years of assisting and helping and guiding women with there issues with men, typically when a woman is too ALL IN with a man and he's ONE FOOT IN AND FOOT OUT on her there will be a problem. Too all in means your heart, mind, emotions, body is with him only whereas he's doing the out of sight out of mind dance with you which can create conflict b/c you're emotions, thoughts, desires are not aligning itself with one another, this kind of behavior from a man can turn a woman into a needy hot mess, needing more of his love, affection, his presence and this neediness only serves to push him away even more, be even more aloof with you. Don't lose yourself in being the nag about him him him, don't turn into a doormat emotionally trying to squeeze the aloofness away so you can get what you surely deserve, don't be that woman.
I don't believe there is nothing to talk about with him, he's just doing what feels right for him and you have to do the same thus if he's not making you feel right b/c he's more out than in with you then you have to decide to get moving and start dating, essentially keeping your eyes peeled for that man that can do the job of loving and taking good care of you.
If you have to say something, be honest but don't make this about him. "I'm not happy, I'm not happy with my relationship, I'm frustrated" and if you need a break take it "say I need a break" if he's still pulling the cold card then he just don't care enough, adios to him and go out there and get back in the dating scene, there is a man out there looking for someone exactly like you.
The bottom line is you can't fix it, you're not the man in the relationship, the men fix what's wrong
The bottom line is you can't fix it, you're not the man in the relationship, the men fix what's wrong in their lives with their women, you have to allow him some time to fix it, if he doesn't try to fix it and allow you to leave then he was never truly all that into being in a real relationship which means he won't waste anymore of your time to waste on you with his aloof, half ass behavior. Making it about him is the equivalent of begging for love, don't do that, it's not about him, IT'S ABOUT YOU and it's about the lack of affection, attention, communication is making you feel.
Lastly it's not about getting him to fix it, it's about him understanding how you feel and then him wanting to do something about it b/c that's what men do, they fix things, they fix their relationships, they fix and build and create things.
Your man, the man that loves you and is in love with you never want you to feel unhappy whether it be with him or with someone else but if he's not your man in heart, mind and emotions then he won't fix anything, he won't lift a finger, he won't care enough to want to fix it and that's your queue to move on, you never want to put yourself in the begging position of a relationship, if you have to go to him with your feelings about him then that's a sure sign he's checked out of the relationship and that's your queue to move on b/c being the beggar in the relationship won't serve you at all, it'll show him you don't get it, you don't care enough about yourself to do what's in your own best interest which gives him an even more incentive to keep dragging his feet because he see you sitting their essentially waiting for him to come back which only gives him even more permission to continue on being an aloof asshole towards you.
He know what he's doing Truecap, he's very aware that he's ignoring you, he just doesn't care about you and your feelings enough to not do what he's doing because I surely didn't care about others feelings in my asshole days. Don't put up with that, your motto should be, you can be aloof but you can't have me all to yourself and be aloof.
Your man, the man that loves you and is in love with you never want you to feel unhappy whether it be with him or with someone else but if he's not your man in heart, mind and emotions then he won't fix anything, he won't lift a finger, he won't care enough to want to fix it and that's your queue to move on, you never want to put yourself in the begging position of a relationship, if you have to go to him with your feelings about him then that's a sure sign he's checked out of the relationship and that's your queue to move on b/c being the beggar in the relationship won't serve you at all, it'll show him you don't get it, you don't care enough about yourself to do what's in your own best interest which gives him an even more incentive to keep dragging his feet because he see you sitting their essentially waiting for him to come back which only gives him even more permission to continue on being an aloof asshole towards you.
He know what he's doing Truecap, he's very aware that he's ignoring you, he just doesn't care about you and your feelings enough to not do what he's doing because I surely didn't care about others feelings in my asshole days. Don't put up with that, your motto should be, you can be aloof but you can't have me all to yourself and be aloof.
Not sure I agree with everything tiki said but I know one thing for sure if your not happy then that is not a good sign right? A relationship is not all about you understanding him... should be a two way street.
Tiki, we are in an exclusive relationship. Have been together 9-10 months, exclusive for 6-7.
He's not aloof very often. But when he is it hurts. There have been times he was worried that I was upset with him when I wasn't. He's taken me to family meals with the family, bought my kids Christmas presents (which we had to do early because of his work), spends time with me, has given me a lot of personal information about himself and his family, contacts me daily (with a few exceptions). He's usually very considerate.
However, occasionally, his aloofness bothers me. He's very grounded for an aqua and doesn't really do the push/pull thing with me. He doesn't play games and follows through with what he says he will do for the most part. He refers to me as his girlfriend.
I'm not needy or clingy, but I do have expectations as would anyone in a relationship. We are half and half on who initiates time, plans and contact, which is appropriate at this point.
I believe after this amount of time and the extent of the relationship that there would be something wrong if I didn't tell him he hurt me. Yes, I know to make it about me and not about him. Instinct tells me that he would be devastated to find out something he did or didn't do hurt me.
What set my feelings off is not a major event. I think we are at the point in our relationship where I'm looking and thinking, is this what I want. It's not really about his decisions/actions, it's about me recognizing this is who he is and this is the way it is. Am I willing to accept what is?
I feel the need to point out, he's not an asshole. He's a good man and has treated me very well.
I will admit that three weeks ago, he apologized for something silly and I let it slip, "that's okay baby, I love ya anyway" in a light hearted, joking around, no pressure way. However, he didn't back off, he actually spent more time with me after that at his initiation. Perhaps, he's had time to process that, though.
I'm not wanting to go to him with feelings such as "how do you feel about me" etc, but I'm wanting to have an open honest relationship. If i do something that hurt him, I would expect him to tell me. I think it's important to be able to communicate when you do and don't like something so that it doesn't happen again. Worse thing to happen is forI don't want to be one of those girls like you mentioned who put up with crumbs or bullshit because they don't respect themselves enough to speak up.
He's not aloof very often. But when he is it hurts. There have been times he was worried that I was upset with him when I wasn't. He's taken me to family meals with the family, bought my kids Christmas presents (which we had to do early because of his work), spends time with me, has given me a lot of personal information about himself and his family, contacts me daily (with a few exceptions). He's usually very considerate.
However, occasionally, his aloofness bothers me. He's very grounded for an aqua and doesn't really do the push/pull thing with me. He doesn't play games and follows through with what he says he will do for the most part. He refers to me as his girlfriend.
I'm not needy or clingy, but I do have expectations as would anyone in a relationship. We are half and half on who initiates time, plans and contact, which is appropriate at this point.
I believe after this amount of time and the extent of the relationship that there would be something wrong if I didn't tell him he hurt me. Yes, I know to make it about me and not about him. Instinct tells me that he would be devastated to find out something he did or didn't do hurt me.
What set my feelings off is not a major event. I think we are at the point in our relationship where I'm looking and thinking, is this what I want. It's not really about his decisions/actions, it's about me recognizing this is who he is and this is the way it is. Am I willing to accept what is?
I feel the need to point out, he's not an asshole. He's a good man and has treated me very well.
I will admit that three weeks ago, he apologized for something silly and I let it slip, "that's okay baby, I love ya anyway" in a light hearted, joking around, no pressure way. However, he didn't back off, he actually spent more time with me after that at his initiation. Perhaps, he's had time to process that, though.
I'm not wanting to go to him with feelings such as "how do you feel about me" etc, but I'm wanting to have an open honest relationship. If i do something that hurt him, I would expect him to tell me. I think it's important to be able to communicate when you do and don't like something so that it doesn't happen again. Worse thing to happen is forI don't want to be one of those girls like you mentioned who put up with crumbs or bullshit because they don't respect themselves enough to speak up.
Good point MMM. It comes across as non-nagging and non-blaming.
Posted by msmarilynmanson
i would tell him "it makes me feel bad when you are aloof" and don't say anything else. Just that. it's called a feeling messeage to a man and ive read alot about them through author rori raye who i highly recommend. what you are doing wrong is not expressing how you feel to him and justifying his behavior with all of the good things he does. what is crucial here is how you tell him. you say what i suggested above and thats it. i repeat THATS IT. just one sentence and you look into his eyes when you say it. if you add to it, you will dilute the message. if he cares about your feelings he will change his behavior then great, if not then you know your feelings are really not that important to him. sorry for the punctuation or lack thereof here. i am on a cell phone.
I think this advice is pretty good...
Straight to the point...
NO added fluff that could cause unnecessary misunderstanding...
If he cares which I'm pretty sure he does judging by what you've said, he'll respond...
Posted by truecap
It's not really about his decisions/actions, it's about me recognizing this is who he is and this is the way it is. Am I willing to accept what is?
^Just calling your attention to what you already know.^
Posted by msmarilynmansonWow I love love love love love you right now. I'm gender fluid and able to communicate well with both sexes, as well as find myself in each of their shoes.. but wow, this advice is freaking spellbindingly perfect. Added you to favorite people. You're just wonderful.
i would tell him "it makes me feel bad when you are aloof" and don't say anything else. Just that. it's called a feeling messeage to a man and ive read alot about them through author rori raye who i highly recommend. what you are doing wrong is not expressing how you feel to him and justifying his behavior with all of the good things he does. what is crucial here is how you tell him. you say what i suggested above and thats it. i repeat THATS IT. just one sentence and you look into his eyes when you say it. if you add to it, you will dilute the message. if he cares about your feelings he will change his behavior then great, if not then you know your feelings are really not that important to him.
/fangirling
Yes it is good advice! Thank you again!!!
I hope I didn't sound arrogant about the relationship when I said he would be devastated to know it hurt me. It's just he's a really nice guy and doesn't like to hurt people. I'm pretty positive he's unaware how the aloofness comes across.
Just so yall know, I feel better now hearing what yall have to say. Also by having a plan and all. (afterall, I'm a cap and I need a plan. lol!)
I hope I didn't sound arrogant about the relationship when I said he would be devastated to know it hurt me. It's just he's a really nice guy and doesn't like to hurt people. I'm pretty positive he's unaware how the aloofness comes across.
Just so yall know, I feel better now hearing what yall have to say. Also by having a plan and all. (afterall, I'm a cap and I need a plan. lol!)
Posted by truecap
Just so yall know, I feel better now hearing what yall have to say. Also by having a plan and all. (afterall, I'm a cap and I need a plan. lol!)
Don't I know it.. (surrounded by Cappies 24/7)
Hope it goes well
I'm so not being an asshole towards you but I have a gut instinct (that feeling I get) when a man is not serious and I feel that feeling, I'm just telling you and you do what you want with it but I have a sincere feeling that he just isn't into you as he's led you to believe, no man does the aloof dance unless he's not serious.
For the record I wasn't calling him an asshole, I was stating he has asshole behavior, it doesn't matter if it's rare, if it bothers you then that's a problem.
And another mean statement that may rub you wrong, I dunno if it will rub you wrong but I apologize in advance, his behavior won't change, he'll stop for a little while but inevitably he'll pick up again b/c that is his comfort level, some men can only give so much intimacy, so much togetherness and then they need a break from heaven to focus on their goals and needs and problems and if he feel can't juggle you in he'll become unavailable, if you say to him his behavior upsets you, he'll manage himself until he gets sick of doing that, that's if the behavior changes in the first place.
He's comfortable up till a certain point and then he needs time for himself, he figures he's being a good boyfriend b/c he's doing his part in the relationship 99% of the time, he needs that 1% of space to go do his own thing and if you take that away from him b/c you're feelings get hurt then inevitably the pressure will seep in on him and he'll back out of the relationship.
My suggestion is this, get busy, very, very busy if you have no desire to dump the guy, so busy you hardly get a chance to think about him, I know you have kids but find something else to do, take up salsa and go out salsa dancing, take a college course, do something that ignites passion inside of you b/c when you have PASSION, your passion becomes your main priority and not a man, get busy you don't have time to think about what's wrong in your relationship the relationship is going to fail, you have to be so busy that you can't hardly think about anything but what's in front of you.
For the record I wasn't calling him an asshole, I was stating he has asshole behavior, it doesn't matter if it's rare, if it bothers you then that's a problem.
And another mean statement that may rub you wrong, I dunno if it will rub you wrong but I apologize in advance, his behavior won't change, he'll stop for a little while but inevitably he'll pick up again b/c that is his comfort level, some men can only give so much intimacy, so much togetherness and then they need a break from heaven to focus on their goals and needs and problems and if he feel can't juggle you in he'll become unavailable, if you say to him his behavior upsets you, he'll manage himself until he gets sick of doing that, that's if the behavior changes in the first place.
He's comfortable up till a certain point and then he needs time for himself, he figures he's being a good boyfriend b/c he's doing his part in the relationship 99% of the time, he needs that 1% of space to go do his own thing and if you take that away from him b/c you're feelings get hurt then inevitably the pressure will seep in on him and he'll back out of the relationship.
My suggestion is this, get busy, very, very busy if you have no desire to dump the guy, so busy you hardly get a chance to think about him, I know you have kids but find something else to do, take up salsa and go out salsa dancing, take a college course, do something that ignites passion inside of you b/c when you have PASSION, your passion becomes your main priority and not a man, get busy you don't have time to think about what's wrong in your relationship the relationship is going to fail, you have to be so busy that you can't hardly think about anything but what's in front of you.
We women (a lot of us) make our relationships our life, including kids, work but our love relationships are mostly #1 and this can create a problem b/c men (a lot of men) make romantic relationships last or anything in the middle after work, money, following his passion, family, the dog/pet, friends and then romance so you see there is going to be a deficiency in the relationship, it's not because he's neglectful but b/c he's prioritizing you somewhere in the middle whereas he's pretty important to you, he's a priority b/c he's part of your life and possibly your future.
I say let it go, don't say anything and if you have to say anything prepare yourself to lose him b/c eventually he's going buck back and rebel, he's an Aquarius and we don't like being told what to do, being wrong, pointing out flaws, we feel pressured and then we leave.
I say let it go, don't say anything and if you have to say anything prepare yourself to lose him b/c eventually he's going buck back and rebel, he's an Aquarius and we don't like being told what to do, being wrong, pointing out flaws, we feel pressured and then we leave.
I'm just going to throw this in here too. When I'm in the process of thinking I find it rather difficult to verbalise it. If I could say it out loud I would believe me, it's like telling a person suffering from depression to stop being depressed.
I don't know hey. But I feel for you, you obviously love him but you're right in just taking a breather to think about this rather than going by his needs.
I don't know hey. But I feel for you, you obviously love him but you're right in just taking a breather to think about this rather than going by his needs.
I love Rori, I'm a huge fan of hers but from my own personal knowledge, her feelings messages is for the women not the men, when women use feeling messages on men it has to come across authentic and can't be used as a tool to control or manipulate a man to fix her feelings.
Feeling messages is a tool to help a woman express her feelings in direct non-needy way so she can eventually be able to feel secure and confident and grounded within herself enough to express out what's going on with her in his presence. Amd here's the thing about feeling messages, if a woman has not used Rori's other tools to ground herself mentally and emotionally then it's not going to work long term, it's not just about saying "I FEEL" this or that, it's much more than that.
Feeling messages can work but also it depends on the man as well, he may not be open to her feelings all the time, he may reject her using her feelings to manage him especially if he's still trying to sort his own feelings out for himself about her and the relationship.
The only thing True has to be is patient, if she can't be patient with him then she most likely won't be patient with any man, he's allowed to be aloof, they aren't married, as long as he's showing up for the relationship 99% of the time then she should be okay with giving him his space on the few occasions he's being aloof.
Not to be cruel or mean but he's not all in with her yet, he's still feeling her out, it's only been 9 months of exclusivity, it's about maturity and patience on her part, she has to find a way to feel grounded and secure without his affirmation that he's still in love with her or it's not going to work out well for her, not just with him but with any man.
His aloofness isn't the issue if he's present 99% of the time, the problem is that she's moved way past him in the emotion/feeling department so his behavior makes no sense to her, she has to use her inner intuition to know when it's him needing space or him moving away from the relationship, she's panicking emotionally and it's causing her to feel off balance and making a small situation into a big situation.
Feeling messages is a tool to help a woman express her feelings in direct non-needy way so she can eventually be able to feel secure and confident and grounded within herself enough to express out what's going on with her in his presence. Amd here's the thing about feeling messages, if a woman has not used Rori's other tools to ground herself mentally and emotionally then it's not going to work long term, it's not just about saying "I FEEL" this or that, it's much more than that.
Feeling messages can work but also it depends on the man as well, he may not be open to her feelings all the time, he may reject her using her feelings to manage him especially if he's still trying to sort his own feelings out for himself about her and the relationship.
The only thing True has to be is patient, if she can't be patient with him then she most likely won't be patient with any man, he's allowed to be aloof, they aren't married, as long as he's showing up for the relationship 99% of the time then she should be okay with giving him his space on the few occasions he's being aloof.
Not to be cruel or mean but he's not all in with her yet, he's still feeling her out, it's only been 9 months of exclusivity, it's about maturity and patience on her part, she has to find a way to feel grounded and secure without his affirmation that he's still in love with her or it's not going to work out well for her, not just with him but with any man.
His aloofness isn't the issue if he's present 99% of the time, the problem is that she's moved way past him in the emotion/feeling department so his behavior makes no sense to her, she has to use her inner intuition to know when it's him needing space or him moving away from the relationship, she's panicking emotionally and it's causing her to feel off balance and making a small situation into a big situation.
There has to be something else going on inside of her to make his aloof behavior an issue, it's not just the aloof behavior, it's something else she's unwilling to acknowledge, deal with that's getting her way to true happiness, had he been a complete asshole 99% of the time I'd say okay yeah it's him but he's present a significant amount of time so his need to do his own thing is actually NORMAL male behavior, men cannot stay connected like women, they need a bit of space to FEEL connected to their women, his aloofness shouldn't be an issue unless she has zero ability to fix her own feelings while he's away giving himself some ME time, if he has to communicate his aloof moods to soothe her emotions then he's going to move past her to someone else who gets it.
And lastly if a woman doesn't understand a man, not just her emotions in relationship to him but really understand him as a man then that woman will be miserable, men are not women, they don't think like us, they don't need all this connectedness to feel secure and at ease, they don't need relationships like we women need them so they don't prioritize a woman unless he's 100% both feet in and fully committed eg married or on the way to marriage, men see this whole love thing differently so what she feel is him being aloof is him being a MALE, A MAN and doing what men do when they need a bit of space and time to themselves, if he's not neglecting her and showing up 99% of the time then that's surely him being a man and not doing anything to deliberately hurt her, let him have his space, go find something else to do besides worry about the way he takes his space.
If a woman can't see her man for who and what he is and need this and that well at some point they aren't connecting anymore b/c he's going to feel he's not understood especially if he's doing everything else right.
And lastly if a woman doesn't understand a man, not just her emotions in relationship to him but really understand him as a man then that woman will be miserable, men are not women, they don't think like us, they don't need all this connectedness to feel secure and at ease, they don't need relationships like we women need them so they don't prioritize a woman unless he's 100% both feet in and fully committed eg married or on the way to marriage, men see this whole love thing differently so what she feel is him being aloof is him being a MALE, A MAN and doing what men do when they need a bit of space and time to themselves, if he's not neglecting her and showing up 99% of the time then that's surely him being a man and not doing anything to deliberately hurt her, let him have his space, go find something else to do besides worry about the way he takes his space.
If a woman can't see her man for who and what he is and need this and that well at some point they aren't connecting anymore b/c he's going to feel he's not understood especially if he's doing everything else right.
I am in a relationship with an Aqua and he needs his cave time. If he doesn't get cave time, he becomes very withdrawn and weakened. Like an old school vampire at sunrise.
Do you have an iPod?
iTunes has foreign language podcasts. Perhaps, you could learn a foreign language or join a meetup group.
Good vibes to you.
Do you have an iPod?
iTunes has foreign language podcasts. Perhaps, you could learn a foreign language or join a meetup group.
Good vibes to you.
Tiki,
I didn't take anything you said the wrong way. It's given me a lot to think about. You have a good point.
Miha,
the aloofness happens occasionally in different ways. This is very minor and you guys will probably think I'm being over dramatic. But here goes. I got a generic merry Christmas text (like you send to 15 people) on Christmas Eve and responded warmly and with a question. No response. I tried to convince myself I was okay with that, although I'll admit it did bother me not to get a response. I think what bothered me most was when my kids texted him thank you's for the Christmas presents he got them, he didn't respond to them at all. No I'm glad you liked it, No You're welcome. I think they expected some kind of aknowledgement. I suppose it kind of hurt me that he didn't respond to their gratitude. (he gave them to me to give to them because they were at their dad's and he would be at work).
Looking back two days later, that scenario seems kind of silly to get hurt over. But it did hurt me. I think it's a build up of several other times he's been a little aloof. I'm not over-sensitive, but, Tiki may be right. I may have more invested emotionally than he does.
I know if I mention it, he will do better - for a while. I don't want him to change who he is. I do want him to be more conscious of how it affects others, though. I just need to decide if I'm willing to get used to it and learn not to take it personally. I also don't want to feel like I have to make excuses for him to myself either.
I didn't take anything you said the wrong way. It's given me a lot to think about. You have a good point.
Miha,
the aloofness happens occasionally in different ways. This is very minor and you guys will probably think I'm being over dramatic. But here goes. I got a generic merry Christmas text (like you send to 15 people) on Christmas Eve and responded warmly and with a question. No response. I tried to convince myself I was okay with that, although I'll admit it did bother me not to get a response. I think what bothered me most was when my kids texted him thank you's for the Christmas presents he got them, he didn't respond to them at all. No I'm glad you liked it, No You're welcome. I think they expected some kind of aknowledgement. I suppose it kind of hurt me that he didn't respond to their gratitude. (he gave them to me to give to them because they were at their dad's and he would be at work).
Looking back two days later, that scenario seems kind of silly to get hurt over. But it did hurt me. I think it's a build up of several other times he's been a little aloof. I'm not over-sensitive, but, Tiki may be right. I may have more invested emotionally than he does.
I know if I mention it, he will do better - for a while. I don't want him to change who he is. I do want him to be more conscious of how it affects others, though. I just need to decide if I'm willing to get used to it and learn not to take it personally. I also don't want to feel like I have to make excuses for him to myself either.
As for the cave time, I do give him time with his son and family and whatever he wants to do. I'm totally understanding about that. I'm a cap, I need that too!
🙂
🙂
Posted by Metoo
Hi Truecap, Merry Christmas!
I have had am Aqua male friend for MANY Years now, well over a decade.
It took him over 10 years to be able to trust and open up to me and stop the boyish hot/cold bs.
It was often difficult and strained our friendship to the point of breaking cause as a cap, I think we need "proof", like verbal affirmations.
I think you just need to hear him confirm you are the one for him.
Caps like to check, and recheck. Your also doing the cap evaluation thing and now your about to start your series of cap tests! love it!
The anxiety of not knowing with us cap girls is difficult.
Its not like its insecurity to need constant reasurance, its more so we like sound investments and like to protect our heart, we NEED to be sure, and we sometimes need the words.
I think this will work out.
A break might be really nice.
Give him time to evaluate the two of you, and you do the same.
Stop holding back girl. XOXO
This may have a lot to do with it too.
I've read that Caps and Aqua's are good matches, but ONLY after you get through the communication problems and similar issues.
I do want to make it clear that I really don't think he did anything wrong, necessarily. Its just me and my perception of it. Am I okay with it?
Yall have been really good to me and I appreciate a place like this to share and get feedback. Thank you all!!
Yall have been really good to me and I appreciate a place like this to share and get feedback. Thank you all!!
Truecap I totally get how you feel, you needed/wanted/expected him to acknowledge you and the kids, especially the kids but here's the thing, when women initiate communication, if her timing is off, she's not necessarily going to get that acknowledgement, had you been together a couple of years I'd see his behavior as strange but given that it's been only a few months/less than a year his behavior makes sense, least it does to me.
Something you may not understand is you're initiating can create a bit of anxiety, you have to let him come to you and then you acknowledge and thank him, if you come across too happy, too all in, too enthralled about him DOING his boyfriend duties which isn't all that special because he's doing what he's supposed to do for his girlfriend then you unknowingly come across as needy and desperate as if you never had a man do anything for you, MEN SENSE THIS desperation and they turn off, men are not emotionally stupid, they are feeling human beings just like us women so if your behavior aligns itself with those icky gut feelings he get from certain types of women he'll ignore you, become distant with you and then he'll start to FEEL anxiety over being in your life, some men are tricky, they are high strung emotionally, a small innocent move like initiating text messages can turn him off, in his mind he's probably thinking why don't she just wait to see me to acknowledge the gifts, it almost feels as if you're text had an underlying motive and it's true, you had a motive or you wouldn't have needed him to text a response/reaction.
My suggestion would be until you get out of the beginning stages of dating him is to not initiate anymore text messages, wait until you've gotten out of the fragile stages of dating, allow him to come to you and seek your approval and acknowledgement of being a good boyfriend, he's looking for a reward (your approval) but make him work for it so he'll appreciate you more. You'll much happier when you see how your behavior is giving you the exact thing you want from him but you'll have to slow down, adjust your behavior to align itself with his, the more you're in alignment with him the more he'll feel he's found the one and it can only get better and better and could potentially lead into marriage.
Something you may not understand is you're initiating can create a bit of anxiety, you have to let him come to you and then you acknowledge and thank him, if you come across too happy, too all in, too enthralled about him DOING his boyfriend duties which isn't all that special because he's doing what he's supposed to do for his girlfriend then you unknowingly come across as needy and desperate as if you never had a man do anything for you, MEN SENSE THIS desperation and they turn off, men are not emotionally stupid, they are feeling human beings just like us women so if your behavior aligns itself with those icky gut feelings he get from certain types of women he'll ignore you, become distant with you and then he'll start to FEEL anxiety over being in your life, some men are tricky, they are high strung emotionally, a small innocent move like initiating text messages can turn him off, in his mind he's probably thinking why don't she just wait to see me to acknowledge the gifts, it almost feels as if you're text had an underlying motive and it's true, you had a motive or you wouldn't have needed him to text a response/reaction.
My suggestion would be until you get out of the beginning stages of dating him is to not initiate anymore text messages, wait until you've gotten out of the fragile stages of dating, allow him to come to you and seek your approval and acknowledgement of being a good boyfriend, he's looking for a reward (your approval) but make him work for it so he'll appreciate you more. You'll much happier when you see how your behavior is giving you the exact thing you want from him but you'll have to slow down, adjust your behavior to align itself with his, the more you're in alignment with him the more he'll feel he's found the one and it can only get better and better and could potentially lead into marriage.
My suggestion would be SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW DOWN, he's not all in with you (yet) just let him do the work and you'll feel much happier, you don't have to chase him to tell him thanks, instead let him chase you to get a thank you for being a good boyfriend, he'll be much happier and you will too b/c he's DOING what a man does, wants to do, just get out of his way and he'll do it all, he'll lead you into the kind of love you desire, you don't have to match him tit for tat all of the time, that's competing with him, DON'T COMPETE or you'll get a struggle, you'll get a war and you'll lose.
You're going to CREATE a war, a struggle between the both of you and misery for yourself if you don't slow down. Don't initiate another text unless it has something to do with answering his question, use your power, the power of femininity to capture his mind and his heart and part of using that power is to LEAN BACK, don't move towards him at all, just allow your beautiful nature to pull him in, he'll come to you and ask about the kids and Christmas and the gifts, no need to get so far ahead of him, THINK about what you do before you do it, think about it and you'll be much happier when you don't move towards him and yet the result of not doing that is you'll get to see if he's moving in your direction all the time which can assure you he's IN, he's in it with you, you'll never feel bad again if you slow down.
You're going to CREATE a war, a struggle between the both of you and misery for yourself if you don't slow down. Don't initiate another text unless it has something to do with answering his question, use your power, the power of femininity to capture his mind and his heart and part of using that power is to LEAN BACK, don't move towards him at all, just allow your beautiful nature to pull him in, he'll come to you and ask about the kids and Christmas and the gifts, no need to get so far ahead of him, THINK about what you do before you do it, think about it and you'll be much happier when you don't move towards him and yet the result of not doing that is you'll get to see if he's moving in your direction all the time which can assure you he's IN, he's in it with you, you'll never feel bad again if you slow down.
Posted by truecap
Miha,
the aloofness happens occasionally in different ways. This is very minor and you guys will probably think I'm being over dramatic. But here goes. I got a generic merry Christmas text (like you send to 15 people) on Christmas Eve and responded warmly and with a question. No response. I tried to convince myself I was okay with that, although I'll admit it did bother me not to get a response. I think what bothered me most was when my kids texted him thank you's for the Christmas presents he got them, he didn't respond to them at all. No I'm glad you liked it, No You're welcome. I think they expected some kind of aknowledgement. I suppose it kind of hurt me that he didn't respond to their gratitude. (he gave them to me to give to them because they were at their dad's and he would be at work).
Looking back two days later, that scenario seems kind of silly to get hurt over. But it did hurt me. I think it's a build up of several other times he's been a little aloof. I'm not over-sensitive, but, Tiki may be right. I may have more invested emotionally than he does.
I know if I mention it, he will do better - for a while. I don't want him to change who he is. I do want him to be more conscious of how it affects others, though. I just need to decide if I'm willing to get used to it and learn not to take it personally. I also don't want to feel like I have to make excuses for him to myself either.
I feel you truecap. My aqua is in deed the "vampire at sunrise" desperate for his "cave"; he even jokes about his "need to retreat into his shell". And I let him do exactly that. I got so used it now that it doesn't bother me much. Instead I grab the opportunity and have some me-time, read girly magazines, window-shop, have a giggle-fest with my girls. Meanwhile he is thinking what is going through my head and becomes so hooked/inquisitive that when he finally comes around, he had missed me loads, and is desperate to make up for the "lost time" :o)
Hope this helps.
Posted by Metoo
Hi Truecap, Merry Christmas!
I have had am Aqua male friend for MANY Years now, well over a decade.
It took him over 10 years to be able to trust and open up to me and stop the boyish hot/cold bs.
It was often difficult and strained our friendship to the point of breaking cause as a cap, I think we need "proof", like verbal affirmations.
I think you just need to hear him confirm you are the one for him.
Caps like to check, and recheck. Your also doing the cap evaluation thing and now your about to start your series of cap tests! love it!
The anxiety of not knowing with us cap girls is difficult.
Its not like its insecurity to need constant reasurance, its more so we like sound investments and like to protect our heart, we NEED to be sure, and we sometimes need the words.
I think this will work out.
A break might be really nice.
Give him time to evaluate the two of you, and you do the same.
Stop holding back girl. XOXO
This is so true, spot on. Thank you for the insights.
Thank you Tiki.
I've given it quite a bit thought. You may be absolutely right, Tiki! As are the others, too!
I think I'm feeling a little extra emotional the last few days, so maybe I am a little more sensitive than usual.
I think I'm feeling a little extra emotional the last few days, so maybe I am a little more sensitive than usual.
Posted by truecap
I've given it quite a bit thought. You may be absolutely right, Tiki! As are the others, too!
I think I'm feeling a little extra emotional the last few days, so maybe I am a little more sensitive than usual.
It's the holidays! How you feel is completely understandable, you're a sweet soul, take a deep breath, take a soothing hot bubble bath, grab the softest thing you have and wear it, get a warm blanket and spend a bit of time just cocooning and relaxing, read a book that warms your soul, drink hot cocoa filled with marshmallows, this is the time to treat yourself wonderfully so you can feel wonderful inside instead of feeling a bit needy b/c when you feel stressed your body and mind begins to REACH for something, reach for love, for food, for something soothing.
What's really going on is your body is FORCING you to stop, slow down and do something grand and wonderful that will bring your spirits up on the inside, there is something you're neglecting, not paying attention to internally which can make a woman REACH for what she feels she is going to kill the lack in her life, when in all actuality your mind and body is queuing you stop and love yourself, you have to be the one to get out of your own way so happiness can thrive, yes he's aloof but take that time to pamper and love yourself, taking good care of yourself HELPS your relationship with your man, takes the pressure off of him to fix you and your feelings, something you can actually do on your own so you both can stay connected.
Thanks again!
Posted by tiki33
if you come across too happy, too all in, too enthralled about him DOING his boyfriend duties which isn't all that special because he's doing what he's supposed to do for his girlfriend then you unknowingly come across as needy and desperate as if you never had a man do anything for you, MEN SENSE THIS desperation and they turn off, men are not emotionally stupid, they are feeling human beings just like us women so if your behavior aligns itself with those icky gut feelings he get from certain types of women he'll ignore you, become distant with you and then he'll start to FEEL anxiety over being in your life, some men are tricky, they are high strung emotionally, a small innocent move like initiating text messages can turn him off
This makes me sad to read. Like we have to be these -perfectly- well balanced, functional, emotional FORTRESS OF EXTREME STRENGTH AND AMAZINGNESS or else we are doomed to be alone.
is it really that fucking complicated and tricky??
😢
- Hope everything works out for you truecap! You seem sooooo in love on these boards when you talk of your Aqua, it's adorable.
Posted by CancerLeoDynamitePosted by tiki33
if you come across too happy, too all in, too enthralled about him DOING his boyfriend duties which isn't all that special because he's doing what he's supposed to do for his girlfriend then you unknowingly come across as needy and desperate as if you never had a man do anything for you, MEN SENSE THIS desperation and they turn off, men are not emotionally stupid, they are feeling human beings just like us women so if your behavior aligns itself with those icky gut feelings he get from certain types of women he'll ignore you, become distant with you and then he'll start to FEEL anxiety over being in your life, some men are tricky, they are high strung emotionally, a small innocent move like initiating text messages can turn him off
This makes me sad to read. Like we have to be these -perfectly- well balanced, functional, emotional FORTRESS OF EXTREME STRENGTH AND AMAZINGNESS or else we are doomed to be alone.
is it really that fucking complicated and tricky??
😢
- Hope everything works out for you truecap! You seem sooooo in love on these boards when you talk of your Aqua, it's adorable.
click to expand
(((((((((big hug))))))))))
Don't be sad, every relationship has it's own pace.
Well, things seem back to normal with him. I think I got a wake up call - which I probably needed and that is to slow down. I have learned some valuable lessons here that I'm going to try my best to apply.
I'm not his priority. Lesson learned. Hardest thing about being a cap is when you recognize you've given someone the power to hurt you, it's not a very pleasant realization. Something I need to work on perhaps.
Thanks again everyone for listening, allowing me to vent, offering suggestions, lending support and just being there for me!!
I'm not his priority. Lesson learned. Hardest thing about being a cap is when you recognize you've given someone the power to hurt you, it's not a very pleasant realization. Something I need to work on perhaps.
Thanks again everyone for listening, allowing me to vent, offering suggestions, lending support and just being there for me!!
At what point is the dating stage no longer fragile?
- when it goes exclusive?
- when he says I love you?
- when you get engaged?
- when you get married?
In general, I read all these books about dating and getting the man, getting the interest....when does it turn real?
Even if you keep doing these things to attract the man and draw him in, eventually you have to be yourself. If you are one that needs a lot of interaction during the day and you back off "to get his interest" then eventually you're going to want more contact. When does that happen? You get engaged? You get married then all of a sudden he's married someone else than who he thought?
I'm not arguing anyone's advice, there is some good solid advice here. But, that's just a point that needs clarification.
- when it goes exclusive?
- when he says I love you?
- when you get engaged?
- when you get married?
In general, I read all these books about dating and getting the man, getting the interest....when does it turn real?
Even if you keep doing these things to attract the man and draw him in, eventually you have to be yourself. If you are one that needs a lot of interaction during the day and you back off "to get his interest" then eventually you're going to want more contact. When does that happen? You get engaged? You get married then all of a sudden he's married someone else than who he thought?
I'm not arguing anyone's advice, there is some good solid advice here. But, that's just a point that needs clarification.
Good answer MMM!!!
Lol Capgirl! I hear ya. Amen!!
I only posted that because I see a lot of the same advice given on DXP over and over and over from so many different people. But no one ever said when it was okay to be yourself. I believe the advice is intended to be the attitude you project and to increase the self confidence, but some women will use it like a game. That's when it will backfire. I just wanted some clarification. I think the advice is definitely true in the beginning, but just wandering when you can be yourself.
Aqua has actually told me before that he liked it when I initiated some, because it lets him know I want to spend time with him, too, and not to worry about smothering him because "he's still breathing". No matter what, he's going to be him and he's still going to be aloof and I will have to accept that.
For the record, I think Tiki was right when she said he's not all in yet, so I'm not knocking what anyone has said. I take it to adjust my attitude and my thought processes to avoid becoming needy. I believe that is her intention.
I do know that some men think it's a relief when the woman contacts them, they're excited like we are and they're thinking "she likes me! she likes me!" except they don't do the happy dance! lol!
Lol Capgirl! I hear ya. Amen!!
I only posted that because I see a lot of the same advice given on DXP over and over and over from so many different people. But no one ever said when it was okay to be yourself. I believe the advice is intended to be the attitude you project and to increase the self confidence, but some women will use it like a game. That's when it will backfire. I just wanted some clarification. I think the advice is definitely true in the beginning, but just wandering when you can be yourself.
Aqua has actually told me before that he liked it when I initiated some, because it lets him know I want to spend time with him, too, and not to worry about smothering him because "he's still breathing". No matter what, he's going to be him and he's still going to be aloof and I will have to accept that.
For the record, I think Tiki was right when she said he's not all in yet, so I'm not knocking what anyone has said. I take it to adjust my attitude and my thought processes to avoid becoming needy. I believe that is her intention.
I do know that some men think it's a relief when the woman contacts them, they're excited like we are and they're thinking "she likes me! she likes me!" except they don't do the happy dance! lol!
Posted by mihaPosted by truecap
At what point is the dating stage no longer fragile?
- when it goes exclusive?
- when he says I love you?
- when you get engaged?
- when you get married?
none of the above....when you behave like a lunatic and he doesn't go away...he just waits for you to come to your senses 😄click to expand
Lol!!!
Have you ever seen a many do a happy dance?
Wait, I take that back, I supposed he would over winning the lottery or winning a muscle car! lol!!!
Wait, I take that back, I supposed he would over winning the lottery or winning a muscle car! lol!!!
man, not many!
Cuteness OVERLOAD~!!
Posted by truecap
At what point is the dating stage no longer fragile?
- when it goes exclusive?
- when he says I love you?
- when you get engaged?
- when you get married?
In general, I read all these books about dating and getting the man, getting the interest....when does it turn real?
Even if you keep doing these things to attract the man and draw him in, eventually you have to be yourself. If you are one that needs a lot of interaction during the day and you back off "to get his interest" then eventually you're going to want more contact. When does that happen? You get engaged? You get married then all of a sudden he's married someone else than who he thought?
I'm not arguing anyone's advice, there is some good solid advice here. But, that's just a point that needs clarification.
The first year is very fragile, a lot of people do not make it past the 1 and 2 year mark because it's fragile, relationships get real when a woman gets married, about to get be married, even after 5 years of dating it can get tricky if a man hasn't proposed yet, it's all so damn fragile these days in general, people have lost touch with chivalry and lost touch with the concept of intimacy and taking care of the relationship.
Being authentic has to be developed, a lot of women are taught to be this way and don't do that that way and its really not about any of that, it's about finding self, loving self flaws and all, slaying inner demons which eventually turns into authenticity. All of the work creates an authentic self and that self is EXPRESSED out into the world in a way that connects with everyone, people begin to love and adore your presence including romantic relationships, so many women have so much unresolved stuff that actually can get in the way of being authentic such as divorce, failed relationships, issues with abuse and feelings of low self worth etc etc and this is where all the stuff UNRAVELS the most, in our closest most intimate relationships, it's all expressed out in the form of fear, jealousy, anxiety, anger, feeling neglected etc etc and that very stuff is the stuff that pushes a man back.
We women can complain but it is what is, yes we women have to find a balance between being authentic and being a beautiful siren, it's not easy but the women who do the work (relationship work to better her love life) reap the rewards in the end, I sure did.
"The first year is very fragile, a lot of people do not make it past the 1 and 2 year mark because it's fragile, relationships get real when a woman gets married, about to get be married, even after 5 years of dating it can get tricky if a man hasn't proposed yet, it's all so damn fragile these days in general, people have lost touch with chivalry and lost touch with the concept of intimacy and taking care of the relationship.
Being authentic has to be developed, a lot of women are taught to be this way and don't do that that way and its really not about any of that, it's about finding self, loving self flaws and all, slaying inner demons which eventually turns into authenticity. All of the work creates an authentic self and that self is EXPRESSED out into the world in a way that connects with everyone, people begin to love and adore your presence including romantic relationships, so many women have so much unresolved stuff that actually can get in the way of being authentic such as divorce, failed relationships, issues with abuse and feelings of low self worth etc etc and this is where all the stuff UNRAVELS the most, in our closest most intimate relationships, it's all expressed out in the form of fear, jealousy, anxiety, anger, feeling neglected etc etc and that very stuff is the stuff that pushes a man back.
We women can complain but it is what is, yes we women have to find a balance between being authentic and being a beautiful siren, it's not easy but the women who do the work (relationship work to better her love life) reap the rewards in the end, I sure did."
This is straight up truth. I was an early adopter of being authentic. Which meant that I was passed over a lot during my 20's for sparkly on the outside...insecure on the inside women. I actually had a boyfriend tell me during that time. "You are so pretty and smart...if only you could learn to be more "normal" like other women." I would think how would a "normal" woman act? Does she pretend to be someone else so that a man will put a ring on it?
Thanks for clarifying that Tiki!! And thanks for knowing I wasn't arguing against what anyone said.
We all know deep inside what is attractive behavior and what isn't. Sometimes we just get caught up in what we want, we forget how we are perceived by the opposite sex. Insecurity, jealousy, etc. can take over our thoughts and we can become quite unattractive creatures. Goes for both men and women.
We need to be better about stepping out of ourselves and think if he said this... or did this... what would I think and feel about that behavior. Hell, we'd scare ourselves sometimes!! Thinking before doing/saying is a good thing.
We need to remember what makes someone attractive to us and try to act/do/say THAT (those things that we are attracted to). There are men that jump in too quick with the I love you's and jealous behavior and I think, geesh, back off already, I don't even KNOW the real you yet and I know you don't know the real me!
It's the old cliche that we want and appreciate more what's earned and remember to quit giving/acting so they don't have to earn it.
That's what I'm getting out of all of this. Correct me if I'm off track.
We all know deep inside what is attractive behavior and what isn't. Sometimes we just get caught up in what we want, we forget how we are perceived by the opposite sex. Insecurity, jealousy, etc. can take over our thoughts and we can become quite unattractive creatures. Goes for both men and women.
We need to be better about stepping out of ourselves and think if he said this... or did this... what would I think and feel about that behavior. Hell, we'd scare ourselves sometimes!! Thinking before doing/saying is a good thing.
We need to remember what makes someone attractive to us and try to act/do/say THAT (those things that we are attracted to). There are men that jump in too quick with the I love you's and jealous behavior and I think, geesh, back off already, I don't even KNOW the real you yet and I know you don't know the real me!
It's the old cliche that we want and appreciate more what's earned and remember to quit giving/acting so they don't have to earn it.
That's what I'm getting out of all of this. Correct me if I'm off track.
Update to the original post:
After he did the relationship status of us on facebook, I've decided I can deal with the aloofness. I have some reassurance that he is in this with me. I don't know how deep he's in it, but that will play out on its own. I just need to learn not to take that aloofness personally.
Besides, I've been told before that I can be aloof too, and I'm like what? who? ME?? lol!!
After he did the relationship status of us on facebook, I've decided I can deal with the aloofness. I have some reassurance that he is in this with me. I don't know how deep he's in it, but that will play out on its own. I just need to learn not to take that aloofness personally.
Besides, I've been told before that I can be aloof too, and I'm like what? who? ME?? lol!!
Posted by truecap
Thanks for clarifying that Tiki!! And thanks for knowing I wasn't arguing against what anyone said.
We all know deep inside what is attractive behavior and what isn't. Sometimes we just get caught up in what we want, we forget how we are perceived by the opposite sex. Insecurity, jealousy, etc. can take over our thoughts and we can become quite unattractive creatures. Goes for both men and women.
We need to be better about stepping out of ourselves and think if he said this... or did this... what would I think and feel about that behavior. Hell, we'd scare ourselves sometimes!! Thinking before doing/saying is a good thing.
We need to remember what makes someone attractive to us and try to act/do/say THAT (those things that we are attracted to). There are men that jump in too quick with the I love you's and jealous behavior and I think, geesh, back off already, I don't even KNOW the real you yet and I know you don't know the real me!
It's the old cliche that we want and appreciate more what's earned and remember to quit giving/acting so they don't have to earn it.
That's what I'm getting out of all of this. Correct me if I'm off track.
You are on track, stay with your original thought, lots of truth there.
Posted by truecap
Update to the original post:
After he did the relationship status of us on facebook, I've decided I can deal with the aloofness. I have some reassurance that he is in this with me. I don't know how deep he's in it, but that will play out on its own. I just need to learn not to take that aloofness personally.
Besides, I've been told before that I can be aloof too, and I'm like what? who? ME?? lol!!
Although I don't have a Facebook account I hear it's a big deal when a man puts his relationship status up. Also this is the best part of dating, getting affirmations from a man that the relationship is what he wants without having to lead, push, nudge, emotionally manipulate etc.
Also keep in mind that a man generally is moving the relationship forward every 6 months or so, as long as he's consistently demonstrating he's moving forward with you then you have nothing to really worry about because moving forward means HE'S INVESTING his heart, time, energy into you thus you don't have to worry about him being aloof if he's consistently emotionally, mentally, physically investing his efforts in the relationship with you.
"This is straight up truth. I was an early adopter of being authentic."
Do you know how rare you are? I so want to pick your brain to find out what made you choose a different path than the rest of the women out there, so many women choose to stay insecure and continue looking for love which only exasperates her feelings of low self worth and insecurity. Instead you took a different path and that's very mature choice on your part.
I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, I'm sincere, I'm wondering what made you choose to focus on evolving away from being "more normal" and instead chose to take the being authentic path, you so don't have to answer this on an open forum but I sure would like to hear your thoughts on it.
Do you know how rare you are? I so want to pick your brain to find out what made you choose a different path than the rest of the women out there, so many women choose to stay insecure and continue looking for love which only exasperates her feelings of low self worth and insecurity. Instead you took a different path and that's very mature choice on your part.
I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, I'm sincere, I'm wondering what made you choose to focus on evolving away from being "more normal" and instead chose to take the being authentic path, you so don't have to answer this on an open forum but I sure would like to hear your thoughts on it.
You have a great Daddy in your life, it really does make a huge difference in the love/romance side of life, you're Daddy gave you his strength, let me stop before I cry LOL.
The quote feature has been acting up, I had the same issue, not sure what's causing it but I hope it's fixed soon.
The quote feature has been acting up, I had the same issue, not sure what's causing it but I hope it's fixed soon.
man he changed his facebook status!!!? And no this isn't mocking tone or anything because I would never do that for anyone unless I'm practically married lol.
Posted by tiki33
"This is straight up truth. I was an early adopter of being authentic."
Do you know how rare you are? I so want to pick your brain to find out what made you choose a different path than the rest of the women out there, so many women choose to stay insecure and continue looking for love which only exasperates her feelings of low self worth and insecurity. Instead you took a different path and that's very mature choice on your part.
I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, I'm sincere, I'm wondering what made you choose to focus on evolving away from being "more normal" and instead chose to take the being authentic path, you so don't have to answer this on an open forum but I sure would like to hear your thoughts on it.
Thanks for the kind words. My family, especially my Dad was a huge part of it. He just encouraged me to concentrate on being myself and not tying my self-worth to how the world views me. For the longest time, I took for granted that everyone was like me. Then, I started dating in college and discovered the shocking truth. Most of my girlfriends have known me for over 20 years. They know that the confidence that I display is not an act nor is it used as a weapon. Sometimes, it gets a little awkward for me at parties because I seem to attract married men whom gaze at me longingly and say inappropriate things such as "Wow, I wish I would have met you 10 years ago! You're like some kind of unicorn" They even said it in front of my S/O. Meanwhile, their wives are giving me crazy eyes and acting like I am the enemy.
I made some mistakes regarding men whom I have dated, Stalker Ex Taurus, Sharky Pisces, Scary Scorpios, and the infamous Machivellian Aqua Ex. These men were attracted to my authenticity but, at the time of dating them, I lacked the discernment to see just how toxic they were to me. They all wanted to keep me in this proverbial tower, locked away until the next family/ friend/work event in which they would trot me out whilst never letting me out of their sight. At first it felt flattering but, as I got older I realized that the tower they had me in was similar to being in lock down at a prison facility. Sure, the particular facility looked nice on the outside but it was a prison nonetheless.
@Truecap- I think that whatever happens things are gonna work out for you. You are a Cap and built for the rugged terrain of life. Det
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
1) I have been close friends with an Aqua guy for over 15 years. To say the least, I love him like a family member. I'
Her: Sun Leo Moon Gemini Mercury Leo Venus Virgo Mars Leo Jupiter Gemini Saturn Capricorn Uranus Capricorn Ne
Okay so maybe because I'm more dominated by water which is why I'm so mutable because of this but there are times where
Hello guys, Im gonna need you. It appears I may about to be stood up by the aqua who cancelled our original first d
Aqua's, what kind of expectations do you have for others? As by others, I mean significant others, friends, family, co-w
I—ve noticed my Aqua becoming much more affectionate and loving. He—s always been affectionate but in the last m
Only a few hours left now. What is (or was) your wish? I wished for my Aqua to get his head out of his butt. :D
First off, much love to all the aquas out there... without you, i wouldnt be here! This querey is rather mundane, b
Hello I am new here, I thought I would sign up because I really need some help and advice right now. Any advice/help fro
your personal experience with them? and do you like or hate them?
Smoky Robinson (Aquarius/ Cancer moon, taurus mars, venus aries, pisces merc) People say I'm the life of the party
The aqua returneth. This is the guy who said how fab I am but was geographically undesirable. Dude with pisces moon
This is so strange no matter how much i try they manage to piss me off somehow im not going to lie i love other aquarian
I really need some insight here. I am feeling awful. Its one thing to feel bad because u feel offended by someone, but i
I know what they typically say... but always fun to see what others think I honestly can't say for sure I would like d
Like No joke why is this board a graveyard ......... There has to be more Aquarius than this on her—
I think I figured out at least one thing that makes yall so charming!! I can see the mischeivious little boy or precious
with an Aquarian. Odd creatures that say 'baby' alot in bed. Much more unexpectedly affectionate than I thought.
Thinking of getting Aqua a massage for Christmas. Is this something you would like? (and I will make dang sure they
Why do we have to be so objective? Why can't I feel like Im in the company of others if they cannot think for themsel
So, what's the best way to confront him about it?
I'm pretty straight forward so I'm probably just going to say, remember this ______? Well, I can't explain why, but I was hurt by that. I figuring, if he cares, he will try to understand and do better. If he doesn't care, then our relationship won't survive.
Well, anyway, sorry to be a downer on Christmas, but thanks for allowing me to vent and for whatever comments you can toss my way. I don't really know what I'm asking for, maybe encouragement? If I need a reality slap, or a good shake, feel free!