Aqua mans mission.

I feel so sorry and sad for you. I really mean it. It seems your life has no purpose anymore and you're just waiting for a miracle to appear or to save you from your tragic life. I don't know but from what you wrote, I can feel that you're very desperate but I'm very sorry that I can't help you in any way but I hope you can get stronger by yourself and have a new dream for your life. Yesterday, my mum sent me an article about a 90 years old Vietnamese woman who has many paintings won national prizes. She has never gone to school to learn about drawing and she only started to paint at 70 years old! Now at 90, she doesn't just paint but also write poems and short stories that earnt praises for others and she can use computer and laptop to type these stories with ease. It's such a wonderful story of an old woman who find her dream at a late age. I don't know if it would help you in any way but I wish you all the best.

*from*

Please excuse all my typos. I usually feel abit emotional when reading these stories on the internet.

Wow. exam that was really helpful and not the least condescending. I hope it makes you feel superior in some way that your life seems so well put together. I think i would rather take judgements than this type of bullrear! Oh wait.. That was a judgement. My bad. Anyone else? This time from someone who is not bitter about who knows what.

My life is not well put together and I'm coping just like everyone out there. I'm just trying to offer my sympathy for your sadness. I think you misunderstood that I'm being sarcastic. Everyone will be old one day. Everyone will make mistakes. Everyone has tragedy in life but what important is that we have hope. I'm not looking down on you. What do I have more than you? We're all human beings and compassion is just a basic human qualities. I think you're upset because you're carrying hurt from your own personal life but if it makes you feel better to get upset at me then it's ok. Judgements or not depends on your own personal view because I might say something is this , it won't prevent you and others to think it's that. Like I said, that man is not your miracle, you can have something better than holding onto your past issues and bringing more issues for yourself in the future. Your fear of abandonment is justified and I know that fear from my own personal experience.It's even worse if that person passed away and you didn't see them for the last time. However, don't let it influence your present. Forty is still early to get over your own pain and weaknesses. Only then, you don't have to rely on others for happiness and instead you can bring it to others unconditionally. All the best.

Then to answer your question.. yes, an Aqua man is willing to take the companionship and sex offered by a woman to whom he does not ever have to commit... just like most men. But I wouldn't say "being nice" is a part of it.. more like buttering a woman up to keep the good freebies coming. Nothing "nice" about that, really. *shrug*

You don't have to answer here - just something to work out in your head on your own:

Are you not getting these qualities from your husband? Is there any way you can improve your relationship where he is fullfilling your needs? Sounds like a very sticky situation. What if his wife finds out? or your husband? Are you pepared to face that?

I am wishing you happiness and sending a shot of self esteem your way! 🙂


(you will get a lot of flack on DXP - hope you're prepared).

But my question was not how to get past my issues. I am well versed on how to achieve happiness, blah blah this and that. I am dealing with all my issues just fine. I was only wondering if this was typical Aqua behavior and was really addressing aqua women or men, not someone who is married to one. I am married to one and i know much about Aquarians from him. This person is just different than anyone else i have met and there is such a strong connection there i dont really want to ignore it. Neither does he , but then again maybe he thinks im pathetic like you do. But aquarians dont think that way, i thought. I certainly dont feel that way about myself. I respect myself a great deal. im just trying to work it all out i do feel sad but i dont exist in that state all the time. I hate pity. People who pity should just flog themselves. (:
I want some validation sure. I should already have that for myself, agreed. Im just making sure im not bearing my soul to someone that feels sorry for me. Again i despise pity. I can do fine on my own and figure it out alone TYVM (thank u very much)
No i gather that i can learn something from him and abandon myself to him. That is one thing i desperately want to do and havent found the person i can abandon myself to or with. I dont expect him to save me. dear lord, the pisces in me gave up on that many moons ago. I want to know something greater than myself and forget myself and ive got my own ideas on how to do that being limited to what i have to work with. I did not seek him out, he came around like out of a dream. Oh that is sooo dumb sounding but its like that for me. I am very strong, so maybe your advice is not so much directed at me but at some abstraction of your own persona. ? In any case you probably meant well but i feel im a pretty evolved individual and I will stand corrected anyday just dont be so quick to pronounce your prey.

Its not about the freebies with him Nefer. But im really okay with that anyway. I wish i could butter him up the same. I dont know how to do all that. But he came over to my house and no move was made. There is a sanctity there and its best not to indulge until we absolutely have to. And thank you truecap im prepared. Ive read some horrible things elsewhere on the net where anyone dares to say any such things is punished but i dont expect that on the Aquarius forum. Hoping i dont get burned at the stake. Thanks for the self esteem. im really okay with everything i just wish people were not so quick to judge that is why i feel there is something wrong with me. i let others get to me. but not so much anymore. learning things the hard way.
And i may not find the answer to my weird little question here after all. ill just chaulk that up to the unique situation and the unique person/s and lets hope neither of us lets each other down. Its an experiment maybe we both are working on. strange brew. we shall see where the journey takes us if far at all. its just interesting i think.

all i can say...after browsing through this...

Karma.

but people play with fire all the time.

and i realize this is all very unrealistic. The commitments that have been made and so forth. Im fine with all that. ill take whatever i can get and move on gracefully anytime, because there is more magic out there and im just trying to plug into that.

well. he is playing with fire. im just watching in awe. boys like fire. Actually his wife married him and he has cheated on her since they were high school sweethearts. she knew what she married. and i would have married him too. marriage is for children and for companionship.

Posted by CYAN
and i realize this is all very unrealistic. The commitments that have been made and so forth. Im fine with all that. ill take whatever i can get and move on gracefully anytime, because there is more magic out there and im just trying to plug into that.

magic?

my goodness. take a look around. there's magic everywhere.

there's so much you can do with your life, with your partner.

and i wish i had found the ONE. i did a few times but i lost them. Im not as lucky as some. I love the one im with and he knows what he married also.

at least we can be honest with ourselves and each other. he is free to do as he wishes.

Posted by CYAN
and i wish i had found the ONE. i did a few times but i lost them. Im not as lucky as some. I love the one im with and he knows what he married also.

i like daydreaming myself.

i guess that's why time goes by really fast for me. after i finish work, i daydream, i finish cleaning, i daydream,
i am done reading a book, daydream, taking care of my loved ones, daydream after they are satisfied.

reality can be cruel though. like when i read or watch the news. i'll read up on history and feel kind of sad and elated about what people have done to make progress in the world.

i dont know. i dont have anything really intelligent to offer, or anything to help you. but taking the step to want to understand why you want to feel this feeling of connecting to someone is still a step in the right direction. there's probably something in you that rings a bell that you really dont want to, cause you know it'll hurt you more than it'll hurt anyone else. if you start to love yourself a little more, you'll see that you can love others just so much more.
we're the sign that exemplifies platonic love, remember? greater than romantic love even.

Posted by CYAN
But my question was not how to get past my issues. I am well versed on how to achieve happiness, blah blah this and that. I am dealing with all my issues just fine. I was only wondering if this was typical Aqua behavior and was really addressing aqua women or men, not someone who is married to one. I am married to one and i know much about Aquarians from him. This person is just different than anyone else i have met and there is such a strong connection there i dont really want to ignore it. Neither does he , but then again maybe he thinks im pathetic like you do. But aquarians dont think that way, i thought. I certainly dont feel that way about myself. I respect myself a great deal. im just trying to work it all out i do feel sad but i dont exist in that state all the time. I hate pity. People who pity should just flog themselves. (:
I want some validation sure. I should already have that for myself, agreed. Im just making sure im not bearing my soul to someone that feels sorry for me. Again i despise pity. I can do fine on my own and figure it out alone TYVM (thank u very much)
No i gather that i can learn something from him and abandon myself to him. That is one thing i desperately want to do and havent found the person i can abandon myself to or with. I dont expect him to save me. dear lord, the pisces in me gave up on that many moons ago. I want to know something greater than myself and forget myself and ive got my own ideas on how to do that being limited to what i have to work with. I did not seek him out, he came around like out of a dream. Oh that is sooo dumb sounding but its like that for me. I am very strong, so maybe your advice is not so much directed at me but at some abstraction of your own persona. ? In any case you probably meant well but i feel im a pretty evolved individual and I will stand corrected anyday just dont be so quick to pronounce your prey.

Ok.

Well, I would like to know more about the connection you have with this man compared to the connection you had with your husband since they are both the same sign. Especially since you are a Pisces. There are layers to the relationship that a Pisces and an Aquarius have that most people will not comprehend even more so if they rely on the superficial compatibility ratings found on the interwebs that doesn't even scratch the surface. I like to think the negativity surrounding this pairing is a ploy to only attract those who venture where boys fear to tread. Next, I applaud your courage to post on this forum. It's unfortunate that Aquarians are supposed to be ahead of their time forward thinkers who are non judgmental and yet I haven't found that here. Someone tossed out karma, and insinuated that the man would take what he could simply because he is a man. You need to find your happiness and truth your way. Many of us will live a lifetime and never cheat, but all of us will live a lifetime and never be perfect.

Lisbeth, glad you said what you said in the end. I think it has helped me. i always think that is what the men i want so much believe. But alas they are males. And yes no one is perfect. My husband provides me moral support and has a heart of gold. When i met this one, i was interested in every facet of his life. he has suffered alot so he sort of spoke like a sage. he also does not take himself seriously. he just seemed to be a really wise playboy and we connected because ive gotten very wise from all my suffering so there is a mutual and unspoken understanding. The mutual respect and understanding of each others lives is what is nice. The restraint while a week goes by before we see each other is good discipline. Makes one stronger. Avoided a weakness the other day upon seeing one another. But sometimes the water just falls from the sky with ease and its that natural so i wont condemn it. And i dont even know if it will pour again. But it cant feel wrong otherwise it cant happen. it all has to be a big yes.

Im floored...

"You dont walk away from an aqua easily or unphased. He WILL have you mind and heart wrapped around his finger and the bond that you form, its like a sunburn that NEVER heals. "

What you said Metoo was very helpful. In that sense i am playing with fire myself its got nothing to do with marriages or those types of bonds. its a fish fighting to free itself of tentacles (:... and ever lasting burns. The fixed sign verses the mutable one...Now i have to rethink things. Thanks for coming through. all in all this board is very helpful. i think to myself who gives a hoot what im saying? You guys do good deeds helping people like me. Its work to be proud of. Some of the things that were said were a bit scary...like the karma thing. No one is intentionally hurting anyone here. That is why i deal with aquas. you have to be incredibly open minded with all this humanity at stake.

Posted by CYAN
Lisbeth, glad you said what you said in the end. I think it has helped me. i always think that is what the men i want so much believe. But alas they are males. And yes no one is perfect. My husband provides me moral support and has a heart of gold. When i met this one, i was interested in every facet of his life. he has suffered alot so he sort of spoke like a sage. he also does not take himself seriously. he just seemed to be a really wise playboy and we connected because ive gotten very wise from all my suffering so there is a mutual and unspoken understanding. The mutual respect and understanding of each others lives is what is nice. The restraint while a week goes by before we see each other is good discipline. Makes one stronger. Avoided a weakness the other day upon seeing one another. But sometimes the water just falls from the sky with ease and its that natural so i wont condemn it. And i dont even know if it will pour again. But it cant feel wrong otherwise it cant happen. it all has to be a big yes.

it was very late when i wrote that, right before closing up and climbing into bed. so i didnt get into very much detail; i always assume people will understand because i do understand other people deeply. it may not appear that i do but i really do. when i can tell the motives of a person, whether that is positive, negative, and you find out why they do the things /actions that they do, you look backward to understand in order to look forward to grasp their patterns.

playboys come in every disguise. i find i often judge 'playboys' for example, hugh hefner: i find it kind of gross what he does. but you know what? he doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks of him and he's successful and (i dont know if he's happy) the happiness he has, whether that is superficial or not is his world. people will judge all the time, no matter what sign.

when i mention karma, i needed to give you a dose of reality. because without reality what is freedom but a wandering soul lost and confused.

and what i have discerned from short experience that, (not all aquas) alot of aquas have this energy that people in general are so drawn to. they can't help it. that is why the 'distance' maybe?

also there's this site i read that fixed signs are "unrequited love"

http://astrodeli.wikidot.com/love- style s-by-quadruplicities

1 "Love at First Sight" Cardinal Signs
(Aries, Libra, Cancer, Capricorn)

Cardinal refers to intiation, thus Cardinal signs fall in love based on first impressions, they usually make up their minds rather quickly about their potential lovers. However, I must state that such impressions are usually accurate for Cardinal signs. Cardinals can instinctively sense whether a potential lover is suitable for them or interested in them. If Cardinals disobey their gut feelings, they should approach the relationship cautiously, because it could potentially turn sour, as Cardinals had forseen.

Cardinals like taking the intiative, pulling their weight in a relationship and showing their devotion to their partners. Cardinals are sometimes idealistic to the point of being misguided about love; they tend to think that a relationship will work as long as they strive hard enough, over-looking obstacles and inherent differences. In this, they might focus too much on their own feelings and underplay the role of their partners. As initiators, Cardinals might also be turned off by people who pursue them first, sometimes unfairly dismissing such feelings.

Cardinals look for security and equality in a relationship; they care about things like the division of labor (and sometimes, of love). If they were the ones who intiated the courtship, they require some form of acknowledgement or encouragement; they are unlikely continue their pursuit if their feelings were unreciprocated. Cardinals alternate between taking the active role and passive role; in order to acheive equilibrium, it is necessary for them to balance their innate need for control versus tendency to act coy sometimes.

.3 "Love is not Everything" Mutable Signs
(Gemini, Sagittarius, Virgo, Pisces)

The title might be disputed by some romantic souls who secretly hanker after that perfect relationship, but I shall explain why. It is true that all Mutables are closet romantics when it comes to love, they are intensely idealistic about the notion of love, but - (here's where they differ from Cardinals and Fixed) - they are not so optimistic nor so persistent about the final outcome. Mutables are most aware of the gap between objective reality and romantic ideals. Although they might be swept off their feet at some point, they are quick to return to reality and adjust their expectations accordingly.

Outsiders might think that Mutables are rather rational in their attitude towards love; but to Mutables, it might seem as if objective reality constantly stand at odds with their inner romantic ideals. When it appears as if reality might be approaching their secret dreams and ideals, Mutable signs might feel compelled to maintain a physical, emotional or psychological distance, because they are afraid of reality disappointing them. They know or think that they know, they couldn't possibly have it so good.

The energy of Mutables is dissipated and not so strongly concentrated on any one area. There is always one other thing — either friendship, family, charity, philosophy, dreams or aspirations — that is just as important as love. After a while, their lovers might become frustrated by their scattered energy and attention, but any attempt at control almost always spells the doom for Mutable signs. They need a lot of room for movement, especially mentally; they would enjoy a loose but monogamous association, in which the fundamental feelings of love and faith are strong, but allows plenty of room for personal development.

fixed signs want you to sacrifice more to them. they aren't as 'fair' as a cardinal. while cardinal does balances and checks (and this reality is not really fair to them when they fall in love so therefore, it may seem as if they are carrying the 'weight' on their shoulders.)
what does this mean when they have other fixed/mutables in their chart? if they have alot of mutability they can adjust, and if their sun is fixed they need to know if you're ready to commit and sacrifice everything. yes it's not fair. not at all. but it is what it is.
mutability, if especially strong in the chart resonates to me as well:

Mutables are most aware of the gap between objective reality and romantic ideals. Although they might be swept off their feet at some point, they are quick to return to reality and adjust their expectations accordingly.

this can be in daydreaming, swept off my feet over a book i just read and i'm ecstatic and go searching for the author's next book or previous books so i can enjoy it some more. however, mutability knows how to get back to reality. and that's their special 'gift'.
you have this gift, and you know how to get back to reality even if the concept of 'karma' is scary. because you know it's true, it's real, and you've seen it happen to others. if you can't love enough to let go, let go because fear sometimes is the motivating force to help your soul see clearly.
for example, people who are in charge of making 'laws' do so, so others fear not tredding breaking those laws. for without those restrictions, you know what happens.

of course people will play with fire because they know what will happen.

suffering, insanity, everyone is crying, hurting, in pain, destruction. and sometimes, it is what makes life exciting for some people. because their life may, perhaps have no more meaning.
as sad as it is, it is reality.

hm. read all that. good stuff. both of you are indicating different potentials. honestly i started all this out knowing full well it would terminate and we would both have to walk away. He did also im very sure especially from what MeToo says. He has it down to a science. so i was going to try to get what i could out of this. From lisbeths readings i am well equipped for this and i was not always that way, i was very unrealistic but i have developed ways of walking away with very minor damage to my well being.

Now all this stuff about no more meaning in my life is not true. Im just elated when i come across such an initial strong connection. I want all my days to be so charmed. Perhaps those that dont experience this anymore have no need for this for whatever reason but im all about going an unexplored way, im willing to sacrifice things. Playing with fire, like doing anything risky or unknown is usually worth the effort if you survive it. Im a fearless sort of person but it takes me a while to adjust ... like walking out from a dark room into sunlight. i can get over things. remember i only have myself no children. With children things would be very different. There would be no "me" thing. But as it is, and for a short amount of time, i can move and explore and here is the big word for both me and the new aqua. PLAY. We play. He is really big on that word. All this takes courage i suppose, you guys know it. Because hey, im the emotional one.

I sense any problems and i address them. In my own words im going to tell him what is going on in my head. I have nothing to lose. If this connection is what i think it is then he needs to hear it. i dont care if it makes a difference. I know his nature cannot change, gulp. it always helps to make the best move i can make because losing , is not giving up for me. I do not give up on anything. That is the Pisces nature. We believe. We truly believe. Again i already know it will end. Knew that from the start. Keep telling myself that.

That abyss MeToo speaks of has happened before to me.. Never again. Hit that marker already. There is not many more holes in my life. And that bad relationship was not with an aqua! Aquas are as recent as only 5 years for me. I went from gemini to libra to Aqua. I swear it was like i was graduating in air signs. Honestly i thought Aqua was IT. They are. This agua to me is like a partner in crime.

Dont expect more. keep thinking temporal... move like he does. You can learn something. Trust the player. (talking to myself here) i know, romantic. shrug.

Yes its probably and ego boost for him but believe it or not it helped his marriage sex life already and you know lisbeth would be happy to hear that. For me it is not so much an ego boost. I mean SURE i feel good but i dont get this excited about people usually. If i never hear from him again ill be fine. if i do ill make sure whatever happens doesnt compromise me and just try to enjoy it. It cant be that hard. We woman are so hard wired to be insecure and worry and fret. Im want to be done with all that. I HAVE been there and lets talk about breaking out of that Karma for real.

And take it easy there...
"I would guess the former abyss someone else left has you still seeking to this day to fill an emotional void and validate and boost your self esteem."
What is this emotional void you speak of? I do not feel empty. i cry and i laugh and i love. Sex can only make me feel empty if i dont want to have it. I just like the novelty, the newness, whatever it brings. Not many people excite me and so when i find someone i like it can be male or female i just light up. A connection woohoo! Why dont you judge people who have children to fill their void. I mean come on... Most people would not have a clue what to do if their children did not give their life meaning. I mean isnt that i womens true function after all? Dont i get any sort of recognition for facing the world in this manner? I think i am very strong.

Oh and guess what I was so not seeking this union. It was the last thing damn thing i was thinking about. That is why it was so special.. It felt like a gift. Not a damn hole filler.

Be nice if i can be a cool badass. that is my goal in life. to weather things gracefully. There are so many strong people out there that have overcome so much. I look up to that.
You guys have helped me see many things. You provide much good insight and i love the arguments, they are helpful. thank you a billion. That is why i am able to make the decision to not end it but to not force it in any way. Im letting go of the death grip is all. Stay positive and trust. Focus on the good things of anything.

Posted by CYAN
Yes its probably and ego boost for him but believe it or not it helped his marriage sex life already and you know lisbeth would be happy to hear that. For me it is not so much an ego boost. I mean SURE i feel good but i dont get this excited about people usually. If i never hear from him again ill be fine. if i do ill make sure whatever happens doesnt compromise me and just try to enjoy it. It cant be that hard. We woman are so hard wired to be insecure and worry and fret. Im want to be done with all that. I HAVE been there and lets talk about breaking out of that Karma for real.

And take it easy there...
"I would guess the former abyss someone else left has you still seeking to this day to fill an emotional void and validate and boost your self esteem."
What is this emotional void you speak of? I do not feel empty. i cry and i laugh and i love. Sex can only make me feel empty if i dont want to have it. I just like the novelty, the newness, whatever it brings. Not many people excite me and so when i find someone i like it can be male or female i just light up. A connection woohoo! Why dont you judge people who have children to fill their void. I mean come on... Most people would not have a clue what to do if their children did not give their life meaning. I mean isnt that i womens true function after all? Dont i get any sort of recognition for facing the world in this manner? I think i am very strong.

Oh and guess what I was so not seeking this union. It was the last thing damn thing i was thinking about. That is why it was so special.. It felt like a gift. Not a damn hole filler.

Be nice if i can be a cool badass. that is my goal in life. to weather things gracefully. There are so many strong people out there that have overcome so much. I look up to that.
You guys have helped me see many things. You provide much good insight and i love the arguments, they are helpful. thank you a billion. That is why i am able to make the decision to not end it but to not force it in any way. Im letting go of the death grip is all. Stay positive and trust. Focus on the good things of anything.

No, you're pathetic, not strong. I finally see it and no you don't deserve any sympathy either. You tried to tell yourself and everyone here how strong you are but the truth is that you just hope it helps your self esteem and your past

issues. Honestly, I realise now that people like you got some sort of weird contradicted feeling. Deep down inside you want alot but you pretend like " who cares, I don't want that". Your first post tried to arouse sympathy from others with self esteem and abandonment issues but then when someone tried to offer you a hand , you bit it! Lol! You're indeed a silly woman. You 're embarrased by your own self and you hate it when someone showed are. You went on to compliment what a nice husband you had but then if you did, and you were so strong like you said, why kept hurting him? Why can't you accept that you're just nowhere near a spiritual and understanding person like you claimed to be.

You held a lot of contradicted pseudo values about life and you can't practise them and if you failed to practise them, you told yourself that you've done your best or that you're strong and amazing!? Lol. Stop kidding yourself. Really, noone judges you about your affair but they get fucking tired of your silly attitude , your delusion trying to make all your actions as some sort of brave, courageous and spiritual discovery, while in fact you're just living like a ghost in an empty shell.
If you're indeed so strong and fully developed as you claimed then why don't you release your poor "PREY" ( lol thanks for calling yourself this) which is your HUSBAND and pursuit your own happiness? The fact that you can't and you rely on him and your family, you should recoginze by now that you're nowhere a strong woman. You should try to use this free time you have to learn more about spiritual values and the meaning of life instead of giving yourself excuses to pursuit meaningless affairs and told yourself that they defined you. Maybe you're right. They defined you, just not the way you want. So stop your grand delusion. You aren't that great and nowhere near. With the way you lead your life, you tried to do wrong first, leave first, being a bitch first so noone can hurt you left you with a shell with repetitive emotions. You're like an addict needs a strong dose of drama so you can have a more exciting life so you can continue laughing, smilling and feeling.

I've followed this story long enough ??to see if you're indeed who you claim but instead I just see a lost and delusional lady. I know many strong woman who doesn't just live for their children but also for themselves and everyone they know. They can live alone too and never try to announce that they're strong or make excuses for their weaknesses. Thank you for letting me see more today.

a man who needs outside affection from another human being other than his wife in my opinion doesn't get a ticket to true happiness.
religions were made so that mankind could find a direction, a purpose in life. there are many rules even in every religious text. most people do not possess common sense so therefore, they need these rules to follow.
now i'm not trying to go all religious on you, but there's more to a relationship than sex.
and i'm offended that you suggested that i'd be happy if he had sex outside his marriage. i dont know. i just have no words.

ok i needed to just compose a bit so i'll give you some suggestions to find some very good reading material.
no, not religious ones. although it's always good to read them anyway even if you're not religious. you dont have to be affiliated to any sect or anything. but the knowledge of these books are full of incredible wisdom. if you take some time to read them, you'll be at least a little more enlightened.
have you read dante's inferno? or rather divine comedy? pick those up, maybe you can find something online, but it won't really give you a full comprehensive look at what they all mean. many times, there are university courses that will help train you to understand the meaning and purposes of these riddles.
it will fill your imaginative mind with images and sometimes they're really scary but the fulfillment of reading it elevates you on a level that may surprise you.

Exam,
I never came here for sympathy but for my own personal understanding. I have "issues" like anyone but im trying to describe the surrounding elements in my life. the post was about understanding Aqua mentality, like any other post here but it turned into this whole thing. I dont deny that i am trying to obtain self esteem and rectify past issues or even that i am pretty silly. But whos hand have i bitten? The help i have been offered is of great value to me. If i bit something it was getting into this tangle here.

About my husband, all i can say is that i dont like lieing to him. People hurt each other. I did not set out to hurt him intentionally.. The affair will expire, life goes on. My husband is free to make his own descisions. At least he does not have to live a lie. Maybe it is spiritually wrong of me to do this. I dont feel that telling truth is. I feel a little like im dealing with a catholic clergy here.

"You should try to use this free time you have to learn more about spiritual values and the meaning of life instead of giving yourself excuses to pursuit meaningless affairs and told yourself that they defined you. "

I did say i am not going to pursue the affair but i was not going to lie and say i was not going to talk to him anymore. I dont know where its going to go from there. And this for me is exloring the meaning of life, be it ever so petty looking to exam. Exam, you make these blanket statements about what i really am. If i say im strong its because im trying to be positive. I want to make this good experience, not a tragic one. Drama is just plain bad for my health and i avoid it.

I do rely on my husband for support but not for my happiness. you confuse me. I think you are confused yourself. you do not strike me as very mature but i do appreciate you being outspoken. Thanks for showing me who you are. I dont think you have been around long enough and you have probably lead a very sheltered life and some of the things you say lead me to believe i struck something personal in you.

I feel i have a purpose in life. I have no idea what anyones conception of a purpose in life is. Isnt that wildly arbitrary? I see things differently fromm other people because my life has been somewhat out of the norm. Im a silly fish at times its true, but not all silly. Why do some of you think i dont have a purpose? Granted at times i feel a bit lost but that is only because of the way society has a way of making the good seem bad and the bad seem good. So many things are backward. but i have learned things and those things have helped others. Mostly im trying to help myself so i can help others more. This is not a one way street. Pleading my own case is pointless so it was silly of me to do so. Maybe i said too much. Im not looking for anything here now i just wanted to clarify things for myself and it has been therapuetic working though this. Im not trying to profess anything other than... There are many ways to deal with things in life and i want to face them head on and see what happens.

lisbeth that is one book i have always wanted to read. I did not do so in college because as i recall the quarter ended and we never got to it. I believe i have it in one of my comp. lit books.

i love divine comedy. it's highly philosophical in nature, in-depth and difficult to read because it's full of symbolic images, and meanings. in a way, it explores the conscious and subconscious.

you know, your willingness to be positive just means you'll get through this just fine. 🙂

and for a little fun and smiles, your post about the explorations of life and being lost in the fog, remind me of this:
...and here's to you, mrs. robinson, jesus loves you more than you will know.
look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes..."

Good one. yes mrs robinson is a good parallel to what you some of you sum me up as. i was reading over some of the stuff on this page, as you can see i did not try to defend myself, just tried to agree and be positive as much as possible. i fail to see how i met someone out of the blue to appease my bordom. Wouldnt i have to be actively looking for something to be guilty of that sin? Like going to a strip club or abusing drugs.

Doesnt anyone here believe in something other than base human nature anymore? i dont know how many of you really think like aquarians here. or are? Theres no indication. And look at most of you. You write because you want to be acknowledged and helpful. you want valadation as much as me that you are doing the right thing or saying the right things, right? Maybe you guys have forgotten what it is when there is a spark between two people. I feel sorry for you that have lost the ability to feel that way. They are called walls people. You put them up to protect yourself and you call people like me, pathetic and unhappy to make yourself feel better. See if i wasnt married and neither was he i would not be getting this slack. but because i am married and flirting with more than what i have i am a silly and pathetic creature. Im not closing my doors to anything while you are all standing behind your fortresses judging me.
Who is scared here?

Posted by CYAN

Maybe you guys have forgotten what it is when there is a spark between two people. I feel sorry for you that have lost the ability to feel that way. They are called walls people. You put them up to protect yourself and you call people like me, pathetic and unhappy to make yourself feel better. See if i wasnt married and neither was he i would not be getting this slack. but because i am married and flirting with more than what i have i am a silly and pathetic creature. Im not closing my doors to anything while you are all standing behind your fortresses judging me.
Who is scared here?

glad you like the reference 🙂

and the 'spark' between two people will always be there, it just changes/evolves. that's why life can be so exciting.
it's the anthesis of being sedentary. that goes for our mind, not just our souls and bodies. it's easy to take care of our bodies: eat well, do some daily exercise, like playing football, baseball, biking, hiking, whatever.

i was looking up the song lyric meaning for mrs robinson:

The Robinson secret is not about drugs or alcohol, it is that Mrs. Robinson was pregnant with their daughter when they got married and it was, accordingly, a loveless marriage. This was a big point in the movie and the reson why she was committing adultary with the dustin Hoffman character, who later falls in love with that daughter.

http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=1283<BR>
get out of your marriage if you're going to play with fire and fall into the abyss before its too late.

What do you mean to late? Too late for what? Do tell.

I feel like ive exposed you guys, by exposing myself. your attitudes dont look pretty at all to me. Im just thankful no ones held back. i am always thankful for my continually deepening relationships with my friends and with the world around me. i honestly have no idea why some of the comments made here are made. they dont seem to relate to me at all. i try so hard to relate them to me and they just dont fit. Good thing. i remain unphased. i have learned that exploratory behaviour is totally prohibited in certain cirles.

Posted by CYAN
What do you mean to late? Too late for what? Do tell.

i'm actually learning alot from this as well. so the exchange is nice.

what we've been trying to say from the beginning. basically before you destroy your family/loved ones. isn't that the ones we love and care for the most? aren't they the ones that we want to be close to and protect all our lives, even into the next generation, next lifetimes. our time on this world should leave an impression to our descendants. when a family member has some dark secrets that have never been resolved during their lifetime, the bearer of unresolved issue continues into our descendants.
and that's just the otherworldly suggestion. you can believe it or not. up to you.

have you not ever questioned why innocents get picked on even when they come into this world and they're chosen to be victimized? outsiders can say, 'life is not fair,' there is no justice for the innocent. then because we're discussing astrology as well, we also begin to wonder the deeper meaning that is beyond what we can tangibly see.
some astrologers can say that it's the power of the .... in the 6th house and their 8th house has been activated, or a palmist can say, there's this line across your hand that indicates difficulty. even if we do and can navigate our lives, what if we can also navigate the path for our children and children's children? they still make their decisions/choices but they wouldn't be chosen to be victimized even as they're just innocently walking home from school. i guess i look too much into the future in that kind of way

so yeah i've been pondering why some want to explore outside of their vows. so your exposure helps me try to understand why some families i know, actually have marriages like yours. you're not alone. they're everywhere. not just marriages but in couples who are together, just living together, or just dating.

your exploratory behaviour is fine if you want an open relationship. even exploratory avenues have laws and restrictions. people have feelings and if you understand hurt and pain very much then you will very much understand those you care about as well.

heres the funny thing. my instinct was to be a part of their life. We were trying to legitimize a way into his life. that was instinctual for me. See you guys dont know that. i find it stifling to sneak around. its too suffocating. If that did not happen eventually i would not fight him i would merely express my previous suggestion. I dont talk to him but once a week. he wants me to text him often but i dont. i think she cheats on him also.
if i got divorsed it would not be for any other reason than being stifled either. i want to have a partner who understands all my needs and chooses to be realistic. Are you not aware that all men cheat At least most. his wife knows it, why is she still with him? Because he provides, he is a backbone and she loves him. I would out up with all that as well as long as i knew that at the end of the day my husband would come home to me. Thats all i care about. Simple. I need to know that even though he is cheating that i matter enough to tend to and this guy tends to her very much. its nice. i want to trust him.

You cannot ask more from a man and you know it. All these judgement calls are ridicoulous based on the fact that all this is true about most men. Now there are some that dont cheat but most, given the chance they do. once, twice, who cares. it happens. See its difficult to write and cover all the bases of this expanse situation. I feel sort of silly for justifying my actions. well i am silly we know. My husband is not exactly happy about this, he has dealt with this before we were married, i am causing him pain but think of how awful it is to sneak around. i cant do that. i just cant. thats not what im about. so let the chips fall where they may. in my opinion a real marraige is not a cell where you cant explore life outside. it is a place where it can be done together. it is a union and a companionship and just because you women plan on not taking care of yourselves as well as you could, and are terrified your husband will leave you or cheat on you doesnt mean that you can use your vows to stop him. Throw a contract in his face, a blessed sacrament. You can train a man but you cant take away his nature or anything else, he can subdue it if he chooses until all the sex and excitement have vanished, until he is a shell of a man. oh well. may providence help those who help themselves.

MeToo,
You are just afraid to live a different life. You are too accustomed to the familiar. Youll never venture. Your too afraid of what you might lose or maybe what you might gain. You need stability or your whole world will crumble.I think people like you are very sad. There are sooo many like you. You have to put me down to make yourself feel comforted. Dont you think that is what is truly sad?

you have nothing to back it up what you say about me, that im damaged and skewed and lost. What, because ive had a rough life? Because i choose to make my own rules and not live conventionally. Ive learned to see things in a different way. Different does not mean skewed. You cant possible be an aquarian. No freakin way! there aint no aquarian that thinks like you. Why does that even bother you? You have no idea what i will choose to do in the future or what courses i will take anyhow.

You say i need love. How the hell would you know that? Ive always had loving people around me. Who made you the authority on what love is? ive learned that love is letting go. its loving someone for what they are. Its acceptance and trust. What the hell do you make it out to be? You probably follow some code or have read a book about what it is. You speak so abstractly you make no good arguments as to why im this horrible person. you really are only making judgement calls. You say you are not but you are. You must feel threatened in some way. It just feels to me like you hate. So I find it hard to take anything you say seriously.

You talk as if you are perfect. A wellspring of accurate accessments. Its unreal. Here is my first accessment of you. Youre an icy cold reptile.

i get the feeling you've got some fixed signs in your chart, cyan.
there's a strong stubborn nature beneath you. not sure if it's in your mars/moon/rising.
also, upbringing and background really helps in shaping up a person's psyche and thoughts/feelings how he deals with others.
psychologically that is the basis/foundation of finding out a person's reasons for going the way they want or believe to go.

wow i looked back at your posts and you have a taurus moon.

no wonder i sensed a strong fixedity... it had to be somewhere in there. either mars/moon or some very strong placement.

anyway, sorry, i just was feeling pretty good that my instincts were allright. 🙂

"anyway, sorry, i just was feeling pretty good that my instincts were allright. LOL."
Yes im always a bit smug when that happens. Its fun.

That moon has been nothing but trouble for me. i have a Sag rising. I am at odds with my self less and less though.its only a 1 degrees into taurus which is probably worse, im on the cusp of Aries there.

Yes i worked it out for myself. And I have learned alot here. I should probably hide first post to spare myself the confusion it may bring to others. I certainly have a way of exposing my weaknesses. Bad habit. I find women in general despise that sort of weakness. That causes me not to trust women too much. Its sad. But hey! i was on an Aquarian forum. i did not expect what i got. i trust Aquas with the big stuff in life. They way they see the world is beautiful to me. And the crazy ideas are hours of fun. No other sign approaches that excitement level for me. Saggs are pretty cool and open minded.


"So I wasn't assessing you as fact just taking what I read and forming my OPINON. I love when people put their stories out there for feedback and then when you give your HONEST feedback they freak out."

MeToo, I did not freak out, i retaliated. I gave you my HONEST OPINION of you and your OPINIONS. It kind of felt like bullying, your tone. I like your directness though. I respect that you speak your mind because so few people take any kind of stand. I agreed with some of what you said. You might want to be less myopic in your assessments of others tho.

Posted by aquansidenout
The taurus moons I know will cheat cheat cheat and come right back home to the one they love like nothing happened because it's easier from them to detach from emotions than others. That is a very scary and risky thing to do. I have no opinion about your situation other than to be careful.

Hey Good observation. I can see that. i always wondered how on earth i have managed to learn the detachment i have learned. I used to be an emotional wreck, now i can almost always be a bit too cool. That is about the time my Aqua became alot more interested in me. Im serious. But that detachment is also scary to me because you have to kill the emotions, but I did it for my survival on a general level. I agree it can be dangerous. Ill make sure to keep that out of the picture. Honesty with others usually removes the need for such devices.

MeToo you gave some good advice before you got all personal. i went back through somethings. My aqua seems pretty attached to me. I think its because his Venus is in Pisces which he like to kid a lot about ( : My aqua got a bit attached. i never thought it was possible in my wildest dreams. He isnt clingy though of course.

well i dont know about the new guy. i do know he had military training on how to turn ON and OFF, im sure its hard wired in him how to detach. Be good to have a talk with him about that. But im hoping that for the both of us it is more a matter of experiment in surrendering guards then it is detachments. I could not be with anyone who sees it that way. i can sense it eventually. I believe in commitment i just dont believe in never more exploring when all parties are privy.