aquarius female cheating signs?

Hi,

I'm a pisces male who has been in a relationship with an aquarius female for almost a year now. When we first got together we were inseperable and fell completely in love with each other and we've always felt a strong passion.

Around November/December I had started to take the Aqua female for granted and this eventually led to her telling me that I wasn't giving enough commitment and that she didn't love me as much as she used to. We broke up for a week. I explained what I did wrong, a week later she wants to get back together. Over the 2 months since it happened we've really improved, but she still doesn't show as much affection as she used to (common aqua trait I know).

Now in the last couple of weeks, she told me she heard how her ex-boyfriend from around 5 years ago was back in the area, and was looking for her in the bar she works in. He'd really messed her around when they were together and her words were to me "the last person I want to see is him. Actually, no, I've always said if I see him again I would kick him in the balls". I told her that she doesn't have to serve him at the bar if he comes in and to ignore him.
However, they add each other as friends on facebook, and start sending messages to each other the usual "how are you, what are you up to these days?". No flirting at all, just being straightforward with each other.
She left herself logged in on my laptop once when I thought it was my own account. I went straight to the Inbox when I saw new messages. They were from his guy and I saw they had continued to talk and explained what they've been doing since. They exchanged msn addresses and in a new message he said to her "by the way, do you fancy doing that thing next week?".
To which she replied "yeh sure, I can to Monday, Tues, Wed?".

This rang alarm bells because she has not mentioned anything to me about meeting up with him. Yet she's the kind of person who tells me everything that goes on in her day.
And previous to this... last week when we were in bed she said to me out of the blue "I feel the same way about you as I did all those months ago. I love being with you. You make me so happy. I just think we're getting on so much better".

In the last couple of weeks she's started showing a little more affection for me. But now I've seen the messages, it makes me wonder what's ACTUALLY going on, cos none of it makes any sense.

First off, Aquas love REALLY hard. And whenever they are involved in a relationship that ended b/c of someone else's bull, it becomes very hard for them to move on emotionally. They are just like anyone else & just like some women in general: they move on & get into other relationships hoping that the next person will remove all of the hurt, pain & insecurities that the last guy caused, but in reality, the first minute that old flame pops back up again, he has her by the emotions. If she had've let this guy go (in terms of emotions) then he would have no power over her when he entered back into her life. That's the one thing about Aquas; when they love you, they won't let you go no matter who tries to deter or stop them. But when they've emotionally left you & all that you represent, it's over & there is no turning back, no matter how bad it hurts. The very fact that this guy was able to so EASILY snake his way back into her life to the point where she's risking losing the trust you have with her, should be your answer to your own question that this guy still has emotional power & control over her. And when that happens, there is nothing you can do. She's already said it (so you don't have to remind her of what already came out of her mouth) that she hated him & that she'd cringe if she saw him. Well guess what? She didn't & I know it sucks that she's all of the sudden become silly putty in some other man's arms when obviously when he had his chance with her, he screwed it up. So, believe what your heart & intuition is telling you.

Of course she's hiding it from you. She's probably embarrassed, herself that she's allowing her emotions to overrule the good relationship she's built with you. I think you already know the answer to your own question. What you have to do now (from here on out) is very crucial. If you confront her & start putting her down & keep repeating the ugly words she said about him before, it'll only push her further away into his arms. Sometimes with Aqua women, it's not that their new relationship is not fulfilling enough as to why they can't leave their ex's alone. They simply hate to lose & sometimes have to get one more shot at being with or sneaking away with what they thought was their other half, sometimes just for the sake of reconfirming to themselves that they made the right decision by moving on. Sure, it's wrong that she might be testing this whole thing out w/ him just to see if those "sparks" are still there.

You saw the messages loud & clear. She is obviously trying to hide the fact that she & him are communicating to the extent that they are, which lets you know that she felt (in the moment) that betraying you behind your back like that was worth it. This girl is still emotionally attached (even if just 1% ) to this other guy & that explains why she's being overly affectionate with you. Usually an Aqua detaches (when it comes to physical affection) b/c she feels that the relationship is lacking something. And the minute she out of the blue & suddenly & randomly started to be almost over-affectionate with you, that means that she's doing it b/c this "old flame" came back & is temporarily serving the title of that "void-filler" that she was probably needing before he even came back into the picture. Is there a guarantee that this guy will end up being "Mr. Right NOW?" Sure, but in her mind, she's willing to see where things take her b/c as an Aqua, (and even if she knows she has everything to lose) she'll always take advantage of a situation where the guy that left her high & dry comes back, b/c it's a mental thing. When he came back into her life, she saw it as an opportunity to have some sort of power over the guy that she probably thought she'd never get to chase after her again. Now that he's chasing after her, she's basking in the moment (even though it's messed up that she's doing this at your expense).

But the good thing is, Aquas may get dazed & run back to an old flame in the beginning, but one thing I can say is that they NEVER forget where they came from. She will never forget why she had to move on to better things in the first place. And one day (it may take for him to lie to or hurt her again) she will wake up & remember that he doesn't deserve another chance, especially since he already screwed up his chance when he did have open access to her. I'm telling you now, she's going to hang out with him & she's going to see if there's anything left. Trying to stop her will only make her want to go more. Trying to prevent them from hanging out will be pointless b/c remember, she already made the mental decision to tell him that she would (taking the risk that you'd find out)

You know this other guy is probably no good so of course I can understand if you just want to knock some sense into her. But remember, you're all about her & you're committed to her emotionally, while things might not be the exact same on the other end, so just remember that she might not see things the same way you do until she's left with no choice but to. She doesn't even realize that she's playing with fire, & the reason she doesn't is b/c the person who has control over an Aqua's emotions like that has alotttt of power (more power than they realize). Half of the reason this guy came back so quickly & so easily swept her off her feet (enough to make her betray you behind your back) is b/c somewhere a long the line she gave him the impression that he could.

So this all comes down to whether or not you want to continue to commit to someone who may not be as emotionally available to you the way you thought she was. It's not that all Aqua women are cheaters. It's just that most Aqua women don't deny their feelings for the person they are really emotionally attached to the most. She's being overly affectionate with you b/c she convinced herself that if she did this you would have no doubts or suspicions about the dirty decision(s) she is about to make. She showers you with affection all of the sudden b/c that's her heart's way of admitting guilt. You can either sit back & watch her fall into the enemy's arms or you can leave her alone & tell her to come back when she's ready for a NEW car, not an old one. But trying to prevent her from something that is emotionally demanding & calling to her will be a waste of your time. Good luck. I think you need to make a decision.

Don't sit & wait for yourself to find more damning evidence. It shouldn't take for you to physically walk in on her & the guy having sex before you realize the point that she was more emotionally unavailable than you thought. It is what it is. Suck it up, listen to that sweet little intuition that was built into you for a reason & never question what your own heart & eyes are telling & showing you, especially since no one else would do that for you (and truthfully, you shouldn't want them too).

Let her know now that you know what's up & that you will walk away from the commitment just as easily as she's about to if she makes the choice of letting this other guy come back into her life. If she felt that her hanging out with him or meeting up with him was innocent & couldn't potentially hurt the relationship, she wouldn't have to lie about it or hide it. We only hide things we don't want others to see for a reason. She's an adult & you have to assume that she knows exactly what she's getting herself into. Let her show you that she's strong enough & is woman enough to let the past go. If she can't, then you might be in the wrong relationship b/c you'll always have to deal with this again in the future if another "old flame" comes along. Take action now. Don't give in & don't let her play reverse psychology on you b/c Aquas love to do that when they are about to or are caught up. Do to her & walk away from her as use your actions as a way of being a role model & showing her what you wish she had the balls to do with him. If not, you'll always have this problem. Relationships aren't worth having if the only time you can trust her is when no one else is around. It's going to start getting real old if you don't take action now

Thanks for the responses.

I'll say it now that, I REALLY don't want to lose this girl, given what we have together. I always thought that she has too much pride in herself to take someone like him back.
However... earlier she wrote on my facebook wall from where she works and text me to read it. When I was replying to it on her wall, I noticed that this guy had commented on her most recent status where she said she was having a quiet night at the bar she works at. He said "are you not going out then?".

So when it came to replying to the text she had just sent me, I said "I've replied to your post. By the way, isn't that *insert name* guy the one who used to mess you around?"
20 mins later she text me to say that in regard to what he said; a friend of hers (a guy who knows her ex) had asked her to go out into town tonight with everyone and she said no as she had work. She said that these two guys had fallen out and that they must be talking now as the ex found out she didn't go out. And in her words at the end of the text. "Like I'd wanna spend an evening with someone who abandoned me! He's such a dickhead. I get angry! x"

But also.. yes, given the cirucmstances it's right to walk away. But she's not going to want to come back to a guy (me) who has been reading her facebook private messages. Aqua's hate possessiveness etc That's how she will see it, and I have no chance of her coming back apologising.
Basically.. I can't walk away without telling her how I actually found out.

also I should add... the messages I saw between them in her Inbox weren't flirting at all. It was just general friendly chat.

Seafood you are spot on.

You can't leave her without saying that you read her messages. You were tempted to read them and you did. I guess sometimes not knowing these things is the best way to be, and like you said these messages were not flirting or anything so did you need to read them in the end? I don't think so.

There is a saying of whatever will be will be. As mentioned above if she does get back with this guy and he hurts again then she'll see just how good you were to her. She will come back to you probably or certainly let you know that she made a mistake. Nobody is perfect but I'm sure that your relationship is going strong enough where as this previous flame hasn't been around much. It's really up to you here - you can pretend you saw nothing (On Facebook) or let it out but that would mean her probably being incredibly annoyed that you read her private messages. Suddenly things will change from her being in the wrong to you being in the wrong.

I think social networking sites in general are really bad for people in relationships. You will start to read your partners wall or posts and you will become jealous/possessive. Trust me. I know someone who did and basically let his girlfriend know (she's now his ex by the way).

I confronted her about it.
I asked her "Why are you arranging to meet *insert name* and not tell me about it?"
She said "I'm not meeting him. He thinks I am, but I'm not".
"So why haven't you told me about it?"
She said "Because I didn't want you to get angry or to upset you".
I said if she had been straightforward and honest with me, I wouldn't be as angry. She apologised and had said to me that talking to him had made her realise how important I am to her. She said he does coke, has no car and works in a sports shop and why would she want to get involved with him.
She said she only added him to see what he was up to, that she hasn't met him since he was back in town and that she doesn't intend to meet him.

All of this she told me looking me straight in the eye.

Posted by Aquaguy7

There is a saying of whatever will be will be. As mentioned above if she does get back with this guy and he hurts again then she'll see just how good you were to her. She will come back to you probably or certainly let you know that she made a mistake. Nobody is perfect but I'm sure that your relationship is going strong enough where as this previous flame hasn't been around much.

It was around 4 or 5 years ago, he was cheating on her and it was one of his friends who informed her what was happening. When she confronted him about it, he spilt the beans and she's hated him ever since. He went into the army, came back, split up with the same girl and is back in town.