Aquarius man trouble

Hi all. I'm posting this for my virgo best friend.

My virgo friend has been with her aquarius boyfriend for 2 years. I met them both in Feb 2007, soon after they moved to my state. Their family and friends are back in the east coast so I was one of the first people that they met out here.

From what she says, they've been pretty much inseparable since they met and started dating. When they moved out here, they didn't know anybody so it was just the two of them spending time together when they weren't working. Now they've been making friends out here, they go out together with friends both together and separate, but things have changed.

The aquarius is very good-looking, charismatic, friendly and flirtatious (harmlessly flirts with everyone...man or woman). He's very comfortable with his feminine side too, so he feels at ease with being in a non-sexual relationship with women and being "one of the girls".

He is a yoga instructor who worked alongside two attractive female yoga instructors. One is single and the other going through a divorce. My virgo friend, the aquarius, the two women and others would get together and hang out on occasion.

The virgo and the aquarius had a great relationship and to me, it was obvious that he loves her. Her only beef with him all along was that he doesn't really pull his weight financially and she was basically supporting them. She lived with this because he was still attentive and loving.

The problems arose when the yoga studio shut down two months ago and the aquarius was without a job. The aquarius started to hang out with the two women a little more, while my friend was working, and now she says they hang out a lot more. When she joins them now, she says it's starting to feel like she's the odd one out. I told her not to worry at first because we know how easily he can be friends with females. After awhile, she told him that she was feeling a bit left out and he assured her that he loved her and wanted things to work. She thought he'd meet her halfway but when things didn't get better, she came to him yet again.

Now he is with these girls every single day, sometimes with them all day long and coming home late at night. Some days he'll just hang with one or the other, some days with both. My virgo friend barely sees him now. He told her the other day that he feels very disconnected from himself lately, like he is just watching his life as if it were a movie.

What is going on?

To add just a bit more detail, my virgo friend is very attractive herself. Also the aquarius does invite her to come hang out with them on occasion.

Tonight, he called her to tell her that he was coming home to spend time with her. Later he called her to say he decided to go out with these girls to a bar tonight and invited virgo to come along. Virgo said no because she has Xmas gifts to wrap. He tried to talk her into coming along but in the end, opted to go out with the girls anyway. Virgo is disappointed that he didn't come home instead.

The first time she came to me about this, I told her she should talk to him about her feelings but at that time, it wasn't too bad. He and those girls were just going out once a week. I asked her if she felt any weird vibes from the girls and she said no, just that she found left out and that he seemed happier when he was with them. I told her to just tell him how all this was making her feel. When she did, he said he wanted things to work between them. Two weeks later she had to have another talk with him. Two weeks later (now), she is thinking she needs to move out. She loves him and is hesistant to do so. Their families are about to meet each other for the first time for Xmas and also, if she were to leave, they'd have to break their lease, something which neither can afford to do.

I really don't get the feeling he's having sex with either of these girls. He's just a straight man capable of being one of the girls. He and I went make-up shopping once so I know this. I think there is a level of intimacy there which I would not feel comfortable with. I was thinking maybe he's just depressed about being unemployed and his friends are making him feel better. Or maybe he just wants to be single again now that those two girls are newly single. We dunno.

My aqua boyfriend has many platonic female friends and i have to say i was a little uncomfortable with this at first however as time has gone on i am perfectly ok with it.I have a male aqua friend who i work with and i chatted with him in the early days of my relationship and he told me that Aquarians don't see the sex of a person when it comes to friends, they are just friends and thats all they see.I read this somewhere too. My Aqua boyfriend is friends with a few of his exes aswell and i told him once that i was unsure that he still has feelings for them and thats why he wanted to stay in touch with them. He said " i do but care for them more as friends than as "exes " and his reply was "Its nothing like the feelings i have for you, you're my Girlfriend !!. He was quite put out that i could think that.Dont forget these guys just like to be everyones friend and don't see that sometimes not everyone sees it that way too!!.

Having said that i wouldn't be happy with your friends situation at all, seems she is not much of a priority in his life.These Aqua guys will get away with murder if you let them ...he needs a kick up the backside me thinks !!!

I think she should take him at his word. Seems like most Aquarians don't lie. They tell you how it is. Also, she needs to remember how important friends are to the Aquarian. Seems like I always see my guy with friends, and when he's not, he's lonely.

I have many platonic friends of the opposite sex -- my Gem rising plays into this. Yes, I'm aware that they're men, and some harmless flirting goes on, but they have their girlfriends, and I have my boyfriend, so that's where it ends.

I think your Virg friend should also remember how vulnerable men feel when they are without a job. I'm sure her Aqua boyfriend is very aware he's not pulling his weight financially, and maybe hanging out with his former work buddies is a way to disengage from his own feelings of being inadequate.

Also, it's highly unlikely they would get up to any monkey business seeing as there are two girls and one guy. LOL, I may be opening myself up for jokes here -- but, getting real, most people don't generally participate in three-ways.

"Many females (rampant on this board) get fooled into thinking they are "going with the flow" when actually they are "getting swept away with the tide".

I agree with you, unusualcancer. I struggle with this too. We women are told to give our guys plenty of space, hold back on expressing emotions and feelings with them, etc. out of fear of driving them away and instead, we get taken for granted. I have to admit that I told my friend to just go with the flow at first and to approach the subject gently with him. I thought it would help but apparently it hasn't. He is with these girls more than ever.

A little more background info on the aqua...He is 25 yrs old. He is also the lead singer in a local punk band. He tends to date older women and has been supported by some in the past. Going make-up shopping is not unusual for him since he wears it sometimes. As for him being "just one of the girls", he does it easily but is completely straight. He himself jokes that he is "the gayest straight man on the planet". It certainly works for him though...the girls flock to him like bees on honey. The first time I met him, he flirted with me and I was taken aback by it at first because he did it right in front of the virgo. She seemed not to mind and as I got to know him, I realized that this is just how he is and it doesn't mean anything to him. Virgo says it bothered her when she was getting to know him but she's seen him flirt with women, men, waiters, waitresses...probably plants and animals too. lol.

I just suggested to virgo last night before i posted this that maybe she should move out and let the two women support him until they get tired of each other too, but I wanted to make sure that I was giving her the right advice. If his behavior is just something like him reacting to being depressed about not providing and he is not cheating, then maybe this is something they can work through together. However, you are probably right in thinking that he's probably not pounding the pavement looking for a job. I see this as turning into something unhealthy for my virgo friend if things don't change.