Beyond frustrated and need an Aquarian perspective

Dear Ones,

I am a veteran of this site but have been away for a while.

I am a Pisces female with a Sagg rising and moon. The Sagg makes me quite outgoing, fun loving, and all-embracing. We love to be adventurous and make friends easily.

It's been on a bumpy ride with an Aquarian male (Aries Moon, Pisces Venus). We started dating in Jan of this year, after a very passionate beginning, he disappeared for 3 months in early Feb because of something I said. He made an attempt to reunite with me in late-April which I didn't not immediately embrace. Then, another half-hearted attempt in May which I sheepishly opened myself up to for consideration. Once we cleared the air things were better between us. He accused me of being possessive in the beginning, which I don't think I was. I told him he should've have been up front to begin with. During that conversation he timidly, and under his breath admitted he loved me.

He's not married but has twins with the woman he dated before me. Work and shared parental responsibilities keep him thoroughly engaged. For the most part, I was OK with it. I like my independence, and am not looking to marry until the time is right. If it never comes, I am OK with that too; you don't have to be married to be in a serious relationship.

Things were going along fine for the summer until he accepted a new job. I didn't see him for 7 weeks and began to grow suspicious. This new job means being away for 3 months to learn the business and then return in Dec/Jan. OK, I get that, but he never mentioned any time for us. We had a blow-up, then it was the "...let's be friends" scenario, and then it seemed as if things we're back on track but still no face-to-face time. Bottom line, I got fed up - I told him I could start over or move on, but I needed some indication from him on where things stood.

We finally met, the conversation was light-hearted and extremely superficial. When I asked him about us and his response was - "I can't commit. It's not someone else, I just have too much going with work and kids." I could sense panic and fear in his voice. I said "fine", and walked away without looking back.

However, I caught him in a lie, I texted him about it later in the evening, and told that I was deeply disappointed in him.

Where to next? I need to be finished with this but others tell me to be patient with him.

Catfish

He said he was still working at his old job when he wasn't.

"...let's be friends"

"I told him I could start over or move on, but I needed some indication from him on where things stood."

"I can't commit. It's not someone else, I just have too much going with work and kids."

"fine"

It took him a while, but he told you where you both stand. He's committed to his kids and has no to time to go out and have fun. You have accepted that he has more important things to be worried about.

"He's not married but has twins with the woman he dated before me. Work and shared parental responsibilities keep him thoroughly engaged. For the most part, I was OK with it. I like my independence, and am not looking to marry until the time is right. If it never comes, I am OK with that too; you don't have to be married to be in a serious relationship."

He told you he loved you and he probably meant it. The problem was the bond you two supposedly shared. He already has a bond with his kids, a real one. I'm not sure about the woman he dated. She's taking care of those kids, right? That's a lot of "baggage" to deal with.

I'm not sure what your "role" was here. From what you posted, I'm guessing you just went with the flow? If that's so, then I see why this relationship was so one sided. He can't just free himself from his responsibilities just to have fun with you. And you weren't that person he could have shared his problems with. So what he did was to take charge and decide what your "role" was for you. You were someone he could have fun with, but nothing more than that. However that didn't work well for you. He had to take his life more seriously, which meant less time to spend with you.

After you let him know how frustrated you were he was forced to make the final decision to let you go. His fear was because he didn't know what your reaction was going to be. I would be scared shitless too!

There's no point in being patient when there's nothing to be patient for. This is your chance to walk away from this drama. Move on.

Seems like too difficult of a relationship. Relationships should be easy, relaxed and fun! Not saying you shouldn't work at it, but it shouldn't be this difficult.

At least he was honest with you! He can't commit to you like you want him to. He likes you, but he loves his kids. They come first, as they should. Work is right up there on the priority list as well, as it should be. Just not enough time and energy left over. If he loved you, he would make a better effort toward you.

Embrace the opportunity to find someone else that is more align to what you want. Someone who can give you more. You'll be much happier.

People make time for whats important to them. If he cant balance kids and a job now he never will. He doesnt have the kids full time im assuming, so im not sure what his excuse is. It sounds to me like hes not ready to change his life in any way. I think the kids and job are an excuse. He likes where he is at.

you're right coldwater.

From my Aquarian experience [i ran into 3 this year] && I'm virgo...

The only reason he broke up with yu is because yu put him in a position to make a decision rite here rite now; yu pretty much put him on the spot this is the panic yu heard in his voice. They live in their heads so they constantly think about their situation and ways to improve it and blah, blah, blah...And wen yu constantly think about something yu make the situation ALOT worse than it really is [trust me Virgos do it too] that's probably why he's acting lik this new job & twins situation +plus your relationship is too much too handle. If this is the ONLY reason yu too broke up then he's coming back he jus has to remember/realize the position yu play in his life and that he can def juggle a job, kids, and a gf.

Until the Aquaman takes the blinders off, study aquarius man [like I did] so yu can understand the sign that has problems explaining themselves *emotionally. You'll understand that these disappearing acts are his ways of dealing with/ analyzing his feelings as well as other situation instead of thinking everything corresponds to something you did. Also, find SEVERAL hobbies to occupy your mind because it'll help yu deal with the breakup as well as giving him a chance to pull the "disappearing act" without it being an issue.

They don't lik being "controlled" but they love "dominate" women which is a little confusing because in my book they're damn near the same thing but find some balance in dominating in a non controlling way. Make the relationship go the way yu want WITHOUT puttin pressure on him. [pressure makes them run away]. Example: instead of saying, "Hey baby do yu want to go to the movies nxt week?" Which puts him in a position to make a choice, 'randomly' say," yu kno wat, get dressed and let's go to the movies it's a new one out I wanna see..." That way it's no pressure on him to make a decision, but he's still choosing to do wat yu wan him to do.


I'm having my own Aquarian issues so hopefully we can help each other out 😉 lol
Hope I helped yu out,
Jasmine

From my Aquarian experience [i ran into 3 this year] && I'm virgo...

The only reason he broke up with yu is because yu put him in a position to make a decision rite here rite now; yu pretty much put him on the spot this is the panic yu heard in his voice. They live in their heads so they constantly think about their situation and ways to improve it and blah, blah, blah...And wen yu constantly think about something yu make the situation ALOT worse than it really is [trust me Virgos do it too] that's probably why he's acting lik this new job & twins situation +plus your relationship is too much too handle. If this is the ONLY reason yu too broke up then he's coming back he jus has to remember/realize the position yu play in his life and that he can def juggle a job, kids, and a gf.

Until the Aquaman takes the blinders off, study aquarius man [like I did] so yu can understand the sign that has problems explaining themselves *emotionally. You'll understand that these disappearing acts are his ways of dealing with/ analyzing his feelings as well as other situation instead of thinking everything corresponds to something you did. Also, find SEVERAL hobbies to occupy your mind because it'll help yu deal with the breakup as well as giving him a chance to pull the "disappearing act" without it being an issue.

They don't lik being "controlled" but they love "dominate" women which is a little confusing because in my book they're damn near the same thing but find some balance in dominating in a non controlling way. Make the relationship go the way yu want WITHOUT puttin pressure on him. [pressure makes them run away]. Example: instead of saying, "Hey baby do yu want to go to the movies nxt week?" Which puts him in a position to make a choice, 'randomly' say," yu kno wat, get dressed and let's go to the movies it's a new one out I wanna see..." That way it's no pressure on him to make a decision, but he's still choosing to do wat yu wan him to do.


I'm having my own Aquarian issues so hopefully we can help each other out 😉 lol
Hope I helped yu out,
Jasmine

From my Aquarian experience [i ran into 3 this year] && I'm virgo...

The only reason he broke up with yu is because yu put him in a position to make a decision rite here rite now; yu pretty much put him on the spot this is the panic yu heard in his voice. They live in their heads so they constantly think about their situation and ways to improve it and blah, blah, blah...And wen yu constantly think about something yu make the situation ALOT worse than it really is [trust me Virgos do it too] that's probably why he's acting lik this new job & twins situation +plus your relationship is too much too handle. If this is the ONLY reason yu too broke up then he's coming back he jus has to remember/realize the position yu play in his life and that he can def juggle a job, kids, and a gf.

Until the Aquaman takes the blinders off, study aquarius man [like I did] so yu can understand the sign that has problems explaining themselves *emotionally. You'll understand that these disappearing acts are his ways of dealing with/ analyzing his feelings as well as other situation instead of thinking everything corresponds to something you did. Also, find SEVERAL hobbies to occupy your mind because it'll help yu deal with the breakup as well as giving him a chance to pull the "disappearing act" without it being an issue.

They don't lik being "controlled" but they love "dominate" women which is a little confusing because in my book they're damn near the same thing but find some balance in dominating in a non controlling way. Make the relationship go the way yu want WITHOUT puttin pressure on him. [pressure makes them run away]. Example: instead of saying, "Hey baby do yu want to go to the movies nxt week?" Which puts him in a position to make a choice, 'randomly' say," yu kno wat, get dressed and let's go to the movies it's a new one out I wanna see..." That way it's no pressure on him to make a decision, but he's still choosing to do wat yu wan him to do.


I'm having my own Aquarian issues so hopefully we can help each other out 😉 lol
Hope I helped yu out,
Jasmine

From my Aquarian experience [i ran into 3 this year] && I'm virgo...

The only reason he broke up with yu is because yu put him in a position to make a decision rite here rite now; yu pretty much put him on the spot this is the panic yu heard in his voice. They live in their heads so they constantly think about their situation and ways to improve it and blah, blah, blah...And wen yu constantly think about something yu make the situation ALOT worse than it really is [trust me Virgos do it too] that's probably why he's acting lik this new job & twins situation +plus your relationship is too much too handle. If this is the ONLY reason yu too broke up then he's coming back he jus has to remember/realize the position yu play in his life and that he can def juggle a job, kids, and a gf.

Until the Aquaman takes the blinders off, study aquarius man [like I did] so yu can understand the sign that has problems explaining themselves *emotionally. You'll understand that these disappearing acts are his ways of dealing with/ analyzing his feelings as well as other situation instead of thinking everything corresponds to something you did. Also, find SEVERAL hobbies to occupy your mind because it'll help yu deal with the breakup as well as giving him a chance to pull the "disappearing act" without it being an issue.

They don't lik being "controlled" but they love "dominate" women which is a little confusing because in my book they're damn near the same thing but find some balance in dominating in a non controlling way. Make the relationship go the way yu want WITHOUT puttin pressure on him. [pressure makes them run away]. Example: instead of saying, "Hey baby do yu want to go to the movies nxt week?" Which puts him in a position to make a choice, 'randomly' say," yu kno wat, get dressed and let's go to the movies it's a new one out I wanna see..." That way it's no pressure on him to make a decision, but he's still choosing to do wat yu wan him to do.


I'm having my own Aquarian issues so hopefully we can help each other out 😉 lol
Hope I helped yu out,
Jasmine

JSA,

Thank you for your insights.

Yes, much of what you say is very true. He did this to me before when he disappeared for three months then turned up again like nothing happened. He started reminiscing and getting that "remember when" dreamy look in his eyes. I just stared at him, emotionless, and said "I haven't heard from you in three months". He buggered off and went to talk to our mutual friend who works as a chef in the place we met.

Sometimes he's quite expressive, honest with his feelings, and open. Then other times he can barely string a group of cohesive words together; then I find myself going back only to have him slowly explain once again. I am not dense, he gets overly excited and is reliving the entire experience but failing to clue me from time to time.

He's not good with pressure at all, but he thrives on anxiety - one of the many contradictions inherent in their unpredictable nature.

I haven't contacted him in three weeks and no word from him either.

I'll be happy to message back and forth off-line to compare notes.

Thank you. It was helpful to get your feedback.

Catfish36

Catfish-read my post about my Aqua. I didn't hear from him in a year and then WHAM, there he is trying to contact me! To be with an Aqua you need an extreme amount of patience. Trust me, it is not easy. It took me a very long time to gain some, but in the end it is your choice on whether you want to stay on the ride or get off.

I like your point on "He's not good with pressure at all, but he thrives on anxiety - one of the many contradictions inherent in their unpredictable nature." I find this to be very realistic and true as well to their nature.

Good luck! 🙂