Fighting with Aquarian

So my ex Aquarian is really puzzling me with his behavior. We got into a very nasty argument about a month ago about something very serious and broke up. We said a lot of very mean things to each other, the kind of things that you don't want to see that person ever again after that. Well, he just came back from his Vegas trip and now he's harassing me over the email. He sends me these random messages about his life. Quite honestly I don't want to hear from him ever again, because every time I get those messages the wound opens up again. I just want to be left alone, which I told him numerous times. Is this his way of getting back at me?
What is his thought process here? I don't get it.

without going into detail, what's the context of the emails? you said they were about his life. life in what terms? is he talking about how things are good/bad? is he talking about plans for the future/regrets from his past? are the emails upbeat or negative?

The emails are very upbeat with lots of smiley faces and lols which seems pretty fake to me after all of the hateful stuff that went down between us. It's random stuff like of here is a picture of my cat, here are some pictures from New Years of 2 of us, I won the tennis pool. Random stuff that I really don't need to know about since I am not his girlfriend anymore and not even his friend....

I'm not gonna def. say its an Aqua thing, as I've only had one similar experience with an Aqua guy (hardly enough to draw that kind of conclusion), but anyway...same thing...when we had nasty fights, he would always come back around as if nothing had happened...acting like shit was sweet, just as you described he is in the emails.


Either way, if you seriously don't want to talk to him again, just ignore the emails. Don't even bother responding, even just to tell him you're not interested. Complete silence says more than any words can.

my aqua-ex does this going on 7 years after the break-up. it used to bother the hell out of me. why the heck are you calling me? do i care that you're buying a house, got a new job, moving, going overseas...? i mean, why are you telling me...especially given the fact i haven't heard from you for a few weeks. why call now? what am i to do with that info?

i don't know why aquas do this. i only asked if it were positive/negative to say that the positive emails/contacts are typical. now WHY they do it, i dunno. maybe because they don't want the friendship to end? i think a loss of friendship is a bit of a blow to an aqua. losing the relationship is one thing but the friendship is another story.

ultimately, if you want to know why, ask him. if you're done, then change your email or block him. but if you're getting on here asking a question about it, even if you're sure you don't want to be back with him, maybe you guys need a cleaner break. i mean, no relationship should end that way. maybe he needs closure and maybe it'd be a good thing for you too?

Thanks guys! Well cleaner break up would be nice, but every time we would get on the phone to talk about it, we both would end up screaming our heads off at each other - not good! So I decided to drop it and disappear I guess he was not comfortable with that idea. I just felt like he was doing it in spite because it really gets me mad every time I hear from him, but maybe you tubby are right and he just wants to remain a friend.
Being friends is definitely not on my mind, so I'll just keep ignoring as per your suggestion MsPisces.

gizmo, what's your sign?

temper issues...some people can set you off but better to fix it with someone you don't care about than to have it happen again with someone that you do.

on a side note, i pull a muscle in my back yesterday at the gym and today i'm going stir crazy. THIS SUCKS!

Oh no! I'm sorry about your muscle! Try Ice Hot, it helps a lot!

I'm a Gemini sun, Scorpio moon. Temper issues is something that I've known to have for a while. However, temper or no temper, this aqua did me very wrong, so he should just walk away. I feel like he's torturing me with him constantly popping up somewhere.

do you feel like he's stalking you? is he/has he ever been the creepy/scary type?

Nothing really creepy, but I always felt that if he ever gets mad he could get physical with me. That of course never happened, but that's the one bad vibe that I got from him. IDK he just irritates me.

I just don't get how after what happened and what he did to me and what I said to him, he still wants to keep in touch? I guess it's an Aqua way. My way is to burn bridges and move on...

here's the deal for me...

are you really over him?

if you were, you wouldn't be trying to understand him right?

and if you're not, this is a good exercise in "how to talk to people you hate."

it's a lesson that can be used in all facets of life...from boyfriends, to bosses, to complete strangers...

Hey, sometimes an Aquarian comes back only b/c they like taking out their own trash. He might be done with you too, BUT since you're the one whose making it so that he's the one at home regretting everything, he might be trying to come back just for the sake of waiting until he finally gets his chance to take control, & be the one to walk away, leaving you high & dry. It could be a pride thing. Aquas, especially when we feel we've been betrayed, like to use our mouths as our weapons, then walk away leaving people high & dry, regretful for ticking us off so much, etc. We like to be the ones to be content with not ever talking to that person again. And so far, it seems like you are the one that has all the control. Sounds like this guy is possibly regretting what's happend b/w you two. And hey, I agree that you should stop all communication with him, especially since rekindling contact opens up the same ole wounds every time. At this point, he's probably just not content with losing you yet on your own terms. Sometimes even if an Aqua wants to be done with someone, they still like to be the one holding the remote control. They like to be the ones to walk away, leaving the other person with their jaw wide open. We may be emotionally done with you BUT yet we still may not be content with the separation if it wasn't on our terms or on our time. Not to say that he doesn't care a lick about you, but it's possible that the only reason he's trying to wiggle his way back in is b/c he plans on pissing you off yet again, only to next time make sure that you are the one thinking about him & yearning for him all day. If he's able to get the tables to turn, he'll be able to deal with losing you alot easier & his stubborness alone would finally give him the same "leave me alone" attitude that you have towards him right now. Either way, do what's best for you. If you are really done with him, then his intentions or wishy-washy behavior right now shouldn't matter. Do you. He'll figure it out. Show him better than you can tell him that you're done. Don't respond to his emails. Just delete them like you would regular spam. It'll kill him but eventually, he'll get the point

It only makes sense to go back to a person if what broke the relationship up changes or gets fixed. If every time you go back to him, you notice that the same ole crap keeps happening then that's your cue to move on. People don't change over night & Aquas can be very slow in finally figuring out that they pushed someone away or lost someone b/c of their own doing. This guy's intentions for writing to you all of the sudden probably have nothing to do with him trying to fix the problem (on his part) or clear the air up. If his intentions were good, you two wouldn't end up opening up the same wounds every time. Aquas are very good at mentally manipulating people strictly by just confusing them. Aquas are good at throwing people for a loop & catching others off guard. This alone is sometimes what draws a person back to an Aqua even after knowing that things won't change. Aquas can sometimes come back as if nothing happend, b/c what might deeply hurt you & be the deal breaker for you may be petty to him. To him, all this fighting may not be his deal breaker for him, thus that might explain why he feels the need to keep coming back. He's not done with you yet & b/c he's losing you before he's really ready, his pride alone is what is causing him to keep trying to come back into your life. BUT, you can only control & manage yourself. We can spend all day trying to analyze & figure this guy out, BUT it'd all be pointless considering the only person you should be worried about getting better is yourself. This guy may never change, he may never "get it." And going back to the same broken glass every time just for the sake of going back won't put the pieces back together. Instead of trying to showcase his pets to you, he needs to be spending time talking about the issues that you guys are actually having. Him hurting you like that, just to come back & show you a pic of his cat is almost a slap in the face, considering he must be that shallow that he figures a picture of an animal is the fix to the problems b/w you two. When Aquas do this, they are EXPECTING for the person to fall into their trap & come back (considering it's probably worked so many times w/o the person even realizing it). Don't be his puppet or his "thing" that he can get back even if he hasn't done a thing to earn it.

hmm....krys has a point. aquas never came across to me as the vindictive type but she would definitely know better than me.

for me personally, when i'm done, i'm done! i don't care why a person does this/that. if it's doesn't frighten me, if i don't feel threatened, they can email/call to their heart's content and i won't be phased.

the only time i continue to worry about my ex's on any level is when i have unfinished business. and maybe the unfinished biz is just to call them a jackass a few more times...

Posted by FeistyAquarian
I'm saying from my own personal experience that once I've figured things out for my own, I put things behind me and will resume contact with ex's/old friends/enemies, whoever. BUT that's mostly only if you actually meant anything to me, otherwise I have no problem leaving someone from the past in the past.
I've noticed this a lot with other Aquarians as well.

yeah, this is more along the lines of what i experienced with my aqua. he ahd one ex that he could hardly utter words too. she faked her death, her sister told him that the ex had committed suicide. do you think he went to the wake? he was broken up about it but not so much to pay his respects. years later, he was going to a bachelor party and guess who was on stage? the dead ex!!!!! guess she proved her point..."you wouldn't care if i was dead or alive."

so he had that extreme and then there's he and i. we're still good friends. we had a bitter break-up too and it was rocky afterward. i was pushing more for the friendship than he was in the beginning but when i let go, he started to do some pushing of his own. now we're in a good place and we're cool.

i think two people can hurt each other and still respect one another. if you two still respect one another, then maybe the romance won't be there but you could possible be good friends/associates some day. if not, stop worrying about why and just shut it down. he'll stop...eventually.

Yeah & then there's always that little question that we all have to ask ourselves, as to why our ex still wants to be friends with us after the break up anyways? Sometimes an ex could care less about downgrading to mere friendship. Sometimes they just want to come back b/c they don't feel strong enough to let go. Sometimes an Aqua ex will come back (even if they don't even want you anymore) just for the sake of having someone they can emotionally manipulate, get to and/or control, especially if it's always worked before. Sometimes an Aqua ex will come back b/c even though they don't want you, they wouldn't necessarily be content with someone else having you, thus which is why they try to maintain some level of emotional control/influence over you b/c having that control/influence naturally stauls another person from moving on. Sometimes an Aqua ex will try to come back once they've realized you've moved on, thus it's a way for them to be nosy & have the chance to manipulate you into believing that the "new flame" isn't any good either. Sometimes an Aqua will come back b/c they realized friendship was the farthest you should've ever gone, thus they feel that since the relationship didn't work out, the LEAST they can do is actually & for once be a real friend to you. There's always that little question of why someone REALLY wants to come back into your life? And since Aquas are so known for walking away & never turning back, alot of people automatically assume that the Aqua hasn't detached fully from the relationship yet b/c of love..but most of the time that's NOT the case, especially if the Aqua always starts the same ole crap as soon as they're let back in. Whether or not 2 people should be friends after the relationship depends more on the REAL reason & intention they want that friendship in the 1st place. It's very hard to downgrade to just friendship when all you've ever been used to with that person were the things way farther than friendship

Alot of people don't realize that once an Aqua is done with you & is ready to move on, they'll walk away & never turn back regardless of how much the other person kicks & screams. That's why it's VERY important to try to get to the bottom of why an Aqua can't walk away from the relationship in the 1st place. IF a person keeps letting an Aqua back into their life, assuming the Aqua is still staying around b/c of love, then they might be suprised when one day they look up & realize that their Aqua ran for the hills. And when this happens, the other person is always left stuck, regretful & wishing they had've cut the Aqua off a long time ago, especially had they known the Aqua was eventually going to run anyways. Like I said, sometimes an Aqua will come back enough times just for the sake of waiting until the right time when they're confident that they can leave that person high & dry (Aquas do this so that they don't ever have to be the person that got dumped or the one that got left high & dry). When you think about it, manipulating your way back in just to manipulate your way back out is pretty evil of us Aquas, but hey it happens. When the 1st break up happens, an Aqua will determine right then & there if they can see you in their future long term. The answer might be no, but that doesn't mean that they'll immediately walk away. They'll stay & make you think they're staying b/c they love you & b/c they want to be strong & "work things out" when REALLY they are staying at your expense, until they feel strong enough to leave. Sadly, the other person doesn't realize this until it's too late & until it hits them that wait a minute, their Aqua did all of that just to make a dramatic exit anyways!

@Scartooth..well the problem with trying to downgrade to friendship after a relationship has ended (whether on good terms or bad) isn't always possible, especially considering people nowadays aren't really establishing REAL friendships before the relationship. So many people rush OR call themselves someone's "friend" but yet do everything with that "friend" like they would with someone whose in a relationship. Thus, it's almost impossible to go back to something that never existed in the 1st place. Sure, we all know that morally we're supposed to thoroughly get to know someone 1st before jumping into a relationship with them, but let's just be honest..that doesn't happen as much anymore. Plus, so many people are getting into the relationships for all the WRONG reasons, thus it's no wonder things are completely confusing & unstable once the relationship actually ends. I think everything depends on why 2 people broke up in the 1st place. The things I won't tolerate from a boyfriend/partner are the same things I won't tolerate from a friend, like lying for example. So if my relationship ended b/c I found out that my partner was a liar (for example), there'd be NO use in trying to remain friends with him. Sure, we can strip the title of "relationship" away, BUT at the end of the day, I wouldn't necessarily want a friend who was a liar either no more than I'd want an actual boyfriend who was a liar. Plus, when people get hurt deeply, they try too fast to jump into a friendship with that person before the emotional attachment has worn off, thus it's no wonder why so many people fail at trying to be just "friends." However, not all relationships end on a bad note. Sometimes the break up is mutual & doesn't necessarily happen b/c of something negative or heart breaking. But even in those cases where 2 people leave a relationship on good terms, I think it's a waste of time to try to be "friends" with someone until the emotional attachment has worn off.

It's rare that the average person can actually become a REAL friend to their ex after the breakup. It's very rare. So many people try to be "just friends" but yet want to also hold on to the emotional attachment they have to that person. When I think of "friends" I think back to how things are when you 1st meet a person. When you're JUST FRIENDS with a person, there isn't necessarily an emotional attachment, & there are certain priveleges & benefits that your friends shouldn't have access too. After all, alot of people wonder why they're still single but yet they don't realize the problem in giving all the goods up before the topic of a relationship even comes about. To be friends with someone means to have no emotional attachment to them in an intimate way. Sure, you can love your friends, be loyal to them & always want to be around them. BUT let's be honest, so many people have the wrong misconception of what a "friend" really is, thus it's no wonder their "Friendship" with their ex never works out. Real friends are supposed to be unbiased. The problem with a person trying to be their ex's friend is that naturally, they'll always be biased, even if just 1% . I think people try to mix friendship with dating or relationships & that's when things get all screwed up. There's your friends, the people that you're not screwing every other day, & whom generally care about you regardless of what you look like or how you are as a person. Then there's your F buddies, then there's the people you are dating, then there's the people you are attempting to be exclusive with, & THEN there's the actual relationship. 2 people that went straight from dating to exclusive straight to a relationship have the hardest time remaining as friends, given the fact that they didn't allow enough time for a stable foundation of friendship to establish itself. You can't downgrade to something you've never had