In a shitty mood

I have been waiting on this cancer woman for the longest. She was with a sag and their relationship has been long gone and dead. Then she fell for an Aquarius, like myself. They had a major falling out awhile ago and now I guess they're back at it. Every time I think they're done and I can finally have her to myself, they make up and I guess fall more deeper in love. I try not to ask her too many questions about him but it's killing me at this point. From what it sounds like he is really trying to pull the moves on her and is stepping up his game by spending more time with her, planning special fucking moments together and shit. I can't take this shit anymore. Every time I think she's done with him he comes back harder and she goes hard too. Dude has gotten his ass kicked by her baby daddy, has gone through piles of stress and has jumped through hoops to please her. And she jumps through hoops too! It fucking irks the hell out of me. Just to hear her stories of some of the things they do make my skin crawl. They do drugs together, fuck for hours, he can make her squirt, and apparently are overly passionate with each other with kissing, cuddling and even holding each other's hands and shit. Plus his MOTHER mother said she would make something to wear. Wtf! I didn't even think she was that close with his family. And he has a son that is familiar with her and his son is familiar with her daughter. And they're around the same age. I know they both see that as a plus. I don't have any kids so that's a strike against me. Plus he's of my same cultural background and I feel some type of way because of it. What I want to know is: are they in love? Is she in love? Is he in love with her? You think they will be together soon and be happily together or should I keep trying? She has told me there is no other space in her life for anyone new but I've been her friend for years and I just KNOW we would have such an amazing connection. I think I'll just kiss her surprisingly and see what happens next.

Plus I'm suspecting she could be pregnant with his child

This is sad, am I delusional? How can one woman bring me to this? I love her so much and I NEVER thought I can love another person this much, not even my own family. I'm going to invite her out this weekend and I'm taking a stand!

The 1st problem and red flag in this post started with "I've been waiting on her for the longest."

You say that as if she's kept you waiting. As if she's held you hostage. As if you've had no other choice but to wait and wallow in misery until she's finally free. As if you need her validation to move on. As if her words/actions dictate your every emotion and move. As if you're powerless without her. As if she's the only good woman on earth. As if you simply being in love with someone means it's ok for you to allow your world to revolve around them even if such an obsession becomes miserable and toxic. As if you have no choice but to stop living your life all b/c you just HAVE to watch her live and enjoy hers.

I'm all for going after what you want, BUT there has to come a point when what and who you want is actually healthy. You need to get real about some things and stop living in illusion-land. The longer you stay in delusion-land, the more you're in love with a fantasy & ideal of loving her than you actually are in love with her as a person. You're holding onto what you WISH she was, while completely disregarding what and who she is right now.

1. She's not available. Suck it up. It is what it is. If she wanted to make herself emotionally & physically available to you, she would.

2. No those guys aren't brainwashing her. She's a grown woman. She signs up for the dysfunction, hence the reason she keeps going back for more. The worst thing you can do for someone you call your 'friend' is to not hold them accountable for their own actions. Her lovelife sucks & is toxic b/c of her choices. The pattern won't ever stop until she owns her role in the results she keeps getting. And it surely won't ever stop if the people closest to her see her as a helpless innocent victim and puppet who has no control over her decisions

3. You are not captain save-a-h*e. You are not a therapist, nor are you her therapist so stop trying to 'save her.' I get that you love her. I even get that watching someone you love get hurt by others sucks balls too! I get it! However, at some point, loving someone so hard that it's at the detriment of yourself is not worth it nor is it really love when you really break things down.

4. If she keeps falling for bad guys, then she needs some serious help with breaking some patterns....patterns she's developed from past issues that have nothing to do with you...insecurities and issues that were there before you...that weren't created by you or the Aqua guy...patterns and issues that overpower and outweigh any feelings she may have for you. So understand that her jumping into a passion-filled lovelife with you isn't the answer, nor will it help her any.

The 1st step in her getting help is to get AWAY from all the men who make her responsible for THEIR feelings, so that she can get herself together w/o some man somewhere feeling entitled to her heart, time, body, etc. There's nothing worse than someone only wanting the best for you while having a hidden agenda behind them 'being there for you.' It's a fake kind of love when you only want her to be happy if that 'happy' is with you vs. you wishing her other relationships a great death & ending all b/c she's not living her 'happy' with you.

When she is ready to get her sh***t together, she'd do herself and you great justice by separating herself from all men, especially if you want to be with a woman who is secure and whole. Newsflash, a woman who can't stay away from toxicity is not secure & whole. Don't be so obsessed with the chase that you forget that NO relationship or love story on earth has ever lasted AND been healthy unless both people were secure, trusting, ready & loving of themselves. Right now you are literally signing up for a broken woman. Bad move. If and when you do finally get her, you're either gonna be so tired from all those months of chasing her that you won't even want it anymore OR it'll dawn on you that the fantasy can't become a reality if she's gonna bring her 'broken' into your life. It's all fun & games to see a broken woman go through things with other men, but when she's finally in your heart & your home, it's not so fun.

All the chasing, whining, begging, hoping, wishing, & courting her in the world won't change anything 1. If someone else has her heart and/or 2. If she's not ready, willing or able to go the romantic route with you. And no offense, but perhaps the reason she hasn't consistently tried that route with you is b/c you're the waiting doormat that allows her to get away with murder. You're the plan B that she can always count on to be there whenever she decides to stop screwing & loving other men.

You have no confidence & b/c of that, she may not respect you to the degree that she would need to in order to give you what you want.

I'm only being hard on you b/c if this were the other way around, people would be questioning her self-esteem & telling her that she deserves better. People would be telling her to stop putting all of her eggs in 1 basket & to move on to be with someone who is ready for the same things she is. You being a man is no different. It doesn't change the rules, nor make you settling more acceptable.

You're settling, and you know it. But hey, I get it too that love isn't easy to turn off. Just remember 2 things if nothing else: 1. You teach people how to treat you and 2. Loving yourself is #1. People that don't understand either of those things tend to end up right where YOU are...

Flowing water, I think I'll try it.

Krysrenee, let me clear something up for you. We are friends, we have never slept together. She is nothing close to a ho or loose. She actually saved me. And she's grown and lives her life as such. She's totally independent and has a good job and a good heart. And you made a lot of other generalizations about lots of points and details in your spiel that are totally false. TOTALLY! And I don't really feel confident in your advice. Thanks for sharing.

I hear you flowing water. Just sucks that I have lost control. I love it but hate it all at the same time. I feel like a bitch. It'll be great if dude was out if the picture.

I'm a cancer woman and I have been in the situation she is in, where I was in a very on/off relationship and there was a male friend "waiting" hoping it would end for good.

Fact is as a Cancerian, if she's with him she probably does love him. We don't tend to fuck around in that sense. My ex was like her BF, Always promising something bigger and better if I would only take him back one last time, eventually I fell out of love with him, I was sick of him only being a good boyfriend when he was scared of losing me.

If you really want to get this girl, tell her how you feel next time they split, plant the seed and hopefully over time, whether she goes back to him or not, the seed will grow and start to niggle at her.

Especially if she feels you comfort and support her when he hurts her. I have fallen for guys a few times who picked up the pieces when some other dude broke m heart, it's powerful stuff.

Send her that song "Mr Big- Be with you"

Good luck, Cancer female- Aqua Male is mind blowing!

Flowingwater, thank you!!! However I did end up talking to her and it went better than I thought it would. It gave me enough to be sane again. I see things are looking good for you too!!

Satoristarlight, thanks so much for this advice!! I never thought about this approach. I do know she's in love with him but something tells me she'll be available in the future though. And I do comfort and support her...well it's basic but she won't let me get passed a certain point. But I little by little. For Christmas I'm going to get her and I tix to a musical mind blowing experience, I know she'll love and appreciate. And I'm going to send the song too!!!!! Thannnnnkkkssssssss!

And satoristarlight, the cancer woman aqua man is a match made in heaven! If they can survive the little power struggles in the beginning. But a cancer woman will nurture the fragile emotions of the aqua man and teach him how to be human and the aqua man will teach the cancer woman how to be tougher and keep her head out of the clouds. But they're both kind and gentle but yet strong and powerful. Smart. Beautiful. Sexy. Funny. Talented. Full of life. The sex is just FUCKING AMAZING it's ridiculous.