She's Aqua - I'm Scorpio - Broke up after 5yrs :(

Hey guys - this is my first post on this neat site. I appreciate all replies/comments. But yeah - this is the girl of my dreams (I know such a scorpio thing to say - but it's true!). We met on the first day of college, started going out 3 weeks later. We both graduated a year ago, and she broke up with me a month before our 5 year anniversary which is in 2 weeks. I did everything for this girl - I gave her my time, my love, my attention, all my effort, the little ways i could help financially, whatever it was I was there. I would do pretty ridiculous things in retrospect...bought her an ad in her country's newspaper to say i love her...wrote i love you in huge chalk for valentine's day outside our dorm...i mean the corny list goes on and on.

I legitimately loved this girl and still do. But I'll admit - I wasn't the best after graduating. The transition to the real world was tough - and I wasn't sure where my career was headed. I was lost - and I never really prioritized her. For a long time - I'd say at least 6 months - we both agreed that we were just together for the sake of being together. We'd fight and argue badly a lot about the dumbest things, and I guess it grew to a point that she decided to move on. I hadn't made many moves to introduce her to my family, or talk about moving in together, etc. - dumb I know, but she's my first love/gf/relationship and I guess it's a learning lesson.

From what I've read, when an Aquarius makes this decision - it's pretty much done 😢 but I have also read and been told to just give her time/space.

When she broke up with me, I was furious. Furious at the fact that 1) she had never clearly sat me down and told me what the hell was wrong - even though she felt she had, 2) she wasn't willing to say yes to a break, or anything resembling a potential 2nd chance, and 3) how cruel I felt she was...not a tear shed, no sign of sadness, nothing! While I was broken in front of her!

For the first few days I was in bad shape - I couldn't eat and I lost almost 8 lbs. All I did was go to work and come home and immediately go to sleep or stay in bed. Before she broke up with me, there was about a month during which she didn't talk to me - and all I did was try to show her that I can change these things and I'm sorry. I recorded a song that went up on Spotify/iTunes for her that unfortunately made it to her after she told me it was over.

Things have gotten better for me though - I've been going to the gym, working out

super hard consistently, and I haven't spoken to her except a couple times. Work has been great, I've been focused and have been very productive. But if I think about her for even a minute - I end up doing what I'm currently doing (writing, wishing, hoping).

The kicker with my situation though is that about 4 months ago I had gone down to Florida with a few friends, and when I came back I had decided to make that the destination for my gf and my 5 year anniversary. I bought everything - almost $ 1.5k non-refundable. I didn't tell her about it through any of this until 2 days after she broke up with me. I explained to her where my head was at, what I had done to change for her - my goals for our relationship...and about this trip. I told her if she didn't think there was any chance at all for a 2nd go at our relationship...worst comes to worst we could go as friends cause everything is already paid for. A week later she agreed to go, but emphasized non-stop how it did not mean it was a 2nd chance.

I don't know what to think or do. A part of me tells me I deserve better...that I have so much love to give and if someone can't forgive me after I've said sorry so many times in so many ways, then how the heck can I be with this person when serious issues come around later in life? But then again a part of me wants another chance...to show her the bad part of our relationship is not who I am - it was a phase. I seriously thought I was going to marry her...ah!

I only read half of this essay. She was cold about the break up because she emotionally checked out of your relationship a while back. All she had to do was break it to ya, and she's done that now. Irrespective of signs, every woman has a breaking point after whatever she's tolerated. She hit her brink, checked out and then told you. Yes, once aqua is done, she's done. Unless she misses you and there is nothing going for her, she will come back.

*sigh*

that is exactly, (well to the exact) but very similar approach to how my husband won me. With poetry, with intensity, dependability: his sacrifice was everything to me. Because of that, I, in return, gave him my love and sacrifice. Committed relationships take sacrifice imo. big key word.

But every aqua/or every woman is different.

Metoo is right, you'll heal in time, and you'll do fine without her.

i meant *not exact* ugh typos.

but the fact that you did all those things would send a lot of women's hearts pulsing. That's so beautiful.

honestly, you didnt cheat or betray her trust, you only just had career/school choices and problems that were weighing on you. and yeah probably not moving forward, like introducing to family, and the more important people in your life probably did make her feel like you didnt care enough. but i'm sure you would have "in time" because your cautiousness wanted to feel out if she would take you more seriously. Or that you don't really know what you wanted in life at the time?
i mean, geez, you bought her an ad to say you love her? gosh. what girl wouldn't swoon at that, unless she really has turned cold on you, or lost her desire/feeling? especially that big thing with "family" ect and making moves that you would be seriuos for her. Like sharing a place together, or making plans for it. And being consistent.

I believe you guys really did feel love for one another ,but i dont think both parties loved one another the way you guys needed.

A part of you stated you deserve better. Because yeah..a part of you believes that she didn't love you the way you needed. Did she or didn't she love you the way you needed?yes or no?

if you guys truly did this situation wouldn't have came to fruition.

Just forget about it, i know its hard..but trust me time heals all wounds. IF it makes you feel better knowing that shes miserable..well shes feeling sad as well. For example, My gemini and i had to separate because of not knowing how to love each other...even though i show no outwardly emotions of misery, i cry every night and now its getting better. I learned "when you love someone you let them go" ..its because i'm not in the right place to love anyone BUT myself, Im moving forward, socializing more, expanding my horizons. I thought to myself why make my world so small and be miserable? when the truth is...i have much to achieve, people to meet, places to go. That by letting my aweome ex go is the only option, that or keep arguing and taint our love even more. I love him till this very day and keep in touch to see how he is doing. Love is very selfless...and raw. I deleted all our memories from his computer in a fight because i need him to have the chance for better and to move on. He thought i just did it for no reason. I dont want to argue with him in a relationship and stress each other out when we are at such critical points in her lives. Establishing our identity and our careers. He doesn't know that i stalk his facebook to stare at his beautiful face, or laugh at his posts, or whisper to my phone "call me call me call me". Externally, it just looks like i've moved on. What one feels internally isn't always who they are and how accurate it is to the actual reality of things.

It just seems to me you express more disagreement with her values in relationships than how much you miss her, You seem to feel she hasn't given you as much as you need in a relatinoship. But a part of you feels you have..that right there is a difference in love values, and that being said you can find someone better that share the same intensity. Accept that this is it, go reflect on yourself , live your life! afterall, your working out work is better. everything is great! stay positive. 😄