She's driving me crazy!

So...I met this female Aqua earlier this year through a mutual friend. We immediately hit it off & started hanging out alot b/c we just "clicked."

Now less than a year later, she's already calling me her "BEST FRIEND." I'm honored by that BUT I don't give her that title b/c I don't believe in giving that title to someone unless I really feel they are my BEST friend. I love her too death & I'd do anything for her BUT:

1. She's the kind of person that doesn't know when to go home. She's not content unless she's around you all day, every day.

2. She only likes to hang out at HER house. And when people go to her house, she expects them to have ALL day open for her. 1 of her favorite phrases is, "Hey I'm kidnapping you for the day." When I ask her to come to my house, there's always some excuse/reason for why she can't stay long. She wants everybody to come to her.

3. Now she's starting to say things like, "I feel like I've lost my best friend," & to me, this is an insult. She doesn't understand that 2 people DO NOT have to hang out every day for the friendship to be "legit." If we don't see eachother for 2 weeks (for whatever reason), there should be NO question of where the friendship stands! After all, she's not my damn boyfriend!

4. She gets jealous when I'm around my other friends. She always wants me to meet, get to know & hang with HER friends BUT when I want to introduce her to MY friends, she's always got some excuse/reason for why she can't come hang with us. 1 time she even got upset that I asked a friend of mine to come join us at the 4th of July parade! Her exact words were, "Well I'm not mad, I just wasn't under the impression that you'd be bringing anybody," My response? Wowww. Honey, it's 30 of us as it is...I'm sure no one ELSE minds that I'm inviting 1 of MY friends for once.

5. Every time I don't answer her calls/texts, she flips out. She'll keep calling/texting me & saying things like, "I can never reach you when I need you" & to me this is an insult considering sheeesh, she'll say that after only trying to contact me once. Ha! As if I don't have a right to be busy or have a life. BUT when SHE doesn't answer my calls, I suck it up & keep it moving.

This girl is driving me crazy. And it's so surprising especially considering she too is an Aquarian! She's like this with her boyfriend & a few of her other friends, BUT I'm NOT her man & I need her to understand that. I've talked to her about this before

I've spoken to her about this before, BUT usually I only react when she says something that triggers me in the moment. BUT, this is actually starting to weigh heavy on my mind now. Once again, I love her too death, BUT I can't & WON'T deal with possessiveness, especially if someone is always questioning my loyalty all b/c they expect for everyone to drop everything they're doing the min. they call or come knocking.

I do care about how she feels & I do take into consideration that her being this way is not necessarily personal. After all, she's like this with mostly EVERYBODY, therefore what I'm dealing with now is merely just her "personality." I don't want to lose the friendship altogether, BUT I can't keep on going like this. Every time I miss her call, it's starting to get old that there's a 3-page text afterwards claiming I'm dead wrong for ignoring her. REAL old!

What are some different approaches & ways to let this chick understand where I'm coming from? Usually I'm a snappy "give it to em straight" kinda gal, BUT I'm working on my approaches & communication when it comes to turmoils within friendships.

This girl is very clingy. :/

She needs to chill out a little more and understand that you are just friends. You aren't in a relationship. You do not belong to her. And sometimes you are too busy to take a call or whatever. I couldn't take this if my friend acted like that. I'd be pretty annoyed. Like LittleAquanot said above, you ladies need a recap. 🙂

@Little: The few times I've mentioned these feelings to her, she kind of shrugs everything off & says, "Sorry, I wasn't trying to appear clingy or possessive."

She does have 1 or 2 other close friends, BUT for the most part she's like me in that she has a very small circle of friends that she considers actual "friends." The only difference b/w us is that while she clings VERY hard only to those she's close to, I have a variety of different friends that I hang out with on certain occasions. I told her once that I was just like her in that I didn't have that many "real friends" & I think she took me literally; so much so that if she finds out I hung out with someone else, she'll have this confused look on her face like "Wait a minute, I thought you didn't have that many friends?"

I tried once to get her full birthday/time she was born BUT she didn't remember the exact time she was born so I gave up on trying to do her Natal chart. And you're right, maybe the other placements in her chart explain why she's so damn possessive & clingy. I'll ask her again or next time maybe I'll just come out & tell her to find out the exact details through her birth certificate.

@Aqua guy: Exactly! 1 time I kept telling her about this guy that I was on & off with for awhile. And the min. I mentioned to her that I started back talking to him she had the NERVE to say, "Wait a minute! I thought WE decided that we weren't going to be friends with him anymore!" Whoa whoa whoa! WE?! As you can imagine, that night I stopped telling her about me & the guy; I don't mind a little advice or criticism from friends BUT I don't want to feel like my friends make it about THEM. I don't want to feel like they'll flip out if I don't do as they want me to do.

She acts like I'm her boyfriend. She does the same things to her man. If he doesn't answer his phone, she'll just continue to call him. It's like she expects for everyone to drop what they're doing when she calls. BUT yet when she's busy, she expects understanding & patience. UGH!

She's very sensitive & I often observe her when her boyfriend has the same talk with her that I've had with her. It goes in 1 ear & out the other. When her man calls her out on being too possessive, she'll justify things in her mind.

When we 1st met, we used to hang out almost every day, BUT hey we're grown & eventually people get more busy than before & have more obligations & responsibilities OUTSIDE of their social life. And that's exactly what happened. I took up a new job 6 months ago that is an hour away from my home, therefore I wasn't as "available" like before. She got so used to having my company all the time that she literally can't handle it when I'm not around. I don't mind hanging with someone alot, BUT when I wanna go home, I wanna freakin' go home & I don't wanna feel bad for it either.

When I need my space, I need my space & don't wanna feel bad for it. NO, it's not that she did anything wrong; it's moreso that I'm an Aqua & need my own "me" time to wind down at the end of a long day;

When I wanna hang around my other friends, I wanna do so w/o feeling bad for it nor do I wanna always have to hear her questioning where our friendship stands all b/c I didn't hang out with her for once! Sheeesh! It's NOT my fault or problem that I'm 1 of the only people she has that she considers herself "close" to. BUT, I can't stand for someone to make something out of nothing all b/c I'm hanging with someone else for a change. Hell, maybe if she didn't act like she was my man I'd hang with her more. BUT instead of arguining with her, I decided to start SHOWING her better than I could tell her that she will NOT back me in a corner.

When I don't answer my phone, I don't wanna feel bad for it especially if I call you back sometimes within the same day. But no, the min. I ignore her calls, she'll leave me 1-2 vcmails & automatically assume that I must be MAD at her all b/c I didn't answer. I'm tired of explaining this to her b/c I feel like me doing so is me "catering" to her. And as an Aqua, you ALL know that we hate catering to those, especially if the other person only wants us to do so out of insecurities.

Oh God, what a burden, this woman sounds far too insecure, clingy and pretty damn selfish!

To be honest, I've just dealt with the same thing. One drama after another and no space for me to breathe. I tried hinting, i tried explaining, i tried limiting the amount of contact.

It didn't work - her selfish element overcame my need for calm time and, at times, for sleep - she'd just call when ever she felt like it.

End result? Just yesterday i text her and said "I'm too stressed out and tired with my own shit to be dealing with yours. I need alone time. If this offends then so be it, I've tried to be kind in telling you I need my space but your kindness lacks when you ignore it".

Blunt. Pure Aqua.

I tried the way you're trying and it just didn't work.

How about this to your mate? "I know you see me as your best friend, but i don't feel the same level of friendship when I'm being fed guilt trips over not responding the same way as you do. I need my space. i have a life. I cannot deliver the kind of attention you need and i won't feel guilty for it. Either back off and stop laying the guilt trips on me and appreciate what I do do for you, or I'm gone. I;d like to keep your friendship because I do value you, so I;m giving you the opportunity to calm down and allow me to have my breathing space"??

@NZAqua& LittleAqua: AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME advice guys! It's crazy b/c usually my friends are coming to me needing advice about this kind of stuff & usually I'm the 1 giving them samples of what they can say. BUT this time it's diff.

My Mars is in Aries so perhaps this is where my direct, non-chalant & "down to the nitty gritty" side comes out of me. Sometimes my delivery is so strong & direct that others are quick to get offensive & therefore shut down. To them, they see me as a little TOO harsh/direct/blunt whereas I see them as being too overly sensitive. BUT as you guys have picked up, I DO care about her feelings & my goal isn't to be "right" or to offend her. Usually when a friend gets me this fired up, we're probably NOT friends by the time I'm done venting my feelings to them lol, BUT I'm working on adapting to others' personalities who are more sensitive. She IS very sensitive, BUT she's a grown woman & I'm sure she can handle it so I might as well go for it.

The only reason I'm even hesitating is b/c I've seen her reactions in the past when others have had this talk with her. I don't think she gets it; in HER mind, she thinks "Well damn! I shouldn't be made to feel bad for caring so much for you that I want your company around all the time." She doesn't understand that people can have busy lives & OTHER friends & things to do and yet STILL have close friendships with others.

Sometimes I take her "guilt trips" personal. It's like, well damn excuse me for having a life OUTSIDE of you! Idk if she just assumes that I have alot of time on my hands or that since I'm available to others that I should be just as available to her? Idk but what's for SURE is that she's smothering me!

She's an Aqua too so I never thought I'd need to have the "I need SPACE" talk with another fellow Aqua. Hell, we're the 1s who are supposed to be having this talk with OTHERS, NOT eachother! She oughta know how that feels! She damn sure doesn't answer her phone every time it rings, nor does she ever allow anyone to make her feel bad when she's hanging around other friends for a change, BUT when the tables are turned, she can't handle it

@Fiesty: She's the kind of person that can't really be alone. She's very insecure in every sense of the word. When her boyfriend wants to go hang with his boys, she'll go tag along, yet she doesn't understand why he might not particularly be too excited to go with her when she wants to kick it with her girls.

Plus, I'm starting to feel like she wants my company for all the WRONG reasons. 1 day she called me & said, "Hey my fiance won't be getting off work until 7 so if you want to hang out we can." Well, I was def. cool with that, UNTIL she said, "Well nevermind then it's pointless!" all b/c I agreed to come over & spend 2-3 hours with her vs. the whole day like she wanted. Almost like she wanted me to replace her boyfriend until he finally got home. Almost like me spending a few hours with her isn't good enough. The minute he got home, she no longer had the urge to have my company around. I was thinking like, so wait a minute...was I just your man's replacement? Where I come from, if you want my company, what difference would it make whether I'm with you 4 hours or 10?! As long as I'm with you at SOME point & for SOME time, that's all that matters.

And when others have this talk with her, she gets all sensitive & teary-eyed. She's like the controlling girlfriend/boyfriend who actually convinces themselves that they're only clingy b/c they care THAT much about their partner. Bullshxt. 2 people shouldn't have to be together all day & every day just to prove or validate that the friendship/relationship is "legit."

I see this girl atleast once a week. I talk to her almost every day on the phone. I go out with her when I have the time. I mean it's not like I'm completely abandoning her. She's making it seem like my version of going about my friendships isn't good enough for her. You guys are right..if she can't handle the fact that I will ALWAYS need some "me-time" at the end of every long day, then the friendship won't last much longer. I haven't even done anything wrong technically, but she's TRYING (not succeeding) to make it seem as if I've betrayed her or wronged her in some kind of way

You have what me and my friends call a Lesbi-friend. Even though you haven't consented she has assumed the position as your gf. I had one, long ago, also an aqua. Only difference being she had no other friends. She eventually "broke up" with me because I apparently didn't call her enough. She was a really nice gal but not worth the annoyance. Maybe talk to her about it? I don't really see her behavior changing though.

Haha! Glad to contribute 🙂

Haha I had(have) a friend like this, she was a scorp though, I recently found out that she did infact have a crush on me! she even went as far as to turn all my boyfriends against me because she wanted me!

I never guessed it at the time, just thought she was clingy, we met up recently and she was all like "we didnt like them" and "We this" and "we that".

She's backed of a bit now but i still get the "lesbi-friend" (LOL cancergem) vibe from her. Maybe shes decided we can see other people? lol

Posted by cancergem
You have what me and my friends call a Lesbi-friend. Even though you haven't consented she has assumed the position as your gf. I had one, long ago, also an aqua. Only difference being she had no other friends. She eventually "broke up" with me because I apparently didn't call her enough. She was a really nice gal but not worth the annoyance. Maybe talk to her about it? I don't really see her behavior changing though.

Excellent! I was wondering the same thing from the initial description too. The jealousy, the insecurity, the ownership - it's very romance-relationshippy.

wow....thats to much for even me. i need space too lol. but what is clingy to you guys? talking every three days or so? idk lol.

Exactly. This chick is treating me like I'm her girlfriend! Hell even when I'm in relationships with men I don't entertain the clingy tip. We're all adults, we all have lives, we all have our separate friends, we all go through phases/times when we just want to be to ourselves & through it ALL, we all expect for those who call themselves our "friends" to be understanding at the end of the day. Her not being understanding means that she's making this all about her. I didn't do anything wrong!

The reason I could never bring myself to consider her a "best friend" even though she already considers me 1 is b/c I KNEW deep down that she had a LONNNNNG way to go before she could say that she actually knows me really well. Anyone who knows me well knows that I like my space. Hell, I'll hang with you all damn day, BUT if I wanna go home at the end of the night, I should be "allowed" to!

I got my number today & texted her my new number. I got NO response. So F her. Had this not been going on she would've BEEN called me/texted me back, but since she won't then fine. She's probably literally waiting at home for me to call her & cater to her, but NOPE it's NOT gonna happen! I haven't done ANYTHING wrong other than be myself (the same person I've ALWAYS been). And I don't believe in apologizing when it's not sincere/from the heart.

So why she's waiting on me to call her up & beg her to talk to me, I'll be at home living my life & laughing at the fact that she's ignoring me all to prove a point. Problem is, I'll let her continue to live in her own world. I can't change her or the fact that she's that selfish, BUT I can do MY part in making sure that I'm not enabling or encouraging her to be this way. She can sit at home & be mad. Little does she know, I'm out having me a GOOD ole time while she's at home probably looking at the phone.

Sheeeeeesh! I've never even had a MAN smother me this much. She oughta know as a fellow Aqua that we NEVER let others back us in a corner. If someone can't accept something about us, we MIGHT tweak things, BUT we ALWAYS remain true to who we really are. And no matter how MUCH we like/love someone, we'll always put our own right to be ourselves OVER any person if us losing someone is a result of us simply being ourselves.

SHE is in the wrong so I guess we won't be speaking until SHE sucks it up & gets over it

Knowing her, she's probably going through alot right now & really needs me. And, hey I'd be more than willing to put my own issues to the side to help a friend. BUT, I CAN'T read her mind. I won't know if she's going through something unless she opens up her mouth & tells me. But she won't. She'll expect for me to have some kind of E.S.P connection with her or something like I'm supposed to automatically know when to pick up the phone & call her. It bothers her THIS bad that my world doesn't revolve around her & HER schedule.

What she doesn't realize is that she's pushing me FURTHER away by acting like this. Whereas I ignored a few phone calls/text b/c I was literally busy, I know that her reasoning for ignoring me is to spite me. BAD MOVE. She thinks she's "showing me" or proving some kind of point by ignoring me when all she really wants is me to talk to her. It's sad & so petty/childish.

I'm thinking about just letting go of the entire friendship. She's like this with mostly EVERYONE in her life, so I know that me having even the most direct/blunt talk with her won't erase/change the fact that she's VERY INSECURE. And since you can't change what you don't acknowledge, it'll probably be pointless for us to continue on in the friendship. After all, it's only going to get WORSE, especially if she starts to feel herself getting closer & closer to me. If she's THIS damn bad now, she'll be 10xs worse in the future. And THAT'S what I'm afraid of & don't want to happen.

Right now I'm still considering her feelings b/c I do value our friendship when she's NOT acting like she's my damn girlfriend. BUT at the same time I DON'T wanna wait until she pushes me over the edge b/c then, I'll just spit my feelings out as they are, w/o all the trimmings & sugar-coating & she'll REALLY be sorry then. I don't want it to get to that point, BUT I just wish I could make her understand that no matter HOW HARD she tries, I will NOT change the part in me that actually has a life OUTSIDE of her. She can kick, scream & beg all day. Her azs will be short 1 good friend

well its up too you aqua friend. let her go and be done with it...if it were me id feel bad about it...kinda like hope she can see her ways are wrong and repent...lol. if she could just let go of that childlike clingyness and give you sapce that would work out. and this is from a fellow aqua...wth. she has to be a leo mooner or something...something with clingy written all over it. lol.

much love...

How are you going with it?

@Little: No, I could care less that she ignored my text. The REASONING BEHIND why she did it is what bothered me. She did it to prove a point & to spite me b/c that's her way of showing me that she's "upset" but there's only 1 problem: I didn't do anything wrong! I don't go around trying to "punish" someone b/c they didn't run fast enough when I called. Any time someone spites another person b/c of assumptions, they are playing with fire! When I ignore her it's not to spite her or on purpose; it's b/c I'm busy or am handling something with another friend. I know for a fact that she only ignored me to spite me b/c she told me so in a text this morning. THAT is how I know.

Trust me, I don't get my panties in a knot when someone doesn't answer my calls or isn't around me for awhile. I don't leave 4-5 vcmails/texts questioning where the friendship stands all b/c someone's world doesn't revolve around me. I know how to give this thing called "SPACE" b/c space is exactly what I need. I'm not clingy nor do I ever question my close friends all b/c I haven't seen them/heard from them in 2 days. After all, I have so much of a thing called a LIFE that I barely notice when I haven't heard from a friend. Unlike her, I actually DON'T have too much time on my hands.

I'm used to close friendships with people whom I can maybe talk to once a month & yet the friendship be just as close-knit & awesome. Me & my 1 friend have gone months w/o talking before & NEITHER of us took it personal; in fact, we picked right up where we left off the sec. we started back talking again. I'm used to friendships that allow AND understand alot of "breathing" room. And hell, I expect the same in my relationships. You don't have to be around someone 24-7 or talk to them every single day just to prove that the friendship/relationship is legit.

It's IMPORTANT for me to know that if another friend needs me MORE at the moment, that I won't feel bad for helping 1 friend all b/c that meant me having to tell another friend to "hold on a sec." I don't put my social life 1st & I need friends who can understand that.

I can't & won't answer every call sometimes BUT I WILL call you back. Sometimes I wanna hang with my OTHER friends, BUT I WILL eventually hang with you too. Sometimes I need time to myself & through ALL of that I need ONLY the friends who can understand AND accept all of what I just said.

@Little: See, that's where YOU'RE starting to make assumptions. I'm NOT looking for a reason to cut her off. If I was, I wouldn't care about her feelings, nor would I even ask for advice on the correct way to approach someone like this. When I'm ready to cut someone off, I don't care about approach/delivery & how I come across b/c after all, what difference would it make if I don't plan on ever speaking to them again?! So I want to make it VERY clear that I'm NOT looking for reasons to cut her off nor am I justifying/making excuses for anything. I'm just weighing my options & thinking about the liklihood of certain things persay I choose 1 way to approach this vs. another way.

I'm not the kind of person who wants to get rid of someone I care for. I'm more of a "solutions" person & my goal NOW is to find a solution to this problem, IF there even is one.

And me admitting that she probably won't change is NOT my way of trying to find a reason to cut her off, no it's my way of being honest with myself & acknowledging that the chances of change are slim to none. I could be wrong, BUT me claiming that she's probably NOT likely to change isn't some opinion that came from my imagination. No, I've SEEN her experience this very same thing with others & from her past experiences with others who have had this SAME "talk" with her, she hasn't changed at all. In other words, her not changing at all is a pattern in her life/past just like people needing to have that "talk" with her seems to be a routine thing in her friendships as well.

I've called her 3 times since I originally wrote this post. I left her 1 voicemail saying that I needed to talk to her & get something off my chest & I also sent the same message in a text. No response. So YES I HAVE tried to initiate this conversation with her. I'm not some scared little p*ssy afraid to get feelings off my chest. This time is just different b/c I'm trying to change someone a few friends have told me they wish I changed: My approach when something is bothering me. In the past, I'd be so straight to the point & cut throat & even though I felt justified, it didn't solve any problems/help the friendship. So me actually trying to step outside of the box & change my delivery/approach is a GOOD thing. I understand the value in listening sometimes when friends recommend that you change something.

@Little: 100% understandable. No judgement here =) I try giving others the benefit of the doubt too, which is why I never really take it personal when someone doesn't answer my calls/texts. I always remind myself that they probably have the same valid reasons for not answering that I have when the tables are turned. But ya know how it is when you really know someone well? Sometimes you just KNOW! She ALWAYS responds to stuff like that but conveinantly, she didn't this time so I knew she was ignoring me to spite me even before she admitted it to me.