Shocked by Aqua ex's actions

Hi, this is my first post on here. I am trying to work out why my Aqua ex boyfriend has done this.
Brief history, I am a Taurus woman, we were together just under a year. Both very strong willed and stubborn, would argue like crazy split up several times. But there was a connection and we enjoyed each others company. Towards the end he started opening up more to me would tell me he missed me, cared for me and thought a lot of me. However he had big issues with committment although he knew I didn't want to marry him or live together. But I wanted to be more involved in his life, meet his family, etc. I felt like he was keeping me at arms length and had told himThis coupled with some doubts I had over whether he was faithful to me led me to end it a month ago.
I had already explained to him that when I end relationships I cut off totally, that is just the way I deal with things and that it takes a long time before I feel ready to be friends with an ex.
So it ended, he didn't seem overly bothered and didn't try to persuade me to stay. I didn't contact him and just tried to move on with my life. I missed him but was sure I had done the right thing. Four weeks later, he rang and texted me, both of which I ignored, because I wasn't ready to speak. In his text he said that he didn't realise I hated him and that he just wanted to say hello.
I eventually texted back a couple of days later asking why he wanted to be friends. I then got two texts back, the second really shocked and upset me. I was a picture of a woman performing a sex act on a man. You couldn't see who the man was, he had added the words "Bet you miss this, it is yours when ever you want it" I was so angry I rang him and told him exactly what I thought of him and asked whether the woman knew he was doing this with her picture. I ended by saying that I never wanted to hear from him again. All he kept saying was that it was a joke, but tho he apologized he didn't sound that sorry.
Having looked at the picture again it is obvious he downloaded it frm the internet, but he obviously wanted me to to think it was him in the picture and that he had taken it. I am still angry, hurt and upset. He could be immature sometimes and would do and say things obviously designed to make me jealous, but I never dreamed he had this nasty streak in him. He is 34 so it is not as if he is a teenager.
Why would he do this?

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because he's not ready to settle down yet, plain & simple. Since you didnt want to marry or even think of marrying him, he already knew what the relationship was going to be like. So he probably had other females on the side while smashin you since he knew it was gonna be a sexual relationship i guess (thats what i;d do) but the point is, he was with you for the sex and he'll wife up someone else when the time is right.

Ok, but why bother going to all the trouble of finding this picture and sending it to me. It was almost as if it was a little temper tantrum because I wasn't acting the way he wanted me to. When I had ended it previously I alwyas went back to him, so maybe that was what he was expecting this time?

Posted by ZebraGirl

Why would he do this?

Because the guy is a total moron.

He clearly needs to grow up, and pretty fast seeing as he is 34 years of age.

Because the guy is a total moron.

LMAO

Actually the words I used to him when I rang him were "total scum"
Funnily enough he didn't like my description of him. So I very calmly asked him whether he thought it was a nice thing to do....no answer.

I then told him to stay out of my life and that I didn't want to hear from him again...don't think I will somehow.

I think he is not used to having a woman stand up to him. Definitely not used to being dumped...and worse, I wasn't ringing him begging him to take me back.

Poor love......

Whoa! Well first off, this guy was a complete tool for sending you such a picture. If his REAL problem is that he misses you & wants you to show him that you miss him too, he should be spending MORE time trying to fix things the RIGHT way instead of doing something that would turn off & push away most women. Trying to make the other person jealous is NEVER the way to get someone back, especially if the person is ALREADY CONTENT in their decision to leave. And hey, jealousy might reel some people back in, BUT what he did was completely different.

What he did was completely scandalous. He wants you to feel the same rage, jealousy & pain that he probably feels. And unfortunately, he probably felt that the ONLY way for you to understand his pain is to stoop THAT LOW just to get a reaction out of you. He may not have even thought out how angry you'd be if he sent that text. He was probably only thinking about how to find a way to spark an emotional reaction out of you so b/c he figured doing so would tell the more accurate story of how you really feel about him. After all, if you REALLY really hated him, you wouldn't have responded at all.

He wanted to know if his actions still had affect on you. He wanted to test you to see what you were made of. He wanted you to feel pain, jealousy & rage b/c sometimes certain people can't stand being the ONLY 1s who feel pain. Some people don't understand that everybody grieves differently & b/c they don't understand this, they'll often take it personal & assume that the other person has a little too much courage to have had the balls to move on so fast. He thought you having the courage not to speak to him was too good to be true so he tested the waters to see if you really were over him & done with him like you said.

I know that text would've made the average person atleast WANT to respond, BUT not everybody would've. And the fact that you did gave him alot of satisfaction. Trust me, he doesn't wanna be done with you yet. And if he does, he atleast doesn't want YOU to be done with him yet. He had to go to such high extremes to get an emotional reaction out of you b/c that was the only way to make him feel better and/or for him to know where you truly stand when it comes to him. He went about this in all the WRONG ways, BUT I think he was just trying to prove a point to you that if he really wanted you to, that you WOULD talk to him again.

And how arrogant of him to say, "I hope you miss this!" I mean come on! That's an extremely arrogant & cocky thing to say somebody. If he had any brains, he'd know that you can get dick from any man you want it from. He's not the only man with a penis! And I'm sure that if you do miss him and/or if you are hurt by him, you're probably harping on/thinking about the emotional aspect of where the relationship went wrong, NOT the physical/sex. What a douche!

Let this guy go completely. Now that you've told him that you're 100% done for sure now, make good on your word. I hope you didn't just say you were done out of anger. I hope you really meant it. If he'll go to THAT extreme to devestate you, then you oughta thank him for FURTHER showing you what a tool he was. He did you a FAVOR by showing you his ugly side. What he did was completely unnecessary, cowardly & shows a huge amount of insecurity on his part.

What makes it worse is that he probably put a lot of thought & effort into finding that picture to send to you. That's not something he just randomly thought of. No he really thought about it & STILL decided to do such a thing to you

If I were you, I wouldn't have even let him see me sweat. Had I gotten that text, yeah I would've been torn up inside & yeah, a million questions would've been sworming in my mind, BUT I would've went crazy behind closed doors & yet kept a poker/straight face when talking to him. The best way to handle the enemy (or those who are trying to hurt you), is to give them the impression that their attempts at hurting you don't AND never will work. It'll throw them off guard & completely shock/surprise them.

Thanks krysrenee7
I really needed those words of support.
I am most definitely finished with him now.
Why would I want someone who was...
Arrogant
Selfish
Never considered my feelings or needs
Only wanted me when he thought i was cooling off/didn't want him
Defined himself through sex
Didn't think I was important enough to introduce to family/friends
Has his status as single on Facebook the whole time I was seeing him
Only met my kids once and only because I insisted on it.
Tried to make me jealous, but made it clear he expected me to be faithful to him.
Total double standards in everything

So why do I still think about him, I just want to forget and it is so hard.
I invested 11 months of my life for nothing.

Sorry forgot to add to the above list
Wanted to control me

A Taurus Sun and Aries Moon
Control me...yeah, right!!!

This "I invested 11 months of my life for nothing." is probably why this "So why do I still think about him, I just want to forget and it is so hard."

Turn it on its head a little bit ... the reason we 'date' is to find out who is right or wrong for us. This did not work out, on the positive side, you didn't spend years with him, have kids with him, entangle finances with him, did you have more good times with him than bad times? ... use the positive to get out of the negative to change your frame of mind.

Go out just a bit more, distract yourself a little bit more with more projects, if you can. Not projects like starting a topic about him on DXPnet, this keeps him further in your mind and gives him more attention than he deserves.

The thing is both of you are 'fixed' signs suns so you may do the dance longer than you need to instead of breaking ties asap.

Good luck anyway 🙂

Posted by ZebraGirl
Ok, but why bother going to all the trouble of finding this picture and sending it to me. It was almost as if it was a little temper tantrum because I wasn't acting the way he wanted me to. When I had ended it previously I alwyas went back to him, so maybe that was what he was expecting this time?

It is exactly what you have described - he wanted to control your reaction and make you jealous. You've shocked him, he doesn't know how to play it so he's going for maximum reaction to make you respond.

Taurus & Aqua...that sounds like the worst match of the century :/

He did you a favor

Posted by zenalchemy

This "I invested 11 months of my life for nothing." is probably why this "So why do I still think about him, I just want to forget and it is so hard."

Turn it on its head a little bit ... the reason we 'date' is to find out who is right or wrong for us. This did not work out, on the positive side, you didn't spend years with him, have kids with him, entangle finances with him, did you have more good times with him than bad times? ... use the positive to get out of the negative to change your frame of mind.)

I agree with everything that you said. I like your positivity. 🙂

And yes good luck to Zebragirl!