Thoughts/Feelings after detachment

Hello fellow Aquarians hope all is well. I have another quick question for you all. I would like to know what are your feelings and thoughts after you have detached from them. Is, do you care or careless that the friend/relationship is over?

Well, it takes a lonnng time for us to make that decision to detach from someone. It takes alot of though, observing & mental battles within their own heads before that decision is made; and often times that decision is in the process of being made or even considered behind closed doors, without anyone having a clue what was going on.

BUT, once we have made that decision we will always be content in it. We force ourselves to be content b/c we know deep down that the answer was still to detach even after weighing all the options & risking what could possibly be lost. People don't realize the thought & agony that goes into even considering detaching from someone. But I will tell you this, once we detach, we don't feel bad & most of the time don't look back b/c it's our way of always backing up & supporting our OWN ability to think clearly & to make the right decisions.

Aquas hate & fear emotions that are unstable & that are so powerful that it'll cause them to be blind to reality. So we always strive in making sure that every decision we make was made out of logic & reality versus fantasy & from all emotions. And once we've made that decision to detach from our logic (versus our emotions), we turn back into the same "can't change our minds" type of Aquas & won't even be open to the possibility of doing so. The only time Aquas have a change of heart after detaching is when they made the decision to detach too soon before all the options were weighed. But when an Aqua has ample time to make that decision with a clear head, there is no turning back & there is no guilt or feelings of doubt.

Once I have made the decision to cut someone off, I never feel bad. For example, I recently cut off my best friend of 6 years b/c I found out she wasn't being loyal to me. After long hours & days of analyzing the situation too death & weighing all the options, my decision was made from LOGIC (and not emotions) to end the friendship.

Yes, sometimes I miss the friendship, but missing HER is different. I might miss the relationship/friendship & what I gained from it, but I will never miss the actual person b/c I'll always convince myself AND believe that getting that friendship/relationship back through someone else is possible and WILL happen. And the reason we don't feel bad or look back is b/c we are usually right; we always find someone else who offered that same valuable & efficient friendship & we become content b/c we atleast got the same kind of friendship/relationship back, thus leaving us to care less whether or not we got the actual person back.

Every time I see my ex best friend out in public somewhere, I never feel guilty or have doubts for letting her go. It's almost as if I become very cold & especially don't feel bad if the friendship/relationship ended b/c of ME being betrayed. Aquas are not the ones to sulk & believe that things will never get better or that they'll never find something similar again. We know it'll be hard for us to find someone we feel comfortable enough establishing that same kind of bond with, but NEVER do we think it's impossible. And b/c it's not impossible, that in itself is the reason why we can detach & never look back. If we keep looking back & having doubts, we're taking away the time & energy from those who didn't AND won't betray us, who want to sign up to be in our lives.

Krysrenee7 I truly enjoy reading your comments.

Sigh, I must admit that sometimes I do feel a little bad on "how" I detach. I just disappear, number change and all ( depending on the situation). Sometimes I think I should have at least tell the person why ( just out of respect). However, I could careless about if the person is hurt by my actions b/c they have hurt me in someway, (in some instances).
There are other times when I just detach mentally, however, I still "hangout" with the person. In that instance, the other party initiates all the calls and visits and if/when all contact ceases, again I could careless b/c you've shown me that you are unreliable and/or was not a loyal or truthful person.

Also, all of my actions are done after great mental turmoil and debating b/c I'm a very tolerant person but when Im done........I'm done.

True. And plus it depends on WHAT TYPE of detachment took place. If it was a mental AND physical detachment from someone, then HELL NO, we never look bac. If it was just a mental detachment, we might still hang with that person but will never let that person have unlimited access again. And even then, in this situation, we still won't even feel bad for mentally detaching. If we physically detach from someone (meaning, we cut off all communication & stop returning calls) we don't just do this to play games (b/c we have other better ways to do so); we mean it.

People assume that when we detach we do so b/c we're playing mind games. Oh no, Aquas are more creative than that & if anything, how is it possible to play mind games with someone if there is no mental access to either person? If I cut you off mentally then that means that playing mind games with you isn't even worth my time.

And if I was forced to detach from you spare of the moment b/c you betrayed me in such a way that I'd be a fool to still keep you in my life & heart, then we DEFINETELY don't feel bad. Yes, we use detachment as a punishment sometimes, but at the same time we mean it too & wonder why people are so surpised when we really don't look back.

And even if we physically still hang around you or entertain you, after having mentally detached, eventually we'll withdrawl all together b/c there is no fun in just having a physical connection with someone. We started off needing a mental attraction to even get us motivated to keep going. Well, if at the end, we're left with just the physical attachment, we'll eventually move on anyways b/c we will never be satisfied. We Aquas will ALWAYS pick mental OVER physical any day! We end things like we started things.

We require people to work towards getting that mental attachment with us. And at the end, regardless of how much we "wish" we had it with you, if it's not there, then we will cut you off the way we do normal strangers who couldn't get it right in the beginning. And just like we don't feel bad for disqualifying someone in the beginning (that we don't yet have feelings for), we don't feel bad at the end either if the mental attachment is no longer there (even if feelings are already involved).

Another question....... Do some detachments warrant an explanation?

Example, I've recently detached/broken-up with my "friend". Because he is an absolute liar. A few months ago he told me he was going to California to visit his "sick" brother. I said okay, fine tell him I said get well. Now, a month ago I pump into one of his "associates" (he doesn't really consider him a friend more so a party buddy). Anywho, he goes on to say what a great time he, my "friend" and the rest of the guys had in Turk and Caicos...... I was shocked internally but inorder to save face pretended that I knew, we finished chatting and I went on my way. Needless to say I went home and backed all of my feelings for him into a suitcase and dumped the suitcase into the middle of the Atlantic. I haven't spoken to him since. What killed me was how he looked me in the eye and told me how much better his brother is feeling and how much he missed sleeping in his old room. I'm not a girl that crowds her man so if he wanted to go on a va-ca with the guys I would not have cared just bring me back a momento. So, after that whooper of a lie I questioned everything he has ever said to me. Was he really at the bookstore or was he at a women's house? When he said he cared, was that fact or fiction? I can't respect him as a person let alone a "friend" therefore my detachment doesn't warrant an explantion but my bff said I shouldn't just disappear.

krysrenee7, I have to say; I always enjoy reading your posts. They are so insightful. Everything you've written is true. I know this from what I've read on Aquarius, and also from my own experiences with Aquas. I completely understand why you detach, as well as the logic and thought process that goes behind it...it makes sense. I also understand that you don't mean to be hurtful, and that the decision to fully detach is a logical one...it's rational and should never be taken personally. BUT, I can't help but FEEL sympathy for the person who is being "left behind."

I'm a Leo...so of course I have to look at things on the flip side. Aquas and Leos are two different sides of the SAME coin. So I do agree that if someone has betrayed you, shown you their true colors, and has proven themself to be a toxin in your life and relationship (whether business, romantic, platonic, etc.), they need to be cut off. Done. No questions asked. But what I've come to realize is that doing so can be very hurtful to the other person, especially if they never see it coming. Human beings are not that dense, but we're also unaware aware of our own deep seeded flaws (as opposed to the flaws that are fairly obvious). That's why I believe an explanation is warranted, no matter what.

Humans are "feelers" by nature. We are as senstive to one's energy as we are to the changes in our environment. Certain things simply can not be "rationalized," especially when it comes to the workings involved in human relationships. The only way I can try to make my point is by asking you to put the shoe on the other foot. Say your friend of 6 yrs cut you off, with no explanation. I assume that as an Aquarius (and please correct me if I'm wrong), you would attempt to rationalize why your friend cut you off, and pretend to be a little aloof to the situation. You would do your best to hide your pain, and try not to acknowledge the feelings that have been evoked due to your "rejection" by someone you genuinely cared for. A stereotypical Aqua would probably repress all of his/her emotions and walk around with a smiling face, despite feeling so hurt deep down. This is not healthy, especially when it comes to the evolution of the human spirit. How can we ever evolve w/out acknowledging, changing and or accepting our influences on other people as well as their influences on us? This type of behavior goes against the beliefs of Aquarius, the humanitarian; the sign that represents compassion for the group a

Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that you should confront your feelings and "go with them" so to speak, i.e., letting your emotions get in the way of making a rational decision. However, I do believe that it is necessary to explain your feelings, or thoughts on your feelings, to the person of whom you have been "wronged." Doing so opens the path for growth, and allows one to truly move on w/out looking back. No one can ever really "move on" w/out confronting the issues, hurts, let downs and obstacles that come up in life. You may try to put it out of your mind and continue on, but they will come back to haunt you sooner or later. That's my opinion, anyway. Thanks for the great convo :-)

Its good to no my actions are normal... Well I do feel bad when i detatch but i dont go back on it as i either had a long mental battle with myself over why i should if i feel it in my gut and i was right to do it for myself then I dont feel guilty.
I recently detached myself froma few people and yes i felt bad but pulling back made me refresh my won head for a bit.
BUt on the other hand if like some people have written above I detach complety from some which i did hmm quite recently i did it for good reason cos im not a horrible person. I was non reachable on the phone etc. but when they got in touch eventually and was tottaly confused i did what people have said. Yes i can smile, entertain and be social but mentally ive detached and i feel good to be honest. I hate carrying extra mental baggage in my headthat is just giving me headache.... P.s: I love y'all cos u make me feel sane! MWAH

I can't respect him as a person let alone a "friend" therefore my detachment doesn't warrant an explantion but my bff said I shouldn't just disappear."

Well one thing Aquas are good at is the "eye for an eye" thing. When we feel we have been betrayed, we don't see the need to always give you an explanation, b/c after all, WE already know why we detached from you. We feel that if we give you the satisfaction of explaining that it's still being LOYAL to that person. And b/c that person wasn't loyal to us we see no need in explaining ourselves. That person oughta know why we detached. And plus, we hate giving explanations b/c it leaves room for that person to pressure us, & put us down for making such a crude decision. This is how I see it: Everyone handles their situations & betrayal differently. If you lie to me, don't worry about how I found out. Instead of wanting an explanation so bad, go ahead & assume that I already know the truth & understand my decision knowing good & well that if the tables were turned you might've handled things the same way.

And two, just b/c others may give their friends/relationships 46 chances, doesn't mean that I have to. Just b/c one person isn't strong enough or doesn't feel the need to cut someone off after the 1st or 2nd mistake, doesn't mean that everyone has to handle their own situations that way. So many people betray me, & when I let them go say to me, "Well if you had've lied to me, I would've given you another chance." And what do I say? I say, "Ok, well that's you. And I will not feel bad for handling things differently, b/c after all, we are different. And isn't my "out of the norm" personality part of the reason you admired me so much, anyways?" People love to admire Aquas for their uniquness & ZERO tolerance for bull UP UNTIL it's their butts that are in hot water. Then all of the sudden people tell us to have warmer hearts. Oh please.

krysrenee7, I have to say; I always enjoy reading your posts. They are so insightful. Everything you've written is true. I know this from what I've read on Aquarius, and also from my own experiences with Aquas. I completely understand why you detach, as well as the logic and thought process that goes behind it...it makes sense. I also understand that you don't mean to be hurtful, and that the decision to fully detach is a logical one...it's rational and should never be taken personally. BUT, I can't help but FEEL sympathy for the person who is being "left behind."

From an Aqua's standpoint, here is what we will say: "Did that person feel bad for us or take into consideration OUR feelings when they lied, cheated or betrayed us?" And the answer is usually NO, considering if the answer was yes, we wouldn't even be considering cutting that person off anyways. What people have to understand is that we show our true selves to others up front. Yes, we know that people make mistakes & that people have flaws. But if we are constantly noticing that someone keeps betraying us (which is another form of NOT taking OUR feelings into consideration) then we feel no guilt in FINALLY letting that person know that when we said we had ZERO tolerance in the beginning, oh we meant it. Now, some Aquas will cut off someone for the littlest of things & sometimes I think that is too harsh. But then again, normally the person that betrayed that same Aqua KNEW up front that what they did was a big NO NO. And just like with the law: We all know that driving drunk = either killing someone or jail. So when you finally kill someone or get pulled over, HELL NO the cop won't feel bad for doing what another cop or judge should've done along time ago. We Aquas feel that if we cut you off, it'll teach you a lesson. And since we won't be around for when you finally learn your lesson, we just hope that the NEXT person won't get as hurt by you. And even in this thinking, we are STILL thinking about the other person's feelings, more than our own.

When I detach from someone permanently, it's b/c I have noticed the same "betrayal" patterns in that person. So by the time I finally say "Screw it!" with them, hell no I don't feel bad lol b/c if anything, that person should've known better & quit taking my kindness & willingness to always forgive for a weakness. We Aquas see sooooo many people getting hurt JUST BECAUSE they are always forgiving & forgetful & we make vows to ourselves, that if a person KEEPS making the same mistakes, then like a child or person who keeps repeatedly breaking the law, they must have to lose something in order for us to get the point across that we weren't kidding.

And then, some Aquas will detach from someone over the littlest thing JUST B/C they've discovered that they have the powers/ability to do so w/o feeling guilt for a very long time. These types of Aquas generally are lacking self-acknowledgment in their own flaws & coincidently will deny that anything is wrong with them. In these situations, I agree that leaving the other person behind can be kind of harsh, considering we'd DIE if our loved ones let us go over something so small and/or half the time fixable.

But like I said, for me, I only detach when I can clearly see that you don't believe me when I say that I have ZERO tolerance for bull. And hey, if me saying that I don't accept or adapt to bull doesn't get across, then I'll SHOW you better than I can tell you & assume that b/c I've told you 1,000 times what NOT TO DO, that you have perfectly good hearing AND heard me, but just chose to betray me anyways. And every time that person makes the DECISION to betray me, even after knowing what they could lose, then I'm tempted to not feel guilty & to give that person just what they were asking for & never look back.

And to AIRY-WATERS: This guy didn't just lie about something small or typical. His mind was so sick as to conjur up a lie about his own brother, which to me is a BIG NO NO. Alot of men, when they really just need space & don't have the courage to admit it or tell you, will come up with small lies Or will just tell you in sugar-coating ways to make their woman get the point. BUT, the line has to be drawn somewhere. And anytime you are in a relationship with someone who is willing to throw their own family member under the bus just to get away with something, then that shows that they have no boundaries or no regards for your feelings.

I agree with you. Hell yes I would be mad b/c he chose a vacation with the boys as MORE IMPORTANT than the respect you built for him & for the relationship. That's deep & shouldn't be taken lightly. And of course there's always the thought, that maybe he's done this plenty of times but just NEVER GOT CAUGHT. And I'm a firm believer that when you find out something so strangely like that (by coincidence & by chance), it's a sign & your inner conscious doing the spying for you & wanting you to see the "LIGHT" that they always say will come out in times of darkness. The problem is that so many people FINALLY get their proof & STILL adapt, justify and/or adjust, just to wonder 2 months down the road while they are secretely not content the way they should be. Him lying about his brother like that should've shown you 2 things about him:
1. His disregard for your feelings. When he lies to you he's also lying to himself first AND then to the relationship. When he could've just loved you enough to find a reason to communicate with you & get you to understand, he chose to lie & risk the trust & honest (which a relationship CANNOT last without) in the relationship. ANd
2. It shows you his character. Now that you know he's willing to go to great lengths to cover up his lies and/or his intention, you can only imagine what else he already HAS lied about or WILL lie about. Just knowing this is emotionally draining & takes the fun & purpose out of having a companion

Krysrenee7, My bff said Im the character "Jack Burns" from "Meet the Parents",LOL. So quick to through people out the circle of trust.

My "friend" however, has finally stopped with the crazy texts and calls. I believe he either got in contact with the associate I bumped into or he has realized through his Pisces intuition that I no matter how many times he calls or texts, he won't get a response. I told him from the beginning, DONT LIE about anything! Because I will find out, not because I'll be searching for the truth , b/c the truth always finds me, I don't know why but it just does.

Waterbaby, you're normal it's everyone else that's wierd🙂

But how you explain the situation when an Aqua dumps you when you are completely loyal, honest and full of love and understanding for him? And finally he IS aware of that but he just try by perfect mind manipulation to bring you to your own conclusion that he don't want you anymore by his side.

Oakley101 explain further....

we had a 5months fulfilling relationship full of joy and love. he showed me how much he cares, he told me several times that he really loves me, he cried once telling me that, he told me how lovely and precious person I am to him and he really would like to have a true relationship with me. After few talks we had, he concluded that he cannot understand that I am free, independent, fearless and happy person, after I spend some years in terrible relationship with my ex (cappy cheater) and when I finally put myself together and find my inner peace. He told me how can I be so happy and peaceful person? almost told me that I lie! or pretend, which I'm not. I was try to be completely honest with him, bring him all my thoughts and emotions, during all time we spent together. We exchanged some deep mails on love-life-fear-relationship issues, then he reply to me that it is great that we finally can build a true love on honest grounds. Yesterday we talked, he refused my kisses when I came into his home and any physical touch (we didn't see eachother 10days last weeks, he was on long haul trip with his best friend). then finally I set my conclusion that he do not want to be with me in love-relationship and now I fee almost like a total fool cause I let him into my heart, into my deepest space. he hurts my feelings saying that he would like to have some chats with me, see me occasionally, not to lose me, but that I will sure find some guy that can give me so much love I deserve.
If you approach to someone like you are in love and would like to have deep relationship with this person, and you act that way, and finally bring this to another higher level of communication, how can you leave me like I was nothing? What else you would like to have from another person that pure love, happiness, care, deep conversations, loyalty, common things to do and spend great time together? Do you need sad, frustrated woman who will screaming all the time and make you uncomfortable and mad?? I am REALLY CONFUSED!

Oakley101, I "think" that he was not ready for a serious relationship and he can only tell you the reason why. I, like you would be hurt at the situation that occurred, however isn't there a tiny part of you that is happy that he told you to move on NOW and not five years from now? I know it's hard and I know it hurts but you just have to move on. Take this time to know yourself a little better.

Thank you AiryWater!
I was sitting at my best friend apartment last night then he called her when can he bring her a new PC, and then asked her about me "did you speak with her today?" my friend answered (as we arranged) No, why? Then HE told HER that he broke up with me. He never told ME that we break up!! I find this very shufflingly. So, it seems, if I stay that last night with him (he asked me so) we will be together today ?? Since I left to my home to take rest, day after he obviously made his own decision to cut things off. Without me knowing that! really unfair - for an Aqua!