How to fight with a Mars in Aries

Me: Mars in Libra

Him: Mars in Aries

He is very quick to anger, and throws tantrums imo. How do I calm a Mars in Aries down or win the fight?

Distract attention.

We do have squirrel syndrome.

Change subject/throw food at him.

If he is really pissed off, remove yourself from the premises til he calms down. The tempers we have kinda (a lot) suck and it's not worth it for you to get agitated as well.

My dad has a libra mars to my aries mars. The fights are..yeah, not good. But we do see eye to eye in the end and since we're both virgos we're both apologetic and shit.

Oh btw if your focus is on winning the fight, you won't. If you're focus is to discuss and reach an agreement..follow what I said.

your focus*

Thanks Damnata!

Sometimes I feel like he gets to say whatever in impulse reaction, and I have to be the calmer one. I don't know what it is but he triggers my anger when he does that.

I don't know how to fight with him without escalating things 😢

I looked at your profile thing...Sag sun, Leo moon, aqua rising...lol. none of those like to lose, nor do they let themselves...you can probably own him in the long term, with subtle attacks, and deception...as a libra mars, I'm you can do dat 🙂

Posted by feby
Imo throw big or go home.

lmao.

I am Mars in Aries and I have a temper too. I usually just have to let it run its course, vent a little, then apologize later. Not sure its beneficial for anyone to really try to "win" a fight with me, when I'm like that.

Haha grayid2. You got it. Thankfully Mars in Libra keeps me nice and fair. I do not like underhanded people who cheat to win. I firmly believe that people should win based on their merits.

He's not easy to "beat" though! He's Cap/Aqua cusp Sun, Aqua Moon, and Scorpio Rising. Very strong right?

Posted by SunMoonStars
Thanks Damnata!

Sometimes I feel like he gets to say whatever in impulse reaction, and I have to be the calmer one. I don't know what it is but he triggers my anger when he does that.

I don't know how to fight with him without escalating things 😢

I have to tell you though..the experience I had with libra mars..they were the ones going ballistic and not me.

With mars in aries you're on my turf and because of that I can manage the energy better.

Basically I have the problem you have but on the opposite foot lol.

The only way I manage with my dad is to change to subject or walk away until he calms himself. He's ruthless with his words when he fights, far more than I am. The kind of shit he says would kill a water sign in a second. Lucky him, he has an earth sign kid.

I try to summon my sag rising and change the mood between us to laughs and stories. I am more successful like that, especially when the fighting is stupid to being with.

If my Virgo brain thinks the fight is stupid, I will mediate it immediately. If not, well..you won't win.

it's not his mars then, it's the fixed sign energy.

fixed sign energy has to win at all costs or something dies in them.

play your mutable sun against his fixed chart and just go "buh bye baby. see you when you look human again and not some foaming at the mouth demon".

you're a sag sun, you got this. pull a mutable move.

he will still think he won but in the long run, the mutable actually wins.

most fights are pointless to begin with.

oh and let me tell you a mars in aries secret since you asked...

nothing annoys us more than someone being calm when we tantrum up. drop the sound on your voice to a whisper and he'll be more enraged because how dare you be calm and how dare you now talk in a quiet voice when he can't hear you. he will overage and then he will calm down (we lack staying power..which is a good thing when we act like morons. it's good to lack staying power then)

Posted by beautifuldiaster
I'll burn the bridge down even if I'm standing on it.

Yeah, this is the kind of moronic behavior we display. Thank god we lack staying power to burn the whole bridge down.

Arguing with me is pointless. I will ice you out until you regain senses and can talk like a human being.

But if you want to win and piss him off...well...lol

If you want to address the conflict walk away and come back and have a calm discussion.

TaurusloveScorpio and Damnata - you echo him. He has a tendency to stop mid-fight/argument/discussion and want to separate until he cools down. Where as I want to hash it out there, and not waste time fuming.

He thinks that I'm the one that "spirals" but he's the one that instigates (impulsive reactions, sarcastic comments etc.) and I'm responding to him. Yes...I'm very cutting with my words and ready to walk away for good when angry 😢

Posted by beautifuldiaster

Posted by Damnata

Posted by beautifuldiaster
I'll burn the bridge down even if I'm standing on it.

Yeah, this is the kind of moronic behavior we display. Thank god we lack staying power to burn the whole bridge down.

Hahaha. One good blast and the bridge collapses lol

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We need to stop doing that. A lot of times after it collapses I look at it all nostalgic and sigh and rebuild it. I could bypass all that rebuilding if I don't blast it away.

Anyway, above everything..I am a reasonable person. I am geared for compromise. I will understand the point if the intent is not to fuck me over. If your intent is genuine and looks for a resolution to the conflict, I will embrace it with kindness. You won't see me ever really blowing at you.

But then I am a mutable sun and this dude is a Cap. When fighting with my ex it was literally his way or the highway.

lol it just dawned on me..my ex was cap sun/aries mars. My own mars thought of only me in this topic. He had that mars too and a Taurus moon. If he didn't get his way..oh boy the grudges, the victim acts would extend into the next year. with our 2 aries mars..yeah, it was bad. But then again we looked at each other and realized it was pointless and idiotic at times so we would give up cuz it wasn't worth it in the end.

But something he really cared about? Yeah, his way or the highway. And my way around that would be to go "his way" while actually driving down the highway.

Posted by Damnata
Arguing with me is pointless. I will ice you out until you regain senses and can talk like a human being.

But if you want to win and piss him off...well...lol

If you want to address the conflict walk away and come back and have a calm discussion.

This is so true. He will get me fired up with his impulsive over the top exaggerating words,then when I get pissed off and fight back - "there's no point talking to you like this" WTF?!? Projecting!

I need to catch the point when he's instigating without reacting, say the same thing to him, walk away and then come back 🙂

Posted by SunMoonStars
and want to separate until he cools down.

trust me when I say..he is doing you a favor by stepping away until he cools down.

if I step away, I acknowledge to myself I am on the verge of going too far so out of respect for the other party, I will step away, simmer a little, and come back with a fresh perspective.

if you don't want to let me step away..it gets really bad, really fast because then it's no longer only about the fight in my mind but also you trying to control me/my emotional reactions. so if I was 10x intense but still 80% logical...now I am going 100x intense and the logic meter starts to go down. And it's bad when it goes down because then I am unwilling to understand where you come from.

Posted by GENERALIZOD
I CAN EASILY WIN OVER MARS IN ARIES. I JUST DON'T WANT TO. I WOULDN'T WANT TO COMPETE WITH A PARTNER. BUT I GUESS IF THEY DO THEN THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN.

I know some Scorpio Mars peeps and they all hold this "I could easily win" belief. Eh..perspective is reality.

But yeah, there should be no competing.

OP, think of "tempest in a teacup" when you picture aries mars.

it's fixed mars that will ruin your life, not cardinal or mutable mars. now those guys will go above and beyond the "call of duty".

Posted by Damnata

Posted by SunMoonStars
and want to separate until he cools down.

trust me when I say..he is doing you a favor by stepping away until he cools down.

if I step away, I acknowledge to myself I am on the verge of going too far so out of respect for the other party, I will step away, simmer a little, and come back with a fresh perspective.

if you don't want to let me step away..it gets really bad, really fast because then it's no longer only about the fight in my mind but also you trying to control me/my emotional reactions. so if I was 10x intense but still 80% logical...now I am going 100x intense and the logic meter starts to go down. And it's bad when it goes down because then I am unwilling to understand where you come from.

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Very true! He says "it's how I feel, you can't tell me how I'm feeling or not feeling" to which I reply "do you believe everything you feel?" Yeah, it gets really bad really fast if he can't just abruptly stop. I wish he could stop himself before instigating to begin with!

I'm all for competition during sex and...games in general. I am a competitive person.

But I don't carry it out in the relationship. It's for very specific purposes.

I loathe fighting in general. But my Virgo self needs to cope with people having those things they call "emotions" and navigate alongside them even when they are pissed off. A robot's work is never done.

uote>Posted by SunMoonStars
keeps me nice and fair. I do not like underhanded people who cheat to win

Sounds more like your leo moon, but Libra definitely adheres to that mentality...and your other signs too.

Posted by SunMoonStars


He's not easy to "beat" though! He's Cap/Aqua cusp Sun, Aqua Moon, and Scorpio Rising. Very strong right?

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Oh yeah...lol you're both titans in your own way...to me the bottom line comes down to Aquarius, they're the strongest and smartest, IMO, just a notch above scorpio and libra, 2 notches above leo...
So his Aries Mars will strike impulsively, that's the problem(as you have stated also). You gotta deal with that, argue the point etc...but don't irritate him or anything, let the Aries fire do it's thing, wait it out and finish the discussion as reasonably as possible. With the Aquarius stuff, this person is very reasonable and means well. You'll always end up on a common ground 🙂

my dad follows me around in fights. like literally, I walk out the room he follows me around barking at me. it makes everything worse. so I resolve to stay put and shut up and kill him metaphorically in my mind while pretending I am listening to his barking.

apparently if I sit in the same room with him, he calms down quicker. but it annoys me more. in his case I do have to put up with it, cuz he's my dad, I love him and the virgo guilt complex is strong. he always brings up his heart disease and how I am killing him and he makes me feel bad. so I just try to stay put.

he doesn't get my way to do conflict so I have to mold around his..for everything to get solved.

you're a sag, he is a cap. you will have to be the party to bend a little and approach it in a way he understands. cardinal won't change their fight behavior for you. but you're mutable so you can maneouver around.

Don't make it into a fight with an aries mars. Make it into a discussion and your odds will always look good. If you feel the mood changing into fighting, step out of the conflict and let them burn out.

Posted by GENERALIZOD

Posted by beautifuldiaster

Posted by feby

Posted by GENERALIZOD
I CAN EASILY WIN OVER MARS IN ARIES. I JUST DON'T WANT TO. I WOULDN'T WANT TO COMPETE WITH A PARTNER. BUT I GUESS IF THEY DO THEN THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN.

WHAT IF THEY WEAR TORY BURCH?

WHAT IF SHE WEARS TORY BURCH AND WANT ED TO COMPETE SEXUALLY? SHE THROWS A YELLOW DESIGNER PLAY AT YOU, YOU GRAB HER FURIOUSLY, RIP OFF HER CLOTHES, .... it's all about the way you interpret it... 😄

I'D TELL HER SHE'D HAVE TO LAST LONGER THAN 5 MINS WITH ME. 😛

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So you're asking for this woman to stay with a limp dick inside her for the duration of the last 3 out of the 5 minutes? That's cruel, even for you.

Omg..Damnata you are right on the mark about the killing other person metaphorically in your mind. How long does it take you to calm down?

Beautifuldisaster, I will try very hard to let him get some air and breathe. That's just not my style at all 😢 I prefer staying to work it out.

It depends.

If the intention is genuine, I cool down immediately.

It depends on the intention of the conversation and what it is about. If it's some personal belief of mine, I will cool down..not that immediately.

But again, my chart is high on mutable signs. Your cap has cardinal and fixed energy at play so I don't think he simmers down that fast.

Make sure not to use personal insults with him because Caps cannot get over themselves long enough to understand that stuff said in anger is said in anger..and he will wait for the next occasion to throw it in your face. you can actually see them keeping a mental score of all the nasty words you used..which cracked me up and annoyed him further. Actually at many points I would see the fight from a third person perspective and break in laughter and that only managed to piss him off further. Very high strung personalities.

I just want to add that I grew up in a home where fighting was on for breakfast, lunch and dinner so I have experience in this field.

*pictures myself interviewing for a mediator position*

I've had loads of experience to be able to manage it now. I actually think people would benefit from classes that address fighting..especially couples. There is a healthy way to fight and calm down the atmosphere.

Damanta, yes! Caps keeping mental score..truer words have not been spoken 🙂

Well it was easier when I was the third party wecarealot but let me think and I'll get back to you.

I have to picture myself and see my body language and the stuff I say. Will get back to you on this.

you cared enough to comment. aww.

despite blocking me. aww

^I find myself entertaining yes.

Taurus Mars..oh boy. The repressed anger coming out..not pretty. And the endurance in throwing a monumental tantrum.

With me it's not the fighting that should worry anyone. Or me talking for that matter. Me being quiet and staring at you..run..just run away. If I stop engaging you and you're sitting right in front of me and still yell and talk..I'm beyond done. I'm not even focused on it anymore but to make my exit for good. Maybe dish some karma along the way but that's rare.

Ex Aries had that mars..I think I only saw him once in 3 years lose it..like literally lose it.

It was scary shit. But then again he is a sheep and I am a virgo and they wove me so I wasn't in danger at any point. But the aftermath of his anger...he broke ties with some people and..it's like they never existed in his life. Almost 2 years later and he still won't fix any bridge.

@wecarealot.

Ok, here's some things I do:

1) First thing - focus on your breathing. The external environment will immediately flare up with emotion so you need to gain balance before you say anything.

2) Disregard any insults and cuss words thrown my way. Recognize it as words said in anger and not someone's stance on me.

3) Disregard all statements like "You never..". "You always..". All absolutes.

4) Focus on the root of the issue throughout the fight.

5) Abandon the "Right vs Wrong" mindset. My aim here is to reach a compromise and I have to move away from that train of thought.

6) Person starts yelling? I drop my voice lower and lower. You'll notice if you do that, the other person will immediately drop their voice level too because they can't hear you.

7) Avoid any sarcastic remark that pops through my head (this is really hard for me to do). Humor is not a good idea at the height of things, I'll do it in the aftermath.

8) Do I feel myself flaring up little by little? I will politely say "Look, I feel anger building in me and it's not productive to continue to argument like this. I want to make sure I understand where you come from and don't want to overreact. I need to go have a walk outside or just pace in the other room. I'm back in 5 minutes"

^How they reply to this is important to me because it lets me know that, throughout the fight, they do care about me and they care about the issue and not the conflict. If they flare out at me saying that, I will assume their purpose is the fight itself and don't want to actually discuss anything. In that case, from that point on I will let you ramble whatever. But I won't engage you anymore. You'll be met with silence.

9) Somewhere in that fight I gauge the intent. Again, if it's a genuine concern you want to address with me and there is something about my actions that upset you..I will listen to it. I will think about it. If I feel there is no genuine intent but you get off on conflict/drama..I don't care. Respect also gets dropped a notch or two.

The aftermath of the fight is what's actually important to me. I will listen to every point you made and if they make sense..you will see the change in my behavior. I don't do "sorry" and then keep on doing something. I will probably forget to say sorry but the actions that led to your hurt will change.

On the flipside if you overreacted and I have addressed that with you and after the fight..you only keep on doing it, then I will question myself on my involvement with you (as friends, family, loved ones).

For a lot of people fighting is all about winning. I will not deny that there is a slight euphoria in winning arguments but in the long run..it's not what I am after. If we cannot reach a compromise, again I will question the involvement and take several steps back. What I need to see is a willingness to work together and people who get along, fight fairly. I don't approach this from a "the other party is the enemy now" mindset because at the end of the day, a fight will only take moments as opposed to my entire experience with you. But fighting does tell me a lot about people. It lets me know if you're actually looking for a middle ground or just care about getting your way.

It's hard for me not to get the idea and I don't care if you present it by yelling at me or insulting me, as long as the point is fair and the genuine intent is on fixing stuff and not harming one another.

Yeah, there's a posting limit on this site.

To make sure everything you type goes through..copy it, then hit the preview button. It will show you how much of what you typed will be posted.

Then paste the rest of the comment in another comment. i usually use (continued..) in the second comment.

I'm happy I could help. I know where you come from on extremist behavior..I have it too. It might be amplified with you because you have libra in your chart so there should be an opposition there.

Just know that Libra stands for strategy, the strategy that ultimately wins the war. Aries placements put it in motion. I have mad respect for Libras when it comes to diplomacy. Unfortunately I am not Venusian at all (no libra or taurus placements in my chart)

Thanks for everyone's comments!

Beautifuldisaster, I agree it can seem selfish, but he just stops and wants to separate so abruptly when I'm in the middle of making a point (literally) that it riles me up .. 😢 Feels like he doesn't want to listen to my side. In the future I'm going to try really hard not to let him pull me into the fight.

Posted by Damnata


If he is really pissed off, remove yourself from the premises til he calms down. The tempers we have kinda (a lot) suck and it's not worth it for you to get agitated as well.
.

+1

give them a sandwich. They'll forget what they were mad about five seconds later

Which out of the Mars in Taurus, Mars in Scorpio, Mars in Aries are the most to compromise? Or not..

tiziani, I just saw your post, food for thought... thank you.