CancerGirlLondon
@CancerGirlLondon
8 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 15 · Topics: 3
Pushed Cap away cos depressed. Want him back
Hi and welcome 🙂
I'm so sorry to hear about your break up. You've been coping with such a difficult situation, I can't imagine the amount of emotional stress you must be under! Was he aware of your situation or how you felt about it at all? You've put on a brave face for him but the thing is, that mask of bravery isn't meant to be a permanent solution.Telling the truth helps. Even if he hasn't uttered the word "love" yet, he still cares about you and would definitely respond differently if he was more aware (he probably picked up that you were hiding something, he just didn't want to mention it). Were you afraid of what he would think of you if you told him that you were having financial difficulties and was under a lot of stess because of it?
I understand that you would've wanted to be a bit guarded when you were hesitant about his feelings. Unfortunately yes, Capricorns keep most of their cloud nine, euphoric feelings inside and it takes them a looooong time before they start to really express their love (they'll be extremely low key in the meantime). They are incredibly guarded, excellent judges of character, terrified of being hurt/rejected and therefore, are reluctant to make risky moves.
So what can you do? I would keep in touch with him if I were you. Send him friendly messages first - like what you got up to today, ask him how he's doing etc. and when you guys are talking regularly/ you have a good feeling about it (could even be how fast he responds. Ie. if it takes him days to get back to you for no particular reason, hold fire) then you can start to say things like "I miss you" or "do you want to catch up sometime?"
I'm so sorry to hear about your break up. You've been coping with such a difficult situation, I can't imagine the amount of emotional stress you must be under! Was he aware of your situation or how you felt about it at all? You've put on a brave face for him but the thing is, that mask of bravery isn't meant to be a permanent solution.Telling the truth helps. Even if he hasn't uttered the word "love" yet, he still cares about you and would definitely respond differently if he was more aware (he probably picked up that you were hiding something, he just didn't want to mention it). Were you afraid of what he would think of you if you told him that you were having financial difficulties and was under a lot of stess because of it?
I understand that you would've wanted to be a bit guarded when you were hesitant about his feelings. Unfortunately yes, Capricorns keep most of their cloud nine, euphoric feelings inside and it takes them a looooong time before they start to really express their love (they'll be extremely low key in the meantime). They are incredibly guarded, excellent judges of character, terrified of being hurt/rejected and therefore, are reluctant to make risky moves.
So what can you do? I would keep in touch with him if I were you. Send him friendly messages first - like what you got up to today, ask him how he's doing etc. and when you guys are talking regularly/ you have a good feeling about it (could even be how fast he responds. Ie. if it takes him days to get back to you for no particular reason, hold fire) then you can start to say things like "I miss you" or "do you want to catch up sometime?"
Hello AquaScorpio9.
It was so lovely of you to write such a considered reply. I feel very low right now and your kindness has lifted me a little.
Yeah, my Cap knew about the job situ. And he could see I was, and am, doing everything possible to drag myself out of it.
But he didn't know how badly I have been struggling financially. I gave him a hint but didn't do the full reveal. And I never said I was depressed in a clinical sense. Just said I was downhearted or similar. I definitely played it all down.
Thing is....he is financially in a really great place. He is excellent with money and practical and unemotional and he is super close to his family etc so I felt embarrassed being the open one...the one with her heart on her sleeve, the one who is bad with money, the one from the dysfunctional family.
A couple of months in I told him about some very serious issues from my past and he listened and was calm and gave me a hug but he had NOTHING to say about it all. No reaction. No discussion. I guess it made me less likely to open up.
I've managed to stop myself from contacting him today. So that's eight days of nc now.
I couldn't take it if he said he didn't want to give this another go or that he has started dating someone new so I feel it's better to be crablike and hide away in my shell. Better than feeling even more potential pain.
Star sign or no start sign, in my experience wild horses can't stop a man who is in love. Especially if he feels he is losing the best woman in his life. So I'm secretly hoping he is the one to reach out. Or that 'what's meant for you won't pass you by'.
Our last messages were me saying 'I would never have a bad word to say about him' and him saying he 'hoped I meant it when I said we can be friends one day because I'm one of his favourite people now'.
I feel stuck.
It was so lovely of you to write such a considered reply. I feel very low right now and your kindness has lifted me a little.
Yeah, my Cap knew about the job situ. And he could see I was, and am, doing everything possible to drag myself out of it.
But he didn't know how badly I have been struggling financially. I gave him a hint but didn't do the full reveal. And I never said I was depressed in a clinical sense. Just said I was downhearted or similar. I definitely played it all down.
Thing is....he is financially in a really great place. He is excellent with money and practical and unemotional and he is super close to his family etc so I felt embarrassed being the open one...the one with her heart on her sleeve, the one who is bad with money, the one from the dysfunctional family.
A couple of months in I told him about some very serious issues from my past and he listened and was calm and gave me a hug but he had NOTHING to say about it all. No reaction. No discussion. I guess it made me less likely to open up.
I've managed to stop myself from contacting him today. So that's eight days of nc now.
I couldn't take it if he said he didn't want to give this another go or that he has started dating someone new so I feel it's better to be crablike and hide away in my shell. Better than feeling even more potential pain.
Star sign or no start sign, in my experience wild horses can't stop a man who is in love. Especially if he feels he is losing the best woman in his life. So I'm secretly hoping he is the one to reach out. Or that 'what's meant for you won't pass you by'.
Our last messages were me saying 'I would never have a bad word to say about him' and him saying he 'hoped I meant it when I said we can be friends one day because I'm one of his favourite people now'.
I feel stuck.
Posted by goatpukeThanks Goatpuke.
lasso him back, explain all this and if he feels the same good if not now you can move on
Goatpuke? Lol.
I am too scared to do it.
A friend has already seen him back on a dating website. I know it's probably nothing and just his way of coping. I've certainly rejoined dating sites on a rebound as a distraction in the past.
But what if he IS chatting away to some new girl and then I get back in touch? Ouch it would kill me.
Surely if he missed me he wouldn't have let me go so easily. He didn't put up any kind of resistance except to say that he hadn't been thinking about us breaking up. .ie it was just me.
Posted by CancerGirlLondonYou are most welcome, lovely!
Hello AquaScorpio9.
It was so lovely of you to write such a considered reply. I feel very low right now and your kindness has lifted me a little.
Yeah, my Cap knew about the job situ. And he could see I was, and am, doing everything possible to drag myself out of it.
But he didn't know how badly I have been struggling financially. I gave him a hint but didn't do the full reveal. And I never said I was depressed in a clinical sense. Just said I was downhearted or similar. I definitely played it all down.
Thing is....he is financially in a really great place. He is excellent with money and practical and unemotional and he is super close to his family etc so I felt embarrassed being the open one...the one with her heart on her sleeve, the one who is bad with money, the one from the dysfunctional family.
A couple of months in I told him about some very serious issues from my past and he listened and was calm and gave me a hug but he had NOTHING to say about it all. No reaction. No discussion. I guess it made me less likely to open up.
I've managed to stop myself from contacting him today. So that's eight days of nc now.
I couldn't take it if he said he didn't want to give this another go or that he has started dating someone new so I feel it's better to be crablike and hide away in my shell. Better than feeling even more potential pain.
Star sign or no start sign, in my experience wild horses can't stop a man who is in love. Especially if he feels he is losing the best woman in his life. So I'm secretly hoping he is the one to reach out. Or that 'what's meant for you won't pass you by'.
Our last messages were me saying 'I would never have a bad word to say about him' and him saying he 'hoped I meant it when I said we can be friends one day because I'm one of his favourite people now'.
I feel stuck.
There's no need to feel ashamed and tuck away your problems because of the differences between your life and his. Remember, he chose you for a reason. He sees something special in you, something that is greater than anything superficial like money and status etc. Capricorns are darn fussy when it comes to even who they want to date so he must hold you to a high regard. Have faith in yourself!
It seems that from the last time you opened up to him, he did really want to help you he just didn't know the right words to say. His hug demonstrated the words he wanted to express. I think he was aware of the pain and knew it wasn't the place for his constructive advice, it was a situation that warranted comfort and support. And Cappies are hilariously petrified of saying words of comfort and love! They're like cats near water. Most men (regardless of signs) can also be dense when it comes to reading our hints and signals. You'll be amazed at how they take what we say at face value so later when it backfires and you're surprised he didn't get your cue or body language, they would just look confused and say "but I'm just repeating what you said!"
Taking a bit of a timeout isn't all bad but if you want him back, you should probably reach out to him sometime soon when you feel ready. Take baby steps if you need to. I know you're hoping he will initiate but think of it from his perspective. He cares about, knows you are experiencing hardships and that for some reason, you have pushed him away. How does he reach out to you then when he doesn't know the full story? You two are both people who are afraid of being hurt and can build your walls up in defense. But the beautiful thing is, there is no animosity or outside drama, it's just the two of you and the ball's in your court.
It's easy to do what makes you feel safe but in order to be happy or at least, find clarity, you'll have to be brave once again and reach out to him. I daresay the same thoughts are going through his mind and he's hoping to hear from you. But remember, if you do start over with him to be honest and upfront this time around. Give him a chance to be there for you. If he loves you, he will accept you for who you are. Isn't it better to give him another chance than to pass him by and wonder how it might've been? Good luck!
/blockquote>
Hm, i mean you ain't talking to him now so if he doesn't say yes what's the difference? at least giving it a risky go would mean you tried, right? and as im reading this im like damn 'follow what you preach' imma be ballsy too don't worry
Update. .... I still haven't had the balls to contact him. In my heart I'm convinced he is dating again and is trying to move on quickly.
I've read that Caps don't ever look back.
They are stubborn and don't give second chances.
Hm, i mean you ain't talking to him now so if he doesn't say yes what's the difference? at least giving it a risky go would mean you tried, right? and as im reading this im like damn 'follow what you preach' imma be ballsy too don't worry
Update. .... I still haven't had the balls to contact him. In my heart I'm convinced he is dating again and is trying to move on quickly.
I've read that Caps don't ever look back.
They are stubborn and don't give second chances.
Posted by AquaScorpio9Hello again AquaScorpio9Posted by CancerGirlLondonYou are most welcome, lovely!
Hello AquaScorpio9.
It was so lovely of you to write such a considered reply. I feel very low right now and your kindness has lifted me a little.
Yeah, my Cap knew about the job situ. And he could see I was, and am, doing everything possible to drag myself out of it.
But he didn't know how badly I have been struggling financially. I gave him a hint but didn't do the full reveal. And I never said I was depressed in a clinical sense. Just said I was downhearted or similar. I definitely played it all down.
Thing is....he is financially in a really great place. He is excellent with money and practical and unemotional and he is super close to his family etc so I felt embarrassed being the open one...the one with her heart on her sleeve, the one who is bad with money, the one from the dysfunctional family.
A couple of months in I told him about some very serious issues from my past and he listened and was calm and gave me a hug but he had NOTHING to say about it all. No reaction. No discussion. I guess it made me less likely to open up.
I've managed to stop myself from contacting him today. So that's eight days of nc now.
I couldn't take it if he said he didn't want to give this another go or that he has started dating someone new so I feel it's better to be crablike and hide away in my shell. Better than feeling even more potential pain.
Star sign or no start sign, in my experience wild horses can't stop a man who is in love. Especially if he feels he is losing the best woman in his life. So I'm secretly hoping he is the one to reach out. Or that 'what's meant for you won't pass you by'.
Our last messages were me saying 'I would never have a bad word to say about him' and him saying he 'hoped I meant it when I said we can be friends one day because I'm one of his favourite people now'.
I feel stuck.
There's no need to feel ashamed and tuck away your problems because of the differences between your life and his. Remember, he chose you for a reason. He sees something special in you, something that is greater than anything superficial like money and status etc. Capricorns are darn fussy when it comes to even who they want to date so he must hold you to a high regard. Have faith in yourself!
It seems that from the last time you opened up to him, he did really want to help you he just didn't know the right words to say. His hug demonstrated the words he wanted to express. I think he was aware of the pain and knew it wasn't the place for his constructive advice, it was a situation that warranted comfort and support. And Cappies are hilariously petrified of saying words of comfort and love! They're like cats near water. Most men (regardless of signs) can also be dense when it comes to reading our hints and signals. You'll be amazed at how they take what we say at face value so later when it backfires and you're surprised he didn't get your cue or body language, they would just look confused and say "but I'm just repeating what you said!"
Taking a bit of a timeout isn't all bad but if you want him back, you should probably reach out to him sometime soon when you feel ready. Take baby steps if you need to. I know you're hoping he will initiate but think of it from his perspective. He cares about, knows you are experiencing hardships and that for some reason, you have pushed him away. How does he reach out to you then when he doesn't know the full story? You two are both people who are afraid of being hurt and can build your walls up in defense. But the beautiful thing is, there is no animosity or outside drama, it's just the two of you and the ball's in your court.
It's easy to do what makes you feel safe but in order to be happy or at least, find clarity, you'll have to be brave once again and reach out to him. I daresay the same thoughts are going through his mind and he's hoping to hear from you. But remember, if you do start over with him to be honest and upfront this time around. Give him a chance to be there for you. If he loves you, he will accept you for who you are. Isn't it better to give him another chance than to pass him by and wonder how it might've been? Good luck!click to expand
I really haven't got the hang of how to reply to people on this thing without quoting their entire post first?!
Thank you again for your wisdom. Really I mean that. You come across as wise and level headed and warm.
I haven't reached out to him. I'm paralysed with fear for some reason. I think I have it engraved in my head that the 'no contact rule' is the best way to deal with anyone after a break-up, even if you want them back. Sometimes especially if you want them back. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
But you and that Goat poster above are right. If I don't try I won't ever know. So I just feel absolutely torn.
I am obsessively thinking about him dating other people and it hurts so badly. But maybe that's just my ego talking.
I feel dumb for dumping such a lovely guy. But something made me do that. Well..a series of things did. Yes there was the depression and money issues etc. But also there were small incompatibilities of life style . I have a dog and am animal crazy and he is the total opposite. I'm Bohemian and love old things and the odd binge drink while he is super conservative and likes modern new things. I won't bore you with the entire list but what I'm saying is that I don't think anyone pushes someone away for no reason especially if that person is absolutely lovely like this guy. So I'm hoping that my guy instinct has forced me into action here . And that one day I will look back and see that it was all for the best.
I just would love to fall in love. Mutual, wonderful, compatible love. But as the years roll on I just don't think it will ever happen for me.
I'm told I'm attractive. I was scouted by model agents as a teen. I have low self esteem but I hide it well. I'm warm and funny, generous and clever. I have a lot to offer. But I'm 38 and it hasn't happened and I'm fast losing hope.
Posted by CancerGirlLondonHello @CancerGirlLondon! Oh, you flatter me 🙂 I'm still learning as well but I think if you quote me or type in @(insert username), I'll get a notification from you?Posted by AquaScorpio9Hello again AquaScorpio9Posted by CancerGirlLondonYou are most welcome, lovely!
Hello AquaScorpio9.
It was so lovely of you to write such a considered reply. I feel very low right now and your kindness has lifted me a little.
Yeah, my Cap knew about the job situ. And he could see I was, and am, doing everything possible to drag myself out of it.
But he didn't know how badly I have been struggling financially. I gave him a hint but didn't do the full reveal. And I never said I was depressed in a clinical sense. Just said I was downhearted or similar. I definitely played it all down.
Thing is....he is financially in a really great place. He is excellent with money and practical and unemotional and he is super close to his family etc so I felt embarrassed being the open one...the one with her heart on her sleeve, the one who is bad with money, the one from the dysfunctional family.
A couple of months in I told him about some very serious issues from my past and he listened and was calm and gave me a hug but he had NOTHING to say about it all. No reaction. No discussion. I guess it made me less likely to open up.
I've managed to stop myself from contacting him today. So that's eight days of nc now.
I couldn't take it if he said he didn't want to give this another go or that he has started dating someone new so I feel it's better to be crablike and hide away in my shell. Better than feeling even more potential pain.
Star sign or no start sign, in my experience wild horses can't stop a man who is in love. Especially if he feels he is losing the best woman in his life. So I'm secretly hoping he is the one to reach out. Or that 'what's meant for you won't pass you by'.
Our last messages were me saying 'I would never have a bad word to say about him' and him saying he 'hoped I meant it when I said we can be friends one day because I'm one of his favourite people now'.
I feel stuck.
There's no need to feel ashamed and tuck away your problems because of the differences between your life and his. Remember, he chose you for a reason. He sees something special in you, something that is greater than anything superficial like money and status etc. Capricorns are darn fussy when it comes to even who they want to date so he must hold you to a high regard. Have faith in yourself!
It seems that from the last time you opened up to him, he did really want to help you he just didn't know the right words to say. His hug demonstrated the words he wanted to express. I think he was aware of the pain and knew it wasn't the place for his constructive advice, it was a situation that warranted comfort and support. And Cappies are hilariously petrified of saying words of comfort and love! They're like cats near water. Most men (regardless of signs) can also be dense when it comes to reading our hints and signals. You'll be amazed at how they take what we say at face value so later when it backfires and you're surprised he didn't get your cue or body language, they would just look confused and say "but I'm just repeating what you said!"
Taking a bit of a timeout isn't all bad but if you want him back, you should probably reach out to him sometime soon when you feel ready. Take baby steps if you need to. I know you're hoping he will initiate but think of it from his perspective. He cares about, knows you are experiencing hardships and that for some reason, you have pushed him away. How does he reach out to you then when he doesn't know the full story? You two are both people who are afraid of being hurt and can build your walls up in defense. But the beautiful thing is, there is no animosity or outside drama, it's just the two of you and the ball's in your court.
It's easy to do what makes you feel safe but in order to be happy or at least, find clarity, you'll have to be brave once again and reach out to him. I daresay the same thoughts are going through his mind and he's hoping to hear from you. But remember, if you do start over with him to be honest and upfront this time around. Give him a chance to be there for you. If he loves you, he will accept you for who you are. Isn't it better to give him another chance than to pass him by and wonder how it might've been? Good luck!
I really haven't got the hang of how to reply to people on this thing without quoting their entire post first?!
Thank you again for your wisdom. Really I mean that. You come across as wise and level headed and warm.
I haven't reached out to him. I'm paralysed with fear for some reason. I think I have it engraved in my head that the 'no contact rule' is the best way to deal with anyone after a break-up, even if you want them back. Sometimes especially if you want them back. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
But you and that Goat poster above are right. If I don't try I won't ever know. So I just feel absolutely torn.
I am obsessively thinking about him dating other people and it hurts so badly. But maybe that's just my ego talking.
I feel dumb for dumping such a lovely guy. But something made me do that. Well..a series of things did. Yes there was the depression and money issues etc. But also there were small incompatibilities of life style . I have a dog and am animal crazy and he is the total opposite. I'm Bohemian and love old things and the odd binge drink while he is super conservative and likes modern new things. I won't bore you with the entire list but what I'm saying is that I don't think anyone pushes someone away for no reason especially if that person is absolutely lovely like this guy. So I'm hoping that my guy instinct has forced me into action here . And that one day I will look back and see that it was all for the best.
I just would love to fall in love. Mutual, wonderful, compatible love. But as the years roll on I just don't think it will ever happen for me.
I'm told I'm attractive. I was scouted by model agents as a teen. I have low self esteem but I hide it well. I'm warm and funny, generous and clever. I have a lot to offer. But I'm 38 and it hasn't happened and I'm fast losing hope.click to expand
Of course you have your reasons for making the decision to separate from him. You are going through a very difficult time and having a strong support must be so important to you as well as time away to reflect and clear the mind. I truly believe that you should never let age restrict you from pursusing your dreams. I'm sure if you've set your heart on finding love, you will. You have a beautiful personality too and you should be proud of your accomplishments and amazing qualities! The one piece of love advice I stand behind 100% and tell all who ask is that: love comes when you least expect it.
But I have to ask, are you thinking of letting him go for good? I agree after you break up with someone you would avoid contacting them but that's only if you are absolutely sure you don't want them back. By engaging in the 'no contact rule,' you are essentially closing the door on him and the possibility of a re-connection. This no communcation also creates room for our imagination to go on overdrive and we always think of the worst! But don't let it get to you and ask yourself, "would he really do that?" and regardless of the verdict, say to yourself "I'm not going to let that affect me. It's just in my head." Please don't let your own fears and imagination hurt you. I know this is only my opinion and you can absolutely say "I don't agree!" but it takes two to tango and I think when you're both silent but you have second thoughts about breaking it off with him (and he's not apparently seeing someone else), there's a huge risk of an opportunity passing.
In the end, only you can make that decision. I've just given you my opinion on two paths you can take. One, is to be optimistic in finding love and two, is to find the courage to reach out to Mr. Cappie.
You mentioned something about small incompatibilities and this is something I have real life experience in! My partner's also lukewarm about dogs/animals whereas I love dogs and I am also animal crazy. I decided it would be weird if he talked/pampered dogs the way I did haha so long as he's not against having dogs in the future, I can roll with that 🙂 My partner and I also study entirely different courses at uni (we're at opposite spectrums) and our interests couldn't be more different (it's cliche almost) but I love that I can learn and appreciate what he's into and show him what I'm passionate about. Not always easy but I believe small incompatibilities can be overcome 🙂
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