It's hard for me to let go. That's the most I can tell about this placement. I also read somewhere that I need to forgive my family in order to heal from this placement. My family is not perfect for sure and I don't blame them but the pain lingers. I don't want to feel this way as I live far away from my family so they shouldn't effect me, right? These memories came back like a tiger in the night, just roar in my most silent moments.
I pray for forgiveness every night and I wake up with anger again over stuff that just happened recently. Angry that a promise is once again broken and I'm once again in the receiving end of that broken promise. Like any other promise they ever made to me. I can't get into details but my Dad said somethings that really hurt me. I didn't tell him that he hurts me. We were talking on the phone and I don't see the point of letting him know. I thank God for allowing me to have a life far away from my family, not because I hate them but because I love them too much to fight or cause a fight.
I thought I had left that all behind and now it came back like a MOFO.
Anyone with this placement and care to share, please do. I appreciate it. Thank you!!!
In the childhood, those with Saturn in their twelfth house grow up believing that they are not allowed to be critical of others, feel they're better than others, or compete with others. They must accept the cards they are dealt in life and be mature about it. From a young age, these people are required to take on many responsibilities, and it's assumed by their unconscious that it is normal. They feel they shouldn't criticize their parents for their load of responsibilities. They're no better than their parents and shouldn't contribute any less to the family. They shouldn't compete with siblings for attention or preferred treatment. Twelfth-house Saturns are supposed to be hardworking, responsible, and self-sacrificing. They should suffer in silence, which they do. They are haunted by a vague feeling of restriction and lack of options in life. Sleep problems are common due to vague stress and guilt over perceived wrongdoings or flaws. Their unconscious is always reminding them to stay tough and plow through problems and difficulties while somehow remaining humble also. At best, these chart holders find their hidden talent of using Saturn's strength as the strong, hardworking father symbol of the zodiac to accomplish a great deal in life while never getting bogged down in petty competitions with others or in self-pity.
They can be an example to others and can help others find strength and perseverance in the world. At worst, they allow the twelfth house's vague fog of disillusionment to engulf them, and they deny problems and sweep them under the rug instead of dealing with them. Some are critical of any irresponsibility in others and they judge irresponsible people as less than worthy because of the resentment they feel about their own unconscious feeling that they are slaves to responsible behavior. They feel sorry for themselves because they believe they have it harder than most, and they sometimes drown themselves in any kind of vice that lets them forget it all and finally enjoy the irresponsible, guiltless joy they are always denied.
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It's hard for me to let go. That's the most I can tell about this placement. I also read somewhere that I need to forgive my family in order to heal from this placement. My family is not perfect for sure and I don't blame them but the pain lingers. I don't want to feel this way as I live far away from my family so they shouldn't effect me, right? These memories came back like a tiger in the night, just roar in my most silent moments.
I pray for forgiveness every night and I wake up with anger again over stuff that just happened recently. Angry that a promise is once again broken and I'm once again in the receiving end of that broken promise. Like any other promise they ever made to me. I can't get into details but my Dad said somethings that really hurt me. I didn't tell him that he hurts me. We were talking on the phone and I don't see the point of letting him know. I thank God for allowing me to have a life far away from my family, not because I hate them but because I love them too much to fight or cause a fight.
I thought I had left that all behind and now it came back like a MOFO.
Anyone with this placement and care to share, please do. I appreciate it. Thank you!!!