A little help here please!

Hi everyone

I came to this board to ask you guys and gals for some help. I am having a problem with a cancer in my life. We have been together for about 5 years. We broke up in 05 and got back together 2 months later. He stated later on that he wanted to get back together 3 days after we broke up. Well from there it was smooth sailing. Until Friday of this past week. Let me give you a little bit of his history. He has issues with his mother. They can only get along for no longer than a day or two. She abandoned him as a child then tried to reappear in his life when he was about 18. The family members she left him with constantly told him that he was ugly and would never amount to anything in life. Fast forward to now. He is 26 and anytime she calls he always ends up being aggravated for days on end after talking to her & any little thing can set him off. I try to make myself scarce when I know they have talked because I don't want to get caught in the crossfire.

Now on Friday we had a disagreement. Since we both work during the daytime we normally text when we need to talk to one another. So we were arguing by text message then I began to express to him how I feel that sometimes he can be extremely self centered. Then he responded with "Well if thats how you feel then ok." Then no longer than 2 minutes go by and another message comes in from him saying "Well if thats how you feel then ok...matter fact forget you even know me." Needless to say I was completely blindsided by this. I replied by saying I don't want us to seperate but be able to talk through our problems. Also that I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. Lastly that I hope he reconsiders how he feels about our relationship at the moment. I got no response from any of the text messages I sent.

I didn't make the comment about him being self centered to get a reaction like that let alone cause a breakup. I was hoping we could discuss this. Part of me thinks that he may have talked to her this week and part of me thinks that stress at home or work built up and he lashed out at me.

I was told by a cancer friend of mine that this is what happened. "With us cancers when we are angry or stressed that is by far the worst time to talk to us. Most people react on a small level to stress and anger but with us we will destroy everything in our path. Then go back later to realize how we have truly messed things up from going on a rampage. I know that your cancer guy is seriously considering how he messed up. I would give it a week then you should hear from him."

Today is Sunday and I haven't heard from him yet. I am worried that he doesn't care about me anymore or is done with me altogether. Last night I kept getting the weird feeling that he is going over the situation in his head to be sure that thats what he wants.

Cancers please give me your opinion. Inspite of what I felt last night I can't quite call it yet as to whether or not he plans on returning. Oh...for what its worth I'm a Scorpio. Forgive me for making this so long. I just wanted to be sure I didn't leave anything out. Thanks in advance for the help. Have a great week.

I do know how we argue. We argue then give one another space for a few days. Then when we get back to one another its like the arguement never even happened. I figured that this was a different ball game considering the breakup. I don't think he would end it over a text. If he did do that then no he isn't worth my time.


Thanks. I will keep that in mind.

"my cancer is rash and says stupid things all the time when we fight"
This is true...(I don't know about LK's cancer, but most of us do)
"oh...stop making excuses...it is not about his past..."
This is not true.
I do agree that "after 5 years....you would think he would not end it over text right? that would seem ridiculous."
When you are talking to a cancer (who is disturbed about something), pretend they're a woman in the delivery room giving birth... in the sense that everything that you say could be taken offensively... will (and x10). Regardless of why they're angry. The reason he seems so self-centered, is probably because of his past. We all know that cancers love their mothers. And for that to be an empty part of so much of his youth, he is probably PMSing about whatever he allows her to do/say to him (personally, I wouldn't give a bitch of a mother the attention, especially not if I made it most of my first 18 years without her [as cancer as I am]). When problems arise, he probably feels like they came from someone (metaphorically) shoving him in the back. And when you called him self-centered... you became one of those 'someones.' Let him cool off. If (after you feel you've given him time to cool off [and a week sounds fair]) he doesn't contact you, tell him you're thinking about him and that you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. If you don't get a response... leave him alone. Misery loves company. And if (through all the bullshit he goes through) you don't keep him happy... you're wasting your time.

I agree with Broken Shell. I am no cancerian and don't know them too too well. But me being a cap, I can shove the feelings in the back of my mind and get along with life like nothing happened. It's just easy for me to give them that week or whatever when they are all sulky in their shells (stupid, I don't get that behaviour in the first place). It's all about communication, which cancerians for whatever reason don't get it....but with cappies, like someone once said, we turn our thermostat down and let them SULK. BUT we also let them know that we are there if they need to talk it out and resolve issues....

So, I know that it's harder for you than it sounds...you need to turn up your EGO a tad bit, get on with your life and let him contact you...You've already contacted him after a week, right? send him a "hi, just hoping you're doing well" kinda email....making it sound very casual but at the same time showing concern...(dealing with a cancerian guy friend, somehow I feel like I know how to work my way around them, teehhheee)....he will get back to you IF you meant something to him in the past 5 years (I genuinely think he cares for you, cancerians don't play with you/your feelings for that long)....so, something like a text to ruin a 5 year relationship is absurd if you guys have been together for tht long...

It hasn't been a week yet. This just happened this past Friday.

Ms_T111883,

I think we Cancers tend to say things we don't mean only to regret later that we said it. I think this might be a case of that.

We you make up with us and we pretend like nothing happened, it's very likely we do this because we're embarrassed to admit that we let our emotions get the better of us and said things we didn't mean.

I really think your cancer man just over-reacted and doesn't really want to end things like that. Give it a week, talk to him again calmly...he'll probably pretend like nothing happened 🙂