Another complicated in love with a cancer (man)

Dear God,what a mess.

Okay, here's my take on it from what I read (and yes, i read the whole thing).

He is a control freak.
He is untrustworthy because there have been things he's known about that he didn't bother to tell you about.
You are his ego boost by way of him coming in and out of your life and making waves in in - and you let him do that.
He doesn't trust you.
He acts like he owns you and can dictate what you do and don't do.


Honey, this is NOT love - it's ownership. And there's nothing healthy or loving in that.
You are NOT his number one - HE is his number one. If you were his number one he'd treat you like a princess.
You are the mother of his child and he should man the fuck up and be a father, even if you aren't to be in a relationship. At the moment he is treating the mother of his child like a pawn in a chess game.
He's stated he doesn't want you.
He's stated he won't have sex with you.
He is basically punishing you for whatever the freaking reason he has in his head.
He cannot or will not commit to you.
He wants to control you.

Read back what you've written and look at it as if one of your best friends has written it and she's asking you for advice. What would you tell her?

This is NOT love - this is a nightmare. One which you will continue to live, never knowing where you stand, at his beck and call and living a roller coaster of ups and downs.

Jesus girls, take your child, pour your love and energy into creating a far more serene and easy going life for yourself....and tell Bob to fuck off.

You should also take ownership of the fact that you've done some things to hurt him too. Neither of you is totally blameless here.

I would imagine your head is spinning with the "I want what I can't have" scenario, because you want it but you aren't getting exactly waht you want. Accept you'll never get what you want or need with this guy - I mean, shit, he shows no respect for you and can't decide what he wants from one day to the next.

Your responsibility in this lies with breaking away from him - and you CAN - and getting out of this bullshit pseudo relationship. It sounds unhealthy, time consuming,and quite the head fuck.

Posted by NZAqua
You should also take ownership of the fact that you've done some things to hurt him too. Neither of you is totally blameless here.

I would imagine your head is spinning with the "I want what I can't have" scenario, because you want it but you aren't getting exactly waht you want. Accept you'll never get what you want or need with this guy - I mean, shit, he shows no respect for you and can't decide what he wants from one day to the next.

Your responsibility in this lies with breaking away from him - and you CAN - and getting out of this bullshit pseudo relationship. It sounds unhealthy, time consuming,and quite the head fuck.

it is very exhausting. we act like we are in a relationship half the time. my brain hurts and my heart hurts. i told him i cant live with him. and he said he thought i said i love him. he hasnt talked to me since. its been some days or a week i dont know i stopped counting. i also made plans to go with our son on vacation right before xmas and he is sad about that because we spend holidays together. im really tired and just give up. i do wish things could work because he is the only person i have loved. and i want us to be a family but i cant live with him and us not be together. thats wierd

Posted by NZAqua
Dear God,what a mess.

Okay, here's my take on it from what I read (and yes, i read the whole thing).

He is a control freak.
He is untrustworthy because there have been things he's known about that he didn't bother to tell you about.
You are his ego boost by way of him coming in and out of your life and making waves in in - and you let him do that.
He doesn't trust you.
He acts like he owns you and can dictate what you do and don't do.


Honey, this is NOT love - it's ownership. And there's nothing healthy or loving in that.
You are NOT his number one - HE is his number one. If you were his number one he'd treat you like a princess.
You are the mother of his child and he should man the fuck up and be a father, even if you aren't to be in a relationship. At the moment he is treating the mother of his child like a pawn in a chess game.
He's stated he doesn't want you.
He's stated he won't have sex with you.
He is basically punishing you for whatever the freaking reason he has in his head.
He cannot or will not commit to you.
He wants to control you.

Read back what you've written and look at it as if one of your best friends has written it and she's asking you for advice. What would you tell her?

This is NOT love - this is a nightmare. One which you will continue to live, never knowing where you stand, at his beck and call and living a roller coaster of ups and downs.

Jesus girls, take your child, pour your love and energy into creating a far more serene and easy going life for yourself....and tell Bob to fuck off.

well it doesnt help that his mom talks to me almost daily and pops up to my house monthly and she tells me what am i goin to do about moving with her son. i say i dont know. She is a scorpion and she gets mad and is like he told her that he wants us to live together etc. now im the bad guy and ever since then a month ago he has been acting like he hates me. i dont know how to stop talking to his mother because im tryin not to be rude but when i try i feel like she tells him and it causes so much drama. with them poppin up to my house on top of it and i am currently back home with my mom because i lost my job and apartment. so my mom always opens up for them and their in my house giving me that im the evil one thing sigh

Ah Jesus, you're buying into guilt trips and manipulation here.

YOU can do whatever you please.
You don't have to be in a relationship with him.
You don't have to put up with his crap.
the silent treatment he's giving is childish, passive-aggressive bullshit, designed purely to punish you.

Look, you're an adult. Stand up loud and clear and repeat to him - and his mother - "I am not moving in with you. This is not a situation I want to be in. I'm making the decision for myself and my child".

Just keep repeating it until they stop mentioning it.

Set up child access if you need - with legal Aid if you qualify. Set the ground rules here, live your life how you want it and organise visits when you want them.

Otherwise, cut off contact and find a life that doesn't involve so much drama.

"The bad guy"? Why is it you? From what I've read he's an immature, non-commital manchild who needs to stop using guilt, manipulation, control and ownership tactics. You had his child, you don't belong to him, you're your own free woman. So be that woman and tell him to shove it up his ass.

Well NZ Aqua told what you needed to do. It is time to set up some type of court visitation, so that he does not pop up at your mom's house unannounced. Stop talking to his mother.