Breakup Feels & Others

I'm going through a rough breakup, but then I noticed that every breakup or friendship, apart from the ones I ended myself, is often handled badly. I don't mean that I call, text, email, stalk or anything. It's how destructive I become during the silence, and silence is the most welcomed thing for me after a breakup. It's like the wheels in my brain keeps going, keeps thinking, and keeps remembering things, as if trying to make excuses, and I will actually take and accept the blame if nothing else makes sense.

I can't focus on anything I don't want to, I cannot concentrate, and everything I would routinely do gets really messed up for me. I talk to my friends, but after I??ve vented a few times, I have to stop myself in fear of being too repetitive or annoying, not that they complain.

The ex before this one cheated on me, but he was too much of a coward to break things off, or even tell me the truth. I ended things, but it felt like he was forcing me to do it, and I wanted closure, so I demanded it from him, and he told me that when he doesn't see a future with someone, that he just moves on. It was a year later that he told me the truth. He regretted what he did and still tries to keep in contact with me years later.

This recent ex, I was forced to remove myself, knowing that I wasn't what this guy wanted, which was hard, because I chose him. He was what I wanted, but he didn't respect me. I was always kept at a safe distance, even though we were exclusively dating. I never had a chance at closure, so it feels so incomplete. He placed down restrictions even while were dating, that the thought of contacting him, writing him, or anything else feels like it's not allowed.

So, after cutting him off, I??ve managed to go nearly a month without saying anything to him. I'm not going to say anything, either, but it's hurtful that I'm not worth remaining friends with, or explaining anything to. If he doesn't come to find you, then he doesn't want you. There was probably someone else and he was keeping me around just in case it fell apart.

Assumption is also one of the top things I do while in relationships. I assume the person??s feelings by their actions, but most of the time my intuition is correct.

I accepted a lot of things about him, perhaps too much, and I allowed a lot to slip through my fingers. Even red flags were ignored, because you ignore flaws when you truly like someone. You stop seeing them. You become blind. I tend to want to believe in good, even when everything is bad. I do this with friendships, too. When I'm used or treated badly, I??ll think of one instance where the person was decent to me, and forgive them again and again.

Is it common to think, Hey, I cared about you a lot, and I'm still really missing you, so why aren't you missing me the same? It's almost like I expect him to feel it, too. I expected him to contact me by now, but it's clear that he isn't going to, so now my feelings are moving away from denial, and heading towards acceptance, and I'm beginning to feel a lot like myself again.

This is the first ex who hasn't tried to remain friends, so I'm taking it pretty hard.

After breakups, I tend to remain faithful and I honestly do not understand it. Then once I'm in the swing of being single again, I??ll actually really start to enjoy it. I was happily single for three years, until I met this guy, and I don't give in unless I'm sure, and it's just cruel now, because I was wrong.

Is that also a Cancer thing? Being faithful even some time afterwards?

My best friend told me that when friendships and relationships end with me, that I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me or being upset with me, so I try my best to be nice, even if the person doesn't deserve it.

Do you find yourselves doing that as well?

I feel like so many people take advantage of Cancers.

They also take us for granted.

Posted by mechanism
I accepted a lot of things about him, perhaps too much, and I allowed a lot to slip through my fingers. Even red flags were ignored, because you ignore flaws when you truly like someone. You stop seeing them. You become blind. I tend to want to believe in good, even when everything is bad. I do this with friendships, too. When I'm used or treated badly, I??ll think of one instance where the person was decent to me, and forgive them again and again.

Is it common to think, Hey, I cared about you a lot, and I'm still really missing you, so why aren't you missing me the same? It's almost like I expect him to feel it, too. I expected him to contact me by now, but it's clear that he isn't going to, so now my feelings are moving away from denial, and heading towards acceptance, and I'm beginning to feel a lot like myself again.

This is the first ex who hasn't tried to remain friends, so I'm taking it pretty hard.

After breakups, I tend to remain faithful and I honestly do not understand it. Then once I'm in the swing of being single again, I??ll actually really start to enjoy it. I was happily single for three years, until I met this guy, and I don't give in unless I'm sure, and it's just cruel now, because I was wrong.

Is that also a Cancer thing? Being faithful even some time afterwards?

My best friend told me that when friendships and relationships end with me, that I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me or being upset with me, so I try my best to be nice, even if the person doesn't deserve it.

Do you find yourselves doing that as well?

I feel like so many people take advantage of Cancers.

They also take us for granted.

that is me too mechanism. i hang in there when i shouldn't. but like you, when it finally hits me that the other person doesn't give a f**k, i feel empowered and free. i suddenly find them less desirable, less attractive and if i cannot think of anything that might make me miss them, the more better 🙂. yes, its funny, the less good someone is to you, the less impact they have on you. life gets more comfortable after you have accepted and embraced the break-up.

that is me too mechanism. i hang in there when i shouldn't. but like you, when it finally hits me that the other person doesn't give a f**k, i feel empowered and free. i suddenly find them less desirable, less attractive and if i cannot think of anything that might make me miss them, the more better 🙂. yes, its funny, the less good someone is to you, the less impact they have on you. life gets more comfortable after you have accepted and embraced the break-up.

So long as it's not just me lol I thought maybe it was just my special way of dealing with things. Yeah, I'm like, you don't care, so why the hell should I? And I just get angry to the point where it's like, ew! Why did I like you anyway? You were horrible.

Posted by CluelessCancer
Are you a Cancer. lol you sound like me.

Yeah, us with our Virgos, right? At least yours is still coming around and wants friendship. Mine kind of just dropped me and didn't bother to look back, even though we've known each other for awhile.

It makes me think bitterly about it, because I felt like at least I was a good friend, but I guess that didn't matter.

Posted by roscoe
Wow!I that this sounded just like me, I'm a taurus tho...we tend to hang on forever...

Hanging on is the worst. I wish we could just shut it off.

u just explained everything about me (when it comes to love/break ups, etc...) in your posts. wow. wow. wooooow!!!!

I'm aquarius and the same. :/ I even have this desire to protect the "name" of the person who has done me wrong. I just noticed that recently. I don't want to speak ill of them even though they fully deserve it.