Cancer ex gf and mixed signals

Hi all — Taurus male here. I'm a bit perplexed by my Cancer ex-girlfriend. We split a few months ago because I wasn't treating her very well over a period of a few months (I had depression and didn't tell her, eventually doing so after we had split up — long story short: I'm getting some really good treatment for it and feel like the —old me?? again).

Anyway, she told me at the time to let go, to not buy her a Christmas gift (it was in November), to not embrace her culture anymore etc etc — all very horrible to recount. I tried to tell her how much she meant and that I loved her but she didn't want to know as it was —painful??. She cried a lot and I was very calm and understanding, realising my treatment of her was to blame mainly.

Since then we have had some space and time and she has started contacting me. I'm not sure why, if she only wants to be friends, or if she feels something for me still. I love her dearly and miss her so deeply, and when she contacts me (email mainly) I make sure I'm friendly and responsive. I am also very supportive of her job which is quite stressful and she sometimes asks me for help still like she used to when we were together. I got her a little gift in the new year which I knew she??d like.

I have read all about Cancerian moodiness (she could be quite moody but also very caring) and how they find it hard to let go of someone they have loved. I am wondering if this is her just keeping in contact or if I should do or say something to try to win her back. I am giving her space but wish I could just break down the wall between us and tell her how much she means to me.

Talk to her. Don't throw away a perfectly good relationship. I am familiar with this behavior-she's probably waiting for you to speak up and claim her.

Thanks both - I'll try to talk to her and we recently met up and had a really nice chat about general stuff. She got a bit teary eyed at one point when I said something about us so I should just bite the bullet and tell her how I feel. Being a Cancer I'll have to get her at the right mood I guess

Posted by specialedition12
Thanks both - I'll try to talk to her and we recently met up and had a really nice chat about general stuff. She got a bit teary eyed at one point when I said something about us so I should just bite the bullet and tell her how I feel. Being a Cancer I'll have to get her at the right mood I guess

How will you get her in the right mood ? I'm curious.

At not in

I tried to tell her and it didn't work - guess I chose the wrong moment. Thanks all

Really though? She's a human being after all how hard is it to tell something to someone? Just do it. Fuck the mood. Most people that are successful with cancers don't allow their moods to put you on eggshells. Just go with the mood but still say what you got to say

Thanks - I bought her a chocolate bar and she told me to stop buying her things as she's "independent" now. I then tried to say that I still loved her and she practically ran away. I guess I've blown it. Why are they so hard to work out??

They can be diffcult to deal with but they need strong partners that don't have weak egos. If she said stop buying her things that's when you grab her and get close to her and tell her that you bought the chocolate for her and leave it somewhere for her to get it later then just say look, hey.... This is how I feel and this is what I want and blah. While you're being hush about it someone else will. Maybe you'll get your feelings hurt maybe you will you never know

Because they are bat shittt crazy

Posted by specialedition12
Thanks - I bought her a chocolate bar and she told me to stop buying her things as she's "independent" now. I then tried to say that I still loved her and she practically ran away. I guess I've blown it. Why are they so hard to work out??

Maybe she doesn't feel that you fixed how you hurt her when you were depressed. Did you verbally lash out at her? The fact that she rejected the chocolate and told you she's independent makes me wonder if you said something to her along the lines of her being dependent, or weak, or worthless, etc. I know that if someone hurts me like that (have been there), and they don't fix it or own it, but try to do something nice, like give me a gift, I'll throw the gift away because I don't want anything from them as a cheap token of a supposed peace offering when the problem they caused is still sitting there between us.

That's true - I didn't lash out at her but was very grumpy in the time I was down. I think she's thinking I'm trying to buy her love back - I did apologise a lot for not telling her about my depression and for criticising her at times. Less gifts and more dialogue I guess.

Criticism..... we don't take it well, especially if it wasn't meant to be helpful, but came from a place of negativity. To make it right with her, or to even have a chance at making it right to her, you have to let her know that you fully understand how you made her FEEL, what you did to make her feel that way, and how utterly, deeply sorry you are for it. Yes, less gifts and more dialog. We don't like to feel that we're being "bought". We respond to being understood much better.

Thanks - I've been so careful recently and have apologised so much for my actions which I know were wrong. Hopefully she will see that I am truly sorry for how I acted

Being sincere goes a long way. 🙂