Cancer guy told me Valentine's Day isn't his thing

So it's been awhile since I've posted on here. I wasn't confident he wasn't being straight with me, b/c all the sudden his interest level in me changed. He made excuses, he had a cold forever that stopped him from seeing me. He'd send texts and emails, about why he can't visit. I got some support advice, and some others commented that I'm the one that isn't certain how I felt. *yawn*

5 days before Valentine's he sent me an email telling me that Valentine's day isn't his thing, too many bad memories soured his memory of it and just wanted me to know. I've known him for 3 years and know all about his shitty past - butin the 3 years I've known him, it's never stopped him from sending me an ecard on Vday. I didn't care about Vday - I cared that he would rather sulk about the past then make new memories in the present. Whatever it's another excuse, I remember him telling me years ago men that complain about Vday are just masking their cheapness. So I asked is this about not wanting to spend money on a gift? No, he just wanted to spare me from buying him anything (oh how nice). I wasn't thinking about Vday. I was thinking about a concert on Feb. 12, that I bought tickets for the month prior and was too sick to go b/c I got the flu. He didn't even register that I was giving my tickets away b/c I was sick, he went ahead and said "yeah I'm getting sick again, so I probably can't go." Dude - what part of I am giving them away beause *I'm* sick wasn't clear? I was pretending this didn't bother me but it does. After all this time - and he was someone coaching me to get over my past 3 years ago and move on and start dating and yet he can't get past Vday all the sudden b/c of his past? He'd rather masturbate in his sour disappointments of the past and ignore me in the prsent? I'm hurt and offended, that he didn't even ask how I felt about it, just dropped it in an email like it's sufficient. He thanked me for sharing my feelings, and didn't want to hurt me, but my feelings won't necessarily change how he feels, how he reacts or behaves and hopes I can respect that?

Respect it? Respect someone mistreating me for something that had nothing to do with me are you kidding? He still wants to date me when things quiet down in our lives professionally (both under stress, but whatever he has an excuse for everything). No, I don't want to date any more, he was mean & inconsiderate. Happy belated Vday everyone. 😢

V-DAY is so overrated, IMO.....I mean it is such a commercialized holiday... I myself appreciate the gesture but do not celebrate it myself and I am a woman....I would much prefer that a man loves shows me daily....Its the little things that count more to me - dinner just because, flowers whenever, A kiss and a hug, a nice card/text/email/im/VM just to say I am thinking of you....

Those are the moments that I feel most thought of and cared for, not because tv commercials and everybody and their momma run around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to prove a point.....

You need to just talk to him and tell him how you feel (not about V-DAY), but about how him dealing/not dealing with his past relationships is affecting you two??_. and not in an email/text, do it in person or over the phone??_??_Have a convo, communicate??_..I mean if he is stressed maybe he used that excuse because he had no money or maybe he really gets depressed around that holiday....

Whatever the case, don't be so emotional over V-Day or not getting a e-card??_.A lot of things can be hashed out if two people just talk candidly??_..

Relax??_.I said it was my opinion which I am entitled too....And yes I do think it is an overrated holiday just like I feel many others are....You and your position or anyone else's won't change my opinion....

And I am sure that the woman you claim doesn't exist actually does, you just haven't met her....

And as far as ignoring VDay....I never said if a man did those things —just because?? all year round that he would or should ignore VDay...I simply said that I appreciate the gestures more if they were done any other day then Vday...

"i cannot give a card for vday because even though i am dating you and supposed to have feelings for you, i am still so hung up on my past girlfriend i cannot possibly get past it to show my appreciation and love for you."

Your statement above focuses on a card, which is the smallest part of the equation in that sentence??_.And like I said she should talk to him and tell him how she feels (not about V-DAY), but about how him dealing/not dealing with his past relationships is affecting them....

I myself wouldn't be too happy if he brought me a card or gift just because its VDay and that's when a lot of people profess their feelings to others, if he has unresolved feelings about his past......Even if he gave her a card and gift it would be just to pacify the situation??_??_

zoezoe you can choose to talk to him or get rid of him....Either way it's your decision.....Best of luck whichever way you choose??_.


You ladies have a wonderful afternoon!

He's a clown, choose to get in on the circus or watch the show and leave...

If you were his dreamgirl he would sell a kidney to get a great VDay gift, he would throw all hurt, all pain, all past issues aside and show you his affections, this guy isn't the ONE, your one for you, you can stay but you won't feel cherished.

"i find so many excuses abotu vday...because women can get around it by saying they do not believe in it...what do the same women say whent he guy fails to get a birthday gift, or a christmas gift...and so on? how many excuses must be made for a lazy assclown?"

Who made it a requirement to get someone a gift to prove love or affection??....Some person must have created these —rules?? to meet their needs and wants.....

Just because a I don't agree with you doesn't make my rationale regarding VDay an excuse??_It is my preference....I dated a guy who was romantic and giving, and yes he did the spontaneous dinners just because (home cooked as well as restaurants), he would send the text/emails/leave voicemails when he felt the urge...He would wash my hair, rub my back and run my bath water amongst other things??_

Those were his ways of showing appreciation and love so for me. So if he didn't shower me with a dozen roses and chocolates on VDay or my birthday or whatever, I wouldn't take offense because I knew I was loved and that he was good to me regardless??_.He showed me when he wanted and could, not when the calendar reminded him??_..As unbelievable as it may sound these type of men do exist??_.

If the man is a good a woman will notice irregardless of material things??_.We will just agree to disagree??_Good night Tiki and Leokitten??_

Hotgal it's not a requirement to give on VDay but it's also apparent that this man made excuses why he couldn't and wouldn't, if he really cared about compromising he would explain to her that VDay isn't a day he celebrates but if it's a day of celebration for her he will certainly be okay with taking her to lunch or giving her chocolates or doing something special with her, it's not about HAVING TO or FORCING but to come to her with lame excuses why he doesn't want to do something is ridiculous especially since he had no problem with it before, many men opt not to celebrate VDay because they are cheap, lazy and they don't want to mislead the woman BUT he still wants the perks and benefits that come with having her around, if he managed to give her a card in the past and opted not to now then that is clear indication that he's not FEELING the way he did 3 years prior and she should either date him while dating other men or dump him and move on to someone that will cherish her on any occassion.

He's not only made lame excuses on the actual day of Valentines but he was making lame excuses before the day even came up, she clearly sensed something was up with his behavior towards her, most likely he changed his mind and didn't want to spend anymore time with her nor did he want to mislead her into believing he was still interested by showing affection on VDay. It took him 3 years to figure out he didn't like nor want to celebrate VDay? If he didn't like the day then he wouldn't have ever even celebrated the day in the first place, that's a significant change and this guy seems to be full of excuses and that never makes any woman feel cherished and wanted.

As for your preference Hotgal that is completely okay but it's clear that this is not her preference and she feels less than appreciated by how he's been behaving towards her, I don't celebrate VDay or any other day to be honest but it feels good to be cherished and thought about not just on one day but any day and that is not what this man has been doing and he's using stress, work and sickness which is totally lame, none of it stops intimacy, none of it stops a man from taking a couple minutes to show appreciation, he has every right to say hey, nope not celebrating that day with you but for me that would be my que that he's not interested anymore and I would begin to slowly give him less of my time and attention and focus on the men that are willing to pursue and cherish me. Most women want to fix the problem but apparently he's just sick and over worked, only he can fix that and to put her on HOLD ie make her WAIT until things settle is BS and if she waits on him she's lame for waiting and that tells him that she has nothing going on but him and I promise you he will lose attraction as he is now and won't give her a second thought, he will leave her waiting.

hotgal - that must have been one of your bulls 😉


zoe - cancer men are childish and selfish [not ALL but a lot of them - hence the need for these kinds of posts] but making up stupid excuses about vday or any other thing, in their strange world, doesn't mean they don't care. Now I'm not speculating about what THIS guy feels - just saying, could be he cares but is one of those myriad cancer men who can't for the life of them figure out how to show it [yes yes leokitten...we all know you've found yourself a fully evloved crab who does everything just right and pays penance on the rare occasion he screws up....there are plenty of the unevolved sort left out there]. This is a tough one for these guys to figure out, doesn't make it okay - but at least realize that even though he may be treating you like shit, he may not MEAN to be doing it....take whatever small scrap of solice you can from that knowledge.

I think the important thing here though is that you know you deserve to be treated better than that, and if you need to vent here - let some call it whining and self pitying if it makes them feel empowered- then by all means do it. I didn't see anywhere that you said you wanted to talk it out and take him back, if you do then go for it - if you know you want to move and on and that's best for you then do it. And if coming in here talking about it and getting the anger out helps you do that then get it out.

Maybe it is about valnetine's day maybe it isn't - that's every woman's personal opinion and some care and others don't - what matters here is that there are bigger issues. Whether it's valentine's day or something else that YOU think is important, if he can't make a small gesture to make you feel wanted then at least one of you needs to re-evaluate their position. I don't care if the thirtieth of May is your favorite day of the year - if it's important to you then if YOU are important to him it should matter.

Hello! I'm one of those women who could give a rat's ass about Vday. My man KNOWS how I feel about it and he chuckles and may make a comment "Happy Vday dear" and goes on. Leave it to us to take a holiday and turn it into "gimme gimme" day. I refuse to be one of those women and to avoid it all together go on.
My Aries is a good guy and sent me a movie sorta a Vday gift sorta just because he does that stuff all the time. I got him a shirt sorta for Vday and kinda for a party being thrown in his honor. If I'd let him the man would spoil me rotten but he knows better. He surprises me every now and then with a gift or a romantic gesture but I don't expect it ever. Because he goes so far out of his way to surprise me with little things here and there I return the favor (and I like to surprise him). But Vday... ugh ugh ugh!!!
So yes... I am one of those women. 🙂

"you are one of those women...who just happened to also get your guy a gift (kinda) for the day. lol. my ass."

Was this to me? Um ... my guy was leaving his unit and transfering to a different base so his buddies threw a party in his honor at a fancy club. I bought him a shirt he wanted so he could wear it to the party ... it happened to be around Vday (the 19th). AND we were kinda celebrating the fact that we are moving in together. The movie he bought me was a little surprise (he does it alot) because he heard me say I wanted it.
He cracked a joke knowing how I feel about the whole material Vday BS about me getting him a present. Whatever. It was for him, a gift, mainly because I love him. It wasn't about the day. It's deeper then that.
So go ahead and ASSume whatever.
I'm not a Vday diva. Never will be. I get enough love and affection from him daily and one freaking day set aside for proving "love" by buying gifts is just pointless IMO. I get it everyday from him. He doens't have to prove anything to me or me to him.

when you refer to my posts please don't ignore the fact that I said "not all" - but I did say there are a lot and the fact that your boyfriend and your friends are in relationships attests to them being part of the "not all" - but there are plenty out there that act just like this one - which is why there are a lot of threads like this saying the exact same thing - and why there are a lot of single cancer guys out there.

And my point was that the ones who do act like this may not necessarily just not care, but are probably some of those cancer guys that think they're acting like gentlemen when they're really acting like selfish asses. But THEY honestly believe they're right. There's a difference between being an asshole and acting like one because you don't any better.

It takes a lot of patience to deal with this sort because they just don't get what they're doing wrong, so the choice is: be patient with them, or walk away knowing it's not YOU.

valentines day aint my thing either..i dont care for...i think vday should be an everyday thing..its jus showin how much you care for that person..why celebrate on one day it should be everyday..i could relate to what he said...