Update guys- on my cancer guy

Well my friends....Things went from really good, to really bad. 4 months in almost and my worst fears started coming true.

You all know this cancer man I have been seeing was prince charming in the start, and I was buying into this whole Mr perfect "act". His true colors started to show a few weeks ago. A lot has happen. 1st...I get a message from some girl off his my space that he use to date saying. " Oh I don't know how long you guys have been dating, but he called me asking me to come have sex with him, saying I was the best he ever had a few weeks ago"...He tells me she did this because she was irate that he had a girlfriend and seen I was #1 on his friends list and knew that I was her....Ok, I take a deep breath and say I want proof. So he Forwards me text's from her and gives me his my space password...( yeah he changed it after)...#2 The dating site I met him off of, well I was wondering if he still put it to use. I set him up to see if he would take the bait, and he did. I confronted him, he swears it was harmless, I buy into it....SO now here are having a great week together, then out of no where something I "did" so he says made him feel like I went out on him,so when I left him to come home he ignores my calls, my texts...All of it that day. So I am like ok....Are we done here?? what in the hell just happened? So me being ME, I text him telling him I didn't do anything, and I love him...Yeah I flipped trying to prove my innocence. He did not respond till the next morning. This was his text's-------

" How much I care for you scares me so when that happened together all the hurt came back from before"( talking about his wife cheating on him)

"I think we just need to be honest with each other. If you haven't then we are fine"

" I can't and won't be hurt again"

Now guy's this is what I happened to lead him to think I was....

I didn't answer my phone on one night, I was sick and came home and went to bed( yes I told him that)

I have a habit of losing things,( he knows this) and I lost my cell

I said something to him that we once did and he took it the wrong way that I did it with someone else.

Thats what I done wrong.......—— Yeah I can see to a point but it is so silly on another level. Anyhow. Come to find out he was back on that site e-mailing girls saying he was single and giving out his cell number. This was on a Tuesday before all this went down, I was on my way to him that day. Mon was when I didn't answer my

Phone. Well he just called me last night saying I need time. I don't know what I want. No I will not be out with anyone else blah blah blah. I will call you some time this week.
I'm like ok. Thing is I know he was back on that website, and he deleted me from his my space, and I know he added what looked to be a bimbo on there. I am thinking he is going to see her and trying to keep me in the shadows in case it dont work out, and using all this as a excuse. He even said me seeing his little boy was to soon and it felt like he was trying to replace his family, and I have trust issues as he seems to do with me. Ok

Am I wrong here— What do you all get out of this— What should I do??

do what we all told you to do in the beginning and that is run..run fast and don't look back..he is clearly having his cake and eating it too..

leokitten:
this is what you think of yourself? you think some loser is worth your love?


I was a idiot and wanted to "think" he was being honest with me.

"..I get a message from some girl off his my space that he use to date saying. " "

- How old is the man again?

we don't know other peoples intentions and i do believe libragal that you got led on by him..we cancers can be quite the charmers one hand and quite the manipulators on the other so i don't blame you in trying to see the good in him. chalk this up to lesson learned and move on...

Sorry to hear this guy is playing games with you libragal, I know many of us forewarned you to be wary of this man, now he's being the true chump that he is, him getting upset with you out of nowhere, they usually do this to disarm you, piss you off and make you leave because he most likely had another woman he was either going to see or she was over his home, I know that is a speculation but most likely that is why he started a fight with you and didn't answer any of your calls, bottom line is he's a loser and a player, he's probably too dayum old to be on myspace picking up chicks and if he's still active on the dating site thats a clear indication that he's open for new experiences with different women, I knew all that heavy sweet talk was a bunch of bullshit but it's hard to resist if your seeking love and want a real relationship, I know your feelings are heavily involved but you better get a backbone soon or he's going to rip your heart out of your chest with these games he's playing, most likely he did the same thing to his ex wife which is one of many reasons she divorced him, he's a lying loser....

men don't respond to words, they respond to NO CONTACT....

Well he just called me last night saying I need time. I don't know what I want. No I will not be out with anyone else blah blah blah. I will call you some time this week. I'm like ok....

He needs time?? Well he didn't need time when he was crooning you with sweet words and wooing you, he didn't need time when he was sleeping with you and he didn't need time when he gave you that cell phone, he didn't need time when he wanted you to meet his lil boy, he seemed pretty sure to me, now that he's gotten a whiff of the technology of online dating and all the possibilities of hook ups he's suddenly not sure, libragal he just dumped you and you wanna know what to do about it...You do NOTHING, you don't have the problem, he does, simply go on with your life and don't even budge towards that phone to call him, it's clear he is using myspace and the dating site to meet other women but he opted to lie to you about his intentions. You most likely smothered him and now he's attempting to maintain his freedom

If he doesn't know what he wants then he doesn't want what he have, show him that your not afraid to be without him, make maintaining your dignity a priority over trying to CONVINCE him to be with you, show him that he's a choice not a need by not giving him your all anymore. Being too nice, being to understanding, be too complacent and okay with whatever he chooses to do is INVITING MISTREATMENT...

Show him you are in control, show him that you have self control and put some distance between the two of you, he will get nervous that he's forever lost you, right now he feels you are sitting around waiting for him, that is not the message you want to send, to gain respect back become slightly aloof and indifferent towards him, he will shift his focus back onto you.

you have to show him you will not accept mistreatment to keep his respect

Well LK she is inviting mistreatment and disrespect if she sits around listening to his lies and stalking his online activities and he will not regain affection and love by her being a doormat and accepting his bad treatment, he will just continue on the path of neglect

I wish her luck

Bi polar LOL..I told him he was. I know all of you mean well, and you guys know me. I do not get mad for someone being honest with me. So I did not get mad over any of the comments. Yes guys I set myself up, but I so wanted to believe he was for real with me. He is 31 by the way. The bimbo he met off the dating site. He did delete his account only after I caught him online on it and called him out on it. Then he put it back up when I did not delete mine. He blew my mind with all of this out of no where though. Things seemed to being smooth sailing and it was pure heaven, but short lived until his true colors started showing. As far as me looking for a reason to remain with him, I guess that is true. Maybe I am, because we all do not wish to believe that we got screwed over and that the man never gave a shit about us. I tried being there for him, I listened to him through all his shit he was dealing with. Like work, the divorce, he was going through depression, and I tried to put myself in his shoes. Hell I asked him weeks ago if he wanted to see other people or needed space, and he said no. Now I told him I asked him weeks ago last night. His reply was oh I am sorry I did not make the time clock with my emotions when you thought I should have. I said look if you are going to dump me just do it now and get it over with. Waiting hurts, and he said that he did not know if that is what he wanted. To give him a few days, and not to put him on a time clock because that makes him feel like I want to see other people. Then he said to me, you ever think that you are not ready to be in a relationship because you can not trust me....He says I think you are not and do not know it yet. Blew me out of the water and ticked me off to say the least. I told him NOT to tell me how I feel. I just did a horrible thing though. I got another cell and I text him the number so he would have it, and I added I got to get out of here I cant stop crying and thinking bad things

Take control of your life libragal, he is not going to make your hurt stop, he is not going to respect you if you make him feel like he's the one that holds all the power in the relationship matter of fact he will just become more of a jerk and do more things to cause you pain because you allow it, men don't want to lose good women in there life but they don't want to do what they need to do to keep her in his life either, are you trying to tell me that you are going to put his feelings BEFORE your own, so he has the final say who you date, how your going to live, how long you wait (waiting is very unattractive by the way, it kills attraction, listening to a mans problem kills attraction, you most likely did everything that killed the attraction in him) I'm not blaming you, I'm not saying it's all your fault but all this nice understanding waiting crap is killing his attraction....if you want him you have to do something that says I'm running my life yet instead you are REWARDING HIS BAD BEHAVIOR, it won't work, he's not going to feel the fear of loss nor feel compelled to be in your life....

If you want him then stop crying, stop complaining and wait for him, if you truly feel you deserve a man like this then I say go for it, give him some time to go play and fool around and when he comes back to you, see what happens.

Is there something I can say to show what u just described to me after that text?

I dont know what else to do. Im a weak person when I am in love with someone. I take alot until I feel I can not take anymore. I do not want to lose him even after all the shit he has said and done. When it was good like I said it was heaven. Nobody can help how they feel for a person it just happens. I just do not know what to do. He told me not to put him on a time clock, that he would call me some time this week.......What am I suppose to do to regain my dignity and show him I am strong without making him feel as though he is on a time clock but yet I love him dearly

No there is nothing you can say, you will just look weak and desperate and needy, just stop with all the whining and crying to him and be a woman with some dignity, leave him alone until he comes to you correct with some respect and with an offering of making peace, if he's not doing anything to negotiate the relationship then he's not talking about anything, stop enabling him to put you on this roller coaster ride of emotions, don't respond to anything that isn't about him fixing what he broke with you. Right now he likes the conflict, it demonizes you as the defective girlfriend and gives him a reason to go out and date whomever he chooses to date without remorse.

libragal76, you will miss this man like you miss a wooden leg. you won't miss a single splinter and you will limp along just fine without him.

Listen love has never made a man act right, we forewarned you that this man was playing games but YOU chose to go along with him and give him the benefit of the doubt even when we pointed out red flags you simply didn't want to believe that this guy was playing games with you, he was freshly out of a divorce and he used you as a rebound, it happens all the time and now he's got his feet planted firmly on the ground and has been testing the internet and successfully connecting with other women he's pushed you out the door, the minute he felt your level of expectations tightening around his freedom he jumped into operation ditch her, now your caught up and there is nothing you can say or do outside of being indifferent towards him. Let's face it, he played you and now you feel like you have to regain some semblance of a relationship because your ego can't take it. There is huge amounts of humiliation that comes with being dumped on and most people want the man or woman back just to take away the hurt, pain and humilation.

The best thing you can do is stop contacting him

No that is not me. I am a honest genuine person who is in love with a man who is bipolar lol. Guys you can not help who you fall in love with, and yes I do love him. I know myself well enough to know when I am in love with a person. Sad thing is did I fall in love with a front or him. I know him, but I also know how cunning he can be.

Yes when it was heaven it was bliss, but when things are bad with him they are very bad. Isn't that the way with any relationship? I am not trying to justify him or the way he is treating me. I am simply saying when you love someone REALLY care, you will endure a lot of pain with them and from them, but there is so much a person can take before they wake up and say enough is enough. I have not reached that point yet, yes there has been a lot as you have read, but I guess not enough yet. I just do not understand how the hell things went to this. It was like I got smacked in the face with a brick. He never gave me reason to really doubt how he cares always making sure I knew not so much with words but with A LOT of action. I NEVER would have guessed I would be sitting here because he does not know what he wants because so many many times I asked him are you sure before I drop my guard to you, and with his actions and words made me feel I could trust him and set me at ease. Now he flipped the switch and I am left standing with my jaw to the floor looking around like what the fuck are you serious—

If you don't love yourself enough to let him go and put you first, he will never be able to fully appreciate nor love you...If you don't love you enough not to take mistreatment by a man then what do you think you will get if you whine, beg, plead and cry to a man, he will deem you as pathetic and he will treat you like your pitiful and talk to you like your pitiful because that is how your acting and that is why your cancer is mistreating you....Do you really want that? You think saying I love you, saying I can't stop crying, pleading and begging and waiting is going to make him suddenly become overwhelmed with love and fall into your arms? Sorry but that is not how it plays out, he will most likely lose all respect for how you allow yourself to be treated and keep his distance.

Yes guys I got played and played hard. I have never met someone like that, so it was hard for me to not run away and see all the red flags, Yes you guys did forewarn me about this guy, and I did not listen. I am a stubborn person who goes with what she is feeling , but I did slide in with caution, but apparently not enough huh? Question is how do u play a player??

tiki33 I want to regain the power but not sure how to. I am not contacting him anymore. I text him my new cell number but for some damn reason could not help but add that shit in there. I want him to know he does not have that power over me and I could walk away, but how do I do that now besides not calling him?

leokitten you are prob right, but only I know I feel, just as YOU are the only person that knows how you feel. So with that being said. Yes I know what I must look like, but damn wtf am I suppose to do now that I look like a loser who is needy to him to regain so sort of dignity besides not contacting him??

Yeah over a decade of being married. I do respect myself even though it may seem as I don't my feelings seem to take hold of me when I care. Hell fire maybe it is the fact that I am not in control here and he has control over me or letting him have it, and I can't or do not know how to get the point across to him without being a total bitch

leokitten this could be true my ex husband cheated on me with a 20 yr old while I was over seas

Hell after this I do not know if I want anybody. It will be hard to let anyone close to me again. He was the only person I let get that close to me since I was married

What pisses me off, is that he could be out with that girl right now, and he is feeding me this oh I wont be out fucking anybody, I just need my time to think about what I want....Keeping me just in case— I AM sitting here hurt and pissed off and STILL want to be with him...Leo I think u are right..........I do not know what the hell dignity is

libragal I have to agree with LK, the only way to regain some semblance of power is to go no contact on him to let him know you don't NEED him, he was a choice not a need and you will be fine without him, I'm sure he know how to find you and if changing your number and going no contact doesn't make him get off his sorry ass and come get you then you know he never meant to stick around and this is your que to move on, shift the focus back onto you and ask yourself why you chose to fall in love with a man so quickly without looking at how it would hurt you, take some time to love yourself and heal through the painful process that comes with purging from an imaginary relationship.

men don't respond to words, they respond to no contact, they respond to distance, they respond to not having what they once had carte blanche

It's up to you to make up your mind to stop being this pitiful powerless woman, you are not pitiful, you are not powerless because you have OPTIONS, you have the option not to allow him to treat you SECOND CLASS, you have the option not to accept bad treatment, you have the option not to allow him to talk to you poorly, you have the option to go out and have a wonderful good time with men that do value you, you have the option to be free from his bullshit...you have plenty options...use them

Honey its been 4 months

Not that 2 months is so much longer -

tiki33 you are right as well I do have options, I guess as leokitten pointed out I loss my dignity and I think I lost that when I was married to the asshole all those years. No contact is what he will get b/c I am not contacting him ever again. Anybody who would do someone that way needs to have there balls chopped off seriously. I know I am a very good person and I gave him something that I swore to never give anybody ever again

I want him to know he does not have that power over me and I could walk away, but how do I do that now besides not calling him?!

you are giving him that power by refusing to walk away. it really is very simple.....stop worrying about him, stop playing this game and move on! what you described is not love.

4 months is not love, it's infactuation and it's the honeymoon period, once the honeymoon of winning you is over, he's over it and he's gone, you let him know he had you 100% , you unknowingly invited mistreatment into the relationship and now your sitting around WAITING for him and being pathetic over him, do you really think he wants a woman like that, no man would want a pitiful pathetic woman that is begging for love, he needs a break from pitiful you....take your life back, educate yourself on how to love yourself, put yourself first, loving yourself is the #1 thing needed to maintain a balanced healthy relationship, if you don't love yourself you become needy and right now your needy.....go live your life and if you don't have a life then go create one.

Never let a man feel he has you 100% or he will take you for granted

leokitten I made that point clear to him when he was ignoring me, I said I am not one of your whores u you ignore u need to call me and he did LOL...I cusses him out I was mad then now I am going through the hurt. I just do not fucking understand WHY he would not just out right dump me when I said just do it now if thats what u want, WHY wait—

Why would he dump you? Why would he get rid of a woman that is so needy of him that he can just pop in and out when he pleases and you will still be sitting by the phone and door wagging your tail happily chasing the crumbs he feeds you, wow I would keep you around too.

My god I was going through rereading all the things I have posted here. This sight is good for more than just advice, it shows u what a idiot u are being as well. I just want his ass to know what he loss, and could have had. I do not want to look like this, but have no way of fixing the persona I have so willingly displayed to him. Just wish there was a way...Without going with no contact

Guys I get what you are saying, and I wished I would have listened early on. I am hurt, but what I think I am hurting over ( loving him) may not even be that. Now I have myself confused as to what the hell is eating me up over his sorry ass

of course there is a way. go no contact. get your butter together. he will online stalk you in his newfound online presence


LMFAO ok that was funny as hell

what is eating you up is the hit to your pride.

Guys I am getting my sorry ass out of the house for a bit ....Thanks for all the feedback and being there when I need advise.

You want EASY, stop being easy, dayum thats why he turned neglectful, being hard to get is CHANGING YOUR PERSONA, that will be the quickest way to let him know you are not sitting around pining over him plus it will give you time to work on patching up those weak spots, like learning to love yourself, learning to love all of you so no man can just walk in and sweet talk your panties onto the ground, no man can feed you intense feelings and gas you up with intense emotions and lead you around by the nose, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO USE SOME EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE...I think theres a book out with that title emotional intelligence.

You can't fix your persona with words, he will not listen to you past minute 1, you will go into how you feel, what you deserve, what you want and he go into ignoring everything you said and think about how good the sex used to be and wish you shut up and give him some, so you will end up sounding like womp womp womp womp womp womp wah womp, men understand ACTIONS

yeah I agree with LK, it takes all of 8 weeks for a man to cave in, mark your calendar and go no contact and watch him crawl back into your life on his hands and knees

Ok so no contact what so ever. So what happens when he calls??

How funny. I have a cancer rising and I hide alot of shit from people.

"Im a weak person when I am in love with someone."

-What do you love about this man? What do you all have in common? Do you see a future with him?

This guy is killing the Cancer rep. Plain and simple.

well after careful looking into the matter more. He apparently did go out with this girl over the week-end. Her myspace is not private and I went to look at it. He put up heres you a drink hope this doesn't make u as tipsy as the last one! His status was "recovering from the week-end"...So uh yeah he did do it. I am so over his ass and childish games. After telling me OH i just need time and handing me a line of excuses as to WHY, and oh I wont be out screwing anyone else........Call ya some time this week! ...WHATEVER

Well I mean it was obvious that he's moved on to someone else, he deleted you from myspace, he's on a dating site as well, maybe now you won't sit around hoping he calls you, there is really nothing you can say that will fix things, he has to wanna fix it or there is no relationship..Understand?

Your beautiful, don't let this keep you down, go on with your life....

News update lol....He called me saying Oh I care about you I just felt like we was living together and that maybe we just need to see each other once or twice a week...Yadda yadda.. Said I dont think U know what u want, and now is not a good time to talk about this LOL

Yea he wants his cake and eat it to.

"My aunt is a Libra and boy oh boy is all I can say..She can see a mf don't care for her and will still be with him..
I don't get it.."

LMAO!! Poor libra's they sure know how to pick some clowns to fall head over in love with...I wish libragal all the luck and she's going to need a barf bag after she gets off this roller coaster ride. What I don't understand is the minute the women see something wrong why won't they just leave, get out of it, why is that so dayum hard for us to do as women?? It's like we get stuck on the past and can't the now, right now this guy is saying I don't want you and her answer to that should be sure okay, good luck with that and never let that muthaf&cka see you sweat...

LMAO@Beastly,um awww yeah I can be LOL but I try so hard to soften the blow, I gotta keep working on that.

Well it is not saying he doesn't want me. The man is hot and cold, and I know better I am old enough to see all this for what it is worth, but for some reason I am attracted to the guys who seem to want to play with my head, Not that I like it, I hate it...He never did call back last night when he said he was going to when I said now is not a good time, and no I have not tried to contact him, I ask him on the phone yesterday, do you want to be in a commited relationship or do u want to date other people. He said I don't want to date other people I have been down that road and on and on. I love you very much, but treating me like this is not love and I know that, so I told him I don't think u know what u want.