Cancer Man - Stranger by the Moment

I have posted about the Cancer man I have been seeing for a few months.
I saw him last week for snuggling, which I wished I had not done. He kept saying he missed me and I was lonely.
We have mutual friends and they had told me a few things about him. All before he met me so no biggie.
1. Found out he slept with a hedious girl. I asked him about it. He told me he didn't.
2. My other friend was reminissing about all times and knew him when he was younger, said he was akward, and silly. No biggie.

So he (Cancer Guy) text the one friend that told me about him sleeping with the hedious girl and said you broke "bro code". So that means he lied to me about sleeping with the hedious girl. And the other friend he messaged on FB and told her that even though she knew him long ago that he didn't want her telling me anymore, that his past was his past and private.

On Friday night I went to have coffee with one of the managers that works with my cancer guy. We talked about Work and laughed. NExt day the guy I had coffee with was talking about me and our funny convo, my cancer was in the room. So my cancer guy says to my friend/ his boss why were you talking to her? and says why did you meet her for coffee. Really... this cancer man has made it crystal clear that he doesn't know if he wants a relationship with me. Asking my friends to not say anything, asking my friend what we talked about over coffee.
My friend explained our friendship, but really it's none of his Beeswax.
It just feels shady to me. Seems like he is going through alot of trouble to hide things.
What is this cancer guy doing?
Please help me make sense out of it?

Posted by duchessedenemours
Maybe he felt his privacy was invaded?

You have only been dating for a couple months. It doesn't really matter who he has a past with. You bringing up someone that has nothing to do with your relationship is prying.

It doesn't really speak well to call other women "hideous" either.

Yeah. Hard to see where this is going.....

The women he had the one night stand with has been around. If I get intimate with him, knowing some history isn't a bad thing. In this day and age.
I just find it shady he isn't willing to share anything of his past with me.

So, why is this gal hideous, in your opinion?

Posted by MoonArtist
So, why is this gal hideous, in your opinion?

I think she has a hunchback.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by MoonArtist
So, why is this gal hideous, in your opinion?

I think she has a hunchback.

click to expand

And warts on the end of her nose. BIG ones.

Or the gal is gorgeous and she's jealous and threatened by her and has to call names to feel better. I haven't seen the hideous gal's pic yet.

Posted by MoonArtist
Or the gal is gorgeous and she's jealous and threatened by her and has to call names to feel better. I haven't seen the hideous gal's pic yet.

That's probably closer to the truth.

Sadly, yes. I'm a gal and I know exactly how mean and catty others can be to each other. My backstabbing ex friend said that I had traded my "clear conscience for the attention of men". Because I'm a flirt and guys gravitate to me whether I flirt or not, have given me compliments and that makes me a slut (at least that's how I interpreted her comment). She's jealous and bitter.

Posted by MoonArtist
She's jealous and bitter.

That ends up building a lot of bad karma.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by MoonArtist
She's jealous and bitter.

That ends up building a lot of bad karma.

click to expand

After the amount of backstabbing she's done and being a narc for my ex, taking his side and STILL trying to put on a fake face of caring and friendship to me she deserves every bit of it.

You sound extra shallow calling this other girl hideous and such. Tsk Tsk. ugly on the inside is worse. and who cares who he fucked in the past. seriously. and even if he did fuck her so what if she was gorgeous or ugly. really people....SMH

let's say he did fuck that ugly chick. u still wanna fuck him don't u? hah. you'd want him no matter who he fucked. admit it. face it. he's the one choosing to be committed to you or not. maybe he doesn't like you chit chatting so much and this is all a test to see if you are true relationship material. seems like he's getting frustrated with you for being so chatty with other people about his business.

Amen!

yea. You're all like it if he doesn't want you, then he can't stop you from chit chatting about him...um...well...understand that no matter what you do, your business or his, if he sees it he will be judging you as to how well you fit into his life and if you are a good long term material or not. If I were you I'd shape up and be on good behavior.

It's not about you having the freedom to do what you want. But if he WAS your boyfriend, would you go around talking to people about him? And even if you did, would you tell your own boyfriend what other people thought of him? Or calling his sexual conquests hideous? hah. If I were him I'd be like..this chick has a big mouth....and nip it in the bud. Sorry...just sayin...but most people have a sense of privacy and decorum about this sorta thing. A lot of guys don't like their future girlfriends be so catty or talkative about this sorta stuff. He might now think you are gossipy.

If he was seemingly angry that you've been chatting with others about him...you are losing points girl

If I were you and I wanted info, I'd get it and then not tell him what I heard. I would not need confirmation of such intel. LOL. take it or leave it. believe it or not. Asking him is pointless because guys will lie lie lie to get away with anything. Now you've gotten worried whether the info was truth or not and you even asked him to confirm the hideous girl allegations? ...uh...big no no. I think it is most funny that you asked him to confirm the intel. That's the most hilarious part about this. You're creating this drama woman. YOU are what is behind all this hoopla. He's acting as he should be acting. He's being normal if he is frustrated. What man wouldn't.

I learned this in high school. High school teaches u a lot about relationships. hahaa people never grow up. playing the he said she said games.

Let me clarify. The woman he was with has been with ALOT of people. That is why I said Hedious.
I am not jealous of this women in anyway shape or form. This was before I met him, but I was surpised because he said how picky he is about women and then to be with this particular female. Does not make sense. He had a chance to be honest, and he lied. In this day in age, that is something you need to devuldge before you share your body with someone.
The part of my concern wasn't even him and this women as much as the trouble he seems to be going to to shut all our mutual friends up about telling me anything about him.
There is private and then there is shady. Just seems like he has lots to hide. Plus, when you are dating/getting to know someone wouldn't you want to share things about yourself with him.
He is too old to be acting like this.
I am just wondering why he seems to be hiding everything?
No taking me on real dates. Everything is "I know I know".
And when he is off.. he goes fishing on his boat in California.

You still sound judgmental and immature about it. It doesn't matter who he's been with and who his partners have been. ALWAYS assume someone has had other partners, etc. and simply ask straight up for proof he's STD free and you have the same proof for yourself to give as reassurance.

I really don't think that sounds judgmental or immature. Since I know he lied about being with this woman in the first place, not sure I would get an honest answer from him regarding STD's.
I am all for taking things slowly, but we live 7 mins away and see each other MAYBE every 3 weeks only if HE wants. Does that sounds fair to anyone?
Bottom line this guy isn't being honest with me, and is not showing enough intrest to even keep me intrested.
I think it might be time to Finally look for greener pastures.

It does because you've pegged a past partner of his as hideous because she's slept with a lot of men, you're questioning his truthfulness with you and you stated your big worry is about his past sex life with a woman who has had ALOT (your words) of partners and the implication of a possible STD to get passed along. If you are really worried about the STD part then ask to see a test result from a Dr. stating he's disease free and you show him your own test results. No sex until he can prove himself. Everything else is moot and seems like a lot of drama. If you don't trust him then don't pursue and find someone who's a better match.

Definitely no, the world doesn't work that way. But as a Cancer I don't give my trust easily or automatically. If I was woodenmeow and had that much distrust in what he's saying and doing it would be an automatic NO and I'd move on without a second thought.

@ Pisceanpisces -
I agree. The bigger question is trust. I usually trust someone first til they show me otherwise.
As for the word hedious which I don't think is a big deal (btw). That my opinon. Like I said for someone who said he is picky about who is with. I guess a one night stand doesn't fall under that? We work in the same groups, I was bound to hear things about him and he me. He asked me things that he heard about me. I was honest.
I haven't heard from him in a week, so I guess I should just cool my jets.

@ Clueless Cancer
I just re-read your posts, whoops. I am with you.
I feel like runner up when I should be first choice.
Running shoes on....
No Claws in me.

Good! Glad you're seeing the light! Don't lose trust but wait on the next one. At least now you will recognize red flags. I think most of these jerks are in a club and swap game tips. It's disgusting. I wish they had warning labels on their foreheads.

Always go with the gut feeling, girls. ALWAYS.

since your first post about him 3-4 months ago it's been down hill from there. he has not sounded like he was going to be long term material.

I barely see him now. Like every 3 weeks when he likes to throw me crumbs.
I am not that worried. He really hasn't treated me right from the begining. Guess I thought it would change.