Convincing My CancerLeo to Come Back

So I'm a CancerLeo male... I met a CancerLeo female online on a very particular dating site and we hit it off immediately. We have so much in common, from taste in music to hobbies to sexual desires... the sex was 11/10, too. We spent a lot of time together, but have only known each other a week (too much time in my opinion, but...)

She is an addict, looking to get clean. When I realized how much I liked her, my primary focus went from sex/hanging out (our goal when meeting) to helping her get clean, because I wanted to pursue some form of relationship with her and would want her to be clean before doing so. In my efforts to get her to stop using, I became slightly controlling, but I thought that is what she needed.

Two days ago she told be she doesn't want to be sexual anymore but we could remain friends, because she liked someone else (another user) more... basically breaking up with me. I remained cool and said she could do whatever she pleases and I was happy for her that she found somebody. She said her main reason for ending our sexual relationship was because I had been so controlling and I didn't understand what she was going through.

She told me about him and I was okay with it besides the fact that he was a user. I argued, why be close with him because when you get clean you won't be able to see him anymore? He is way, way older than her, and I am five years her senior. Her first impression of him was that the sex was good but they had nothing in common, her first impression of me was the sex was amazing and she basically 1) felt like she had known me forever even though we had just met and 2) it felt like we had become best friends in one night.

The situation is so complicated and ridiculous I don't expect anyone to understand...

But I'd like validation in that if I leave her be for a short while, not being controlling at all, that I'll be able to reignite the passion between us. I've never met anyone I clicked like this so instantly, and hoping she goes to rehab and gets clean, we could try and work on something long term in the future.

I know it's crazy, we've only known each other a week, but based on the chemistry and how similar we are, I feel like I love this girl. I've been in slower-forming love relationships before and it feels much the same, minus all the chaos.

I don't know what to expect in responses here, but I want to talk it out.

We're both polyamourous (meaning we support the idea of multiple relationships).

Let it go. She is having personal issues and your constant pressuring will only cause her a relapse and or frustration.
She gave you an out.
Run through the door.
Dealing with a drug addict is not romantic or fun.
She jumped in bed with you then dumped you and jumped in with someone else? (Explains the polyamourous comment.)

She doesn't need a man making demands in her life she needs a therapist.

Find someone clean and clear headed.

Posted by LunarMaiden
Let it go. She is having personal issues and your constant pressuring will only cause her a relapse and or frustration.
She gave you an out.
Run through the door.
Dealing with a drug addict is not romantic or fun.
She jumped in bed with you then dumped you and jumped in with someone else? (Explains the polyamourous comment.)

She doesn't need a man making demands in her life she needs a therapist.

Find someone clean and clear headed.

I wish I could quit so easily... but realistically, honestly weighing all factors between us, there are no two people who share all of these qualities we do. It feels like fate that I would meet her in such a way... and I'm willing to wait.

She is hopefully entering rehab this month, and while she is there I plan on staying in communication through hand written letters/visiting her once or twice when allowed. The connection is crazy, and perhaps we won't get married, but I see long term potential in her.

The major difference between us is that I'm work oriented and have a lot going for myself, and she is in a long period of fucking up and doing the wrong thing. I make media for a living, media that isn't very popular or well known at the moment, and she happened to be a fan of my work... which is crazy that I'd meet her.

Posted by CancerLeo1994

Posted by LunarMaiden
Let it go. She is having personal issues and your constant pressuring will only cause her a relapse and or frustration.
She gave you an out.
Run through the door.
Dealing with a drug addict is not romantic or fun.
She jumped in bed with you then dumped you and jumped in with someone else? (Explains the polyamourous comment.)

She doesn't need a man making demands in her life she needs a therapist.

Find someone clean and clear headed.

I wish I could quit so easily... but realistically, honestly weighing all factors between us, there are no two people who share all of these qualities we do. It feels like fate that I would meet her in such a way... and I'm willing to wait.

She is hopefully entering rehab this month, and while she is there I plan on staying in communication through hand written letters/visiting her once or twice when allowed. The connection is crazy, and perhaps we won't get married, but I see long term potential in her.

The major difference between us is that I'm work oriented and have a lot going for myself, and she is in a long period of fucking up and doing the wrong thing. I make media for a living, media that isn't very popular or well known at the moment, and she happened to be a fan of my work... which is crazy that I'd meet her.

click to expand

The best thing you can do for you both, imo, is to take several steps back but be there for her emotional support as a friend while she is in rehab and thereafter.

If the connection between you too is truly that amazing, she will come back. But she needs to get herself straightened out.

Sounds like your controlling pushed her away. And while she has many things in comon with you she shares her addiction with HIM.

She's an addict and she's also your addiction.

Good luck to the two of you.

Wow... co-dependent meets addict.

No offense, but this is just vapour-- when and if

(big if) she gets clean, she's going to be a different

person but either way, you can't save her from

herself.


This rarely ends well. 😐

You have to let her go and see what happens. That's all there is to it. Wait if you want, but just hope, and don't expect.

If she follows what she's told in rehab, she won't be looking to have a relationship when she gets out anyway. She's supposed to work on herself and her recovery.

Posted by flowingwater

Posted by KsamCancer
I couldnt get past the CancerLeo part. Ive never heard of that sign before.

Black mamba?

click to expand

I gather they are both on the cusp of Cancer/Leo

I'm actually born in 1989 but that name was taken lol so I used her birth year because I was at a loss. I'm 26 she is 21.

I don't know if she's ready to get clean. She hasn't hit rock bottom but is pretty close... she degrades herself often and does shady things for drugs. She lies a lot. It's unfortunate.

I am honestly in this for the long haul if she shows improvement. I hope I can be successful enough to support her partially and help her go to school and stuff.

Right now I'm playing the no contact card to see how much she tries to talk to me. We will see.

I care about her very much and I let her know that. I did so much for her in a few short days. For now I will see other people and remain her friend when she needs me.

Addicts are addictive and manipulative as shit..its their nature..watch out.

Could any Cancers give me insight on repairing a short lived broken relationship without considering all the crazy dramatic drug addiction shit above?

bumpu~