Did I screw up with Cancer Male? Help! (LONG)

Nothing like I have ever felt in my life, 8 months of bliss. I've never felt the type of attention, affection, or love from a man like this - staring into my eyes and stuff?! It's amazing. Everything was great until he told me he was going to have to move away for work. It wasnt until the day he left he told me that he loved me, he said he didnt want to tell me because of things that have happened in the past. First screw up: I accidentally sent him a text msg that was meant for someone else (was getting advice from BFF about him)...about him! It was just a question, but it didnt sound good! I was terrified but we got through that issue and I apologized for making him feel anyway but secure with me. Slowly, he was coming back around but I guess it was too slow for me. He didnt text as much, call, make plans to see me. I asked him about him being distant towards me and he just said he was focusing on his career and just had been busy thats all. Ok. I took that. Never lost communication, but slow. I sent a flirty text even, and he seemed into it - and then the next day I dropped an emotional BOMB. I just sent this long emotional text about how I think he wanted me to break things off cause he was being so distant, he doesnt call, that he didnt seem to want this, you're being different, etc. I never said anything hurtful or directly accused, it was just about my feelings. So his response was how could I go from flirty one day to this. I know! Then he said "whatever, do whatever I'm gone Goodluck". I apologized and said that I didnt mean to pick a fight, he says "yes you did, have a great weekend. See you soon". I didnt text him for almost a week to give him space. I sent him a text to let him know I miss him ..just being cute like we normally do. His response "That was your choice. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year". He took the emotional text as a break up! I kept my emotions in check when texting him and just explained that this is diff for me being vulnerable, open, etc..and just asked for his patience to get through this with me. He didnt respond. I called him 3 times he didnt answer. I only left one msg just asking at least to call me back. He's broken up with me once before and said it was over and returned a week later like nothing happened. But I'm afraid that with the distance, that I keep screwing up,or maybe he got back with his ex that he might be gone this time. I've read diff things to chase or not to chase a crab...I dont know what to do!

Is he gone for good you think? Its been 2 days and I haven't tried to contact him...but it feels like 2 eternities!

Not a lot of details to work on, and it looks like some things are missing.
How far away did he move for work, what was this past stuff that kept him from saying anything until the last day?

The flirty text one day / emotional bomb the next looks like a whole lot of crazy to me.

You wouldn't have happened to be trying to manipulate him, would you? If so, he probably picked up on that.

Still, not enough details here, but depending on distance, it's kind of hard to make plans to spend time with someone.

We never really got into the details of his past like that. All he said was everytime he told someone that, things happened.

But he moved about 7 hrs away from me.

I dont believe it was manipulation, but I just wanted us to go back to the way we were and from reading about Crabs nothing was probably wrong, but Im a Taurus and I just wanted to feel secure. I wanted him to say I was wrong to feel that way, blah blah blah. It was already an emotional day, and I just didnt think before I sent that.

I think it was the fact that I went from one extreme to another so fast.

In the beginning I was the one holding back emotionally... I was afraid and I told him that. It was like this was too good to be true. He's 11 yrs older than me if that matters. But I just let my fear of the future (being without him) and thoughts of past relationships make me emotional. I did sincerely apologize for everthing and told him where it came from. It wasnt a breakup msg, and looking at it again now it does look like an attack. 😢 I really didnt mean it that way.

I just want to know if I give him space to process it all, will he give it a second chance, at least for friendship cause we were friends first.

And you are right, physically we are off the charts together! Never felt anything like that before and he said he hadnt either. So much passion!

I just miss him, but I dont want him to think Im anymore crazy than what he thinks now...so Im standing down. If I would have studied his sign better in the beginning maybe this could have been avoided. 😢

This was the msg btw:
I feel like you want me to take the hint and give up with you. You're acting so different from what you were. I try to show and express my feelings, show you that I want this, but that doesnt seem to really make a difference. Thinking back you have never actually told me that this is even what you want anyway. I dont know what you expect or want me to do! If Im in this by myself just be honest and tell me please.

Im 34 he is 46.

He's miles away and out of my reach. I called that day but he didn't answer. I don't want to be too pushy, and Im hoping that in time he will come out an talk. He knows that I love him, I do however think he's a little insecure about me.

What could he not be honest about? Like I said I am aware of the ex, and she does live up that way. Earlier in the relationship, before we were really together he said he does communicate with her.

I dont know, I just wanna know if there is a second shot for anything, or did I completely kill it?

This is what I sent 3 days ago:
Im not good at this, Im just not. Im not used to being open and vulnerable and trusting, having and showing feelings..all of that. But Im being that with you and sometimes I get scared and I question things, and for that Im sorry. I love you and I never want to lose you, so Im asking you to just be a little patient with me and just stay with me. Will you?

I was being honest and sincere. I dont want to keep sending msgs that are a variation of the same thing. In my gut I think we will be fine. *sigh*

I understand fear of rejection. But i dont understand how he could treat your emotional outburst as being manipulative. If he is behaving indifferent does that mean that you just sit tight waiting for him to come around? Girl.. You did nothing wrong. But leave him alone now. If he cannot respect your emotions and runs away instead of handling them, he needs to do some growing up. Its a beautiful season of joy, relax and enjoy it. If he has any regard for you he will be back, and if he doesnt he was not worth it in the first place.

Thanks, I appreciate that. 🙂 Thanks for everyone's input as well...very grateful. 🙂

A lot of cancers does the emotional manipulation... Whenever he doesn't get something he wants he resorts to sulking. And who in the world can know what they really want if they don't say it. If this relationship does not satisfy you then leave him alone...

Just wanted to updated ppl who were helping me with this situation. I appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions, advice, etc..

I heard from my guy the other day - its been 20 long days. For some reason I felt I was about to hear from him soon, and he called me while I was at work and couldnt answer. So a short time after I got off work, I texted him. I am TERRIFIED of calling (a guy PERIOD), I guess its a fear of rejection thing. I could tell he may have wanted me to call him back, but I just couldnt do it, wasnt ready to be vulnerable and/or have an emotional conversation or any kind of conversation about what happened right now.

But our exchange was pretty pleasant. He mentioned he had been going through a few things and finally got the job he was after, so I commended him on that and hoped that things would continue to get better for him. My goal was to treat him like a friend, but at the same time I didnt want this to be like a "hey glad to hear things are going well, take care of yourself" type convo...know what I mean? At the same time I didnt want to be like all I miss you and pounce on him either - so I think I did a good job. I think he was just trying to see where I was at, peeking his head out sorta say, but I'm pretty cool about things. I think he may feel I was detached, but I made sure to let him know in some way I still care..I said something like miss talking to you, but it was in a casual way.

Since the seperation I've been working on myself and I think that has helped with my overall stability. Had time to step back and work on me, and see if this was what I really wanted, and I do. But I want a healthy relationship or friendship - whatever works, with him.

I dont plan on contacting him until he contacts me - not doing this like playing a game, just mirroring his actions. I do wanna be with him, but I dont want to scare him away, and I dont want to give him more than he's looking for right now. If he calls me, I will call him back this time. If he text, I will text him back. Just letting him be the initiator and control the pace I guess.

Is this the right thing to do? 🙂

Ok, basically I text him that I was at work when he called, and just asked him how he was. He said it was ok (I can kinda tell he wanted me to call, but I just couldnt) and that he has had some ups and downs but things are finally going his way, and that he got the job. Then said have a great new year and dont stop smiling. I then said that I was glad things were going well with him, and that I miss talking to him, and that he made it sound as if I wouldnt be hearing from him til next year...tried to be a lil light hearted with him but not sure if it came off right cause he then said "Really...wow nope". I asked what that meant and he said that the fact I already assume the worst. I said I didnt just was trying to understand what that meant. And that was it....

Please dont tell me I screwed up again!! Lol

Yea I feel like he will too. 🙂

Cancer man here..I guess I am a different cancer... what you said wouldn't bother me at all..if I am into you I would have calm you down and we would have talked about it because I know how women can have emotional burst..but on the other hand if I wasn't really into you and it was just about sex or whatever..I would get really annoyed about what you said and wouldn't talk to you for awhile also that's just me tho..

Posted by Trey1982
Cancer man here..I guess I am a different cancer... what you said wouldn't bother me at all..if I am into you I would have calm you down and we would have talked about it because I know how women can have emotional burst..but on the other hand if I wasn't really into you and it was just about sex or whatever..I would get really annoyed about what you said and wouldn't talk to you for awhile also that's just me tho..

Interesting... Will take that into consideration as well. I think for now I will just leave him alone. No one really knows but him, and I guess til he says either way I wont either. I thought about calling him today, but dont want to make more of a fool of myself than I already have, if thats the case. When someone says "I love you" I take that pretty serious...but with people these days, you never know. He's relocated...I'm down here, he's up there so I don't wanna set myself up for anymore disaster.

Thanks for your reply. 🙂