R1g0rM0rT1s
@R1g0rM0rT1s
13 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 3039 · Topics: 111
how do i slow things down without upsetting a crab
- I would say you're handling things well, so far.
- To diffuse the situation, you need to make it clear that he is not competing with the other person. We don't compete.
- 4 weeks is not a short while in crab years.
- DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. If you think this is drama, post coital drama will traumatise you.
- Don't tell him you need more time to know him, it will piss him off.
- Do tell him you feel you need more time to build a stronger foundation based on friendship and trust, and he is going to fast to for the relationship to have a meaningful solid foundation.
- I think its fair to say crabs are not "we will see how things go" kind of people. So even though you feel that way,saying it or just implying it will cause drama.
- Unless you have to say something absolutely horrible about your ex, never mention him.
- To diffuse the situation, you need to make it clear that he is not competing with the other person. We don't compete.
- 4 weeks is not a short while in crab years.
- DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. If you think this is drama, post coital drama will traumatise you.
- Don't tell him you need more time to know him, it will piss him off.
- Do tell him you feel you need more time to build a stronger foundation based on friendship and trust, and he is going to fast to for the relationship to have a meaningful solid foundation.
- I think its fair to say crabs are not "we will see how things go" kind of people. So even though you feel that way,saying it or just implying it will cause drama.
- Unless you have to say something absolutely horrible about your ex, never mention him.
the thing is that the other guy isn't an 'ex' as such...he's just someone who played me and then continued to fuck with my head. it was a first and my ego was well and truly bashed as a consequence. i deliberated for the first few weeks about whether to tell him about the other guy cos i agree, you don't want to talk about past experiences with someone new. i don't like it either and so wouldn't put that on someone else. but the reason i chose to tell him about it was because it is relevant right now and not something that ended long before i'd met the crab.
he also has very close contact with this other man and they've already spoken about me in my absence and i don't like it cos i'm uber private. i was with the crab yesterday when this other guy turned up and it was so obviously awkward for me i felt i needed to explain...especially as they are working together this thursday!!
i started the convo by just mentioning the guy's name in relation to all the stuff i'd already told him as to why i was extra cautious. he told me that if it was in the past, he didn't care what i had to say and it was up to me whether i told him anything or not but i said that it was still something i was having trouble dealing with now and that i had contact with this man since i'd started hanging out with the crab.
but i think the fact that i'm still very confused about my own 'feelings' about the other man made it really hard to express how i felt without it all coming out wrong. i've never spoken to anyone about this man and i find talking about emotional issues very hard. anyway, cos of my confusion i was trying to think about what i said before saying it so as to be as clear as possible but the lag in me responding to him only made it seem like i was trying to find the words to break it to him gently....well, that's how he took it anyway.
as for sex. it's too late by a couple of days.
he also has very close contact with this other man and they've already spoken about me in my absence and i don't like it cos i'm uber private. i was with the crab yesterday when this other guy turned up and it was so obviously awkward for me i felt i needed to explain...especially as they are working together this thursday!!
i started the convo by just mentioning the guy's name in relation to all the stuff i'd already told him as to why i was extra cautious. he told me that if it was in the past, he didn't care what i had to say and it was up to me whether i told him anything or not but i said that it was still something i was having trouble dealing with now and that i had contact with this man since i'd started hanging out with the crab.
but i think the fact that i'm still very confused about my own 'feelings' about the other man made it really hard to express how i felt without it all coming out wrong. i've never spoken to anyone about this man and i find talking about emotional issues very hard. anyway, cos of my confusion i was trying to think about what i said before saying it so as to be as clear as possible but the lag in me responding to him only made it seem like i was trying to find the words to break it to him gently....well, that's how he took it anyway.
as for sex. it's too late by a couple of days.
"Do tell him you feel you need more time to build a stronger foundation based on friendship and trust, and he is going to fast to for the relationship to have a meaningful solid foundation."
+1. This is the best way to put it.
Another point, Cancers are great healers of anyone's wounds, give it a go and you might be very pleasantly surprised.
+1. This is the best way to put it.
Another point, Cancers are great healers of anyone's wounds, give it a go and you might be very pleasantly surprised.
Are you really being truthful about not having feelings for the other guy? I don't think this is so much about the crab dude as it is about you. The other guy is potentially evil and the scorp in you is drawn to that, this is how I read it. You are being dishonest with yourself I think.
I think you're in that space that cancer men tend to stand out in, being supportive and understanding. I think if he understands that he isn't competing with that other man, he would easily find the energy to support you through the process of resolving these emotions that you have with your past.
But at this time, he is threatened. Security is a huge, HUGE thing for cancers.
Keep in mind that if you get into that positive space of being open and him supportive of you, then you're in path to a relationship. I don't see how you can get rid of the toxicity in the relationship and getting into a positive space in that "relationship" without him at least developing feelings. You probably will develop some feelings too. That said, its important for you to decide if you're actually looking for something serious with him. This is one of those situations that can be easily resolved and can rapidly evolve.
I have no intention to offend you in what i'm about to say. I did see your posts around and I think you might be relationship-phobic. Not that i'm judging you, but for you of all people, you should be aware of this developing into something that you do not want. This has potential exponential development written all over it and for someone who is asking how to SLOW down a cancer man; its something you need to always keep in mind.
But at this time, he is threatened. Security is a huge, HUGE thing for cancers.
Keep in mind that if you get into that positive space of being open and him supportive of you, then you're in path to a relationship. I don't see how you can get rid of the toxicity in the relationship and getting into a positive space in that "relationship" without him at least developing feelings. You probably will develop some feelings too. That said, its important for you to decide if you're actually looking for something serious with him. This is one of those situations that can be easily resolved and can rapidly evolve.
I have no intention to offend you in what i'm about to say. I did see your posts around and I think you might be relationship-phobic. Not that i'm judging you, but for you of all people, you should be aware of this developing into something that you do not want. This has potential exponential development written all over it and for someone who is asking how to SLOW down a cancer man; its something you need to always keep in mind.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
but i think the fact that i'm still very confused about my own 'feelings' about the other man made it really hard to express how i felt without it all coming out wrong. i've never spoken to anyone about this man and i find talking about emotional issues very hard. anyway, cos of my confusion i was trying to think about what i said before saying it so as to be as clear as possible but the lag in me responding to him only made it seem like i was trying to find the words to break it to him gently....well, that's how he took it anyway.
as for sex. it's too late by a couple of days.
I'm going to be honest with you...
I hate to mention control, but.. now that you've gone there... I think you are trying to steer this relationship. Take a look at your actions now.. and from the past.. and see if there are any similarities.
You slept with him.. now you are pulling away and throwing in your "confusion" over another man as the reason..
Could you be self-protecting? manipulating this triangle so you don't get hurt or come out looking like the "bad" one?
i don't know but this isn't about "slowing down the Cancer"
^^ +1. She is mentally playing on both courts. How can this be about slowing down the crab when she acquiesced to sleep with him. If we are to believe her that 4 weeks "is nothing" then it makes even less sense. She will go back to the other guy if he wanta her back, cancers are very good at reading this kind of thing. He isn't insecure, he nailed it.
You know what would make this situation infinitely more complicated?
Good sex.
If this was on TV, I would be torrenting it right now. That's how interesting this situation is to me.
Good sex.
If this was on TV, I would be torrenting it right now. That's how interesting this situation is to me.
Posted by incandescentcancer
Are you really being truthful about not having feelings for the other guy? I don't think this is so much about the crab dude as it is about you. The other guy is potentially evil and the scorp in you is drawn to that, this is how I read it. You are being dishonest with yourself I think.
actually, i think you've hit the nail on the head but it's not a case of being dishonest with myself it's more that i won't ADMIT it to myself. it's like to admit it is to admit that i actually DID humiliate myself as much as i thought i did. i just wasn't expecting to have this kind of dilemna after just meeting someone.
Posted by BommyKnocker
I think you're in that space that cancer men tend to stand out in, being supportive and understanding. I think if he understands that he isn't competing with that other man, he would easily find the energy to support you through the process of resolving these emotions that you have with your past.
But at this time, he is threatened. Security is a huge, HUGE thing for cancers.
Keep in mind that if you get into that positive space of being open and him supportive of you, then you're in path to a relationship. I don't see how you can get rid of the toxicity in the relationship and getting into a positive space in that "relationship" without him at least developing feelings. You probably will develop some feelings too. That said, its important for you to decide if you're actually looking for something serious with him. This is one of those situations that can be easily resolved and can rapidly evolve.
I have no intention to offend you in what i'm about to say. I did see your posts around and I think you might be relationship-phobic. Not that i'm judging you, but for you of all people, you should be aware of this developing into something that you do not want. This has potential exponential development written all over it and for someone who is asking how to SLOW down a cancer man; its something you need to always keep in mind.
absolutely no offence was taken at all. i think you're right but i think i've only just come to the realisation that i have commitment phobia. i guess i always have hence the long relationships with players and losers. i've had a very unconventional life which has always left me with a sense of not 'belonging' anywhere....hence moving around a bunch, sometimes different countries.
so the trouble is that i can't seem to do 'conventional' things. it's like i don't have the skills for the job. i'm quite anti-social and insular cos i'm not able to do the social butterfly thing which seems so fake and anything that is 'rigid' in structure like a relationship makes me feel claustrophobic.
but i really do want to be with someone!! i just don't want a repeat of any past mistakes. it's like i know i'm not being entirely sincere to him when i tell him how i feel cos actually, i'm not sure i ever 'feel' much 😢
apart from with my kids, close friends and my doggie 🙂
Posted by BommyKnocker
You know what would make this situation infinitely more complicated?
Good sex.
If this was on TV, I would be torrenting it right now. That's how interesting this situation is to me.
well it's more complicated already if you know what i mean.
actually, the crab's just called to tell me that he's pissed off with the other guy cos he's just cost him ?
I would hate it if you started to sound like the idiots who come post in this board about cancer man drama, because I think you're smarter than that and much much more emotionally intelligent than most who post about cancer man drama here. This situation does and will involve very complex emotions and if you didn't know that, now you know.
I don't agree with ican and shellshocker than you're "playing the field". I didn't pick that at all from what you wrote. I do see someone who is torn, emotional and indecisive. I do see someone with baggage. And I with the limited information that I know about this cancer man, I believe that he can help you or at least be a very positive influence in your life.
That said, you're one of those people who have the potential to seriously damage a cancer man. I would chop my dick off if this situation crying like a little bitch at least once. It's not fair on him. Which is why i'm trying to get you to focus on the bigger picture and answer a more fundamental question, "Do you actually want to be with him?".
If yes, sweet.. its worth it, the drama is worth it. If no, then leave the guy alone. It is really that simple. I can't answer that for you, but I think its interesting that you will have to think about it.
Don't waste your time trying to influence or control a cancer, we will drive you insane and look pretty doing it.
I don't agree with ican and shellshocker than you're "playing the field". I didn't pick that at all from what you wrote. I do see someone who is torn, emotional and indecisive. I do see someone with baggage. And I with the limited information that I know about this cancer man, I believe that he can help you or at least be a very positive influence in your life.
That said, you're one of those people who have the potential to seriously damage a cancer man. I would chop my dick off if this situation crying like a little bitch at least once. It's not fair on him. Which is why i'm trying to get you to focus on the bigger picture and answer a more fundamental question, "Do you actually want to be with him?".
If yes, sweet.. its worth it, the drama is worth it. If no, then leave the guy alone. It is really that simple. I can't answer that for you, but I think its interesting that you will have to think about it.
Don't waste your time trying to influence or control a cancer, we will drive you insane and look pretty doing it.
no i am absolutely not playing the field. that's not my thing. i have been single for 5 years and for the majority of that time i've not dated anyone.
the torn-ness is my libra moon i think and i wasn't referring to cancerian drama at all....just trying to relay to you what kind of community we live in.
i don't know if i want to be with him long term is the honest answer but that's because as far as i'm concerned, we're still getting to know each other and so it's too soon to cast everything in stone. what i do know is that he's the first man who has followed through on every promise and has never once let me down and i've been in daily contact with him over these four weeks. we argue loudly, gesticulate wildly and generally don't give a fuck what people think and i LIKE that about him.....that i can grow old disgracefully without being judged for it, lol.
so i feel as though we're heading in the same direction but he's the hare and i'm the tortoise.
the torn-ness is my libra moon i think and i wasn't referring to cancerian drama at all....just trying to relay to you what kind of community we live in.
i don't know if i want to be with him long term is the honest answer but that's because as far as i'm concerned, we're still getting to know each other and so it's too soon to cast everything in stone. what i do know is that he's the first man who has followed through on every promise and has never once let me down and i've been in daily contact with him over these four weeks. we argue loudly, gesticulate wildly and generally don't give a fuck what people think and i LIKE that about him.....that i can grow old disgracefully without being judged for it, lol.
so i feel as though we're heading in the same direction but he's the hare and i'm the tortoise.
What does this guy's chart look like anyway ?
well actually the other guy has already lied to him. he told him i wouldn't leave him alone which isn't true and when the crab told him he was 'sort of' seeing me, the other guy laughed and said 'good luck with that one!'. the crab had called me to let me know about the encounter when it happened but i have to say he didn't mention anything about what the other guy said until last night....3 weeks later. i just thought he would've thought it weird that he said that and asked me about it at the time? now i don't know who's telling the truth and who's not. the other guy was on to me after that encounter too and was being sarcastic about how i was getting married and behaving like a retard.
i have at least completely distanced myself from the other guy. i ignored his last message two weeks ago and now i've unfriended him on facebook too and i have no intention of initiating contact. fortunately, he moves away from the area tomorrow...not bloody far enough but it'll help.
i have at least completely distanced myself from the other guy. i ignored his last message two weeks ago and now i've unfriended him on facebook too and i have no intention of initiating contact. fortunately, he moves away from the area tomorrow...not bloody far enough but it'll help.
to be honest bommy, i haven't asked his birthdate yet. he thinks it's all a load of shite and for some reason, it's only when things start going tits up that i tend to take a look myself. i'll find out his birthdate later and see what it's like.
i think he's coming over later. i've told him that i really need to take it easy which is true. i've been very unwell these last few months and having had a serious illness before, i have to try and 'avoid stress' according to my doctor, LOL!! how does anyone do that where i live!!
i'm now imagining what they're talking about just up the road from my house.
i think he's coming over later. i've told him that i really need to take it easy which is true. i've been very unwell these last few months and having had a serious illness before, i have to try and 'avoid stress' according to my doctor, LOL!! how does anyone do that where i live!!
i'm now imagining what they're talking about just up the road from my house.
i lived with a crab when i was much younger and i know what you mean about that rage!! my bro too. is that a boy thing cos all the cancerian women i know have the longest fuses and never seem to really lose it.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1sPosted by incandescentcancer
Are you really being truthful about not having feelings for the other guy? I don't think this is so much about the crab dude as it is about you. The other guy is potentially evil and the scorp in you is drawn to that, this is how I read it. You are being dishonest with yourself I think.
actually, i think you've hit the nail on the head but it's not a case of being dishonest with myself it's more that i won't ADMIT it to myself. it's like to admit it is to admit that i actually DID humiliate myself as much as i thought i did. i just wasn't expecting to have this kind of dilemna after just meeting someone.click to expand
I know scorp, I know. This is the ultimate scorpion dilemma, you feel wronged by the other guy, you hate him but you're also drawn to him. At the same time you will eventually want retribution and will find a way to sting the guy who hurt you, how am I doing so far? 😉. I am not trying to be supercilious just telling you things from my experience with scorpio women.
A little story, I knew this virgo girl with half her personal planets in Scorpio and ascendant in scorpio to boot. She went into a messy relationship with a Libran dude, I knew right from the beginning it would turn into a nightmare. It did, he kept doing this cycle of sleeping with her and throwing her out of his life. She would keep going back to him despite the fact that it was humiliating and was undermining her self-esteem. Finally she snapped and at a club picked out the first guy she could and slept with him in front of the Libran dude just to pay him back. He just laughed at her face, who got hurt finally?
The dark side of scorpio is hard to combat. I could tell you walk away from this and be with the cancer man, he will heal you and make you very happy and you're not rushing it, things are going well. Would you listen? I don't think so. It is in your nature to do this.....you must live it. You're older and mature I think you can win this battle with yourself, it's a question of your will.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
no i am absolutely not playing the field. that's not my thing. i have been single for 5 years and for the majority of that time i've not dated anyone.
the torn-ness is my libra moon i think and i wasn't referring to cancerian drama at all....just trying to relay to you what kind of community we live in.
i don't know if i want to be with him long term is the honest answer but that's because as far as i'm concerned, we're still getting to know each other and so it's too soon to cast everything in stone. what i do know is that he's the first man who has followed through on every promise and has never once let me down and i've been in daily contact with him over these four weeks. we argue loudly, gesticulate wildly and generally don't give a fuck what people think and i LIKE that about him.....that i can grow old disgracefully without being judged for it, lol.
so i feel as though we're heading in the same direction but he's the hare and i'm the tortoise.
You're not playing the field but mentally you're playing on two courts. Even if the first dude moves away from your area, do you trust yourself enough? Unfriending on FB etc is superfluous and doesn't amount to much, if you want to initiate contact you always can.
Why not let things go as they are and just go with the flow so to speak. If things don't work you can always walk away as mature adults in this case. You can't stop yourself from affection and love just because of fear of losing it. I haven't yet heard one solid reason from you as to why this whole thing frightens you? Cancers won't let you down once they are fully invested and this man seems to be fully invested in you, you should just enjoy some cancer love 😉
And lol at a scorpio woman finding a cancer man too intense 😛
but enjoying someone's love isn't enough is it. i want them to enjoy mine and for it to be a glorious love fest, LOL. i just have this need to worship my man which is why i'm always attracted to alpha males who are very stereotypically 'alpha' lol. reprobates and knobheads generally. i know i need a man like that like i need a hole in the head but it IS a strong pull i have to say.
anyhow, bumped into the other guy again a couple of hours ago when i went to meet the crab for a drink. he was kinda leering at me and started singing 'roxanne' cos that's my name and i just told him to fuck off and walked on. then the crab started asking questions about him as soon as i sat down and so after about 15 minutes, i told him i wanted to leave and i went home. we've spoken on the phone since cos i left very quickly but i think he feels even more insecure now than before cos yet again, i was knocked sideways by seeing the other dude unexpectedly.
worst thing is that the crab let it slip where he's moving to (everyone likes to think they can keep secrets here, lol) and he's only moving a little way away!!!!! not far enough imo!!
anyway, crab doesn't know his birth time but here's his chart minus ascendant:
sun cancer
moon scorpio
mercury gemini
venus gemini
mars virgo
jupiter aries
saturn aquarius
uranus virgo
neptune scorpio
pluto virgo
first thing i see? A FUCKING SCORPIO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!! i am SO doomed. SO fucking doomed cos those suckers never let you go once your in their clutches, lol!
mind you, it does also indicate to me that he could be being a little manipulative too....telling me stuff about the other guy that i would rather not hear, etc.
anyhow, bumped into the other guy again a couple of hours ago when i went to meet the crab for a drink. he was kinda leering at me and started singing 'roxanne' cos that's my name and i just told him to fuck off and walked on. then the crab started asking questions about him as soon as i sat down and so after about 15 minutes, i told him i wanted to leave and i went home. we've spoken on the phone since cos i left very quickly but i think he feels even more insecure now than before cos yet again, i was knocked sideways by seeing the other dude unexpectedly.
worst thing is that the crab let it slip where he's moving to (everyone likes to think they can keep secrets here, lol) and he's only moving a little way away!!!!! not far enough imo!!
anyway, crab doesn't know his birth time but here's his chart minus ascendant:
sun cancer
moon scorpio
mercury gemini
venus gemini
mars virgo
jupiter aries
saturn aquarius
uranus virgo
neptune scorpio
pluto virgo
first thing i see? A FUCKING SCORPIO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!! i am SO doomed. SO fucking doomed cos those suckers never let you go once your in their clutches, lol!
mind you, it does also indicate to me that he could be being a little manipulative too....telling me stuff about the other guy that i would rather not hear, etc.
You're trying very hard to convince yourself that this crab person is not a great person, or at least not who he presents himself to be.
+
As if a scorpio woman is complaining about a possibly manipulative cancer man? You're even tying to manipulate us by misusing that information and we're not even dating!
Long story short, get your act together.
+
As if a scorpio woman is complaining about a possibly manipulative cancer man? You're even tying to manipulate us by misusing that information and we're not even dating!
Long story short, get your act together.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
anyhow, bumped into the other guy again a couple of hours ago when i went to meet the crab for a drink. he was kinda leering at me and started singing 'roxanne' cos that's my name and i just told him to fuck off and walked on.
then the crab started asking questions about him as soon as i sat down and so after about 15 minutes, i told him i wanted to leave and i went home.
LOL.. oh R1g... you are so drama!! pure entertainment! so much better than tv!
swearing at the one guy and then getting so flustered you have to leave the Crab? lmao (i bet the cancer is too)
you have to remember you are on the Cancer board. You don't want to change anything.. you just want an audience..
i'll watch..
I just saw his chart. Walk away right now. Even the most armored Scorpion will have a fight to the death with a super shelled crab. Neither of you will win, unless you turn the crab over for the soft spot but even so it's still armored. I saw that chart and was like one word.....RUN!
But that's just me being a Gemini 🙂
I don't have armor so ill sit up here on a flower and look down at you guys scrapping in the dirt!
But that's just me being a Gemini 🙂
I don't have armor so ill sit up here on a flower and look down at you guys scrapping in the dirt!
Bommy is right do NOT under any circumstances sleep with him. JFC. You think it's bad now, you have NO idea. I've had my day mixed up with a Cancer male or two, terrible for us Gem's. I will NEVER date another man with Sun in Cancer or heavy Cancer placements. The funny thing though is that I get along with the females pretty well.
Posted by BommyKnocker
You're trying very hard to convince yourself that this crab person is not a great person, or at least not who he presents himself to be.
+
As if a scorpio woman is complaining about a possibly manipulative cancer man? You're even tying to manipulate us by misusing that information and we're not even dating!
Long story short, get your act together.
sorry i don't understand what you mean. what information am i misusing? i have just been conjecturing as to whether crab is telling me stuff he knows i don't want to hear about the other man to try and get me to commit to him when i'm not in a position or place where i want to commit to ANYONE!
if the crab hadn't been moving so fast, i wouldn't have had to have the talk with him about the other guy cos he was already pulling me in by being himself. since i told him about the other guy and with him having already made it clear he wants a full on relationship right now, he's just gone into a tailspin of needing reassurance. even his texts tonight...hope it's me you're thinking about tonight...
you tell me to get MY act together?? i've got it together thanks. i know i need to move slowly cos i'm surrounded by bullshitting bastards. they ALL seem 10000% genuine at first and then slowly reveal their true colours.
i'm too bloody old for that shit and a cancerian influence would be wonderful i know but a clingy one? a man who needs constant reassurance? it's a recipe for disaster with someone like me cos i'm pretty fucking unemotional to the core and i just find it all a bit unattractive in anyone who is like that.
I wrote a whole essay to reply to your post, but then realised I can summarise it with
"post coital drama will traumatise you"
You can't handle it
you don't want to handle it, and that's fine
but you must know, this drama will soon evolve to be mindfuckery from the future sent to you every day just to fuck you up.
Just exit this situation in the tidiest way and live to fight another day.
"post coital drama will traumatise you"
You can't handle it
you don't want to handle it, and that's fine
but you must know, this drama will soon evolve to be mindfuckery from the future sent to you every day just to fuck you up.
Just exit this situation in the tidiest way and live to fight another day.
i would enjoy the ride a whole lot more if i wasn't distracted by something in the rear view mirror where as you know, objects may appear larger than they really are, lol!!
what part exactly is he loving? you're scaring me elle. you can't imagine how my moon is reacting to this. there are headless chickens going crazy in my head!! and then my damn virgo rising is preaching like doctor spock about everything being totally illogical and it's earth but not as we know it.
i guess the bottom line and i'm gonna spit it out even though i won't admit it to myself is.....that i still want the other guy. whether for revenge or whatever. i just don't feel totally done with him yet but i definitely need a breather and if anything with anyone else develops in that time, well great. i NEED that other man to remain in my past but i don't WANT him to.
there. i said it. guess i'm gonna have to shoot you all now. best use my uzi. get the job done quickly.
what part exactly is he loving? you're scaring me elle. you can't imagine how my moon is reacting to this. there are headless chickens going crazy in my head!! and then my damn virgo rising is preaching like doctor spock about everything being totally illogical and it's earth but not as we know it.
i guess the bottom line and i'm gonna spit it out even though i won't admit it to myself is.....that i still want the other guy. whether for revenge or whatever. i just don't feel totally done with him yet but i definitely need a breather and if anything with anyone else develops in that time, well great. i NEED that other man to remain in my past but i don't WANT him to.
there. i said it. guess i'm gonna have to shoot you all now. best use my uzi. get the job done quickly.
yeah but elle, i wouldn't be a wet blanket about it all if he didn't want to talk about 'us' the whole time. honestly, i feel like we're supposed to be joined at the hip. i can't believe that I a scorpio am about to say this but, it's just too intense for me. i think i have to exit stage left as bommy suggests.
i moved to this place 4 weeks ago almost and i feel like i've lived a hundred bloody lifetimes already!!! i need a rest from it but i also need directions of a local drama and bullshit-free zone and sadly, i don't think that's anywhere close to here.
i have my 17 year old son coming out to stay with me for a week or so next week and my daughter's off school too and so they will be the focus as of now. i've realised i've also been really lacking in motivation work wise and i really MUST address some related issues NOW. i'm a little unbalanced and still adjusting to living in what appears to be narnia.
i moved to this place 4 weeks ago almost and i feel like i've lived a hundred bloody lifetimes already!!! i need a rest from it but i also need directions of a local drama and bullshit-free zone and sadly, i don't think that's anywhere close to here.
i have my 17 year old son coming out to stay with me for a week or so next week and my daughter's off school too and so they will be the focus as of now. i've realised i've also been really lacking in motivation work wise and i really MUST address some related issues NOW. i'm a little unbalanced and still adjusting to living in what appears to be narnia.
The fact of the matter is - you can't NOT hurt him. You're going to hurt him, ya know? That's just Cancer - fucking everything hurts us. What matters is your delivery and how much compassion you show him after the blow has been dealt. That makes all teh difference in the world to a crab. Remember - if he feels like his feelings aren't protected with you, he'll be gone.
I never understood why people choose to deal with "disposable people" with civility. Who cares he can get his little feelings hurt? she already decided he's disposable. He could be prince fucking charming and she wouldn't give a flying fuck, it wouldn't make the slightest difference. Regardless of how civil or how delicately she hurts his feelings, it wouldn't make a difference to him. He will be hurt either way, just as severely and he will be traumatised regardless of her approach.
Her issue isn't that this person is going to fast, he issue is that he developed feelings at all. She just wanted someone to entertain her, not someone to court her.
This thread isn't about a confused scared woman who doesn't want to get hurt, its about a woman who fucked with the wrong guy and happens to not have an exit strategy.
Her issue isn't that this person is going to fast, he issue is that he developed feelings at all. She just wanted someone to entertain her, not someone to court her.
This thread isn't about a confused scared woman who doesn't want to get hurt, its about a woman who fucked with the wrong guy and happens to not have an exit strategy.
dont buy it. if this dude was just a fuck that wouldnt go away shed figure it out. Making a post and putting effort into it means there are feelings. I call bullshit.
2 guys in 4 weeks in a "gated" community.. and you're kids get to watch from the sidelines!!
hahaha! stop!.. it's too much! my sides hurt!
way to say, "welcome to the neighborhood!"...
hahaha! stop!.. it's too much! my sides hurt!
way to say, "welcome to the neighborhood!"...
shellshocker. if you want to make a comment can you please be accurate. the first guy is from over a year ago? this is not a gated community, it's a coastal resort town to which i have just moved from a distance. my daughter is the only one of my kids living with me and she is old enough to be ok staying home alone and so she knows nothing of what i do in my own private time and i've always had a firm policy in that regard cos she's a teenage girl and so i'm her primary influence and i'm not of the do as i say, not as i do persuasion...i'm the opposite and so the example i set is important to me.
fuck...possibly the longest sentence ever?
this crab man is a really nice guy and i have absolutely no intention of fucking with him and didn't just decide to get involved with him with the intention of ditching him after. i've done that before and it's easy to do. you just ignore them and hope they'll go away. i don't want him to go away but i don't want him to PUSH me away with all this needy nonsense.
fuck...possibly the longest sentence ever?
this crab man is a really nice guy and i have absolutely no intention of fucking with him and didn't just decide to get involved with him with the intention of ditching him after. i've done that before and it's easy to do. you just ignore them and hope they'll go away. i don't want him to go away but i don't want him to PUSH me away with all this needy nonsense.
Rig - do you want him to go away, or want him to slow down? Thin line between the two.
i know, i know R1g.. i'm just being an ass 😉 I'm that little old lady who sticks her head out the window in the town square and hurls smart comments at passers by...
just tinted my hair blue, too...
just tinted my hair blue, too...
LOL @ shellshocker 🙂
elle....you're right. it's gotten a bit ridiculous now. i'm gonna put my blinkers on. yes i do want to continue seeing him but not every single day. it's ok right now cos i'm not working but i've already told him that when i DO work, i'm in the zone more or less 24/7 5 days a week and at weekends i'll have stuff pinging and ponging on my phone all day long. estimated time to commence working is 3 weeks and he'll be seeing a totally different person. i told him he should reserve his judgement of me until then. he said...every day i like you more and more and i shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
elle....you're right. it's gotten a bit ridiculous now. i'm gonna put my blinkers on. yes i do want to continue seeing him but not every single day. it's ok right now cos i'm not working but i've already told him that when i DO work, i'm in the zone more or less 24/7 5 days a week and at weekends i'll have stuff pinging and ponging on my phone all day long. estimated time to commence working is 3 weeks and he'll be seeing a totally different person. i told him he should reserve his judgement of me until then. he said...every day i like you more and more and i shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
it is? it's bloody exhausting!!!
Well this has been an interesting read!
Look, you're a grown woman, probably older than most of the people who are giving you advice in this thread, and thus mature enough to handle your own shit. You don't need anyone's advice on a situation you have FAR more information about from people who know NOTHING about you or the two men involved. Anything they say will be based entirely on assumptions.
That being said, I obviously understand the draw of seeking advice and support; I've asked for it before and offered it many times. However, the advice I received from the people on this site caused more drama than it solved (actually, it didn't solve anything, just caused drama). The intent behind their advice was pure, but they simply didn't have all the facts and so they had no footing.
You need to deal with this yourself, in your own way.
Now to completely contradict myself I'm going to offer a bit of advice anyway. 😛 You've made it clear enough that you're an emotional person (despite your claim of being "pretty fucking unemotional to the core"), proven by the way you got so flustered by the Other Guy that you couldn't handle talking the the Crab. That's all well and good, nothing wrong with it, but a trend I've seen with Scorpios (being the Fixed Water sign) is that you have an complete inability to see things from the other person's perspective emotionally, and will judge everything by how YOU feel. It's a dangerously one-sided perspective and if you let it control you, if you let your emotions dictate your path, you will make a selfish decision that the Crab will either go along with to his own detriment, or he will fight it and cause the end of the relationship.
You need to make a rational decision; remove your emotions from the equation and think about what is healthy for everyone involved. From what I've read, you've already made the right rational decision; date the Cancer and remove the Other Guy from your life. Now you need to plant your feet and truly commit to that decision. To clarify, this is not a commitment to the Cancer, but a commitment to doing what is healthy.
So really I'm not giving you advice at all. You've already done the right thing, you're continuing to do the right thing, and you just need to understand that. Don't let what these people tell you shake your faith in yourself.
P.S. I have a couple more thoughts, but this post is long enough already, maybe I'll add them later... 😛
P.P.S. +1 @ ellesque "Just le
Look, you're a grown woman, probably older than most of the people who are giving you advice in this thread, and thus mature enough to handle your own shit. You don't need anyone's advice on a situation you have FAR more information about from people who know NOTHING about you or the two men involved. Anything they say will be based entirely on assumptions.
That being said, I obviously understand the draw of seeking advice and support; I've asked for it before and offered it many times. However, the advice I received from the people on this site caused more drama than it solved (actually, it didn't solve anything, just caused drama). The intent behind their advice was pure, but they simply didn't have all the facts and so they had no footing.
You need to deal with this yourself, in your own way.
Now to completely contradict myself I'm going to offer a bit of advice anyway. 😛 You've made it clear enough that you're an emotional person (despite your claim of being "pretty fucking unemotional to the core"), proven by the way you got so flustered by the Other Guy that you couldn't handle talking the the Crab. That's all well and good, nothing wrong with it, but a trend I've seen with Scorpios (being the Fixed Water sign) is that you have an complete inability to see things from the other person's perspective emotionally, and will judge everything by how YOU feel. It's a dangerously one-sided perspective and if you let it control you, if you let your emotions dictate your path, you will make a selfish decision that the Crab will either go along with to his own detriment, or he will fight it and cause the end of the relationship.
You need to make a rational decision; remove your emotions from the equation and think about what is healthy for everyone involved. From what I've read, you've already made the right rational decision; date the Cancer and remove the Other Guy from your life. Now you need to plant your feet and truly commit to that decision. To clarify, this is not a commitment to the Cancer, but a commitment to doing what is healthy.
So really I'm not giving you advice at all. You've already done the right thing, you're continuing to do the right thing, and you just need to understand that. Don't let what these people tell you shake your faith in yourself.
P.S. I have a couple more thoughts, but this post is long enough already, maybe I'll add them later... 😛
P.P.S. +1 @ ellesque "Just le
tonight he said 'i think i fucking love you'. he then amended it to...'i like you a lot' cos he must've seen me wince at the 'L' word.
now i know it's easy to confuse lust and the initial frisson of meeting someone new with deeper feelings but surely a part of him is aware that we are still getting to know each other and love takes a while to develop?
the subject of the other dude has been dropped completely at my request.
now i know it's easy to confuse lust and the initial frisson of meeting someone new with deeper feelings but surely a part of him is aware that we are still getting to know each other and love takes a while to develop?
the subject of the other dude has been dropped completely at my request.
he's just really excited! let him be... but you are smart enough to not get as caught up in it cause yes, a part of him does know the newness of it all is a part of it but guess what.. He doesn't care! he's just high off the feeling..
What is so wrong with that? Live it and appreciate because it is very genuine. Enjoy it cause the ride will get bumpy. it's inevitable.
What is so wrong with that? Live it and appreciate because it is very genuine. Enjoy it cause the ride will get bumpy. it's inevitable.
Posted by seraphPosted by R1g0rM0rT1s
tonight he said 'i think i fucking love you'. he then amended it to...'i like you a lot' cos he must've seen me wince at the 'L' word.
now i know it's easy to confuse lust and the initial frisson of meeting someone new with deeper feelings but surely a part of him is aware that we are still getting to know each other and love takes a while to develop?
the subject of the other dude has been dropped completely at my request.
It's kinda hot that you used the word "frisson." Did you also use the French pronunciation in your head? That's extra points. 😉click to expand
mais bien s??r! avec un accent parfait naturellement 😄
shellshocker: you know i'm quite interested in hearing more about this cancerian turbulence. do they tend to do the scorpy thing and disappear on you? what usually causes that? this is gonna sound unbelievably mercenary but i have to confess that i've thought if he did go off on a strop or something, it could be my exit strategy.
oh lol yeah....he asked what i'd gleaned from his chart. he was taking the mickey really cos he thinks astrology is poppycock (even though i've never heard anyone utter that word, lol). i told him that he is very clingy with the propensity to stalk people, LOL!! i was oooooonly joking!! but he went to great lengths to dispel the clingy myth straight away. 'oh no...when i'm done with them or they're done with me, i shove 'em out the door'. LOL!!! maybe so crabman but i bet they're miked up and have secret cameras hidden in their orifices before they're shown the door!!!
scorpio moooooon *makes sign of cross*
actually......*makes sign of star of david*
to be kosher is to be safe
to be kosher is to be safe
Poor guy.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1sPosted by seraphPosted by R1g0rM0rT1s
the subject of the other dude has been dropped completely at my request.
It's kinda hot that you used the word "frisson." Did you also use the French pronunciation in your head? That's extra points. 😉
mais bien s??r! avec un accent parfait naturellement 😄
shellshocker: you know i'm quite interested in hearing more about this cancerian turbulence. do they tend to do the scorpy thing and disappear on you? what usually causes that? this is gonna sound unbelievably mercenary but i have to confess that i've thought if he did go off on a strop or something, it could be my exit strategy.
scorpio moooooon *makes sign of cross*click to expand
@ R!g... ummm... too many questions. please don't probe me.. i barely know you.
i have yet to meet my match.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
Is this normal for a cancer woman to be really clingy and very emotional (cry over the littlest things) ? Is it normal f
EVER. Can't believe i was such a fool, should of listened to my intuition. He played me like a violin but i'll let k
Didn't want to have to do this, but I'd rather whine here than to him. lol Long story short, I met the crab online o
Simple thread. One rule per post. Include if you're instruction is about dating the cancer man or cancer woman. Anyone w
Soft kisses, sweet touch, amorous, gorgeous, intelligent... I have been waiting for the day to come, it's like falli
Just reflecting on my past. I realised it was always easy for me to fall in love with ladies. If anything, it appears
Is it me or are Cancers relentless when it comes to getting someone we want to be with? Are we all so emotional? Hmm...
hey people.. i am sure many of you people know me. if not then stil it is ok. hmm OK so my query is that my cancer know
In a nutshell..... Typical scorp/cancer union , deep instant connection, love @ 1st sight all the good stuff, after a
I have kissed enough frogs and found my prince. 6 months so far... I wonder when our signs will clash...I am a Cancer an
Have a Cancer son born this year and would like to know how they are as children? His sun is in Cancer, moon in Libra,
I've always noticed a trend with people (depending on what's most prominent in their chart) and I'm a bit of a scent add
Not feeling SnuSnu anymore. I want to change it, any suggestions ? Anything that doesn't have any reference to Can
Hi. I have a question concerning my sweet incident. This is kind of looong so bare with me. I'm overly sensitive and emo
Hi everyone, I'm new on this site, and i'm looking for some answer, even if they're rude. I am not american or britis
(1/2) I've posted about this crab on my other account (I lost the pswd and was unable to log back in, dang it). I'm not
Hey there Crabs! So I posted a similar topic on the Virgo forum about my guys chart asking for an interpretation from th
With women. That is mother fucking ALL.
we been to same college, I knew I liked him but only came to know its love when I couldn't stop thinking about him even
I've known of this cancer guy for years but we never really talked. I would catch him staring intensely into my eyes all
anyway, i felt i had to talk to him about someone who hurt me really badly and who was still fucking with my head not only because this man is a good friend of the crab but cos it's directly affecting my ability to trust anyone.
so we had a heart to heart about it all. it wasn't pleasant cos the crab got upset at the prospect that he was second best or that i was just hanging around until this other guy jerked my chain and i'd be off. he got so pissed off with the conclusion that he asked me to leave and he meant it. i refused to budge however as he'd totally misunderstood me. i wasn't telling him i had feelings for the other man but i was trying to tell him that i hadn't entirely dealt with what he had DONE to me. i told him that after a long marriage full of mis-communication and zero trust, i wanted to be with someone i can be completely honest with but i got the feeling in last night's discussion that i would've been better off editing what i said so that he didn't get hold of the wrong stick and run with it.
he said i offered him no assurance that i wanted to be with him and that all i'd said was that i didn't want to see the other dude. i dunno, it felt like everything i said made him feel more insecure but i've only known him 4 weeks!! to me that's no time at all, particularly as i've just moved and have had some business problems distracting me.
how do i slow things down without him misinterpreting that for no interest? it's for his benefit as well cos as i said to him i don't want to rush into anything when i'm still a little fucked up about what went on before cos that's when you're in danger of rebounding and i really do like him.
i'm worried that if he doesn't slow down the pace i'll end up really hurting him cos i feel suffocated already and i barely know him!!