How to deal with a Cancer man that won't let go

Two months ago, I moved in with my Cancer boyfriend's family, to a different city. He had asked me months earlier to move in, because he was starting a new job, didn't want me away from him, and things were going great at that point. Shortly after I moved, the job he was supposed to start fell through. He decided to remain living in the city I had just moved from. I gave up my apartment in order to save money for my upcoming university studies. Since then, I have felt nothing but distance, negativity, criticism and animosity from him, although I didn't change anything about my behaviour towards him whatsoever. He stopped making any effort in the relationship, and we would only see each other for maybe half a day every week. He also often cancelled plans with me in order to be with his friends.

We had a long and emotional talk last night, and he told me that he doesn't have the same feelings anymore. He told me he doesn't see a future with me, but that he doesn't want to let go. I know that Cancers have a hard time letting go of people, and he did express that he feels guilt. He said he doesn't understand why he's feeling the way that he is, and that he's sick of making me cry. He also did not want to have sex because he said that it would "only be fucking", and he doesn't want to lead me on. He told me that he wants time, and that he wants to try to be with me, but I feel like it's pointless and that he's only stalling because he doesn't want to stop talking to me. He said that he doesn't want me to hate him. I'm completely wrecked emotionally, and have no idea what to do. I'm not in a financial position to move out of his family's house right now. We didn't break up, but I feel like I should break up with him. He comes here every weekend, and I don't necessarily want to see him if we're not together. I don't think it will be healthy for me, or that I'll be able to handle seeing him. I'm asking for advice on how to handle this situation. How do I deal with him? We don't see each other at all during the week. There's a guest room, and I was thinking of sleeping in there on weekends. But his family is soon having a guest over for a month, and I won't be able to do that for more than a couple weeks. Any and every advice would be appreciated.

Posted by Kodak375
I'm sorry your in that situation miss, youve got to make a game plan to get out of that situation, like a family or relatives unless you can get an apartment again. Take back your independence miss, stay strong.

I unfortunately don't have any family that lives nearby, or that would definitely be the plan. I'm not sure how to interact with him if I happen to run into him on weekends.

I'm doing a part-time, twice a week bridging program in order to be eligible for full-time university studies in the fall. Otherwise, I work about 25 hours a week.

Yea he doesn't want you and you're making him feel guilty. Something happened don't know what but at the least you need to move out. I wouldn't take him serious.

I know this may sound crazy since right now you are so emotional but you need to find another male friend to talk to preferably someone online. I think that there may be another woman that he has met and that is why he is acting this way. Do the same thing he is doing but of course don't let him or anyone in his family know that you are talking to someone else.
I was in a seven year on and off relationship with Libra/scorp and at one point I had to live in one of his houses.
The only way i finialy moved on was to start online dating I found soneone instantly that took my mind off of him

However once that situation was over it took me just going on one fast i ask God to remove my exboyfriend out of my heart ( the one who I was with on an off for seven years) and it worked.

Posted by Kodak375
DO NOT GIVE YOUR ISSUES TO THE NEXT MAN BECAUSE YOU CANT GET OVER YOUR OWN LIFE. NO NO. You can create a support system with your friends and family to get you through this ordeal.

But she has no friends where she's at. I would alway isolate myself after a break up and that exactly why I kept running back to the same man for so many years.

Posted by BlackNova

Posted by StarChild63
Yea he doesn't want you and you're making him feel guilty. Something happened don't know what but at the least you need to move out. I wouldn't take him serious.

Wot? LOL

How the fuck is the OP making him feel guilty?
This crab asked her to move cities and to move in with his family, then HE pulls the plug and leaves her high and dry.

Crabs, fuck they're inconsistent.
He sounds like a douche.

click to expand

+1

Kodak, thanks for being so supportive. Canerleo, tbh, I don't want to be romantically involved with anyone else right now, or anyone at all, really. But, I actually do have many friends in my area. I was far from them in my old city, but I live closer now. I'm also really close with his best friend, a Pisces. When the time is right, I'll ask him for advice about my situation. He's a very kind man.

From what I've seen with my Cancer, he's extremely inconsistent and indecisive.

Posted by Kodak375
She can call her friends from a distance. Adding a new dynamic to a messed up thing wont make it easier for her, she'll be using some poor sap. Make new friends in her area, in her school, at work. Go to the club go to bar, go to the damn library. She's not doing anyone a favor by being babied by another man whos talking to her not to be a therapist.

I know it just feels a hell of a lot better when you have other men to talk to I used to do it all I the time when I was engaged to my husband but I would have at least three other guys that I was talking to. Hey a girls got to do what a girls got to do. Men do it all the time. I'm sure he's sure not limiting himself from other women.

Posted by Bells93
Kodak, thanks for being so supportive. Canerleo, tbh, I don't want to be romantically involved with anyone else right now, or anyone at all, really. But, I actually do have many friends in my area. I was far from them in my old city, but I live closer now. I'm also really close with his best friend, a Pisces. When the time is right, I'll ask him for advice about my situation. He's a very kind man.

From what I've seen with my Cancer, he's extremely inconsistent and indecisive.

I never said get romantically involved with anyone. I have been celibate for seven yours now it is possible to have male friends without having sex with them.

Posted by Bells93
Kodak, thanks for being so supportive. Canerleo, tbh, I don't want to be romantically involved with anyone else right now, or anyone at all, really. But, I actually do have many friends in my area. I was far from them in my old city, but I live closer now. I'm also really close with his best friend, a Pisces. When the time is right, I'll ask him for advice about my situation. He's a very kind man.

From what I've seen with my Cancer, he's extremely inconsistent and indecisive.

From what it sounds like you still want to be with this Cancer guy which is perfectly I guess that's why your going to ask his best friend for advise.

Posted by canerleo101

Posted by Bells93
Kodak, thanks for being so supportive. Canerleo, tbh, I don't want to be romantically involved with anyone else right now, or anyone at all, really. But, I actually do have many friends in my area. I was far from them in my old city, but I live closer now. I'm also really close with his best friend, a Pisces. When the time is right, I'll ask him for advice about my situation. He's a very kind man.

From what I've seen with my Cancer, he's extremely inconsistent and indecisive.

From what it sounds like you still want to be with this Cancer guy which is perfectly I guess that's why your going to ask his best friend for advise.

click to expand

I do still want to be with him, but I don't think his best friend is really going to have the right answer to give me. He's just nice to talk to, we have a great connection.

Posted by BlackNova

Posted by canerleo101
I know it just feels a hell of a lot better when you have other men to talk to I used to do it all I the time when I was engaged to my husband but I would have at least three other guys that I was talking to. Hey a girls got to do what a girls got to do. Men do it all the time. I'm sure he's sure not limiting himself from other women.

This sounds shady. Sounds like an excuse to me.
NO. This is what you girls have girlfriends for.


If we were engaged and you were "talking" to at least 3 other guys (about who knows what)
Then I'm afraid to say girl, we gonna have big problems.
Especially if you talking personal stuff about us.

click to expand

Correction when we would brake up i would have at three other guys that I was talking to. When I was with him I was completely faithful.

Posted by Bells93

Posted by canerleo101

Posted by Bells93
Kodak, thanks for being so supportive. Canerleo, tbh, I don't want to be romantically involved with anyone else right now, or anyone at all, really. But, I actually do have many friends in my area. I was far from them in my old city, but I live closer now. I'm also really close with his best friend, a Pisces. When the time is right, I'll ask him for advice about my situation. He's a very kind man.

From what I've seen with my Cancer, he's extremely inconsistent and indecisive.

From what it sounds like you still want to be with this Cancer guy which is perfectly I guess that's why your going to ask his best friend for advise.

I do still want to be with him, but I don't think his best friend is really going to have the right answer to give me. He's just nice to talk to, we have a great connection.

click to expand

You seem like such a sweet person but I've been around the block a few times the best way to get a man to want you back is to make it seem like you are moving on and not tripping off of him. I moved half way across California and moved in with my Cancer boyfriends family. I used to dog this poor Cancer guy and the more I dogged him the more he wanted me. Right before I left him he begged me every night not to leave him but i left him and broke his heart.

If you want him back whatever you do DO NOT SHOW WEAkNESS.

Posted by BlackNova
smh

You Cancer women sound too shady for my liking.
Maybe not all crab girls are players but Ms. cancerleo101, you sound like a player.

No, it's just that in the city were in from you can not be weak.

Posted by Kodak375
I'm sorry your in that situation miss, youve got to make a game plan to get out of that situation, like a family or relatives unless you can get an apartment again. Take back your independence miss, stay strong.

You're so sweet LOL

Posted by Koniucha

Posted by StarChild63
Yea he doesn't want you and you're making him feel guilty. Something happened don't know what but at the least you need to move out. I wouldn't take him serious.

Omg, seriously!?? Every single one of your posts comes off as cancers are perfect angels and its the rest of us with issues. Get real.

click to expand

Thank you!! I agree, lol. Sorry Starchild, I know you love them Cancers but you can't play sides. Look at the situation outwith some bias for once. (:



Also to OP, I'm so sorry you're going through that. I wouldn't stick around that kind of behavior. I'd work my a** off just to get out of there to be honest. If he doesn't want to let go, that
s his problem. Not all cancers but some cancers drag things out for way too long. It's a waste of time.

Check into roommate referral companies in your area. They can help to get interviews set up with people that you would be compatible with. At least that would get you into a different living situation. Also, is there any kind of MeetUp organization in Canada. This is an organization that puts people together dependent upon interest. Groups for everything. Outdoor activities, investment groups, hiking, foodies, movies, entrepreneurs, students, travelers...you name it. It would allow you to meet people that at least have the same interests, that narrows things down right there, and give you some activities to keep your mind engaged. Activity does help. So much more healthy than staying home because you don't know anyone. You need some friends in the area.

I agree with Kodak, this is really a dick move. His loyalty score is zero!

^^^
But she has clearly said that doesn't want to move on.

Maybe that was a little harsh so I'll try again.
I think you should focus on your financial situation and not even consider yourself in a relationship. He hasn't officially broken up because you're still there.

This happened with my excancer and the girl he was with before me. Only add she was living with his family because of her new job AND in his family was also supporting her mother. And he would routinely visit his family home every weekend two hours away.

He was actually in love with some other girl at the time. He really wanted his ex to move out ASAP even though he said the exact same things your cancer is saying to you. They were together over a year. For him, it was more like he didn't want to throw away an old shirt with bleach stains but couldn't wear it anywhere.

Posted by StarChild63
Yea he doesn't want you and you're making him feel guilty. Something happened don't know what but at the least you need to move out. I wouldn't take him serious.

I can't believe this but I somewhat agree with Star.

I wouldn't say you are making him feel guilty, or even playing on his guilt. But the guy definitely feels guilty but wants out. All that other stuff is probably a sorry attempt to make things less awkward. Like he was trying to end it but backed out when you started crying.

Thanks for the advice guys. I've been laying low, not sure how to process my feelings right now. Lots of confusion. I ended up messaging him yesterday after he had messaged me earlier that day. Even though he initiated, it was small talk and it felt really cold to me. I know it's text, so it can often come off differently, but it still hurt me. I messaged him back a few hours after the initial conversation and told him that I wasn't into the small talk, and that I felt like he was only messaging me out of guilt or pity. I told him I don't need his pity, and that unless he actually had something to ask me, that I wanted my space until we see each other on Friday. He said "Okay. Have a good week", and then later that night said goodnight, and that there was no pity there, that he still had love me for me. Then I woke up this morning to him sending me a random picture he found funny, which started easy conversation. We talked on and off all day, but I don't know if he's messaging me because he actually wants to, or if he's trying to make an effort, or if he still feels only guilt. He asked me today to go see a movie I've been talking about for a few months now, to which I agreed. He also said we could cuddle when he comes back tomorrow, but I'm not sure. On one hand, I want to ask him if we can try again because I know he still loves me. But on the other hand, I'm afraid to ask him and want him to initiate. He's just so NOT confrontational and deals with everything sideways... yet again, I'm torn. I was reading on a different thread that you guys appreciate someone showing their emotions, but at this point I almost feel like every time I do I'm showing weakness. UGH.

When you see him, let him know that "we need to have a serous talk, I can't just simply forget about the way you were treating me, and if you are going to be with me than be with me but don't play gamees with me" you will still be standing your ground and letting him know that you are not willing to put up with him treating you any kind of way.

And no you are not being harsh by telling him this. Because if I were in this situation I would tell this guy straight up in these words plain as day "if you fuck with my emotions than I will physically fuck you up" but your not me and I would never advise anyone to say that (all my boyfriends/ex-husbands say that I am crazy and no you do not want to be labeled as being crazy)

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by canerleo101

Posted by Kodak375
She can call her friends from a distance. Adding a new dynamic to a messed up thing wont make it easier for her, she'll be using some poor sap. Make new friends in her area, in her school, at work. Go to the club go to bar, go to the damn library. She's not doing anyone a favor by being babied by another man whos talking to her not to be a therapist.

I know it just feels a hell of a lot better when you have other men to talk to I used to do it all I the time when I was engaged to my husband but I would have at least three other guys that I was talking to. Hey a girls got to do what a girls got to do. Men do it all the time. I'm sure he's sure not limiting himself from other women.

That was terrible advice and not even close to what the OP is asking.
What is good for you, is not always - and in this case probably never - the best for others.
No point in meeting another guy, just because someone's partner is. Why stoop to their level?

Plus, why do you even begin to put thoughts like this in OPs head? Your suspicions will make another person feel worse, when there is no reason at all for you to have them. Not everyone cheats and lies. Check yourself before you post shit like that again!

click to expand

If this broad would continue reading she would have sen where I clarified and said that I would talk to other guys when we were broke up. I have always been 100 percent faithful to any boyfriend that I have been with.

Posted by thinktoomuch

Posted by canerleo101

Posted by Kodak375
She can call her friends from a distance. Adding a new dynamic to a messed up thing wont make it easier for her, she'll be using some poor sap. Make new friends in her area, in her school, at work. Go to the club go to bar, go to the damn library. She's not doing anyone a favor by being babied by another man whos talking to her not to be a therapist.

I know it just feels a hell of a lot better when you have other men to talk to I used to do it all I the time when I was engaged to my husband but I would have at least three other guys that I was talking to. Hey a girls got to do what a girls got to do. Men do it all the time. I'm sure he's sure not limiting himself from other women.

That was terrible advice and not even close to what the OP is asking.
What is good for you, is not always - and in this case probably never - the best for others.
No point in meeting another guy, just because someone's partner is. Why stoop to their level?

Plus, why do you even begin to put thoughts like this in OPs head? Your suspicions will make another person feel worse, when there is no reason at all for you to have them. Not everyone cheats and lies. Check yourself before you post shit like that again!

click to expand

Well I guess if she wasn't talking to other men before she met him then she shouldn't talk to other men but if she was talking to guys before she got with him then yes she should go back to being her regular self. But anyways all this was said before I knew that she wanted to get back with this guy.

Posted by NaomiB
You are a Capricorn. Us earth signs do feel showing emotion is weakness. I refuse to play that game with anyone. If he's doing this to try to get a reaction out of you, you need to call him on his shit. As a taurus I understand completely well what you are experiencing. The problem I have with water heads is that they are too damn emotional. If I have to get all emo with someone in order for them to see I care, I rather not deal with that shit. It's childish to me. Not to say we earth signs don't have feelings. We show them when we are comfortable and at our own pace. He likes when you show your emotions, well tell him you like when he shows you the respect you deserve. Then and only then will you allow your emotions to show. Everyone is not worth seeing that side of us.

+1
I don't think that I have ever cried in front of a man.

Posted by thinktoomuch
Don't disagree with Naomi B 😄 😄 😄 :

"I was never talking to others guys when I was ingaged are you jealous of me of something because you sound very insecure yourself. Your probebly some not so hot looking chick ( that's why can't even post a picture of yourself up now that's lame.) Please let the decent looking women give advise about men. Not some insecure girl who can talk shit on line and can't even post her picture up. And by the way me and my fianc? got married so I guess my way of doing things worked."

she sure told me!!!! Apparently I'm single because I'm ugly now! 😄

OP, do wht you can to get out of his familys house. Maybe stay at friends houses during the weekend?!

He has been honest in saying, that he can't let go, and that's my experience too: they don't let go. So maybe decide that where he shows confusion (saying he doesn't love you but can't let go), you will make a choice instead - and stay strong with that. So you don't get pulled into his confusion, ??cause it can go on for years.

I said it once and I'll say it again u can't even out a picture up of your self so before you tel me what to and what not to post on dxp get of own self up to standards. I have so many male cousins who tell me that the deal with fat ugly chicks differently than the ones who look good. Like I said before why are you on me so hard are you jealous. I mean it has to be something about me that has you captivated.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by thinktoomuch
Don't disagree with Naomi B 😄 😄 😄 :

"I was never talking to others guys when I was ingaged are you jealous of me of something because you sound very insecure yourself. Your probebly some not so hot looking chick ( that's why can't even post a picture of yourself up now that's lame.) Please let the decent looking women give advise about men. Not some insecure girl who can talk shit on line and can't even post her picture up. And by the way me and my fianc? got married so I guess my way of doing things worked."

she sure told me!!!! Apparently I'm single because I'm ugly now! 😄

OP, do wht you can to get out of his familys house. Maybe stay at friends houses during the weekend?!

He has been honest in saying, that he can't let go, and that's my experience too: they don't let go. So maybe decide that where he shows confusion (saying he doesn't love you but can't let go), you will make a choice instead - and stay strong with that. So you don't get pulled into his confusion, ??cause it can go on for years.

Someone found multiple copies of her image on the internet. So fake image = faceless

So she's faceless too so I guess = ugly.
B
Is that correct, using her logic?

click to expand

This is my real picture in My Raiderette Costume I"m from Northern Cali thats why I have a Raiders costome on we are Huge raider and 49ers fans in this part of the country. But the fact that you think that my picture is fake is a complement to me. But whenever I tell people my age the always thing that im way younger so I'm use to it.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by thinktoomuch
Don't disagree with Naomi B 😄 😄 😄 :

"I was never talking to others guys when I was ingaged are you jealous of me of something because you sound very insecure yourself. Your probebly some not so hot looking chick ( that's why can't even post a picture of yourself up now that's lame.) Please let the decent looking women give advise about men. Not some insecure girl who can talk shit on line and can't even post her picture up. And by the way me and my fianc? got married so I guess my way of doing things worked."

she sure told me!!!! Apparently I'm single because I'm ugly now! 😄

OP, do wht you can to get out of his familys house. Maybe stay at friends houses during the weekend?!

He has been honest in saying, that he can't let go, and that's my experience too: they don't let go. So maybe decide that where he shows confusion (saying he doesn't love you but can't let go), you will make a choice instead - and stay strong with that. So you don't get pulled into his confusion, ??cause it can go on for years.

Someone found multiple copies of her image on the internet. So fake image = faceless

So she's faceless too so I guess = ugly.

Is that correct, using her logic?

click to expand

And please tell me where you found multiple copies of my picture online because dxp is the only site that I have uploaded this picture to.

Posted by thinktoomuch
OH! It's not Naomi, it's cancerleo101. Sorry Naomi.

Apparently she doesn't understand how I work it incognito here😉

why would I need to be incognito on a website. Im still waiting for you to put a picture up.