woodenmeow
@woodenmeow
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 256 · Topics: 35
Interested Cancer Man or NOT?
RUUUUN!!!! He's playing with you.
Per you're own words..
I haven't seen him in two weeks.
And based on what he told me on the phone he isn't going to see me any time soon.
I am just really confused.
Now when I contact him I feel like I bothering him.
This weekend he texted me and we went back and forth for a bit, then he just fell off.
Sometimes I hear from him then sometimes not.
Go back and read your own words. Does this seem like a guy whose interested in forming a real connection with you? He would have to be available to do that and he's not.
Either you're not dating and assumed you're dating him. What I mean is this. Did he tell you verbally that he's dating you? Meaning you both discussed what you're both doing as in getting a verbal from him he's dating you and no one else and I have to wonder if this was even discussed if he can't acknowledge if he likes you or not..
I'd say drop him, keep your options open and eyes peeled for the right guy.
Because here's the thing. He know he's half assing you and yet you're still right there, available, open, communicating which is TEACHING him he can fall off and come back when he chooses and you'll still answer and be available.
So what has to happen is you have to stop teaching him through your own behavior that its okay to leave and come back when it's convenient for him.
You have to have your own standards, rules, boundaries to protect you from falling for the WRONG guy. At this stage in your life having a way to quickly weed out the bad unavailable guys is pertinent.
Before I met the man I married one important rule for me was once a guy goes cold I will not sit around waiting, nor wondering about him, I'm moving on and I did. Another boundary was raise my standards, I don't deserve to be dropped and once he fall off he won't get another chance to do it again.
I haven't seen him in two weeks.
And based on what he told me on the phone he isn't going to see me any time soon.
I am just really confused.
Now when I contact him I feel like I bothering him.
This weekend he texted me and we went back and forth for a bit, then he just fell off.
Sometimes I hear from him then sometimes not.
Go back and read your own words. Does this seem like a guy whose interested in forming a real connection with you? He would have to be available to do that and he's not.
Either you're not dating and assumed you're dating him. What I mean is this. Did he tell you verbally that he's dating you? Meaning you both discussed what you're both doing as in getting a verbal from him he's dating you and no one else and I have to wonder if this was even discussed if he can't acknowledge if he likes you or not..
I'd say drop him, keep your options open and eyes peeled for the right guy.
Because here's the thing. He know he's half assing you and yet you're still right there, available, open, communicating which is TEACHING him he can fall off and come back when he chooses and you'll still answer and be available.
So what has to happen is you have to stop teaching him through your own behavior that its okay to leave and come back when it's convenient for him.
You have to have your own standards, rules, boundaries to protect you from falling for the WRONG guy. At this stage in your life having a way to quickly weed out the bad unavailable guys is pertinent.
Before I met the man I married one important rule for me was once a guy goes cold I will not sit around waiting, nor wondering about him, I'm moving on and I did. Another boundary was raise my standards, I don't deserve to be dropped and once he fall off he won't get another chance to do it again.
@tiki33 -
Yes he and I did establish that we were only seeing each other. One minute he seems jealous then the next when we are texting I feel like a bother. He is the one that was asking about me, to coworkers and friends. So when we actually spend time with this Cancer Man, and we like each other. Somewhere in the weeks of texts and phone calls (which he actually does) it got weird. About a week an a half ago. I left his place and he kissed me and said I will call you later. A week went by of no communication and I held my ground. Finally he texted me, then called. He was waiting for me to call, I told him I don't chase men that is for ugly girls. He said I don't chase women. I said oh well then. We chatted and he made multiple comments that I didn't even check on him, he could have been dead in a ditch I would have never know. Blah blah. I said I figured if you were interested or missed me you would have contact me. Since then it's been back and forth communication, but i still don't have a warm and fuzzy about it all.
I texted him today because I feel yucky. Going to the doctor. And his response was be safe. He texted a little more then he fell off again.
What should I do next? No commuication?
Yes he and I did establish that we were only seeing each other. One minute he seems jealous then the next when we are texting I feel like a bother. He is the one that was asking about me, to coworkers and friends. So when we actually spend time with this Cancer Man, and we like each other. Somewhere in the weeks of texts and phone calls (which he actually does) it got weird. About a week an a half ago. I left his place and he kissed me and said I will call you later. A week went by of no communication and I held my ground. Finally he texted me, then called. He was waiting for me to call, I told him I don't chase men that is for ugly girls. He said I don't chase women. I said oh well then. We chatted and he made multiple comments that I didn't even check on him, he could have been dead in a ditch I would have never know. Blah blah. I said I figured if you were interested or missed me you would have contact me. Since then it's been back and forth communication, but i still don't have a warm and fuzzy about it all.
I texted him today because I feel yucky. Going to the doctor. And his response was be safe. He texted a little more then he fell off again.
What should I do next? No commuication?
You know it's more about your own expectations and standards. At 39 if what you want is a consistent available man then he's not it.
If a man is in and out, hot and cold etc there will never really be a routine nor predicted behavior you can count on. You will always feel like a bother to him when he's unavailable.
What do you want? You must know what you don't want and what you do want in order to make a decision about him.
Right now you're acting as if he's all there is and maybe he's picking up on that and isn't prepared to give you what you want.
I just don't think it's a good fit if after a month you're already complaining about him. Read the board and you'll find a lot of women complaining about the men.
You can stand your ground but you won't be happy with any of it. You can not call but you won't be happy, you can call and still no warm and fuzzy.
What do you want from a man? You gotta know or you'll put up with anything. I feel you can do better but maybe you don't feel that way which is why you're sticking it out with him.
Sounds like it's over for him, he just isn't prepared to tell you it's over.
If a man is in and out, hot and cold etc there will never really be a routine nor predicted behavior you can count on. You will always feel like a bother to him when he's unavailable.
What do you want? You must know what you don't want and what you do want in order to make a decision about him.
Right now you're acting as if he's all there is and maybe he's picking up on that and isn't prepared to give you what you want.
I just don't think it's a good fit if after a month you're already complaining about him. Read the board and you'll find a lot of women complaining about the men.
You can stand your ground but you won't be happy with any of it. You can not call but you won't be happy, you can call and still no warm and fuzzy.
What do you want from a man? You gotta know or you'll put up with anything. I feel you can do better but maybe you don't feel that way which is why you're sticking it out with him.
Sounds like it's over for him, he just isn't prepared to tell you it's over.
Posted by tiki33
You know it's more about your own expectations and standards. At 39 if what you want is a consistent available man then he's not it.
If a man is in and out, hot and cold etc there will never really be a routine nor predicted behavior you can count on. You will always feel like a bother to him when he's unavailable.
What do you want? You must know what you don't want and what you do want in order to make a decision about him.
Right now you're acting as if he's all there is and maybe he's picking up on that and isn't prepared to give you what you want.
I just don't think it's a good fit if after a month you're already complaining about him. Read the board and you'll find a lot of women complaining about the men.
You can stand your ground but you won't be happy with any of it. You can not call but you won't be happy, you can call and still no warm and fuzzy.
What do you want from a man? You gotta know or you'll put up with anything. I feel you can do better but maybe you don't feel that way which is why you're sticking it out with him.
Sounds like it's over for him, he just isn't prepared to tell you it's over.
Yes!!!! Agree +1,000
He's interested in you but not THAT into you. I don't think he's interested in you enough
It seems like he has peaks where sometimes he's very interested & other times he's just kind of blah. He's not interested in you enough to be consistent but then again you haven't done anything that is so wrong that it was worth him cutting you off completely.
I doubt that you are the only woman he is seeing. Highly doubt it. Usually when guys are hot & cold it's indicative of 1. Commitment issues 2. Communication issues 3. Too many girls he's trying to juggle on the side or 4. Lack of interest. So either way you slice it, it's really not a good thing
Secondly, you guys are both playing games. Stop with the cat & mouse games. Although I do agree that men should initially do the chasing & prove their interest, I think women really screw themselves when they forget that men need reassurance & signals of interest from a woman too. If you act like a queen whose on this high pedestal, who doesn't have to do any of the work, you'll end up alone!
I doubt things would've been different had you done your share of chasing him too, but in general, when dating guys in the future, up your chances of finding a good guy by being woman enough to give back what you're getting. It's not gonna kill you to initiate a phone call or text. Most men anticipate women being divas & will probably appreciate more the woman who put her pride down enough to contact him 1st.
This guy isn't for you. He's too flaky. Listen to yourself...you don't trust him, you don't trust that he's genuine, you don't feel that fuzzy feeling that every girl wants/deserves to feel & you're just as confused today as you were yesterday. Clearly, these are called WARNING BELLS! Be a smart girl & run when you see warning bells!
There is a REASON why the warning bells keep going off! Listen girl LISTEN!
It seems like he has peaks where sometimes he's very interested & other times he's just kind of blah. He's not interested in you enough to be consistent but then again you haven't done anything that is so wrong that it was worth him cutting you off completely.
I doubt that you are the only woman he is seeing. Highly doubt it. Usually when guys are hot & cold it's indicative of 1. Commitment issues 2. Communication issues 3. Too many girls he's trying to juggle on the side or 4. Lack of interest. So either way you slice it, it's really not a good thing
Secondly, you guys are both playing games. Stop with the cat & mouse games. Although I do agree that men should initially do the chasing & prove their interest, I think women really screw themselves when they forget that men need reassurance & signals of interest from a woman too. If you act like a queen whose on this high pedestal, who doesn't have to do any of the work, you'll end up alone!
I doubt things would've been different had you done your share of chasing him too, but in general, when dating guys in the future, up your chances of finding a good guy by being woman enough to give back what you're getting. It's not gonna kill you to initiate a phone call or text. Most men anticipate women being divas & will probably appreciate more the woman who put her pride down enough to contact him 1st.
This guy isn't for you. He's too flaky. Listen to yourself...you don't trust him, you don't trust that he's genuine, you don't feel that fuzzy feeling that every girl wants/deserves to feel & you're just as confused today as you were yesterday. Clearly, these are called WARNING BELLS! Be a smart girl & run when you see warning bells!
There is a REASON why the warning bells keep going off! Listen girl LISTEN!
Lord I am over here hallelujahing in my chair LOL
+1 Krys
+1 MissLibra
+1 CuteGem
Especially this....he gave you his word that he was going to call and then ... he never called.
That was it right there...That was your answer in regards to how he really feels about you. As Krys stated, you really haven't done anything to make him go away for good so because you're a likeable good woman he keeps you as an option.
Do you really want to make him a priority when you're just an option?
Decide what you want for you and if he's not doing all the good things a man do when he's interested then drop him and do better for yourself.
Seducing him will only reek of desperation and push him away more. If he's in and out seducing him back in will be temporary, seduction techniques will not keep him consistent with you.
+1 Krys
+1 MissLibra
+1 CuteGem
Especially this....he gave you his word that he was going to call and then ... he never called.
That was it right there...That was your answer in regards to how he really feels about you. As Krys stated, you really haven't done anything to make him go away for good so because you're a likeable good woman he keeps you as an option.
Do you really want to make him a priority when you're just an option?
Decide what you want for you and if he's not doing all the good things a man do when he's interested then drop him and do better for yourself.
Seducing him will only reek of desperation and push him away more. If he's in and out seducing him back in will be temporary, seduction techniques will not keep him consistent with you.
+1 +1 +1 +1 +1
When a man is showing signs that he's not interested or losing interest by the day, that is NOT code for try harder or using seduction to change his mind. If he's not interested, there is a REASON. And if he won't tell you the reason, there is no way for you to know or fix it. And if you can't fix it, then his mind won't change unless something in HIM changes (not you).
In other words, don't keep chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught. Don't make the mistake that most women make in these exact situations. Stop making excuses for him. He's human & like every other man in that when he wants something, he puts in the necessary effort/work to get it AND keep it. If he's not interested, it will show (as it is showing!). He is no different than any other man.
Move on. Don't sell all of yourself just to get half of someone in return! It is very draining & destructive to your emotions/feelings/psyche & a very easy opportunity for someone to think of you as a doormat...and you know how the story goes/ends from there.........
When a man is showing signs that he's not interested or losing interest by the day, that is NOT code for try harder or using seduction to change his mind. If he's not interested, there is a REASON. And if he won't tell you the reason, there is no way for you to know or fix it. And if you can't fix it, then his mind won't change unless something in HIM changes (not you).
In other words, don't keep chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught. Don't make the mistake that most women make in these exact situations. Stop making excuses for him. He's human & like every other man in that when he wants something, he puts in the necessary effort/work to get it AND keep it. If he's not interested, it will show (as it is showing!). He is no different than any other man.
Move on. Don't sell all of yourself just to get half of someone in return! It is very draining & destructive to your emotions/feelings/psyche & a very easy opportunity for someone to think of you as a doormat...and you know how the story goes/ends from there.........
Wow. Thanks for all the input. I am still trying to process all his strange behavior.
Yesterday he was pretty chatty. He was checking up on me seeing how I was feeling. I had a sinus infection and went to the doctors.
The more I think I understand the less I do.
Yesterday he was pretty chatty. He was checking up on me seeing how I was feeling. I had a sinus infection and went to the doctors.
The more I think I understand the less I do.
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