Is he interested?

I posted in the Cap forum, but didn't get many replies so hoping I can get more insight here!

So theres a cappy guy at my work who I really like (I'm cancer if you hadn't guessed already). He works in a different department/building to mine, but comes into my office 1 or 2 times a week for meetings. I've noticed him for a year, but we've never needed to work together so only see eachother in passing and have only smiled at eachother. Until a few months ago, my friend was talking to him and found out hes originally from my home town and she told him oh rose is from there too! And so when she told me, I plucked up the courage to talk to him when I crossed paths with him again and we got to talking.

Since then, every time he comes over to our office, he always makes a point to come over to my desk to talk to me (doesn't talk to anyone else) and if I'm talking to someone or on the phone/in a meeting, he will always catch my attention and smile or wave.

Now, I don't know if he's just being friendly because we have something in common, or if he's interested in me. But I really fancy him, I think he's really friendly, cute and sweet. And for the past few weeks I've been hoping for our chit-chats to become something more.

The other day while we were chatting, he said why don't you take my number and we can go for drinks sometime, so I did (I think he was a bit nervous when he said it) But he comes across as a very confident guy anyway.
So I messaged him my number so he had it, because I didn't want to be the first one to initiate anything. But I didn't get a reply. A couple of days later he was in our office again, and came over to me and said oh so sorry for not responding I've been so busy, so I said no worries. He went off to a meeting, but on his way back, he came over to my desk and chatted for a bit, apologised again for not contacting me and then carried on making conversation.

(cont..) I expected for him to have messaged me since then, but he hasn't. I saw him again this week, but I was so busy I didn't get a chance to talk to him much. We only spoke for like 5 seconds, he asked me what I was doing this weekend, and turns out we are going to the same festival (which is in the area he lives in). I was also a bit nervous/confused when talking to him because last time we spoke he gave me his number and mentioned drinks, and since then not mentioned it again! So maybe I came across as a bit off with him but it could have seemed that I was too busy to talk at the time.
I'm tempted to message him when I get there, but surely if he was interested he would do that if he knows i will be there? Also I don't want to message again when he ignored my last one

What do you guys think? Is he playing games, playing it cool, really busy, or just not interested? although it confuses me why he would mention drinks the other day, or even offer out his number

I realise I'm over analysing so early on, but I don't know if maybe I read too much into his actions. Maybe he only sees me as a friend? My friend at work says he always stares at me, and he always comes over to talk to me, and once when he said goodbye he called me beautiful. So why isn't he making contact? Thoughts?

Posted by cheekyfaerie
I think you didn't get a lotta feedback because the two people that responded kinda nailed it. At least I think anyway. You seem accessible so I don't think he's intimidated to make a move. In fact, he made a move by giving his number and you met him in return by texting back. I hate to sound like one of those people, but I see it as his turn and he's not budging.

Outta curiosity, what was the message you texted back? Was it fun and flirty or just, "here ya go"?

No it wasn't fun at all. it was just a hey its rose, here my number. I sent it as soon as we finished talking because I thought if I waited any longer then I would have to initiate some kind of convo, and Im not used to guys giving me their number, they normally take mine. I prefer the guy to chase. But its killing me he's not now!

Posted by cheekyfaerie
In that case, I think he was testing the waters and when you didn't reply the way he'd hoped, he decided to fall back and regroup or maybe gave up for now. Thinkin he may have felt shot down.

I did think there was a chance he may think I'm not interested... So do you think I should wait and let him come to me? Or should I reach out to him again this weekend? I just dont want to chase if he's not interested

Do not reach out to him yet. Caps can be very flighty with communication so don't take it personally. This is just the beginning so if you're already getting sensitive now, you're not going to have what it takes to go the distance. Go to the festival and see if you run into him, if you do strike up a convo but do not mention him not calling you. Just talk to him as you would any friend you ran into and keep things light and fun. Don't make him feel pressured or that you're upset with his lack of communication. You guys work together so he probably wants to take things slow and need time to feel you out more before jumping all in. Caps are slow by nature anyway so this is not something that's going to happen quickly, it's going to require a lot of patience on your part because with a Cap you will have to become friends first. Also do not sleep with him during the getting to know you stage thinking it will move things along faster because it won't.

Posted by cheekyfaerie

Posted by cancerrose

Posted by cheekyfaerie
In that case, I think he was testing the waters and when you didn't reply the way he'd hoped, he decided to fall back and regroup or maybe gave up for now. Thinkin he may have felt shot down.

I did think there was a chance he may think I'm not interested... So do you think I should wait and let him come to me? Or should I reach out to him again this weekend? I just dont want to chase if he's not interested

I get you don't wanna chase him and I think that's for the best, BUT, there's a difference between chasing and reopening the lines of communication in a way that lets him know it's ok to pursue you. He's in a bit of a spot because he's met you through work. If you're not interested and he continues to be flirty with you, he's leaving himself open to an HR inquest. 😄

click to expand

So, how do I reopen lines of communication? Just by continuing to be friendly and talk to him when I see him? Or my letting him know that I'm at the festival once I'm there and if he wants to meet

Posted by cheekyfaerie
Crap. Probably too late now, but I'd have texted to see if he was at the festival. It's something you'd already talked about so totally neutral and fair game, but also an activity outside of work and the confines that entails.

So I did, and he responded really friendly, but he said he didn't know what his friends plans were but he said he'd suggest to them to go where I was with my friends.

I didn't hear from him again, which I'm not too worried about because it was soo crazy busy, and obviously if your friends have a different plan its completely understandable

So at least he did actually reply. It just would have been nice to have seen him in a more relaxed fun environment. But anyway I had a really fun day with my friends so no too upset I didn't see him.

I just hope that my message didn't come across as being desperate to see him, or chasing after him. I'm not going to initiate anything else now though.

OK so I was kind of expecting him to message to say, sorry I didn't get to see you, or something like that (considering he was so friendly in his reply).
But I've heard nothing

So I'm putting it down to him just not being interested. But then WHY give me his number? I'm so confused!

Well it took my besties Cap dude/Cancer girl 2 decades of off and on romance to be together. They've been married for 7 years with a kid.

So you could say this combo takes a ton of time.

Posted by kissmygrits
Well it took my besties Cap dude/Cancer girl 2 decades of off and on romance to be together. They've been married for 7 years with a kid.

So you could say this combo takes a ton of time.

Well you could be right. I think I read somewhere Capricorns are quite slow, and like to be friends first. I just figured if a guy likes a girl he will ask her out!

So I saw him today, and he came right over to talk to me, asked me how the festival was. so i told him i had an amazing time, and while we were chatting i mentioned i was near where he lives, and he said you should have told me you were there! and i said to him, I did text you! So maybe he didn't meet me at the festival because he figured it was so big i could have been anywhere and it would have been hard to meet. He said he spent the whole time looking for friends.
We were then talking about places we like to go in our city and I mentioned one place and I'm pretty sure (because he said it so quickly i couldn't really understand) that we should go there

I noticed as we were talking he was looking at my lips. My friend thinks he's nervous around me and that's why he's not asking me out.

But then I think surely the fact that I messaged him at the festival shows I'm interested?

I'm very confused. I guess I just need to wait until next week til I see him at work again.

Posted by BlackMamba
rose, time wilts, like a rose. make your moves girl!

Caps are notorious bachelors, he might take forever. Now we don't want to waste time do we. U know what you want.

OK BlackMamba, I took your advise and just decided to ask him out. He gave the most cryptic reply... Basically he came into my work the other day and we were chatting for quite a long time, he also called me beautiful and gave me a kiss on the cheek. As he walked away I thought to myself, damnit I should have asked him out, so I text him about something we had discussed and then when he replied I asked him if he was free one evening to go for drinks, he replied saying he hadn't been feeling well and shouldn't be drinking but should be feeling better the next day, I didn't know if that was a yes or a polite no.... so I told him to just let me know how he was feeling the next day, and he didn't reply. He also didn't ask any questions in our mini txt conversation. So I thought I'm not going to chase anymore, he knows I'm interested now.

Its been a couple of days, and haven't heard anything or seen him, and so I'm guessing he was just letting me down gently. But he really confuses me, why would he give me his number? Why would he suggest drinks? Why does he call me beautiful? Why does he always chat to me when he sees me?

Agreed. Maybe he's unsure of his interest. Nothing has really happened yet so I wouldn't stress. Be aloof and if he's interested he'll come to you. When I was single I used to like to fight my feelings until they became overwhelming to make sure I really liked them. LOL