Need help with cancer Man

Hi All, I am new to the board and want to Thank everyone who replys to me in advance. So please read my story and let me know your thoughts. I met this cancer man online 2 years ago and we became online friends. From online we started talking on the phone and he would call me all the time several times a day and night every day of the week. We had some issues in between and had a pull and push issues as well but always got back to each other and each time it was stronger than the last. This time I really thought he was connecting he was all me all times of the night, give me wakeup calls early morning to go to gym, alway being motivating and a very positve force in my life. Than out of the blue he disappeared for 3 weeks and when he came back he said he was out of the country. This hurt me badly that he didn't feel the need to tell me so I decide to tell him my feeling and see where it goes.I told him I had a crush on him but don't think he feels the same and the cancer man comes back and say you go it. Nothing like i like you as a friend or anything just that he doesn't like me back. So I got furtherr and tell him that for my sake I will have to stop talking to him because I don't want to force my feeling on him and go on a one way street and he says goodluck to you in life and bye. and it was over. I really want this man in my life and my question to every one is will he come back, is it possible that he is testing me?? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee help me figure this out. Thank again in advance!

Hello

You say you met online 2 years ago. Had you ever been together physically? Were you exclusive or officially dating?

We had planned on meeting and no we were not dateing. We were just good friends.

Whoa whoa whoa!

Him being a Cancer male has nothing to do with this. Whether this guy is shy, a Cancer or is any thing else doesn't give valid enough excuses as to why he's treated you like this.

It's not fair to say to someone, "Yep, I'm a Cancer so I get a 'get out of jail free' card whenever I like someone even if my actions don't show it." That's not fair. When a person is mature and/or ready for a real relationship, they learn how to think about the other person's feelings too. They recognize that their actions oughta match up with their words. And this Cancer guy point blank just wasted your time.

You should NOT want him in your life at this point if he's telling AND showing you that he doesn't want you in his. You should not have time to entertain this man's conflicting emotions/circumstances; that wouldn't be fair to you. This man approached YOU & made it seem like to you that he wanted to be in your life. When someone tells you that, that means they're dedicated to showing you why they should be granted that access. And he's NOT showing you at all.

Matter of fact, his LACK of actions is the best indicator of what decision you should make from here on out, moreso than what he did/is saying or doing. It's what he's NOT doing that you should base your decision on. He's NOT being consistent. He's NOT effectively communicating with you. He's NOT man enough to tell you that he's a chicken that feels like going on the run. He's NOT man/emotionally secure enough to give you enough consideration to tell you that he can't handle the pace at which things have been going with you two. He's NOT feeling about you the same way you feel about him. He's NOT making any effort to prove to you that he's a good candidate in your life.

It'd be different had you 2 met already & had you 2 established a firm bond/foundation, but since none of that has happened, it's kind of hard for me to understand where all this loyalty you have for him is coming from. He may very well have VALID excuses for his behavior, BUT point blank, it's 2011 and if someone isn't ready to go full swing into things, they have NO business dating. The whole "Pull in just to pull out" game is played out

No more excuses. If he's not ready to effectively communicate his emotions/vulnerabilities with another person, he should NOT be dating. That's not code for other women to try to disect this man and/or make excuses for his insecurities/lack of effort. It shouldn't be any woman's job to try to get a man to do/say something that he's not emotionally secure enough to say/do. Sometimes it just is what it is.

If this man wants to be in your life, he better learn that that kind of access is not automatically given. He's going to have to earn that access by way of effectively communicating and/or squashing all his inner issues BEFORE trying to invite someone else into his life. If not, the situation will always turn out to be exactly like you described--1 person being left to fend for themselves & wondering where things went wrong, while yet the original person is off in the sunset somewhere smiling & having a good time--Uh uh! NOT cool.

Let him go. Don't allow him back into your life UNTIL (and not a second before) he's ready to face his insecurities, vulnerabilities, fears, or whatever, head on. It's deeply insulting when a person can come in & think it's OK for their actions to completely contradict everything they say. That is NOT ok. And he needs to learn that up front NOW before he's allowed back into your life. If not, sure he may come back, BUT if that's his way of dealing with things, trust me, he'll do this to you again & again & again. It's better that he show you his true colors now vs. waiting until you 2 are really "deep" into things & yet he do this.

Women are so quick to immediately search for some kind of validity that excuses a man's behavior when he's done something that doesn't make sense. You can't make sense out of non sense. If this guy is too insecure to open up or face his new feelings for someone, he shouldn't be dating or wasting anyone's time. If he's too self-absorbed to consider someone else's feelings, he shouldn't be dating. If he's too self-absorbed to communicate & take 2 seconds out of his day to mention to you that he's leaving the country, he's either NOT that into you OR he's NOT worth it. It's usually 1 or the other.

I'mJustSayin!

I get so upset when I see women fighting for someone that is NOT fighting for them! There is absolutely NOTHING rewarding about chasing/wanting someone who doesn't chase or want you. There is NOTHING cute or fun about doing all the work and/or being the only 1 willing to do what it takes. All the energy the other person puts into making excuses/wanting a "get out of jail free" card could be energy they invest in working on their insecurities BEFORE putting themselves out there to date! Ugh! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! And what's even worse is that the women who give men the impression that that kind of behavior is ok, send the signal to the man that what he's doing is ok and/or that his bull will be coated with excuses from her; that just enables them to prolong the process of getting their ish together. It's true: You TEACH people how to TREAT you.

A guy like that would've only had ONE chance. And the min. he F'd that up, he'd be out the door & his ass wouldn't be coming back until he had his ish together. Pst! He'd actually be lucky if I was even still willing to entertain him once he finally got it together (if he ever even did).

Sometimes a woman has to get her head out of the clouds for 1 second & just face the reality of what it really is. All that "wishful thinking" aint worth a shxt if the results you're getting are opposite of what outcome you expected. Instead of arguing or over-analyzing every guy who messes up, sometimes it's best to just chalk it up, take it as a loss & move on. There's nothing worse for a guy than for him to see that a girl will put up with his crap BEFORE he even meets her! It'll be very very hard for him to respect a woman like that b/c he's not stupid--he knows exactly what he's doing...he's probably done this to other women before simply b/c others put up with him instead of running like hell.

Trust me, when enough women stop wanting him even when he's done nothing to deserve their admiration, he'll get his shxt together REAL quick! If a person REALLY wants love as much as they say they do, their actions AND reactions will reflect that.

Thank you everyone for your comments! I am a libra woman. Please keep the comments comming. Thanks!

Hmmm. So, why do you want this guy back when he straight up told you that he doesn't like you that way? Are you one of those people who only likes someone when it's not reciprocated? I see this all as a good thing. I don't think you're ready for a relationship at this point.

If you truly love yourself, you would not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You would see yourself as a person worthy of the love you seek. Even if you love them you can let go knowing you deserve better.

It sucks but i've been in your shoes... And I couldn't be happier!