Should I let go of hope...

Last Monday the Cancer guy I was "seeing" decided to call it quits. His reasons stemmed from how he felt at a picnic we went to, I invited him. He said it felt too much like a relationship. He said my friends didn't seem to like him. And he said he didn't want to involve my kids in stuff.

This all happened through text and I was pretty short in my responses. I finally asked him if it was a "nice knowing you" kind of thing. He said for now, with a frown. I wrote him a letter addressing each issue the next day, but I didn't send it. I felt like if that was where he was, there was no reason in trying to fight for anything.

Later in the week my phone died permanently and I lost all my contacts. Over the weekend I emailed him to tell him that I didn't have his number anymore and that if he wanted me to keep it, he'd need to send it to me. The next day he texted me, asked me how I was doing, responded to my questions about how he was doing but neither of us tried to extend the conversation.

At this point I'm just giving it some more time and waiting to see if he contacts me again. Sometimes I can't tell, though, whether he's looking for me to show a sign of wanting to spend time with him again or if I should let him come to me.

I miss him and I liked what we had. Should I still have hope? Should I address his issues that caused the split? Should I move on?

My limited understanding of Cancers is it's all about the home. They need a safe and secure environment, that they can retreat to at need. I imagine the kids, the friends, this could potentially violate his home. He's figuring, how the hell to I accommodate the kids and friends into his sanctuary. What if this slightly crazy women wants to bring them to visit?

How you get over that one, not sure. As I said limited knowledge of cancers. Show respect for his space, I suppose.

Yeah. I got the feeling he felt slightly attacked by all of it. I want to make things right, even if he really isn't willing to get back together. But I don't know if an attempt to fix things will push him further away. I have this thought that he may have also been insulted by me not being able to come with him somewhere the day before the picnic and by me letting him keep some things that he was trying to give me earlier in the week that he could have also used and that all this just accumulated and made him "run" instead of saying something to me.

Sorry MuchLovetoGive, I love to understand how everything works, but have yet to understand Cancer. If it was me as a try, I would invite him to the picnic you blew off. If possible make it the exact same day of the week, at the exact same time, in the exact same place, provide the food.

This is a very Aquarian solution to a Cancers problem. I think it would show that you understand that you did wrong and would like to make it right.

We were at the picnic together. It was the mood when we were there that screwed things up. I felt just as awkward as he did, no one was talking like they normally did because so many unknown ppl were there.

Sorry I miss read it. I was referring to "I have this thought that he may have also been insulted by me not being able to come with him somewhere the day". Try to recreate this, with as much detail as possible, so he gets the hint, that you know you mucked up.

Move on.

I ended up texting him today explaining most everything and asking him to help me understand what went wrong. We talked and worked through things, but he is saying he doesn't want a relationship. It's weird, that's what he says, but when we spend time together he doesn't act like that. I guess we'll end up seeing each other again, but I'm sure he's going to continue to give mixed signals and I did call him out on that.

I'm talking about things like kissing me and holding my hand/cuddling while we watch TV. Offering to help me with things in my life.

He says I should keep my emotions in check, but it seems to me that he's not doing the same. He's been hurt majorly in the past and he's apprehensive about another relationship, but the mixed signals make it hard for me to keep a bearing on where I should be.

He says he might eventually want something more but it will be a long time before he does. I guess I'm wondering if this is all him protecting himself or if I should just not take the relationship seriously and just keep it there for me while I look for someone better.

This is totally not my style , but it's what he's saying. He's saying he might go date other people and I should too. I like his companionship and I don't really want to give it up, I just don't want to hurt him because he's not saying what he really feels.

I leave it to the cancers to judge. This as far as I have ever got with a cancer. I've never managed to penetrate the shell.
I'd be tempted to take what you can get and go for friendship, but I'm loathed to give advice coz of my limited understanding.
Come on cancers, step up, out of your shells, what's going down here ?

Thanks whiterebbit and incandescentcancer. I wouldn't mind hearing from others as well.

I'm a cancer and I've dated cancers. My mother, brother and grandmother are all cancers.We are very black and white. We either want you or we don't. When want to be with someone we aren't going to walk away. And what I've learned from cancer men is that they will cut off emotions and stay in contact to get what they want from you sexually.

I'll definitely keep that in mind. I don't get the feeling he really wanted to walk away. It's almost like it's either a test to see if I will say I don't want him to go or it's a way for him to get "shell time." He talks about us as "we" in ideas that plan for the future.

Because neither of us is financially well off, he'll take me to romantic places on online maps and kiss me when we get there. Maybe I'm reading into it, but I've never had someone do things like that and I know if I were to act in those ways toward someone, they would mean more to me than someone I just wanted for sex.

He's a cancer that's been screwed over and majorly and it involves children, so it seems he wants to be damn sure before he enters into anything this time.

I totally understand the left out thing, it's weird trying to figure out what to do with yourself when people are talking about things that you weren't there for. I felt like why does it matter if the people at the picnic like him or not if he doesn't want me in his life though. In fact, why even come to a picnic that someone who you just want for sex invites you to?

It always seems to me that it's more that he doesn't want the stress and complications of a relationship, not that he doesn't want a relationship. He assumes that there are going to be demands and requirements, I think. Or maybe he's worried that he's going to have demands and it's going to frustrate me.