Trying to make sense of a Cancerian friend...

Hey there, I've read through a lot of threads on here, and many of them sound like what I am going through and feeling at the moment with the Cancerian man in my life.

We met a while back, and instantly hit it off. We have a lot of things in common, and it seems that we are very easily able to have lengthy discussions about all sorts of things, for HOURS on end, and the more we talk, the more I am truly swept off my feet by this guy. He is a perfect gentleman, he's funny, he's really sweet, all things that I really appreciate and adore . Somewhere in there, we ended up becoming rather intimate. We didn't actually sleep together, which I am perfectly okay with. I had thought that I was sort of letting him set the pace, and I was reacting to the signals he was giving me. There is a LOT of chemistry between us. I don't know if some of you have ever seen The Princess Diaries but if you have, you remember how she talked about wanting to meet a man that when they kissed, her foot would lift off the ground. Well, that pretty much sums up this Cancerian for me. I've never in my life felt this way for anyone. But I'm also practical.

However, shortly after this physical element crept its way in (which I can only describe as very, very intense.) I received a phone call from him, explaining that he wanted us to only be friends. There really isn't much that I can say to that, so I accepted it, and put forth the effort to try and be just friends. Which seemed to be working, though a few weeks later, we had been spending some time together, and we talked for a while, and I thought that maybe we were sort of getting on the same page. I took the risk of sharing my feelings with him, which at this point in time, I feel we have a lot of natural chemistry between us, and that I would be interested in seeing where these feelings developing between us would lead. One thing ended up leading to another, and we ended up right back into this intimate thing, which while it is very very good, I think we both agreed we didn't want it to end up being strictly a relationship based on physical intimacy. He admitted to me, however, that he has difficulty in exhibiting restraint. In his words, he stated that other than a clear moral boundary of wanting to wait until marriage to have sex, he has "no brakes."

(See Part 2... Darn character limits!)

(Part 2)

So fast forward a day or so, and while I thought we had sort of established that we were both maybe interested in a relationship, I spoke with him, and he told me he had been thinking a lot about it, and that he thought we really ought to be just friends. He mentioned that he had been, in his words, in similar situations with people, and then ended up not being friends with them at all. So to me, while as confused and hurt as I was, I took that to mean, that he was unsure emotionally, because of these past things that didn't end well.

I'm feeling at odds with this now. After reading many of the other topics in this forum, and elsewhere, I do see that this is classic Cancer behavior, or at least it appears to be. The real truth is, I'm not entirely certain I can strictly hold myself to being just friends with this man. I won't lie, it's a little emotionally painful, knowing how I feel for him. But I also recognize his need for space. Even while we were operating under the premise of being just friends before, we were close. We talked nearly daily, even if it's just a quick note via text or messenger to say hello. He always asks how my day was.

So I guess what I'm after at this point, is whether or not I should try and brave this, by being that friend for him, in hopes that things may change? If it were any other man, I'm sure most of my friends and acquaintances would be quick to say that when a guy says he wants to be friends, it means he is not interested at all, and that there really is a snowball's chance in Hell of ever changing that point of view once you've been FriendZoned. However, I do see that that behavior is modus operandi for Cancers, even when they DO want something more. Am I getting this wrong? And if this IS worth patiently waiting out, what should be my next step for now? Should I back off entirely, and wait for him to approach me? Or would he take that as a slight? I realize sometimes one can inadvertently hurt a Cancer's feelings, and I'd like to try and avoid that.

If it helps, He is a Cancer, with Libra Ascendant, and his Moon in Leo. I am a Libra, with Capricorn Ascendant, and Moon in Virgo.

What is his venus? When dealing with relationships, you must consider the venus sign, not the sun sign. It may be in Cancer but he may not act like a Cancer when in a relationship.

But I do believe that when a guy says he wants to be friends, he just wants to be friends. I believe you should just fall back a bit though. Don't try to force him to change his mind about things because it won't happen. If you can sustain a relationship as such, then go for it & just be his friend & DON'T BE INTIMATE WITH HIM!! That will hurt you even more in the long run. Who knows, he may change his mind, but for now he doesn't seem to want a relationship.

*Serious relationship.

His Venus is in Gemini. Mine is in Libra.

I wasn't really wanting to force him into anything, honestly.
So I guess at this point, I'll just lay low for a while and give him a wide berth.

Oooooh...That damn Venus in Gemini, I've read things about them that weren't so good but you guys are compatible in that area so, who knows but...sheeeeesh!!! That's one placement I'm leary of so I wish you the best! I believe you're doing the right thing with giving him space. He'll come around if he wants & if not, K.I.M. 🙂

Posted by trystan28
I received a phone call from him, explaining that he wanted us to only be friends. There really isn't much that I can say to that, so I accepted it, and put forth the effort to try and be just friends.

I took the risk of sharing my feelings with him, which at this point in time, I feel we have a lot of natural chemistry between us, and that I would be interested in seeing where these feelings developing between us would lead.

He admitted to me, however, that he has difficulty in exhibiting restraint. In his words, he stated that other than a clear moral boundary of wanting to wait until marriage to have sex, he has "no brakes."

(See Part 2... Darn character limits!)

He told you... "I only want to be friends."

You heard... "He's confused. If I wait long enough, or push... I'll get what I want."

Posted by trystan28
(Part 2)

I spoke with him, and he told me he had been thinking a lot about it, and that he thought we really ought to be just friends. He mentioned that he had been, in his words, in similar situations with people, and then ended up not being friends with them at all. So to me, while as confused and hurt as I was, I took that to mean, that he was unsure emotionally, because of these past things that didn't end well.

click to expand

How many times does he have to tell you? Why not take what he says, to be what he means... instead of trying to re-work his words into something that gives you "hope"?

Cancers are not stupid. If it's there, it's there.. and if not, it's not. He's told you this twice and explained that even though he's a horn dog, he has morals and doesn't want to hurt you.

Keep following your own path.. and you'll just end up getting hurt. You've had plenty of warning.

just be friends PLEASE BELIEVE ME...he's doing you a favor look at it like that..lol..I've been with my cancer for 12yrs now and it wasnt easy... hell its still not...the fucking mood swings and that sensitive emotional shit drives me crazy...(in my iltalian voice) FORGET ABOUT IT...LOL... DONT GET ME WRONG THEY SWEET LOVING GUYS...but what you got to go thru with them will drive you insane.....GOODLUCK!