Update to Help He's Driving Me Crazy

Well, it's been a while for me. Sorry for that, things have been kind of crazy in my life these days. I don't know that it's a 'cancer' thing as much as it is a 'this guy' thing, but I guess I've given up. I guess he really never did grow up. It's been so long and nothing has changed. I finally told him I'm not his mommy and that he needs to grow up. I think it will be a while before I attempt a relationship with another cancerian, just in case it is a cancer thing (sorry to all cancers - I guess I'm a bit upset right now).

I need your opinions on something else, if you don't mind helping. I just found out I'm expecting a baby... If he's not grown up enough, is the best thing to let him go and not share the information? He threatened me once before that his family would take the baby if I had ever gotten pregnant to him and we broke up. I'm scared and I'm confused. I tried to break up with him once, before this happened and he scared me to death. He got in my face and called me some really horrible names and I was afraid he was going to hit me. Somehow, we managed to 'fix' things that time, but this time I know things can't be put back together. He's leaving in a few days. I feel guilty not telling him, but I don't know that it's a good idea to tell him after I just broke up with him - due to his temper and his previous threat to take the baby. Besides this, when I gave him the choice between working out the problems or leaving, he chose to leave, so doesn't that say he doesn't love me, and wouldn't it be better if we just parted ways completely and he never knew? I don't want a relationship built on 'we have a child together.' If he doesn't love me now, why would he suddenly love me after he found out about the baby? I don't want to chance his family really taking my child away, if they actually would. On the other hand, I hate the idea of not sharing this excitement with him. You see, I still love him, but I just don't love some of his ways. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want to hurt my child or myself either.

My friends think I should keep the baby a secret. They don't think it would change anything, except to complicate things if he really did try to take the baby from me, and they say he scares them with his temper and they're afraid he'll hurt me and maybe cause me to lose the baby. I guess I really know how to get myself into a mess sometimes.

Any input is greatly appreciated...

ScorpAngel

Hi ScorpAngel.

Since I am a person who dealt alot with Cancer men, I beleive I have experience to share here.

I had same problems with Cancers men, just another version of it. He worked behind my back until I discovered it.

Girl, listen this carefully and if it helps write it down anywhere in your house (even on your hand if you wish):

IF HE DECIDED SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!! EVEN AFTER 10000 YEARS HE WILL COME ONE DAY AND BRING UP SAME PROBLEM AGAIN!!!! HE WILL NEVER LEAVE IT EVEN IF HE SAYS "YES I AM AGREED WITH YOU"!!!

This is not actually a way out from your situation, and I know that. But you will make a better decition if you take this into your consideration.

If he threats you and if you feel that he gonna hit you, then you should really fear that. He will do it someday. I GUARANTEE!

The best way to deal with such CANCERS is to show them to police. I dont think this will change his way towards you but this will keep him in fear and away from you.

Take care.

This sounds like it could border on obsession. How far apart are you two?

I've never known Cancers to act this way either.

When he leaves, you move if you can. This doesn't sound good at all.

At the moment, he's here with me, but when he leaves, he will be about 600 miles away. I'm confused because sometimes he seems like he really loves me and then other times he can be so mean and say or do the meanest things or just be so cold and/or withdrawn. He has never truly hurt me physically, but he has shown physical aggression that could have gone overboard into abuse had he not reigned in his temper, and he has this uncanny ability to hurt me with words very easily. I always thought he was just trying to show he was the boss or something because I'm kind of stubborn and independent and I think that offends him. Every person who meets us tells me I should get away, but they don't see the gentle side of him - and there is one. I know he would spoil this baby rotten, but I also know he would use this baby to control me and own me, especially if we broke up. I feel guilty and I feel trapped and oh so confused. You have given me more to think about. Thank you for your help.

ScorpAngel

ScorpAngel


You deliver the baby and keep it... no powers in this world can take the baby from you, if he shows up even with a huge flower bucket kick him in the butt and show him a finger?!

The problem is? your love to him makes you naive and sensitive.. its happen to all of us under any star sign..! you cant make him responsible? nobody can.. what you need is a strong support and loving creature that makes your life different and helping you to building up lady.. cancer or whatever sign?! You need a support and this is a main subject.

Let think wise..!
You have an option like abortions (if it is not to late), why I am saying abortion ? because it gives you a chance to stay on for yourself? I suppose you are at young age, binding yourself to responsibilities like this is huge?.!..think about your options here lady.. (don?t listen to others that rule out this option).. your life experience is more important than anything else.. ! so stay on and be wise..!

Scorpangel

Please tell him about the baby...I hate women who do that more than men who are deadbeat fathers. It is unfair to him and the baby even especially since you are keeping it. Who are you to say he cannot have a relationship with his child? Is the mother more important than the father simply because she is baring the child? No...Unless he has shown himself to be a physical hazard for either you or the baby...I say tell him. It's only fair...you'll have to learn to control yourself anyway because if you can't how can you raise a child?


Cancerlady

I agree with Cancerlady. If you choose to have this baby it wouldn't be right to keep it from him because it's just as much his as it is yours. If you truly fear for your safety then why don't you wait until he's 600 miles away before you tell him? Besides, how do you plan on answering your child's questions about who his or her father is in the future? What if he or she tries to find him? Your entire life would become full of secrets and lies.

Not to mention it's kind of messed up that everyone would know who the father is EXCEPT for the father and the child.