withdrawal, silence, shells... what the?

Cancer men (women too if you can)..... please answer me this:

The withdrawal that you like to do so much (and by all means, do it because that's how you cope), how often do you do this? Where is your head when you're in this mode of self protection? Is it the first port of call when you're getting overwhelmed or stressed?

I'm asking because there is a lot of emotion between my cancer guy and I and it's highly charger. He gets very upset and yes, oh my God he is moody lol, of he goes... silence for a while, email goes unanswerd.

I've long since stopped chasing him like I used to and I leave him to it but I tell yam sometimes I feel like he pops his head out so little that most of his time is spent withdrawing from life.

Yes, he has external stresses an yes, he feels incredibly deeply.

Ah, I love him to bits, he's a beautifully sensitive guy, creative, passionate and so scared of life at times but the withdrawal drives me nuts. I'm Aquarius so I like space too but flippin heck, his need for alone time makes me feel he's a ghost!

What to do?

Go and read the OTHER post TIKKI posted for someone else who basically asked the SAME QUESTION. Let me go copy and paste it for you too read. Hold up.

I WILL ADD THIS TO HER FIRST PART OF THE SENTENCE STOP GIVING AWAY YOUR HEART TO ANY man that is NOT YOURS, you are telling him he's the ONLY man in the game and then he begins to feel this unspoken pressure to move forward, his way of NOT moving forward is to stall you out and not call you, it's a passive aggressive approach men use to back pedal with a woman he's not sure about. If he's not calling you when he says he is then he's telling you with his actions that he is not READY to be the dependable reliable boyfriend that you want or need him to be....

He is just dating you and his not calling when he says he will is his way of keeping you at a safe distance, his way of dating you instead of moving into a real potential relationship all that 2 hour talking is MOVING TOO FAST whether you know it or not so now he wants to slow you down and his way of doing that is by throwing you off balance by not calling which kills any REALITY and POTENTIAL of any REAL relationship coming forth, he's attempting to remain friends that date.

I would soft next him and focus on another man, meaning I would leave the door open for him to STOP behaving in a way I don't like but I damn sure wouldn't be sitting there letting a man dig into my darkside by making me feel insecure, that kind of behavior would turn me off and being turned off I would stop all and any effort of making him feel special, he's taking you for granted and you 2 haven't even got started, I would much rather deal with a man that is more positive and makes me feel positive when I'm around him or NOT around him.

some good stuff on there, thank you :-)

He is gone, he is not that into you, I don't care what is going on in his life, if he is not actively pursuing you, if he is going cold silent on you then he is being emotionally abusive and disrespectful, he is not interested in creating a REAL relationship with you. When you pull your energy OUT that is when he will come your way but I wouldn't even give a shit about a man that isn't adding happiness to my life.

We aquas love a challenge, the hard to get man, it's time to cut the cord stop ENABLING his bad behavior by sitting there waiting like you want a doggy treat.

Well Tiki basically told you the deal her with your Cancer man and as hard as it is to believe she is right. You are to available to him when he wants to be with you. You want to bond with him and you more than likely give your ALL to this man whenever he comes around you. It is like you do your all to try to prove to him how much you want whatever Imaginary Relationship you have in your mind to work out with him. That is the problem, your needing him makes him run from you.

He may tell you he loves you when he comes around but you are in an intense relationship with yourself. The reason why it is intense is because when he is gone away from you, you miss him. Absence always makes the heart grow fonder but you know just like I know that this man couldn't be putting in alot of work to get you.

He is not mad at you, he breaks up with you because he CAN. He breaks up with you because you two are not in a relationship that you want to believe that you two together as a couple in. So, he uses confusion, indirectness and come here, go away behavior with you which keeps you off guard. His behavior gives him a reason to be in and out with you basically on this terms.

Stop trying to make a difficult man your man. It is not worth it. You have already started a pattern with him that is going to be very hard to break. You should be like Beyonce-tell me I am the one you love and if you don't you will be alone and like a ghost I will be gone. Not the other way around.

Posted by krobe03
STOP GIVING AWAY YOUR HEART TO ANY man that is NOT YOURS...
I would soft next him and focus on another man, meaning I would leave the door open for him to STOP behaving in a way I don't like but I damn sure wouldn't be sitting there letting a man dig into my darkside by making me feel insecure, I would much rather deal with a man that is more positive and makes me feel positive when I'm around him or NOT around him.

GOOD POINT...

NZAqua, I'm in the same situation a few days back and when a guy makes you feel like you're doing all the work and yet you feel empty afterwards, you are giving too much of yourself. If you're in a healthy relationship, wether it's steady or not, the other person should bring out the best in you, not the other way around...What I learned from past relationships, it's always best to love yourself first. My cancer guy tends to disappear as well but no matter how intensely emotionally bonded I am to him, I learned to step back and analyze if he's just retrieving into his shell or if I'm being ignored politely. We live in the same house by the way and even if we do, he wouldn't catch me waiting on the sidelines while he goes in one of his cancer moods. I have a life to live and I hope you realize that too. I understand you love him but keep your options open. If you feel neglected, that means YOU ARE being neglected...😢

Posted by krobe03
... You have already started a pattern with him that is going to be very hard to break. You should be like Beyonce-tell me I am the one you love and if you don't you will be alone and like a ghost I will be gone. Not the other way around.

awwwww, I hope you have the sense to step back now before you break your heart. Cancer men loves being pampered, taken care of, meaning they are magnets to "comfort zones". I hope you're not turning into one. Cancer men doesn't handle things directly, especially emotions, and it's true they're cautious and too protective of their heart, but if they don't say they love you and doesn't show it as well, take a hint and learn a thing or two from them on how to protect your heart too ...oh, and cancer men, no matter the need to isolate themselves, they would always find a way to touch home base with their significant other, meaning, if they love you, you wouldn't feel abandoned even if they're in one of their cancer moods...

Posted by tiki33
He is gone, he is not that into you, I don't care what is going on in his life, if he is not actively pursuing you, if he is going cold silent on you then he is being emotionally abusive and disrespectful, he is not interested in creating a REAL relationship with you. When you pull your energy OUT that is when he will come your way but I wouldn't even give a shit about a man that isn't adding happiness to my life.

We aquas love a challenge, the hard to get man, it's time to cut the cord stop ENABLING his bad behavior by sitting there waiting like you want a doggy treat.

You know sometimes I'll just go away if I'm not feeling things from her, it's not that I want to be cold or silent but it's like I don't want to pressure you into wanting to be around me. The more distant I get, the longer you wait to make contact, the worse I feel and the further I get until there really is a point of "getting over" her.

I don't see anything disrespectful about it. But, if things are good believe me I will actively pursue you, but because I'm not doesn't exactly mean I'm not interested.

Posted by cancerguy
You know sometimes I'll just go away if I'm not feeling things from her, it's not that I want to be cold or silent but it's like I don't want to pressure you into wanting to be around me. The more distant I get, the longer you wait to make contact, the worse I feel and the further I get until there really is a point of "getting over" her.

I don't see anything disrespectful about it. But, if things are good believe me I will actively pursue you, but because I'm not doesn't exactly mean I'm not interested.

Awww, cancerguy, where were u hiding all this time..?? Can you elaborate on the last part of your post? If you don't actually pursue a girl doesn't mean you're not interested. Does that mean you're passive? And which
do u prefer? you pursuing the girl, or the girl pursuing u?

How old are u by the way? 🙂

I know men retreat, that is the way it is yet it's the actions he takes surrounding how he retreats that should matter to women, if he just disappear for 3 days or more, that ain't gone fly

sorry for hiding my post, I was not feeling what I said, didn't feel focused