Would love advice on what to do about cancer man!

Hello, new to dxpnet here. This is a bit of a long read, but I could really use the help of a cancer guy or a girl who has been in a similar situation (I am a scorpio by the way). —

In summary: Six years ago when I was 17 I dated a cancer guy on and off for a year. In a very brief summary, we had a pretty bad break up. When we together though, we had this intense connection- emotionally then after a while we made it physical. He was my first kiss, my love - my first everything. But we were young and foolish, and intensity and immaturity don't mix. A few months after we broke up I contacted him to tell him I hoped he was well because I felt terrible and I was still in love with him. He responded positively, but I heard on the grapevine that he had a new girlfriend (a relationship that went on to last for years). I was crushed, but stayed away because I heard they were happy and didn't want to interfere. I never forgot about him, and it took me well over a year to get over it (as in to stop feeling hurt about it). Since then I??ve dated, and just ended a 2 year relationship, but he still frequently crossed my mind.

Last year on my 23rd birthday (about 6 months ago) who do I get a call from but the cancer ex- after many years of no contact. He sounded nervous, but just said he called me to wish me a happy birthday. We ended up talking on the phone for hours (just like we used to) about random stuff, the past etc. Just as we were about to hang up, he apologized for being a complete jerk back in the day and I apologized too. However, this was while I had a boyfriend, and this seemed to be —weird?? for the cancer guy even though I assured him that I have spoken openly about it with my boyfriend and he was fine with me getting closure. We spoke every month or so for a few months on the phone, always for hours on end, but never straying to obvious —flirting?? territory.

A few weeks after things ended with my most recent relationship, I contacted the cancer guy asking if we could catch up because I felt I needed closure on the negative way things ended- nothing serious. We went out for food and had a good time. He paid (despite me offering to split) and drove me home and ended up taking the long way so we could sit in the car and chat. Everything felt natural and I had a good time (he must have too, he said that we should do it again soon), unfortunately though it definitely confirmed I was still in love with him and had never got over him.

The big question is??_. what do I do about it? The main thing that is holding me back from admitting all this to him is not even that I am afraid of rejection, but I just don't want to send this crab scuttling away. I??d rather —forever hold my peace?? on my feelings and know he is still in my life as a friend than lose him again. The last thing I want is to lose him from my life again.

And also, why would a cancer contact me again after this long? I'm not entirely sure what he wants from me...

Thanks for the reply xxxsyzygyxxx. Venus retrograde confuses me a little- some sources say that it is a good idea to revisit old relationships during this period to sort out "unfinished business", whether than means moving on or reconnecting if you are feeling nostalgic... I'm not really sure! Either way, I don't think anything "serious" will happen between us while venus is still in retrograde, considering it took 6 months from talking on the phone to meet up in person so things are moving slowly (I'm in no rush).

I am going on holiday for a month leaving in about a month's time. Would it be a good idea that I suggest we catch up before I go away? I was thinking of putting the idea out there and making it clear I want to see him again, but tell him I'm not too fussed what we do when we hang out... give him a chance that if he by chance still has romantic feelings to suggest something a bit more personal for us to do? Giving him encouragement, but letting him kind of be in control...

Thanks for the reply xxxsyzygyxxx. Venus retrograde confuses me a little- some sources say that it is a good idea to revisit old relationships during this period to sort out "unfinished business", whether than means moving on or reconnecting if you are feeling nostalgic... I'm not really sure! Either way, I don't think anything "serious" will happen between us while venus is still in retrograde, considering it took 6 months from talking on the phone to meet up in person so things are moving slowly (I'm in no rush).

I am going on holiday for a month leaving in about a month's time. Would it be a good idea that I suggest we catch up before I go away? I was thinking of putting the idea out there and making it clear I want to see him again, but tell him I'm not too fussed what we do when we hang out... give him a chance that if he by chance still has romantic feelings to suggest something a bit more personal for us to do? Giving him encouragement, but letting him kind of be in control...

Cancers are very nostalgic souls. They don't forget past loves (in part because of their sentimentality, in part due to their amazing memories). They also retreat when hurt, and it can take quite a lot to encourage them back out of their shells again.

I think you should reach out to him, before you go on vacation. See him again, and then give it time to marinate. Let him know that you are also interested, and take it slowly.

Best of luck to you -- I wish you a very happy ending in this Venus Retrograde season!

Love, LS67

Hello!

I say take it for what it's worth. You know like one day at a time. I too am a Scorpio female with a male cancer that has gotten back with me after being apart for ten years and its just like we never parted. I don't live in the past and when he realized that I'm positive toward us having a future together he just kind of followed my lead. We get along great and just enjoy each others company. I say go for it and forget the past nobody is perfect. We all have to grow into maturity. Focus on now and leave the past where it is. If you love him you guys forgive each other and move forward. Otherwise it won't work if you drag along the past. People can change.


Piggy 😛

Hello!

I say take it for what it's worth. You know like one day at a time. I too am a Scorpio female with a male cancer that has gotten back with me after being apart for ten years and its just like we never parted. I don't live in the past and when he realized that I'm positive toward us having a future together he just kind of followed my lead. We get along great and just enjoy each others company. I say go for it and forget the past nobody is perfect. We all have to grow into maturity. Focus on now and leave the past where it is. If you love him you guys forgive each other and move forward. Otherwise it won't work if you drag along the past. People can change.


Piggy 😛

^^^^^^ Sorry! Dumb screen posted twice 😢 . Anyway good luck and maybe you should try having you guys chart done for compatibility 😄

Thats a good idea LS67. He is very cancer-like in his ways (being with him is what got me into astrology, because he can act so typically cancer at times)...he would definitely need time to "marinade" his thoughts. I am quite calm about this all because the way I see it, after everything we have been through, he probably knows how he feels about me (whether as a friend or still in love me). But if he does want to be more than friends, he needs his time to think and do things in his own way until he is sure of what action he wants to take.

piggytoo240- wow! See I always read on websites about how good the scorpio-cancer connection is and how it's sometimes painful for them to part, but its rare to find real stories like that! Thanks for your encouragement. I'm curious to know- how did you guys reconnect? It's funny- since we have been apart we have actually developed more things in common than while we were together. We share the same values on relationships, children (bit too young to be thinking about that of course, but just in one of those "what our perfect lives would be" conversations), we want to travel to the similar places, even been to some of the same places, have both stopped drinking/partying, have similar attitudes towards money (that's my venus in capricorn coming out!). The past isn't the only thing holding us together as friends at this point, which is nice.

Think I'll give him a call next week and tell him I'd like to see him before I go travelling... I'll let you know how it goes 🙂

Great!!! ^^^^ I think a visit is a good idea before you go traveling. I pray that everything goes well. I see you mentioned you have a Capricorn Venus....well i have a Capricorn moon and Capricorn mars lol. Your always welcomed to PM me to talk more on a personal note.


Talk to ya later!


Piggy

don't fight the feeling if the feeling is right.

piggytoo, I also have my ascendant in capricorn. I feel more capricorny than scorpio at times, even though I have two other scorp placements (mercury and mars). two of my best friends are capricorns- love them to bits 🙂

Thecontender, don't want to fight this feeling, just hope he feels the same?

I gave him a call about a week ago about setting a date to meet up. We're going to meet in the week before I leave (2 weeks time) as I am in the middle of a pretty insane exam period (I'm in graduate school). He said he would call me to confirm the weekend after I finish my finals. I'm not one for doing the whole scorpio "testing people" thing, but it will be interesting to see if he remembers to call me that weekend as it will have been a few weeks since we spoke on the phone. He sounded just nice and friendly on the phone, not really flirty. Very likely I could have already been put in the "friend box". Oh well, we shall wait and see.

Okay so we met up this week... and he remembered the specific day we were going to meet up and everything even though we had organised it weeks in advanced and moved all his work to the next day (self employed). We went for a walk around a lake, then we had lunch, then he said we should go to the movies (and paid), then we had coffee, then he suggested we go for a long drive. An 8 hour day in total!! But the thing is, he didn't flirt or try and touch me or anything at all, even though he seemed to want to keep spending time with me. He seemed a bit nervous (at the end he asked me if a hug would be okay and if I would feel comfortable with it), but not sure if nerves are due to trying re-establish friend ground, or if he was interested or what. I'm not sure if what we had was a date or not :/. He said that we should go out for dinner when I get back from my trip.

Is this "interested" cancer behaviour, but he is a bit nervous because we have a past... or is he interested in being my friend?

Good to hear you did see him, and it seems as though you had fun. Cancerians are usually shy, aren't they? So it seems as though he likes you! Otherwise he wouldn't suggest to go out for dinner with you. But that is just a guess. I've had 2 loves and they were cancerians. Not that it means anything, every person is different. But, you know.

Hello guys, I'm back from my trip 🙂 Thanks RowTheBoat and Crabmoon for your replies. We emailed a few times when I was away (he promised to send me pictures of a project he was working on, and I wished him happy birthday) and we have organised to meet up next week, this time in the evening instead of a day thing/lunch. However, on the phone he just sounded all friendly and whatnot... I'm definitely not saying friendly is a bad thing, and I feel like an idiot thinking about it this way, but I really am now believing he DOES talk to me that way because actually just think of me as a friend. And if he keeps treating me that way, I know I'll just start to see him as a friend too. I just know it! We have a history, so I've experienced what its like to be the object of his affections, and right now he isn't acting like that at all lol.

Crabmoon I see what you mean about how if you didn't have feelings you'd apologise and end things there. But what if the ex lover has completely forgiven you, is friendly to you, likes to hang out with you and do some of the same things and sometimes reminisce about the past the crabs love so much? Even if there is no romantic feelings I can see why the crab would want to keep hanging out with me.

I think when we catch up I'll wear a nice dress as its night and pay attention to hair and makeup (you know I'm grasping at straws when I am relying on aesthetics to bring results 😛 ) to hint to him that I'm trying to look good for him and want him to appreciate me (not that I don't feel appreciated as a friend, but just in the romantic sort of way). But we all know men suck at subtle stuff like that. If he still acts like he is terrified to be within a one metre radius of me again then maybe I'll just have to write this off as a good friendship. I don't expect him to throw himself at me as I know cancers like to move slowly and in their own way. But a small touch on the arm, a lingering hug, a "you look very nice tonight", anything as long as it hints that he has warm fuzzy feelings. We'll just have to see 🙂

Thanks for your support crabmoon 🙂 However after tonight I am certain he has no romantic feelings. He said we will go out to dinner and "do something after" but after dinner he dropped me off home straight away. Dinner was same old- friendly conversation, no flirting. He paid again and drove but I think he is just polite. He never really had many female friends when we dated and I don't think he did later on, so maybe he thinks that paying for a girl- friend or girlfriend- is what men are just supposed to do. Not sure if I mentioned this but I was the one that called him when I got back from my trip and suggested a catch up. I also suggested the first couple of ones as well, there has been no initiating on his behalf. All signs point to the fact that he likes me as a person but not interested in me in a romantic/physical way at all. I'll just have to accept that I am just a friend and finally try to get over my feelings. I'm disappointed and sad but I think I was just trying to find meaning in small things and just falsely getting my hope up. Thanks to anyone who gave me advice, it was still much appreciated 🙂.

For those of you who may potentially be interested to hear how this panned out, I'm sorry to say a month after our last hang out I tried to call him but he didn't return any of my 4 phone calls that I did over a 2 week period. That was probably about a month ago now. So, he has disappeared for good. The strange thing is I feel at peace with it. At first I was angry but now its like something has just snapped inside me, like I finally got the closure I needed after all these years and it is such a weird feeling. We got along great, and I still care about him, but its almost as if on a subconscious level we've reached an understanding with each other in that psychic way crabs and scorpios have. This sounds like such a flip around from the previous "I'm in love with him!" declarations earlier in this post. I still love him, but its no longer in that nostalgic, reminiscing way... just as a person who was a big part of my life and who, despite his communication deficits, grew up to be a wonderful person.

I feel like I'm ready to love again without memories of him in the back of my mind and a big "what if" question mark.

Since you have closure, he will almost definitely come back into your life to screw your peace...lol

Just an update on this situation (because most of the time all you see on here is when stuff goes to crap and then no follow up on what happened in the long term). I actually had a good giggle reading my last post, I think I was trying so hard to convince myself haha. Damn you cancers, you find a place in our memory and go into hiding sometimes, but you're always there!

We didn't speak for about 5 months until finally I emailed him asking if everything was okay between us and he replied with something about how he had been busy and then started talking to me like nothing was wrong. I didn't get angry over it because at the end of the day I'm an old ex from years ago, what obligation does he have to keep talking to me? We met up a few times over the next few months after that and it was same as usual (good conversation, no romantic moves) and then he left on a trip around for 3 months. He said this trip was because he needed some alone time and it was something he needed to do for himself, so I decided that I wouldn't try and contact him to respect that so I waited until his birthday after he came back.

We ended up talking on the phone for a few hours and he asked me if I was seeing anyone and I told him that I hadn't dated anyone at all since I broke up with my ex over a year ago because I am "emotionally picky" as in if I don't feel it, it's not worth the trouble. He asked me if I was ready for a relationship and I said yes as long as it is with someone where it feels right, but I'm not going to go out looking for one. Well immediately after that his attitude totally changed. He started saying I should come around to his house some time, he called me a few days later to ask how my weekend was (big change from once every few months), then called me again a few days after that to make plans to catch up. We met up and although he didn't try anything, he seemed more relaxed and playful around me and said he would call me in the next week to make plans for me to come over to his house.

So my question is... was this guy getting jealous over guys that didn't really even exist? Because I was single he assumed I was out and about dating? It seems like such a stupid question to ask but it was literally right after I said that I hadn't dated anyone that he changed the way he acts towards me. Keep in mind he is cancer sun/cancer moon- double that cancer sensitivity. Still could be just a friend to him but my instincts say it isn't that simple.

Hey, thanks for your input. Guess I can't give all the info here because I don't want to bore anyone to tears too much with every little detail, but I also told him (when i said I hadn't dated anyone since my ex) that I have barely even hugged a member of the opposite sex since I broke up because I cannot be bothered with that drama and only want to do that kind of thing if it is right. He knows I'm not easy (not saying people who go after FWB are, each to their own, but I just don't think its in my genes to do it lol), because in the past even after the first time we kissed back in the day I asked if we were in a relationship or not. I've never given him any reason to think that he can get away getting that from me (never positively reinforced that kind of treatment towards me). Sure, that won't stop a lot of guys giving that a try but I'm pretty sure he knows he would get shut down if he tried and that it would probably be too much effort than what it is worth. I'm simply not that kind of girl. So I think its either he likes my friendship (because we talk on the phone for hours) and asking me over isn't a big deal, or he is shy and would feel more comfortable revealing his feelings in the comfort of "his space" and not out in public where people are watching. But you may still be right that even though he may not be into me now, because we dated in the past he may still not like the thought of me being with anyone else. Ahh hopefully all will be revealed soon.

Hey bikerchick, guess you were sort of maybe right? Since we got back in touch he was quite consistent with calling me every week, long conversations, met up a couple of times. He introduced me to his family, was offering to teach me how to drive a truck, offering to help me move house when I was moving etc. I ended up going to his house and watching a movie and we started to cuddle then he said "we can cuddle, but I don't want a relationship". I said nothing can happen between us then and he claimed he wasn't trying to start anything physical (I'm not sure I believe that due to the circumstances, probably wanted to try but his conscience kicked in last minute). Then I left without saying too much. He called me a couple of days later saying the "I hope we can still be friends" and I said I was sorry but I don't think I can be his friend, and his response was "ok, have a good life". Literally a 2 minute phone conversation. Who over the age of 16 seriously tells someone to have a good life!!! I was too shocked to say anything really or to explain myself. So I wrote him an email saying I wasn't trying to hurt anyone but I have to protect my own feelings and I hope he understood, and got a simple 2 sentence reply saying he understood and "no hard feelings". So that's it I guess.

I'm a little annoyed because he knew how I felt (otherwise the "I dont want a relationship" would have been out of place) but was starting to act a bit boyfriendy. I don't know if he needed an ego boost, or was enjoying stringing me along to keep me as an "option", or was trying to start a FWB situation or what. I don't think I'll ever know, and frankly I don't care, because the fact is that the way I treated him was because I genuinely cared about him while he probably had other motives in mind. I feel a bit stupid for being so naive about all of this but I guess I just wanted to believe the best in him.... stupid. Oh well. His loss.

Does he have a girlfriend? If you don't know, ask him. If he's got someone, run for the hills and I mean RUN. If he's single, then go with the flow and see where things land. No matter how you feel about him, it might not work out, because it takes two to tango. And it's way too early to tell if it will work out. Those are the risks you take when you roll the relationship dice. Good luck!

Okay, if he's asking whether you have someone and you say no and he's pursuing you, then he definitely likes you. YEAH!! You gotta take things slow in the beginning but that's a VERY hopeful sign. Good luck!