About to 'dump' a Capricorn girl..

Its not really dumping as we're not officially a couple, but we spend all our time together. Im a Gemini by the way.
I do admit I love her, but I have had difficulty telling her as shes quite intimidating for some reason and lives a hardb party life style that I dont agree with.
She has made it hard to earn my respect, as she flirts and hands her number to any dude that asks for it etc..she's basically acting the stereotypical way a Gemini is supposed to behave which is all over the place etc. I thought and felt we connected strongly, but shes not settled at all. I dont know what shes looking for, but I dont think I can offer it to her. Im a very loyal and faithful person, and her life style irks me. Im not secure at all. She and I are supposed to discuss us today, but I think the outcome is me telling her to disappear. I hate losing good people, as shes good person, but theres too many random dudes in her life so yes I get insecure etc. But from what I can tell shes not too happy knowing I have other women in my life though they are just friends. Her bff told me shes not a slut, either way, I think am done. Ive supported her as best I can in all her endevours, but I need a little love back. Caps I know are cold and hard as ice, but damn!

I hear you both. I didnt mean it that way that shes good. Im still attached yes, but I have to protect myself. Anyway, we'll have a frank no holds barred talk tonite and take it from there. If we move on together who knows, if we call it quits we still alive and life goes on. thanks for listening.

She comes around a lot more when the Gemini in me forces me to disappear for a while. We didnt speak for like a week and a half, so she calls and we meet up. Then she tells me she can how much I missed her..and I thought I was weird.

Wait...you don't want to know other dudes are in her life, but you know she feels threatened by girls in your life though they are just friends?

STOP PLAYING GAMES.

Are you reading your own words?

Try harder. Please.

Posted by GemiGem
She comes around a lot more when the Gemini in me forces me to disappear for a while. We didnt speak for like a week and a half, so she calls and we meet up. Then she tells me she can how much I missed her..and I thought I was weird.

I will agree I've had a similar experience with a Capricorn...you disappear, they appreciate you more.

He also told me, not how much he missed me, but how he contacted me because he knew I wanted it.

It takes a special kind of person to even tolerate a Capricorn. "Oh thank you for being there because you knew I wanted you to contact me."

What?

Um...you guys aren't even a couple, why are you asking her to be loyal to just you? She doesn't owe that to you. Either step up or get lost. The reason why you aren't a couple yet, is because you haven't asked her. Shes's flirting because in her mind she is still single. You obviously haven't asked her, hey are we a couple? Do you want to be my Girlfriend. Blame her all you want but she seems to be better off without a weak chinned little boy like you.

I greatly appreciate all input, and you lending me your ears and your brains for a moment.
Im an adult, Im usually very cool with these things and can brush off women that are interested in me and forget ones I liked if it doesnt materialize..not to sound like an an arrogant a-hole, and I dont develop gluey feelings easily any more, at least I didnt think I did. And Im not a girl hound, though I love their company more than anything. I worked hard to become that way after a couple heart aches that rocked my world. thats why perhaps she caught me cold. She's attractive, but I see attractive women all day and dont develop anything internally but this one caught me. Im beginning to think I got caught because of the challenge she posed. I knew she partied hard, Yes..but Im not a judgemental person. Ive also partied hard and I hate being judged for my weirdness and off beat nature, so I avoid putting judgement on others. I can sit with anybody and get in their head eventually and feel what they are feeling, I must be looney to say that, but am usually right. Thats why I can give myself the same advice I have been given here. so I figured she was down and her actions (some)indicated she was.I guess her strong personality and f*ck it demeanor made me think shed bounce on me so I stalled whilst thinking about it and sunk deeper.
but I needed to hear someone elses reasoning away from my own. and boy did you guys tell me off, hahaha..I know am stupid as hell right now. Ive tried pulling away before, but unlike the others I couldnt just erase her from my system. Gumshoe is absolutely spot on, you all are. I met her earlier and tried to bring up the issue so we could get it over with once and for all cause I have infact come to the point where its like whatever..now she claims shes tired and doesnt want to talk about it. Before it was because we were drunk..we can set each other free for good, I wont be in her hair and she wont be in my head, screw it.

You are indeed both adults and you are coming off as a bit judgemental, arrogant, and controlling.

If this was an all of a sudden life style she adopted, THEN it would make a little more sense, but this is clearly how you met her and Id think she was a fool to change for you in all honesty.

If you cant deal with how she choose to live her life then simply dont deal. I see anything moving forward as a miserable experience for the both of you. You have to think hard about being compatible not only with that person but their life style beforehand.

I dont think were done completely either, and I absolutely hate to lose people that meant something to me or cut them from my life without having all the answers I need..but I have to protect my emotional well being. Me threatening to bounce, was me trying to deal with a possible reality that I have to preempt. I could leave with my dignity intact, but never know what could have been and thats the dilemma that keeps us around. Relationships are hard, and you literally have to fight for your union. Dealing with another human, another personality that thinks and feels for itself isnt easy.
We Gemini need attention from those we are interested in, otherwise we think you dont care and are against us.if a Gemini likes you, and youre not communicating with them and they are in the dark all the time they will grow to resent you. If they dont know where you are and with whom, they will imagine bad things are happening. Im aware of this side of me, and I tried to control and offset it by doing the opposite which isnt to imagine bad things but try and be accommodating and supportive.

And how in the world does a person get a hardcore Capricorn woman to act kinder and gentler lol..

"And how in the world does a person get a hardcore Capricorn woman to act kinder and gentler lol.."

And here's another thing added to the list of things you'd like her to change.

This is what gets under my skin. In the other thread you are chiming in about the controlling nature of a Capricorn, yet you are in here saying you a). want her to act kinder b). want her to get rid of her guy friends c). want her to change her life style ....etc, etc, then maybe she can earn your respect. wtf! And the two of you dont even date. Basically, even as a "friend" she's unacceptable to you, and you have the nerve to talk about a Cap being controlling. For some reason, the controlling nature of a Gemini, that you are displaying, will fly under the radar to most. Its why I dont take people seriously. I see why she appears to not be taking you seriously.

Perhaps she is flirting with all the guys because SHE is insecure of the other women in your life? Could be a defense mechanism.

Don't know if this will help or hinder.

My ex husband (of 18 years) is a Gemini. From the day we got engaged, I felt smothered, as if he didn't trust me. Finally, he learned to trust me. I'm a social person and have always had a lot of friends - that's all they ever were.

However, as years went on, I felt more and more smothered as well as controlled. Naturally, as a cap, I rebelled from the control and smothering. Began to resent it. I needed space and independence, but he kept those things from me.

On the other side of the coin, he felt as if I didn't care and didn't give him enough attention. Hello? We have jobs, kids, a house to take care of, bills to pay - he wouldn't help much - and there was not enough energy left to spoil him the way he wanted to be spoiled. He began to resent my "coldness" as I could not give him what he needed.

Oh, there were good times!! He brought humor, fun and light into my life (caps need that) and I brought stability to his (most gems need that). In those ways, we complemented each other.

Basically, a cap/gem is not a good match. With the right planet placements, it could work - with a LOT of work. However, in the long term we had too many differences in style s and personality as well as what we wanted. We did last a long time, though.

That was my experience with a gem. Just sayin'.

Truecap, your ex hubby sounds exactly like me.

I know from other sources that Gemini have trust issues..we develop these out of basic human insecurities and the fact that we need copious amounts of information. If we dont know whats happening or are in the dark, we fill in the blanks ourselves and imagine the worst. This is why it is always stated that Gemini is a communicative sign. Communicate with us and we relax, keep quiet and act shady and we grow to resent you. My mind runs non stop, I cant stop thinking and will study of every possible scenario till I am exhausted. Communication has been our biggest problem.
We Gemini just like to know whats going on and be up on things, if you deny us knowledge we get restless and irritable and some of us fight and accuse people of things they didnt do simply because they didnt say anything. I know other Gems and can see it. I did mention I tried to offset my Gemini nature by doing the opposite which is not jumping to conclusions without having all the facts but its hard. She told me she didnt like that me and her friend discussed her behind her back. I think Im too nice and accommodating, I know Gems have a bad name but were bloody good loyal people.
Truecap, I think communication with your ex was lacking. You need to share all your thoughts with us so we can make a mental connection. He feels the way I do.

Metoo

I agree that its kill or be killed..not really like that, but as you put it I either do her in first or she does me in first so its a preemptive strike, a defense mechanism. Yes we havent been open too much about our feelings, but she knows I like her. She told me last night Im the only guy she hangs with that she can stand for more than a day. That just screams friend zone to me, so it may be wise to bail before I really get hurt. Caps are cold and hard with little emotion, so whatever happens Im going to bear the brunt of the pain. I seem to be more invested in her than she is in me, so its a bad result more so for me if we go our separate ways. She also mentioned that she likes to network with different people for future career prospects, so maybe thats all it is amd Im over reacting, but no one of any Zodiac wants to see their romantic interest take someone elses number. Ive learned to run from wishy washy flaky women, but this one time I decided to stay put and not just quit but she also has to bring something solid to the table.

Posted by GemiGem
Truecap, your ex hubby sounds exactly like me.

I know from other sources that Gemini have trust issues..we develop these out of basic human insecurities and the fact that we need copious amounts of information. If we dont know whats happening or are in the dark, we fill in the blanks ourselves and imagine the worst. This is why it is always stated that Gemini is a communicative sign. Communicate with us and we relax, keep quiet and act shady and we grow to resent you. My mind runs non stop, I cant stop thinking and will study of every possible scenario till I am exhausted. Communication has been our biggest problem.
We Gemini just like to know whats going on and be up on things, if you deny us knowledge we get restless and irritable and some of us fight and accuse people of things they didnt do simply because they didnt say anything. I know other Gems and can see it. I did mention I tried to offset my Gemini nature by doing the opposite which is not jumping to conclusions without having all the facts but its hard. She told me she didnt like that me and her friend discussed her behind her back. I think Im too nice and accommodating, I know Gems have a bad name but were bloody good loyal people.
Truecap, I think communication with your ex was lacking. You need to share all your thoughts with us so we can make a mental connection. He feels the way I do.

I don't argue your point. You are absolutely correct. I am able now to take an objective look at our marriage and see where we were both at error. It's very healing to do that. Perhaps, had I understood this and astrology more in those days, I wouldn't have taken it personally when he accused me of certain things, even though I told him where I was going, what was going on, etc. He tuned me out and wasn't a good listener most of the time.

But it really has been healthy to see things for what they were and to realize where I was at fault as well.

I think she you as a friend.

My thing is, I see it happen a lot to Cap females too, but why does it appear to be all or nothing when it comes to how males deal with Cap women? I get the impression you wont entertain a friendship but why?? Every guy friend my sister(Virgo) has is interested in her and can maintain a friendship. The only male friend Ive been able to keep IS my Cap male friend. Every other guy refuses to get friendship if they are interested. why?

Why cant the two of you just be friends?

I think Inana is on to something. Why don't yall try hanging out as friends?

The only true male friend I have besides family, is a man I dated 27 years ago. There is no sexual tension on either side because we got that out of our system back then and evolved into friends. Real, true, friends. We share more thoughts and ideas now than we did when we were dating. It's much more comfortable.

Men and women cannot simply be friends, it doesnt work in the long run. Someone is bound to catch feelings resulting in a tense situation. No man wants to be hanging around a woman as friends, unless she is completely unattractive or very old etc. Its the sensible thing to do. Rather be with a woman you can love and be friends with at the same time. Otherwise if you become close friends with her, then fall for another woman it can cause tension there too. So its just not worth it. We could never just be friends because id have had feelings for her, so seeing her with a husband etc would be hard. I dont need that.

Posted by GemiGem
Men and women cannot simply be friends, it doesnt work in the long run. Someone is bound to catch feelings resulting in a tense situation. No man wants to be hanging around a woman as friends, unless she is completely unattractive or very old etc. Its the sensible thing to do. Rather be with a woman you can love and be friends with at the same time. Otherwise if you become close friends with her, then fall for another woman it can cause tension there too. So its just not worth it. We could never just be friends because id have had feelings for her, so seeing her with a husband etc would be hard. I dont need that.

You opened the thread saying this.
"But from what I can tell shes not too happy knowing I have other women in my life though they are just friends."

You seem perfectly capable of being just friends with women....unless you consider these women here unattractive or old, which I doubt.

My Cap friend liked me since 10th grade, nothing ever happened, and we are still friends. I can like..borderline love someone and be okay being friendzoned. Id be jealous if he met someone, but he wouldnt know it, and our friendship would continue.. I guess I just dont get the all or nothing mentality when it comes to that. Ive seen and read a good number of Caps be cut off from friendzoning.

I just married a Gemini Man. I guess I should have run, but so far he has been kind considerate and has shown his love. He's really handy and manly and I like that about him. He said he did check our compatibility and realized that it might take work but he's willing to do that for me. I did tell him from straight out that I am not that affectionate but it doesn't mean that I don't love him and that I will work harder to be more affectionate. I don't know how long it will last, but I hope it lasts a long time.

I have a Gemini moon maybe that's why it helps? He is fun and brings a lot of humor to the relationship. He's actually very generous but not foolish with his money ( or time) and a responsible son.

My only complaint about him is that he is soooo smart but soooo unambitious in terms of his potential. Apparently I am not the only one frustrated with him about it.

I've tried dating and going out with other Earth signs and water signs. Most of them usually just verbally abuse me from the get go and usually although I feel that deep soul wrenching feeling, it didn't make me happy. I was never good enough for any of them.

My Gemini hasn't smothered me. Yet. We do let the others know when we will be home by.

Notanewbie you make it sound a bit random...your marriage to the Gemini lol. Congrats though!!

Smothering is our thing, lol..to be honest most Gemini I know arent the stereotypical womanisers and hoes they are made out to be. Maintaining interest is an issue yes, but we do smother if we like you and cant get enough. I know I do. I remember one time her yelling at me that Im killing the mystery by calling and texting so much. Im a communicator and it comes naturally, screw the games. But that was early days, many months ago.
Friendzoning is ok unless you really liked the person. Youd always be reminded of failure. I cant have deep feelings for you today, be told lets just be friends tomorrow, then automatically adjust my innermost feelings to that of nothingness..all in an instant. Nah, thats why most people would rather just disappear for good.

Thanks, Inana!

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