Advice needed about a Cap Guy

Hi everyone🙂

I'm new to this site and have been trolling the forum for awhile and finally just decided to write a post on here. It seems as though a lot of people have described the guy I'm talking to right now and I'd really just like some advice/thoughts/etc on what is going on. I'd like guy's opinions too...seeing as I'm dealing w/ one!! 🙂

I met this Cap about 5 months ago, get along really well,lots in common, & have similar beliefs about a lot of stuff. From the very get go, he's always called/texted every wk (our phone conversations are hrs long)& he wanted to see me on a regular basis (at least every other wk). We were getting close, he was opening up to me,etc. One day a couple months ago he wanted to hang out. I texted no cos I just wanted to chill @ home, read my book, etc. I'd been working 6 days a week & it was only my 2nd weekend where I was no longer working that schedule. I really just wanted to hang out alone, it had no bearing on how I felt about him. He seemed fine w/ it thru text, but when I called him a 2 days later..Wow...he was super moody. He seemed closed and distant. Every time we've hung out (he lives 45 min. away), I always drive down to see him, which I don't mind, but he it seemed like he'd been brooding for days. He started going on about how he used to drive long distances to see friends & that he didn't think it was a big deal. he said if I ever had to drive that far to see him I probably wouldn't bother anymore (not true). He asked again if I wanted to hang out that day & that I could "bring my book". I told him no and he just went on this tirade about his ex-girlfriend and his complaints about her. He started saying he's not ready for a relationship and all that it entails and that women expect too much,etc. Then he completely "reestablished" the dynamics of our relationship, that most of his guy friends don't have "normal" female friends like how he and I are, etc etc.I was a bit taken back, cos the whole time I was thinking, "where is this all coming from?"
We both opened up about past relationships and I didn't pressure him in anyway. When I talked about what I wanted in a guy, he started saying things about himself that would match that and we ended up just chatting for 8 hrs. He texted a couple days later saying he wanted to talk "just" for a couple hrs (making a joke about it, cos we always talk forever). He said he'd call at a certain time. He called much earlier & I was busy, the phone got cut off & I called him back a few min. later. His tone sounded upset, like I was expected to call back straight away, then he barely talked to me for 15 min. & kept repeating that the only reason he called was cos he saw my Facebk post about being I wasn't feeling well and wanted to see how I was and if I was busy that weekend. Then he just hung up.

Ok. I know this is long, I'll try to make it short. A few days later I apologized if I had hurt his feelings about not wanting to hang out previously. He denied it. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he had a show where he was displaying his artwork. He has asked me to help him one weekend (though I knew he just wanted to see me), cos I ended up not doing very much and we just hung out the whole day together. My birthday was the same day as his show and every time he'd talk about his show, I'd ask him when it was and he would ignore my question and change the subject. I'd understand if he didn't hear me, but every single time seems unlikely to me.

My birthday just passed a few weeks ago and it seemed as though he intentionally ignored it for some reason. My friends celebrated it w/ and put up pics. a week before and after on my facebk wall, etc. He emailed me the week of my birthday on facebk (which he never does) and a day after my birthday. I honestly wasn't expecting anything other than "happy birthday" or even happy belated birthday". When he emailed me after my birthday, he talked about his show and said he hopes to see me soon. I replied, but didn't mention hanging out w/ him. It seemed as though he just retreated again and didn't reply for a whole week, which he never takes that long to reply. It just doesn't seem fair that he can ignore me, but also expects me to go skipping along whenever he wants to see me.

It's been a few wks, and I just texted him asking why he ignored my birthday. He said he didn't know and apologized. After getting to know him, he doesn't seem like the type to admit things. I don't know how he couldn't have noticed, especially if he's emailing me on there and adding friends, etc. I told him I was hurt and it made me feel as though I couldn't really trust him. I think that angered him, cos he said that I was being overly emotional and that he hopes I can feel better about something I'm just imagining. We were both upset, so I didn't want to continue. I just told him I'd let him get back to what he was doing. This was just yesterday.

I know this has been a super long story and I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it. I just feel hurt and confused. I've never been chased after him or played games w/ him, but I don't even now what to say. I think for now we need our space, but did I blow it? Did I do something wrong? Is it completely over?

Just Hurt.

Please don't write in walls of text anymore. Use paragraphs. This is hard to read and keep thoughts and points separated.

That said, he sounds a little self centered. He should make effort to come see you. You're setting a precedence that you are always going to be the one making most of the effort. If he's into you, he'll come to you at LEAST half of the time.

He doesn't want you to go to his show.
You drive to him instead of him driving to you.
He ignored your birthday.

And you want to be with him because ____?

Think about that.

+1 truecap

He's an assclown.

TrueCap, thanks for your thoughts/opinions🙂

You're right he should come see me at least 1/2 the time. It bothered me at first, but I let it go, because during the time when I first met him I barely moved back in w/ my family. My leased had ended and my family needed help with things at home, so I moved back in. He seemed uncomfortable that I lived w/ my parents and kept asking if/when I was going to move out. I guess I just chalked it up to him not wanting to be confronted w/ my folks and a house full of brothers.

He had another convention a month prior and he really wanted me to go to that one. He kept on asking and asking, but I was busy...but not this one??

Sorry about the walls of posts..I had a lot to say and I was trying to scrunch it all up.

Thanks so much for replying 🙂

Idk. It seems like you are playing games too. All of that "no" and "im too busy" gets old to the ears. Youve declined seeing him what, 3-4 times? Whatever this is I doubt itll go any further. It may not be fair that you have to do x,y,z but how you start is how its expected to finish.

I can understand all that about you living with your parents (and his place there is alone time) - but look at it this way. If he's willing to come see you at your parent's occasionally and endure the family, take you out on a date and drop you off at the porch, then you'll know its not all about sex. Of course, you never said whether yall did or didn't, doesn't matter. A respectful man would do this. Even at my age you have kids at home, if a man is willing to take you out and walk you up to your porch, knowing their will be no sex, it says a lot about their intentions.

Hi Inana04, thanks for your input🙂

Hopefully, he didn't perceive it as playing games. I was working 2 jobs before and also taking classes. Now it's one job and still classes, so I was/is busy.

Truecap, you're right about a man's intentions. We haven't done the deed. He's been respectful, which is another reason he interested me. I think you're also right about him being self centered.

You're all giving me great things to think about. Thank you!!

tiki33, assclown...😄 haha

CapLove,

thank you for your insights. I also get the sense that he's controlling, but in an emotional way, not so much where I go, what I do type of thing. I've never dated a Capricorn before and he was telling me that he's very much like his sign, so I started reading all the interesting stuff on here 🙂

Posted by Caplove
LOL.. I love it when Tiki says "assclown." 🙂

Lol! I like it when Tiki agrees with me!!! She has earned my respect and it's a good feeling when she agrees. 🙂

Cap secret: Caps like to be in control of the relationship.

*ducks and covers*

Posted by Caplove

Posted by truecap
Cap secret: Caps like to be in control of the relationship.

*ducks and covers*

Yes!! This is true!! 😉 It's funny but I REALLY like to fight for the control! 😛 I like a man who'll put up a reaaaally good fight. 😉

click to expand

Wowzers!!!! LOL 😄 As an Aries girl, I don't mind "following" a good leader, but I still like to maintain my independence and come and go as I please.