Are you a giver too?

Long story short, I've known this man for 8 years. We've been best friend for a long time and about a year go he declared his love to me. At first, I wasn't sure how to react. I am a Cap after all and I didn't wanna dive head first without testing the water first even though I did liked him.
So after a little while and after I expressed my fears, he was fine with waiting but kept going with the love stuff, I decided to let my guards down. It was fun, we got really close, we talked about having a future together etc etc. Great times!
Until two weeks ago, everything was fine and perfect.
He's going through a rough time right now with his kids and his ex. He's living on friends couches, not having lots of money, looking for a job, helping his parents who are sick. And it's a guy who, until a year ago, had a house, two cars, a home vacation, no money problems, so to him, living the way he is is new and scary and stressful.

So I started giving a lot to him.
My time, some of my money for him to buy a new laptop that he needed. I helped him work on his resume, helped him apply for jobs. Listened and cared for him.
All in the purest of intentions. Never with an idea in the back of my head like: "Oh he's gonna love me even more now that I'm doing all this!"
Nope, never.
Just to make him happier and show him that there's good person on earth after he got screwed over by many of them.

He then got distant and we got in a fight, he said he's feeling changed and he isn't sure about us but,

My question is:

Are you a giver too?
Did it ever got you in trouble with people thinking you were doing it for the wrong reason?
How did you deal with it?

I know two other Capricorns and they're just like me. Givers as well.

But if some didnt close themselves off theyd literally drown you with them. If some can feel our mood swings, no need in them feeling and taking on our depression.

But I think the reason many close off is because there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to really get thru to them. That also becomes exhausting for the other person.

Posted by WoundedLeo

Posted by notJTG1984

Posted by QUlETstorm


In my opinion, from what I know of capricorn men is when they hit a rough patch, they feel they are no good to anybody. And if he feels that he is no good to you, cannot help you with anything, and if he feels that he's more of a hindrance than a help, I imagine that is why he feels the need to distance himself. Capricorn men like to provide for and care for their women. When he's not in the position to do so, his confidence levels drop, and he has nothing left to do but to retreat and pull himself together.

This is very true.

Although I can understand this intellectually, I have such a hard time internalizing this way of rationalizing.

It seems to me that it's precisely when the "going gets rough" that one turns to loved ones for hope, courage, and comfort.

This is where strength is supposed to come from, we are not superhumans, to be able to always be strong on our own. And yet, the Capricorn man, closes himself off to those who care for him the most...

How sad.

click to expand

++5 yes! good words!
no one is an island.

John Donne. No man is an Island unto himself. Are we all part of the string of life?

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/no-man-is-an-island.html<BR>
Origin

This is a quotation from John Donne (1572-1631). It appears in Devotions upon emergent occasions and seuerall steps in my sicknes - Meditation XVII, 1624:

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

Agree 100% with Capgirl! Her experience with a Gem man is scarily parallel to my experience with a Gem man.

Question: Is he recently separated? Recently divorced? Been divorced a while? Why is he living on friend's couches?

The only thing I can add is perhaps you gave too much...?? Air signs don't seem like they know what to do with a caretaker and eventually resent that you had to do this for them. (nothing against you, its the taking help they resent although they appreciate it at the time).

In answer to your questions:

Are you a giver too?
Only for people who have earned to right to receive and I will give them the shirt off my back. Not counting charity.

Did it ever got you in trouble with people thinking you were doing it for the wrong reason?
Some resent having to receive help (I do).
Some think you have an ulterior reason and those that think that will end up with suspiciousness and cynicism leading to trust issues.

How did you deal with it?
Thus, I don't give unless the person earned it and I trust they will not resent or turn it into something ugly.

Posted by truecap
Agree 100% with Capgirl! Her experience with a Gem man is scarily parallel to my experience with a Gem man.

well real marriage statistics, you ladies have them on the bottom list. It seems different for male caps though.
Elvis Presley/Priscilla Presley example.

Posted by truecap
Agree 100% with Capgirl! Her experience with a Gem man is scarily parallel to my experience with a Gem man.

Question: Is he recently separated? Recently divorced? Been divorced a while? Why is he living on friend's couches?

The only thing I can add is perhaps you gave too much...?? Air signs don't seem like they know what to do with a caretaker and eventually resent that you had to do this for them. (nothing against you, its the taking help they resent although they appreciate it at the time).

In answer to your questions:

Are you a giver too?
Only for people who have earned to right to receive and I will give them the shirt off my back. Not counting charity.

Did it ever got you in trouble with people thinking you were doing it for the wrong reason?
Some resent having to receive help (I do).
Some think you have an ulterior reason and those that think that will end up with suspiciousness and cynicism leading to trust issues.

How did you deal with it?
Thus, I don't give unless the person earned it and I trust they will not resent or turn it into something ugly.

I just re-read what I wrote and thought I sounded like a bitch. Let me say, if someone is willing to help themself, then I am willing to help. My kind of help might make someone resentful for receiving that help, or suspicious of my motives. If I help, I guarantee the motives are pure. If someone is not trying to help themself and I have the impression they are just wanting a hand out, or will resent me for helping, then I will direct them to organizations to help them. If they are financially burdened and out picking up cans on the side of the road for income, well, I'm more than glad to pitch in. If I see someone stuggling with packages and about to drop some, I will extend an extra hand. Hope that sounds better.



Hope that sounds better.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by truecap
Agree 100% with Capgirl! Her experience with a Gem man is scarily parallel to my experience with a Gem man.

well real marriage statistics, you ladies have them on the bottom list. It seems different for male caps though.
Elvis Presley/Priscilla Presley example.

click to expand

I wonder if it's different for men because capricorn is such a strong sign in women? Men are supposed to be strong. Some men might have a hard time with our independent, aloof, controlling nature.

My Gem ex liked that I was independent and non-chaulant in the beginning, by the end he felt like I didn't care, didn't need him and was cold. Same qualities, different perspective.

Posted by truecap

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by truecap
Agree 100% with Capgirl! Her experience with a Gem man is scarily parallel to my experience with a Gem man.

well real marriage statistics, you ladies have them on the bottom list. It seems different for male caps though.
Elvis Presley/Priscilla Presley example.

I wonder if it's different for men because capricorn is such a strong sign in women? Men are supposed to be strong. Some men might have a hard time with our independent, aloof, controlling nature.

My Gem ex liked that I was independent and non-chaulant in the beginning, by the end he felt like I didn't care, didn't need him and was cold. Same qualities, different perspective.

click to expand

Hmm wish i had answers too. Not familiar with Geminis, except reading about them and watching them on film. Not like yourself, on an intimate level. Did read a bit on Linda Goodman (on most of the signs, not finished all) You are more expert, (you and capgirl) than most of us here.
In general, Men and women are just different. Some men like a woman to lead and some women want men to lead or they want equality. Like you said, he got bored. 😢 I don't think this is specific to Mercury ruled men though. It's not honest and fair that it should be shoved to them alone. We could dig up many signs from men, Sun-ruled, Venus-ruled, uranus/saturn ruled, Jupiter ruled Neptune, ect and you'll find them everywhere. We could analyze this until the cows come home 😢
Really do not know. *SIGH*
in any case, hope everyone & yourself a wonderful holiday and have plenty to eat.