Arms-length cap

Hi all,

I've been reading a lot about Capricorn males and Cancer females on the forum (there seems to be mixed reviews on their compatibility) and for whatever it may bring (good or bad) would finally like to get opinions on my own situation. I've read a couple of similar scenarios so I kinda have an idea of what responses I may get but I'm still curious.

After a very intense and amazing seven months of dating (exclusive but not committed), he became suddenly distant. When I asked him about the distance (I admit it took me a while because I am so non-confrontational/tried to just give him space) he said he couldn't commit to dating anymore because of everything going on in his life (lost job a couple weeks prior, uncertain where he's going to live once his lease is up, school, etc.) I told him I understood but still cared a great deal about him and appreciated his honesty. I told him if there was time to hang out maybe we could, but if not, then hopefully I'd see him when he was more settled.

Since then he has invited me to hang out several times, but always with at least one other friend, never one on one like it usually was before (at least 75 of the time was just he and I). We've talked a lot about his plans for the future and where he's going (got laid off from a great job and has decided to continue his schooling instead of searching for another job right now-this was a very hard decision for him due to the financial ramifications.) However, the hanging out is rarely for more than an hour or two, mostly because I am keeping it that way for my own sense of peace. It seems like after about two hours I forget to have a good time and start thinking too much, which makes me not be myself. I've never had this problem before. But I acknowledge and am aware of this and am working on fixing it. Also, he has made tentative plans for the things in the future, not just impulsive hang outs (though that is the majority): inviting me to a concert in a couple weeks, offering to run with me in a tough mudder race when he saw on Facebook that I had signed up, etc. Some of the outings (impulsive and planned) are things I'm pretty sure we would have done together anyway if things hadn't changed, but I admit to being surprised by the invitations/suggestions.

We did not have a friendship before we started dating so being —demoted?? to friend has been difficult for me which is why I limit my time around him as well as how often I accept invitation

We did not have a friendship before we started dating so being —demoted?? to friend has been difficult for me which is why I limit my time around him as well as how often I accept invitations to hang out. We never specifically had the "Hey, let's be friends" conversation, just him saying he couldn't date while everything was in turmoil. He still seems to care for me, but he is definitely keeping me at arms-length (always having someone else around, no touching, less communication than before.)

I guess my question is, is it worth it? I know part of the responses will be is it worth it to me, as to that I am still deciding. What I want to know is is he still keeping contact because he wants something in the future (once he's stable) or is it just him unable to let go when some pieces of his life are already unstable (a control thing)?

Thank you!

You are right. My biggest question is: is he worth it to you? I'm in a relationship with a cap. It's a funny dance.
I would do basically what you are doing. If you care about him, don't completely write him off. But don't put all your eggs in his basket either. Personally, I'd be backing away slowly but with purpose. You can't hang on to hope for an intimate relationship and ignore your other options. Ask yourself what you really want right now.. And is he it? I hear that Caps won't settle or become serious when they don't feel stable. His finaces,.job loss, starting school again.. All this sounds like life is hectic for him. So he may just not feel like he can get serious with you right now. It's out of order in his head.- like putting the cart before the horse.
The fact that you two aren't spending time alone doesn't sound very promising to me though. *shrugs*

No one here or anywhere can change how you feel about this person. Failure to a Capricorn is the worst that can happen to us. We do not function as normal or as cool as before and we choose to isolate ourselves so that no one will notice. It is a PRIORITY and MUST be FIXED pronto!!! Everything thing else (including personal agendas) must be put aside for the time being. Keeping you close is an indication of respect not rejection. He is focused on the problem. Caps also have the ability to utilize their time very efficiently. Since you are still a part of it says a lot... He trust you, still, even at a vulnerable point in his life. Please take that into consideration before you make that decision...Not many can come that close to us, and for some reason you are...

Life interruptus.

A cap without a job is a very uncomfortable cap. It is very, very difficult and emotional for us to lose a job - like a death of a close family member, he has to go through that grieving process.

I agree with SureShot 100% . He's not in a position financially, emotionally, mentally or physically to be in a relationship right now. It's not personal, so don't take it that way. Caps identify themselves with their career, so understand, he's lost his identity somewhat.

He does like you and looks like he cares about you. Be happy he didn't shut you out. Just be his friend right now - you have NO idea how much that will mean to him. Support him without being too supportive. I mean don't go overboard. Just be around and be happy and try to bring some joy into his life. Just don't let him know what you are doing.

Hang in there. Worst case scenario, you will have the most loyal,life long friend. Not such a bad worse case is it?

Thanks for the comments. Based on what has been said I'm willing to see this through. My feelings for him are not likely to change anytime soon. Supportive and a friend I know how to be I've just never fully applied that to him. Looks like it's time to start doing just that. It will take some getting used to but if the first experience with him was any indication he is well worth it. He's a great person so if this is worst case scenario and we never go back to being more than friends, maybe I can learn to accept that. I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I understand about work being part of your identity and can relate. I've even tried to help out where I could (I have a couple connections in his field.) Just in hanging out with him I can tell he has been a lot better the past 2 weeks since school started (and he has purpose) than the mess he was the month or so prior when he was trying to make his decision.

I do take encouragement from what SureShot and truecap have said about it being a good thing him still wanting me around while he goes through this.

Thanks again

Thanks guys!

Posted by SureShotCap
No one here or anywhere can change how you feel about this person. Failure to a Capricorn is the worst that can happen to us. We do not function as normal or as cool as before and we choose to isolate ourselves so that no one will notice. It is a PRIORITY and MUST be FIXED pronto!!! Everything thing else (including personal agendas) must be put aside for the time being. Keeping you close is an indication of respect not rejection. He is focused on the problem. Caps also have the ability to utilize their time very efficiently. Since you are still a part of it says a lot... He trust you, still, even at a vulnerable point in his life. Please take that into consideration before you make that decision...Not many can come that close to us, and for some reason you are...

You give the best advice for a Cap.

Lol I will take that to mean they know what they are talking about 🙂