Blame his sign: CAPPRI-SUN AND CORN

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

'I'm a workaholic, and when I'm not working, I'm hiding in my basement.' Howard Stern (Born January 12)

He's strong, dependable, and a bit shy. Whether he's rich or poor, he dresses impeccably, acts like a gentleman, and most likely owns his own business. A male Capricorn will impress you with his reserved good manners. He may remind you of one of those old-time tough guys with a heart of gold, like Humphrey Bogart, and his favourite movie will probably be It's a Wonderful Life. Before your eyes fill up with tears, understand that the movie's evil banker, Mr Potter, is the hero he's modelled his life after.

Living with a Capricorn man is like being tied to a horsehair-upholstered armchair and forced to listen to a continuous loop of the Cheeky Girls. By the third date, he'll have decided whether he wants to make it permanent, which will have nothing to do with whether you feel the same way. Once he's fixed his beady little stare on you, he can make the most devoted Taurus look fickle.

Cappy loves applause as much as cousin Leo. However, where the Lion seeks adoration, the Goat sees it as an affirmation. No matter what means he uses to get where he's going, once he's there, he'll act like he's just one of the good old boys.

Romantically, your Goat's basic attitude is that you should keep your mouth shut and jump into bed. Early in the relationship, he may forget himself and choke out an 'I love you'. Even if he marries you, he probably won't say it again. He will figure that if he made it legal and allowed you to quit your job so you could stay home to wait on him, that's proof enough.

Depending on his financial status, he'll have either a mini office or a hotline to his bookie in the bedroom and will regulate your lovemaking with the same cool know-how he uses either in the boardroom or poolroom. He can be surprisingly passionate, once he feels comfortable enough to lose his inhibitions. But since he's not into role-playing, sensual massage, or the use of mood-altering substances, you'll need the patience of a saint, and the persistence of a Virgo. It may take months to get him to lose the pyjamas and quit shaking hands before jumping between the sheets.

He invented the double standard. He's condescending and totally oblivious to anyone's feelings but his own. He sees himself as the great patron and expects to control your cheque book, social calendar, and household schedule. He's so tight, he'll inspect the toothpaste tubes before you toss them away. Unless he's a chef or a car mechanic, he won't shop for dinner or get his hands dirty changing the oil on the car. But he will dictate the grocery list and give you permission to call the garage he recommends. He doesn't want a partner who thinks. He wants someone who looks good on his arm. If you are a Libra, he's probably your ideal mate. If you are the independent type, be prepared for an onslaught of power plays that makes Scorpio look like a rank amateur.

His motto is, 'Do as I say, not as I do'. He has the annoying habit of trying to make you feel like a dog he's just saved from the pound and expects the same loyalty and blind devotion in return. Should you manage to pierce his hide and wound his ego, he'll shut himself away in a darkened room and brood. Use the break to catch a nap.