cap guy refuses to be PHYSCIAL

to make a long story short a cap guy with whom i had hardly known from college arrives at my home one day and we have been in an intense friendship for the last 2-3 months. he apparently has for years been following me on facebook and asking friends about me. we did have casual conversations over the internet but we never really met, although i was really interested (later after i asked why we didnt meet sooner and he said i was always gone from school studying abroad). he wanted to move in right away and didnt want to leave. we are so compatible and seem like soulmates...im an aries and he's a cap...we are both males i 23 and he 22. he does everything humanly possible to make me happy...he will go do whatever i ask, he's always watching me and seems to enjoy every second we are together. we are very similar with our goals; however, we just seem go about the a different way. my only hangup is that there is no PHYSICAL INTIMACY: he has given me a hug TWICE and that was after some very serious arguments. He has told me that im the most important person in his life, that he wants to be with me longterm, and he tells me how great it is to be with me...he plans his future with me in it and says that all his life he's done things alone and implies how happy it is to now do them with me. i own my business and am very successful (even though im young) and he works very hard with me and enjoys that but it seems really enjoys the small things like to just "go to the park" and "go to the movies" of course with me there. he doesnt just talk he acts...treats me like ive never been treated. however, we talked and he said 2 things: 1. he has never been sexually attracted to men. 2. he doesnt want to have a "sexual relationship" with anyone. he has only had sex with 3-4 women in his life and of them acouple were prostitutes. the sexual convo got heated and he never talks about it but he did say one thing before he went to bed (we sleep in different rooms in my home) "just hang in with me and it will get better." my questions are do you think he will eventually want to sleep with me? he has told me that he doesnt have "sexual ownership" over me and that if i want to sleep with other people fine....but i feel that would not like that and i already see signs of jealously when i do things with other peo (which is rare since i met him because we spend all our time together). I feel that i cannot be 100% with out sex in my relationship. please help!

He seems to be figuring out his sexuality....If he's never been with men he's definitely not going to rush into anything sexual, he may like the comfort of being around someone that he can exchange great energy with...Don't let him use you up energy wise plus Cap men are attracted to physical comforts, attracted to people with high income which means "SECURITY" which is partially why he's around, you can offer him stability and comfort, if he's not going to be your partner I would urge you not to give too much of yourself or you will experience hurt as so many others have experienced, they can pretty much pick you apart and master you and leave....Hopefully he's sincere and won't play you out like that....Be careful, go slow and let him lead, if he's not leading you into something that makes you feel good, feel satisfied pull the reigns and do what feels right for you, he won't like but he'll give more or leave you alone...

(disclaimer) Some cap men

Also a side note...Per my own understanding when Capricorn men say there not going to do something they 99.99% won't do it...He's laid down his boundaries once and that happens most Capricorn will stay the course, you will be trying and waiting and it won't happen. If sex is truly important to you end it now or sleep with other men until he figure it out, tell him that you respect his boundaries but sex is very important to you and you can't see this going very far if he's withholding intimacy. Some Capricorn men can be big withholders, POWER CONTROL EGO THING....Follow his lead but don't stay the course without having other men to fill that void.

update: well i decided to tell cap he couldnt live me me anymore because i was violating my cardinal principal: i dont allow anyone to live with me unless they really need to (in an emergency) or im in a relationship (in which ive never been). he told me that he wasnt 100% happy but that he understood and he didnt want me to violate my principals for him. i told him that i treat him better than i do my other friends and that i will not do that unless i know the person wants to be with me forever in a relationship. so its been 3 days since he's gone and i dont initiate any communication. it is he who always texts me and wants to do things with me. a difference though i since in him is that he seems to allow himself to be more angry about things. i sense some deep range in him over dumb things. one example is that he sent me a text on thursday "ill come over tomorrow if not sat for your bday". the problem is that my bday is on SUNDAY. so i just ignored the comment because it seemed stupid...why would you want to come over to celebrate my birthday other than the actual day? so like i said i didnt respond to that...so yesterday (friday) he came over and we were just relaxing and he asks "so do you want your bday gift today." and i asked him "what day is today?" and he said the "yea i know but you didnt invite me over for your bday. can i come over for your bday." and i responded "of course." but what startled me was the rage in his voice and eyes when he said i didnt invite him over for my bday. i already told him i dont celebrate my bday and im not doing anything...so there was no event to invite him to and i just figured he'd come over to see me then anyhow. last, i see that he has taken the things he does for me to a new level...it's almost like just dies for me to ask him something to do...but im really treating him like i treat my friends which is not to give them a lot of my time yet he seems like he's dying for more. should i stay course? thanks for the responses.

stop acting on impulses......... he's being understanding of you and your principals. Be understanding of his and be accepting that he's being honest with you. Don't be so harsh......... take your time. Be patient. As an Aries myself, it's hard to do, but you must.

And it does sound like he's having sexual identity crisis, so be sympathetic to that. Don't fuck this up for him, because he will only become more confused about his sexuality. Explore it with him..... he seems open to it.

Axqbf0 good for you for standing up for YOURSELF, he's more enraged that you have enough self respect not to fall all over him trying to please him and beg him for sex which would only make him punish you quietly by withholding even more, once a Capricorn pushes his heels in the ground, forget about it, he's not budging, they can be some huge emotional withholders, now he understands your not as desperate and needy as he may have initially thought you were, when people allow themselves to eat crumbs, to be treated half ass others come to believe that person is desperate and starved for attention and love and the treatment eg the withholding etc only gets worse.

IMO from his reaction he figured he had more time, he's not so much feeling rage over your birthday, remember I said POWER EGO CONTROL, that's what your witnessing, he thought he had full CONTROL OVER YOU, he's trying to figure you out AGAIN, he thought he had you were he wanted you which was wanting and needing him so he can have his full control but NOW HE'S BACK IN THE BEGGING POSITION and he feels out of control, powerless over you....You can stay the course if you choose but why do that if he's still unyielding, he may begin to feel deeper emotionally for you IF YOU STAY THE COURSE and only allow him to be in your life the way YOU WANT not the way he wants....Capricorn men have a very unyielding cold exterior, if he showed anger/rage then you have cracked a little bit of that exterior and forced him to think about someone other than himself, think about you as a partner...Yes they can very selfish, me me kind of guys and when they give they give what they want to give not what you need and want him to give to you....His emotions are being tested, he's no longer in your home, you broke up that one side his side only party so their is some animosity, he's no longer getting 100% of your time, good treatment and attention and it's HIS FAULT, he's more pissed at himself than he is pissed at you because he know if he had given a bit more he wouldn't be in such a low position and again Capricorn males love power, status and control, you HAVE ALL THOSE THINGS....Stay the course in your actions, don't give him more when he seemingly doesn't want to compromise on the sexual level of the relationship...until he's willing to go the distance and become the kind of partner you want and need continue doing what your doing.

He never figured you would be strong enough to let him go, he thought he had you wrapped around his finger and he did for a little while, he's mostly feeling out of sorts over the change that's occurred between the 2 of you. He was comfortable and you weren't so you did something about it and most likely he thought you would continue to invest without sex, basically wait for him, he's feeling pushed and rushed but if you maintain a small level of distance then he may relax around you and begin to accept things as they are now and give a bit more of himself along the way. Your earning his respect, he now understands your not a desperate pushover.

I GET IT THANK YOU TIKI33!!!! i no longer need this thread..thanks you so much! i understand that im special...never let someone make you loose yourself. if you be yourself you understand you are worthy of the best and will settle for nothing less. time doesnt matter then because if you have high standards like someone like me then it is time you need to see if that person is worthy of YOU. thanks this gives me new understanding of myself thanks!!!!

Your welcome and remember you are special, you have your own life, your own business, you can most likely provide a very comfortable kushy life style for a man, you are your own man and there will be men that will try to possess you yet give very little as an attempt to control you as this Capricorn was attempting to do, don't be mistaken, the withholding works but because your smart you didn't allow that to control your life, you took action much quicker than a woman would, we seem to linger around hoping for change LOL.

There are some very good hard working giving loving cap men out there but this one most likely has done this before with gay men that can provide security (I'm sure he may have made it seem your his first but I highly doubt it) I'm sure he's taken advantage of men this way before, him being a straight man well it seems pretty odd but there are some real manipulative users in the world, a lot of cap men desire a secure life, they will either work very very hard to obtain as much money as they possibly can throughout their lives or they will find a person that can provide a very comfortable secure life, in this case this guy seemed to want to latch on and squeeze out as much as he could out of the situation with you without compromising his sexuality...loser....That's so not fair to you, it was best to let him go and figure it all out for himself before investing anymore time, attention and money into this man.

Good luck and keep us updated d:

i dont know if this matters. but when i went back and looked at this relationship i notice somethings. first, this is not the first or second time ive kicked him out...ive done it twice before but interestingly every time we made up he would admit that i was right and he would give a little more of himself when he came back. i must admit that he doesnt lie. i must admit that he established the fact that we were only friends. however, i still see that i was giving more of myself than he was and i listened to myself (thats why im so successful) and put pressure on him to come up to my level or leave--and he does, although incrementally. this time, however, i feel that he's seen a lot of me...and he knows how it would be to live with me...so i told myself if he didnt budge on the intimacy level part of the relationship that im gone and thats why i left. he did admit to me that he feels that special someone he will at least have to know them for a year (not 3 months like we have) because "you can know if you really like someone if you go thru all the seasons with them." honestly, i have to admit that i feel really special with him...and i believe he with me...but i cannot put him (or anyone else) above my needs and so i have to stand firm and treat him with the same level of interaction he gives me; its only fair. time will tell what happens, but i think i understand that i have everything he wants...i just need to let him work for it--as he SHOULD Mr. Goat. any comments welcomed.

Your pretty much dead on with your post axqbf0, it seems the way you have dealt with him has brought progress slowly, continue to do what your doing, it seems to be working, will he inevitably be ready for intimacy most likely not until he's ready but least you won't be waiting for him to be ready, halting your own life for intimacy with him.

He clearly wants to be your friend. It's a pity that is not an option for you because he clearly likes you a lot as a person. If he's not into sex with men then why pursue it?

im not pursuing it anymore. however, i would like to note that he came/comes after me. everytime i do nothing he seeks out hanging out wit me. it is he who wants to spend every waking hour with me, not the other way around. if he just wants to be friends well he will except the fact i dont hang out with friends 24hours a day and let them live in my house. anyhow, well we had a 4 day break since the first time ive met him. he told me some interesting things. first, he said he felt miserable while we were apart and he said he didnt eat that much. he also let me know how happy he feels around me and he told me he both "wants and needs" to be around me. second, i reiterated my position to him that i will not give him 100% of my time and i will treat him like he treats me and thats like a friend. he and i both admitted that he was withholding intimacy and i told him i could not continue down this path, but that i could be his friend with far less time together. he asked me if im "looking to have fun or something serious" i guess the assumption is if we are intimate it will turn our relationship "serious" instead of fun like it is now. i responded that i wanted to have fun. he also told me that he is impressed by my logic and level-headedness when i make decisions and he said he thinks thats why im so successful in business and im only 24. we had dinner and he wanted to come over after and spend all night talking and playing like old times...i told him we couldnt but we got into a great conversation...but after an hour i told him he had to leave (he is not my lover) of course he was disappointed i will not let him have all of me and give half of himself. i make a lot of money but i dress really poor and he is always trying to get me to go buy expensive clothes so i can look nice. one last important topic he mentioned was the fact that he thinks im not really open to others' opinion and that he feels that if he says something im quick to soot him down. (which i do so ill work on it) i also cut him out of knowing everything that is going on with my business and he HATES it...he keeps begging me to tell him the updates but i told him that employees dont get the knowledge that he used to. let me know.

one last thing. he seems to treat me in a way other than a friend. here is some of his favorite things he likes to do:

beat me in any sport (although his favorite is tennis and i played in college)
cook every meal
do anything "manly" around the house
show that he is stronger than me
drives me everywhere (safely of course)
wants to travel with me
wants to watch every movie with me
is jealous if i hang out with anyone besides him
just thrives on me giving him jobs
im always on his mind
tells me he "needs" me
wants to go wherever i go
goes shoping, cleaning for the house (even though i have a maid)


it seems as though he is willing to do any and everything to make me happy...except be intimate.

Axqbf0 again I just feel your handling things well, your being his friend but not crossing boundaries, that helps him respect you and that protects you from being taken advantage of by men on a personal intimate and financial level. It also helps you not to invest more only to get very little and he's also come clean about his past behavior regarding teh withholding which is hard to make a Capricorn male do, some of them can be pretty stubborn and one sided.

Remember you did it his way and you got very little in return, he got to live in your home, most likely had a carte blanche life style as a lover with no lovemaking via work and home....You easing back and taking a bit more control over the situation shows you have your head on your shoulders and that can be a very attractive quality for a strong Capricorn male that is grounded. Continue to be his friend but continue to honor yourself and set high standards, It's not like your taking advantage of him and pushing him to give more, he seems to respond positively to your behavior and he pushes himself beyond his limits also be honest if you want something serious don't pretend that you just want to have fun....It seems this guy wants something serious if he's going to go beyond friendship. One last thing clean it up, you can't be bummy around a Capricorn man, they tend to have good style , your a reflection of him so he's going to expect you to look great 99% of the time.

be patient....intimacy is the last thing you need to worry about, cap men are very slow lovers, they are into details and getting to know you kind of men. Not the wham bam thank you sir kind of men of the zodiac, they can be male whores too but for the most part they are slow with anything they choose to have in their life.

one last "secret" i think i have. if i keep my arguments LOGICAL which i love to do (i love reason) i always see that he understands the logic and he feels as though he "looses" and he has to see my that my points are valid. he therefore, UNDERSTANDS and RESPECTS my decisions, even if he doesnt agree (or isnt ready to admit that he does).

I just want to say again, if he has set boundaries around not being intimate with you, him being a Capricorn means there is a high probability he will not stray from his conscience to be with a man, I wouldn't read too much into his behavior or you could end up sitting around waiting and hoping for something that will not happen. I would suggest you concentrate on what's available which is the friendship, sex isn't available and most likely will never be available, if there is a chance he will become intimate with you it will be well thought out which means you will never know until you know eg until it happens.

update: so we made up again yet with the restrictions i set with just being friends. i told him that i would rather have him as a friend than no friendship and no relationship...he seemed to like that a lot. we had a great time but something ive never done i did: i told him i was sleepy and that he should leave. he seemed a little upset, but gradually got up to walk to the door. when i said good night he did something he never did: reached out and gave me a short-but tender hug and said good night. what does that mean, if anything? thats the first warm physical contact he's initiated. lastly, he told me something interesting and any thoughts on what you think this means and how i should use this to understand him and how he operates better. he said when talking about how he can tell if someone is into him, "it depends on how aggressively i pursued her. the less aggressive my approach, the more convinced i am that she is interested in me and not responding simply to aggression."

I dunno I think your treading on thin ice with this situation, this guy is not gay, he may be exploring his sexuality with you but there is a huge chance he will go back to dating women or at the least have male on male experiences with you and still be attracted to and date women...I'm not sure why your spending so much time on a straight male...Maybe an ego thing or something, I'm not a man nor am I gay but I know some gay men love to turn straight men out, not sure if that concept applies to you...I don't think anyone can say why he initiated a hug, we can presume it meant something but realistically it probably was just a friendly hug...I honestly think this guy is fucking with your head but maybe this is something you have to figure out for yourself.

ok i understand...all i know that ever since i fired him and said only friendship he hits ME up everyday wanting to come over. it seems like he can finally be himself around me and seeks ME out to talk to. it seems like he is investing himself in ME. it seems as though he is SPRUNG over me and if im not in his life he will go crazy. so all i will do is let him chase me and keeping calling and texting me and i just sit back and watch him work...because i dont initiate anything it is all him and these last 3 days have showed me that i dont even have to hit him up he will do it everyday and want to see me everyday. my question: how much time should i give him...he seems to want it all.

I stand by what I said earlier...You can lean back and observe and see were things go. How long should you wait? Does it matter really? You seem to be prepared to wait as long as it takes...Come back in a couple months and let us know if things have progressed forward or if your still stalled at no intimacy....Your taking a risk giving a heterosexual male that only wants to be friends and yet explore his possible homosexual tendencies by giving him a huge amount of your social time without a definitive answer that he wants to go beyond friendship...All you can do is observe how it's going to play out/end.

Hey I'm axqbf0 but i forgot my password. but here is an update on this story. any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated:

It's been a while I hope all is well. I had a question about the capricorn(see above). Well we had a very contentious
breakup 2 years ago because he would not do anything physical (he said he wasn't physically attracted to men yet he wanted
to spend 24hrs a day with me for 3 months). Anyhow, after 2 years he recently reached out to me and resumed communication.
My question is do you think he has changed his view since then? Or rather, why would he want to resume contact after such a long period of time in light of the reason we broke up the first time? Do you think he would like to stay the same course or has he changed? He told me "youre one of the smartest if not the smartest people I know." Thanks for your response.

It's been a couple of years, so maybe he has reconsidered. —? Ask him what his intentions were in contacting you.

i asked him why he hit me up 2 years later and he said "just to see how things are going" and when i tried to talk about the previous breakup he ignored it. i think it weird for him to hit me out the blue considering what happened before. if you dont want to be physical with a guy i can understand that but leave me alone, he resumes conversation so im confused. like why am i on your mind 2 years later shouldn't you have found girls to talk to?

Posted by axqbf1
i asked him why he hit me up 2 years later and he said "just to see how things are going" and when i tried to talk about the previous breakup he ignored it. i think it weird for him to hit me out the blue considering what happened before. if you dont want to be physical with a guy i can understand that but leave me alone, he resumes conversation so im confused. like why am i on your mind 2 years later shouldn't you have found girls to talk to?

I can relate to being weird like this. Everything I do, from projects I work on, to people I connect with....if theres interest in any way in that person/thing it always take a break and revisit...almost as if it slowly but eventually come around in full circle. Like I think about an old close friend of mine often, and although Id never have the guts to call her just because of the fact I still probably couldnt be the "always there" type friend she needs, but if we ever ran into eachother Id love to resume like those two years never passed.

Hope that made a bit of sense, but this guy simply considers you as someone he's made a connection with, but it appears moreso on a friendly level. He'll probably disappear and reappear in and out of your life forever, if you allow. In my mind its not a bad thing, in his mind its not a bad thing, you dont understand it probably because you view it as more than a friendship? or want it to be more than a friendship? To him its just revisiting an old friend.