Cap Men Arrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh!

Ok so the best relationship i had to date was with my Cap ex of 4yrs. We broke up mainly because of distant because of the whole army thing.

My Cap is currently with his German girlfriend, who lives in Germany while he lives in the states. Him and I talk all the time over IM. I think there is something there between us but I'm not sure how to even sort it out.

At 1 point I introduced him to Facebook last year, he came on and tagged me in pictures of him and I and was talking romantic stuff but we got into because I thought it was just unfair to his girl and hypocritical so he deleted me.

So we didnt talk for awhile then I went on Myspace and all he has is pictures of him and I and our times together, none of him and his girl and she is friends with him on Myspace. I liked 1 of the pics and thats how we started talking again.

I LOVE this guy, he is the best boyfriend I ever had.....and I know he loved me very much too...I want him to be happy even if its not with me...we talk about everything, even his relationship, (he even ask me for opinion on his last vacation he took his girlfriend on).....I said to him that he doesn't seem head over heels for her, he said its not what he imagine for himself but he is getting old and want kids and it seems that no black girls want him. (IMO: I was with him when we share twin beds together on the army base, he was a humble private, now he's a big sergeant & and has good amount of money drives a fancy BMW, I think he cant trust who wants him for him than $ $ $ )

I know he loves me and I love him,......I feel like we have unfinished business....How do I deal or approach this?

CapGal one of my fav on here becuz u keep it really real!

At that time he was in the army but we are both in the army now, I joined after him, he's active duty, Im in the reserves. I think for me after joining the army....I understood a lot more about him and the dynamics of the relationship after the fact, I was young and didnt understand the whole army deal because I was so liberal and a hippie.

This is the only relationship I wish I could have a do-over because I am totally different now, I had just came out of a marriage I was young, hurt, and immature. I dont want to say I am regretful but he LOVED me but I was so hurt back then I dint love me so how could I love him?

Honestly, I know he loves me and in some ways want to be with me but it might be too much history there oh and there is his girlfriend....so its whatever just wich I could have a 1 do-over.

Nobody caressss bwaaaahhhhh!

Hey CappyLUV....and Elle! Thanks guys for caring! :-)

Well I listened to my heart and I was honest.......I wrote him told him that I have feelings for you and that right now my focus in life is my work, the future and my happiness. I told him its not fair for us and his girl for us to talk and be friends especially when I know I have these feelings....plus he tells me everything about his times with her, like vacay and other crap that I cant take......i can talk with my ex-husband like that but him I cant because i have feelings for him.

I just told him right now we can't be friends or talk because its too painful for me and I cant be a sucker for punishment. I said I love you and will always love you. Then I logged off and deleted him from my IM account not in a malicious way......its just 1 of those things I have to put deep down cause I cant even be friends with him....and I know it wasnt for all of us involved.

I just hate that we have the best convos, he tells me about their trips, ask me where he should take her, he even told me about $ $ in his bank savings, what he investing in, he even said that being with her is not what he imagined for himself but he getting old and blah blah blah blah blah.

I just had to step away because it wasnt right and I'm not a masochists....Im sad cause I know he loves me, I know we have a connection, & I know he's not over me.....but such is life i guess 😢

Sorry I type fast & typos but u guys catch my drift.

I just have to move on from this, im not going to pine over an unavailable man, and fill my head or his with fantasies or dwell on lost passions.

I dont care how personal our conversations are or how I feel we connect...it wasnt right.

So moving forward and doing me....it wasnt meant to be and my grandma always said "Whats for you, is for you"
(may god rest her beautiful and loving soul.

So I shall get mines, 1 day.

@CappyLuv Thanks for the cyber shoulder to lean on lol.....:-)

Posted by ellessque
I have so much respect for you right now you can't even imagine.

Good for you. That had to be so difficult to do.

*hugs*

Elle, I was crying when I typed it and I was like "where are these tears coming from" it was out of nowhere, I couldnt even believe I was crying because I RARELY cry.

It just goes to show how deep we can bury things sometimes. Thank you btw, it was extremely difficult to do but I just have to leave that alone and focus.

Thank you :-)

Posted by justSophs
Ok so the best relationship i had to date was with my Cap ex of 4yrs. We broke up mainly because of distant because of the whole army thing.

My Cap is currently with his German girlfriend, who lives in Germany while he lives in the states. Him and I talk all the time over IM. I think there is something there between us but I'm not sure how to even sort it out.

At 1 point I introduced him to Facebook last year, he came on and tagged me in pictures of him and I and was talking romantic stuff but we got into because I thought it was just unfair to his girl and hypocritical so he deleted me.

So we didnt talk for awhile then I went on Myspace and all he has is pictures of him and I and our times together, none of him and his girl and she is friends with him on Myspace. I liked 1 of the pics and thats how we started talking again.

I LOVE this guy, he is the best boyfriend I ever had.....and I know he loved me very much too...I want him to be happy even if its not with me...we talk about everything, even his relationship, (he even ask me for opinion on his last vacation he took his girlfriend on).....I said to him that he doesn't seem head over heels for her, he said its not what he imagine for himself but he is getting old and want kids and it seems that no black girls want him. (IMO: I was with him when we share twin beds together on the army base, he was a humble private, now he's a big sergeant & and has good amount of money drives a fancy BMW, I think he cant trust who wants him for him than $ $ $ )

I know he loves me and I love him,......I feel like we have unfinished business....How do I deal or approach this?

Have a seat before you read this:

HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU IF HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND ELSEWHERE.

YOU ARE A FOOL IF YOU BELIEVE HE REALLY LOVES YOU.

YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME CHILL TIME, REBUILD YOURSELF AND MOVE ON TO SOMEONE WHO DESERVES YOU.

Thank you for your attention.

I am sorry if reality doesn't sit well with you.

This guy is pursuing another woman, so Soph needs to drop him and move on with her life.

He is probably having sex with that girl in Germany, and wants to have Soph on the side.

She needs to get the hell away from him and his manipulations, lies and other forms of bullshit.

He loves her?

Yeah, right.

If you believe that, I have a slightly used bridge in Brooklyn that I can sell you.

Posted by CappyyLuv30

Posted by Scubafish
I am sorry if reality doesn't sit well with you.

This guy is pursuing another woman, so Soph needs to drop him and move on with her life.

He is probably having sex with that girl in Germany, and wants to have Soph on the side.

She needs to get the hell away from him and his manipulations, lies and other forms of bullshit.

He loves her?

Yeah, right.

If you believe that, I have a slightly used bridge in Brooklyn that I can sell you.

The reality is that you hate Caps. Period. You always find something to say to put us on a shit list. But I guess it's OK cuz I ain't too fond of Pisces men either so touche.

click to expand

You are such a fool to say that.

Dick Durock, May he Rest in Peace, is one of my favorite actors because of his work with the "Swamp Thing" movies and TV series, and he was a Capricorn.

Now, get back to defending the indefensible like a good imbecile does best.

Posted by QuietSt0rm
I thought I responded to this yesterday! I don't know why it didn't post my response.

Well, something tells me that he's not going to let you go that easy. LOL Caps don't take to people walking out of their lives like that, so I wouldn't say it's over. It might just be the beginning. I agree with elle though, about respecting you for stepping outside of yourself and having respect for his girlfriend.

For me I know we will talk again somewhere down the line but its not the same like it is with any of my exes where we talk about anything with no feelings behind it.

I just need time to get over these feelings and move on but having dialogue with him doesnt help.

Posted by CapGal
Abrasive Albacore—? ROTFL damn!

JS, I shudder when I remember writing a goodbye note to a guy I really loved...in the form of a poem. Guess I'm a little tougher than you cuz the actual tears didnt flow but i was really tearing up inside! But you feel better once you put it out there. Dont let him bullshit you via his response. Be firm!

CapGal.....I didnt cry at my grandmothers funeral who I was extremely close to......I didnt cry when he left for war 3 times when we were 2gether....I didnt cry when my friend got murdered right in front of me......I didnt cry at basic training when my drill sergeant was yelling calling me all types of name while doing 100 push ups or during live fire.

It has nothing to do with toughness......its about how deep it struck for me. I am letting go of the only man that ever loved me, showed, and proved to me he loved me, in every way.

Its deep and inexplicapable.

Posted by Scubafish
I am sorry if reality doesn't sit well with you.

This guy is pursuing another woman, so Soph needs to drop him and move on with her life.

He is probably having sex with that girl in Germany, and wants to have Soph on the side.

She needs to get the hell away from him and his manipulations, lies and other forms of bullshit.

He loves her?

Yeah, right.

If you believe that, I have a slightly used bridge in Brooklyn that I can sell you.

He is not pursuing another woman, he is with the woman in Germany that I am sure he loves. There is no lies or smoke screen or anything else thats his woman. Thats an established fact.

He is not the man to have a side piece he's frankly too busy for that.....when we were together sex wasnt important to him as it is other men because he had gone years without in the service. You dont understand, this guy is basically G.I. Joe with a Masters degree who is menaical about work.

The problem is that we were carrying on a friendship that is too personal and that still runs deep....there is feelings there and Im single and he is not....so I have to step back & just do me.

Posted by kstarks2
Some things to ponder:

This man has a girlfriend who lives in GERMANY and he lives in the STATES?

He says he's not happy with her but he's settling because of his age.

talks romantic stuff with JustSpoh

He has is pictures of him and I and our times together, none of him and his girl and she is friends with him on Myspace.

he said its not what he imagine for himself but he is getting old and want kids and it seems that no black girls want him.


Cancers really don't pick up on the RIGHT things sometimes and when they do they don't take ACTION on it and SAY what they want. They talk in riddles.

HELLOOOOOOOOOO @ JustSoph what are you waiting for?

Its not that simple kstarks....the fact of the matter is...he is with her. I took my action and told him where I stand. I know that from all his actions and our conversations that he still has feelings for me but he hasnt outright said it.

And he is a guy that does the right thing, as a Cap he is not gonna make an impulsive decision and leave her to get back with me just like that..........he thinks before he feels......he is the one talking in riddles......I took my action...I told him how I felt......the ball is in his court persay. And I know he didnt get with her all willy nilly....this is a confident head strong guy.

Yea I am sure its not what he imagined for himself but it must be something there for him to still be with her and yeah over the course he's been with her we've connected & its the same back and forth. Look I cant really tell you whats up with him or how he thinks, but I'm not riding that train with him......I need to focus on me, if he wanted me he would come get me. I just more self aware than ever and I have to think about me and for me communicating with him was just a heartbreak everyday.

Posted by kstarks2
@CL

Yes. I think so.

He's not married to the girlfriend and he's already complaining about her and being romantic with JS. and its not because he wants to be "single" because he said he's ready to settle down....he's just not 100% happy but he doesn't want to be alone. This was the killer statement here: "I can't find any black girl who want to be with me" -- I mean how much clue you all need? my goodness. This man is not the bad guy. He's actually a good catch.

Yes he is a good guy but he still a guy......I dunno why he tells me the details of everything but he is with her and I believe in karma.......plus he's very stubborn.....I actually read in Cap book that he is 1 of the most stubborn caps out there.

Like I said I am concerned about the way I feel......and I cant make anybody, especially him be with me. I wouldnt want him on the net talking to an ex girlfriend telling her about our vacay and saying our relationship is lukewarm.....to me thats a sign thats something is wrong in the relationship.......and he needs to figure it out for himself....but in the meantime.....Im not playing no part in that. I have to take care of me.

Yeah I am a Cancer but have Capricorn Moon or Rising,,,,whatever it is.

I attract plenty of Caps and dated a couple of them. I am not as emotional or sensitive as other Cancers and I think its the way I was raised because I been through some shit. I am an extremely hard worker.

I've known him for over 6 yrs now, so I pretty much know how to approach him and talk to him. I rather just step back and let him miss me, mull over our last convo....but I am not gonna wait on him either while he "thinks".....Im doing me.


Ok......oh yeah abrasive albacore....lol

Posted by kstarks2

Posted by CappyyLuv30
I'm totally curious at how she could have bagged him if she went out differently.

I totally applaud her act, it's hard to cut someone out when you have feelings for them.

She bullshitted and didn't OWN her feelings. She even tried to manipulate him with "it's not fair to his girlfriend that we're being romantic". *sniff sniff* I smell BULLSHIT.

She should have kept it real with him and said...

"I can't do this because I'm in love with you and I want a second chance with you...but you have a girl and i'm not going to be your sideline hoe" NOT "This is not fair to your girlfriend" and then get all emotional, crawl up in her shell to sulk and stop all communication with him.....THEN to only come out of her crabby shell. STILL not owning her feelings but goes stalking him on myspace and "likes" his OLD pictures of her and him. She knew that would get his attention and would get them back on "speaking terms", with HIM making the first word of contact because she doesn't wanna look stupid.

Cancers think they are sooo slick. WHO is she trying to fool here?

click to expand

I agree with how she should have owned up to her feelings, not so sure about being slick though.

True, we tend to express ourselves and come off a bit like martyrs, not our intention, we can't help ourselves. Yeah, we say our peace and then run back to our shells.

Best advice...come out direct and to the point. Something I learned from dating my cappy. He saw right through the emotional bullshit from the start, and that shit does not work!

JS...I know how hard that letter was to write. I've been there! ((hug))

@kstarks Your assumptions are so off base, if he knew I was "manipulating" him or "stalking" him and was this clairvoiyant why even give into it? He is a Cap man that is so perfect and know that I am manipulating him so why add me, tag me, call me, text m, IM me and carry on the big manipulating charade?

He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Why is it when a woman try to assert herself and end the madness we manipulating and this and that. THATS SOME BULLSHIT! I told that motherfucker str8 up how I felt, "I want you but your with your chick, so we cant talk because its not casual, its not friendly"

I have known him for 7 years, no matter what I can CALL HIM, EMAIL HIM, EVEN GO VISIT HIM ANYTIME I want because thats my FRIEND first more than anything so no stalking involved sweety. Matter of fact he was the 1 stalking me tagging photos and butter.

If anything he tried to manipulate me having convos with me, he asked me who I am dating, he was the one that told me he wasn't happy but then turn around and tell about all his vacations, its too much and too painful and I stepped back. Whats so rocket science about that.

AND I didnt tell him it wasnt fair to his girl, I TOLD Y'ALL that, I told him wasn't fair for all of us involved. I been that woman, my husband did the same thing to me, thats how I found out his ass was cheating because of all the IM's that was saved on his computer.

He is a Cap and a great guy but he still a MAN......KARMA IS A BITCH.....the same house my husband cheated on me with, a year later to the day a hurricane came blew the roof off, the only house in the neighborhood.

Whats embarassing is throwing myself and conversing with an unavailable man and carrying on a dog and pony show and still end up the loser in the end.

I have respect for other people....Im not a selfish bitch....and I wouldnt want him if he gonna diss his girl by talking to me....I dont want that type a guy...he got to deal with his issues with her then come holla at me, but for now, I want no part in it.

You full a shit Kstarks, you dont know shit, and youre contradicting yourself cause my letter was straight up and sincere. You just want to read what you want and you probably one of them broads who think MEN run this earth. Please keep your stupid ass advice to yourself because you not making sense.

Posted by justSophs

I just told him right now we can't be friends or talk because its too painful for me and I cant be a sucker for punishment. I said I love you and will always love you. Then I logged off and deleted him from my IM account not in a malicious way......its just 1 of those things I have to put deep down cause I cant even be friends with him....

IDK, since you've known him 6/7 years, he may not take you seriously. I;n sure it bothered him that you deleted him from your IM ...

*I'm