Cap women.. A new lover when still in a relationsh

Would you start dating if you are in a marriage that represents for you only an agreement you did with someone but you don't have feelings for him any

Yeshhhh.. That really cut off all the shish out of it.. Well done, DXP! *thumbs up*

No, I would split up first.

Like I'm gonna rewrite it all. I suggest you all just try to guess the rest of it.. hahaha!

Would split from that person first, so the next person can have all of me at my best.

I clicked "add new topic" but I add a new topic so rarely that I don't know much about these rules in here.. Maybe better next time.

OK, it's hard to guess what I wrote and was cut off.. Anyway I've been thinking of starting dating again. And no feeling guilty about it at all. Yes, Cap girl, I'm talking about dating and not about sex. I have been asked out a lot but I wasn't interested in going before. They all knew I'm still married, I never lie about that. Now I think I'm ready to meet new people.. I have already decided to get divorced. Just right now bad timing for me. If he wants to get divorced with me now then I'm just pleased.

My marriage was a mistake. I married a completely stranger, I hope I learned from that though.. And yes, because of the kids, there's no other reason for that.

'...Would you start dating if you are in a marriage that represents for you only an agreement you did with someone but you don't have feelings for him ...'


but why wud u eva do that?? i mean y marry sum1 u dont love 4 convenience— itz juz crazy.. i wud neva do that.. itz such a pain ... n as long as im married or wid a guy im not gonna date otherz unless itz juz that i have a make out buddy n nuthin serious ....

'...My marriage was a mistake. I married a completely stranger, I hope I learned from that though.. And yes, because of the kids, there's no other reason for that....'

well if u dont love him then y r u wid him?? y dont u get a divorce?? i personally get shakez thinkin of it ( neva wanna b labeled a DIVORCEE...) but if thatz da only way than u gotta make a decision...

eliza.. I married him before I found out that I didn't know him at all. I found out things that made me think differently. I lost my feelings. But I did love him a lot. Otherwise I never would have married him.

"Sweet & Sour maybe you should take time out for yourself. There is little point of just drifting through relationships just to have someone around. That seems to be a major problem these days. Everyone is trying to be defined by other people, but are taking very little time to define themselves."

I have been taking time out for myself. I'm still in a relationship but I have been thinking this over and over again. Thinking of what I want and what makes me happy and so on.. I have been thinking of this already for a year. And I just recently felt that I gotta move on. And I also felt that I'm ready to meet new people from now on. I just don't feel anything for him anymore. And I know I wanna have best for my kids so I'm waiting for the right moment, that will be soon but not in this month.

And it's not that I'm in hurry to find someone. No, absolutely not. I can wait for years to finally find someone who is compatible with me. I think I've learned something. I just feel that I'm ready to date again. But I'm not gonna waste my time on dating just with anyone. I'm gonna wait for someone really interesting before I say yes to that.

'...eliza.. I married him before I found out that I didn't know him at all. I found out things that made me think differently. I lost my feelings. But I did love him a lot. Otherwise I never would have married him...'

well then sweet&sour i wud neva recommend a divorce in ur case.. coz if u can make a relationship work then divorce isnt da answer.. have u eva thought of goin to a marraige counsellor?? i have seen alot of relationshipz that were about to break but wen both partnerz agree 2 work on it.. they ' FALL IN LOVE with each other all over again'... i think wid every relationship there cumz a time wen ur jus soooo FED UP of ur spouse that u want change n think divorce is da only answer... but hun if u've got kidz n u ONCE loved that guy then theres definitely sumthin in that guy.. mayb u shud start datin again n start it all over again...

I hate to say this but branh sometimes has a point there..

'The grass isn't always greener...'

i agree.. i know that da grass is GREENER on our side of da fence...EVERY relationship require patience... love... understandin.. i noh itz not easy but itz possible...

eliza.. the issue here isn't that I wasn't in love. It's more like he didn't love me. I was blind to see that, and I opened my eyes last year. Now I know I was too naiive with him. My first love. I think I didn't have enough experience before I met him. I wasn't that interested in guys so I kinda fell in love with eyes shut. I don't think I'm gonna get married again. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna find someone who is good together with me. Just dating, that's not bad at all.

branh...' People are always attacted to those who help them live in denial"....'


branh u rock bud... i love ur quote of da day.. itz sooo true... i like wat u once said sumtime ago how a 'true friend will tell u about reality n hold ur hand thru...' but a bad friend will make ya live in denial...'

ur a philosopher...

"Would you start dating if you are in a marriage that represents for you only an agreement you did with someone but you don't have feelings for him."

I understand you question but to date outside your marriage (even if there is no love there) isn't fair to the other person. It also makes the idea of marriage very arbitrary. This is where divorce comes into play people ... 😉 Why are people so afraid of divorce, they rather cheat (emotionally and physcially) on their spouse for years instead of offically (legally) divorcing. Infedility is detestable -- divorce is a wonderful option to get out of an unhappy marriage and people STILL CHEAT! That's so stupid 😢

'... I wasn't that interested in guys so I kinda fell in love with eyes shut. I don't think I'm gonna get married again. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna find someone who is good together with me. Just dating, that's not bad at all...'

o sorry i didnt read every post .. so pardon my assumptionz... i agree wid ya.. dont hurry into n e thing especially marraige..... datin' aint bad... it will do u gud....so ya go ahead date peopel u like but make sure u juz dont fall for da next sweet guy that cumz ur way hun... believe u me... people can act for yearzzzz n yearzzz wat they r not... so u might end up in another heartache.. but u seem way mature since ur first marraige experince.. i wish u all da happiness wid all my heart..

all da best 🙂

"It's better to be happy alone than living with someone you have nothing in common with."

That is so true. I just wonder why did I wake up too late to realize that he wasn't who he said he was.. I've been feeling that I wanna be alone since I found out.

"Why are people so afraid of divorce"

No, cappysweetie, not afraid of that, I already made my decision about that. I have things going on right now that I don't wanna end up to a fight with him right now. I'll wait for a month or two and then I'm gonna do that. And about dating.. I haven't done that yet and I'm just feeling right now that I'm ready for that. Who knows, it could take months from now before I actually go for my first date..

"I just wonder why did I wake up too late to realize that he wasn't who he said he was.. I've been feeling that I wanna be alone since I found out."

People can easily fool others by using their "representative" to grab your attention. You probably were in love with the image he presented. However, when he became confrontable with you, he began to show his true colors. As a result, you feel like you have been married to a stranger because you never show a different side of him.

Thanks, eliza, life is for learning. Trying to do right next time..

"However, when he became confrontable with you, he began to show his true colors."

Actually he didn't show his true colors. I found them out somewhere else.. That's when you really can feel being cheated..

"I'll wait for a month or two and then I'm gonna do that. And about dating.. I haven't done that yet and I'm just feeling right now that I'm ready for that. Who knows, it could take months from now before I actually go for my first date.."

Oh I'm sorry! I took your post the wrong way. I totally understand why you want to wait a few monthes. You should definately make preparations for separation in secret, because if he even thinks you are going to leave him, he will probably make the process long and hard. In Michigan, there is No-Fault divorce, which makes things much easier. I know all this stuff from experince with family members.

You take care, and good luck to you 🙂 Keep us updated!

"Actually he didn't show his true colors. I found them out somewhere else.. That's when you really can feel being cheated.."

Really, that's really interesting. The same thing happen to me last mouth. It was conernings a guy that was playing mind games with me. However, I found somethings out about his life by doing some investigating. Afterwards, I knew things between us had to changed so I created some boundaries and now we are friends ... and nothing more.

We can have divorce easily, but I'm only thinking best for my kids, that's why I'm waiting for the right moment.

It's all right. It's good to see what other people think of this. That part that got cut off included that I have never cheated on anyone so this was kinda hard for me before. Now I don't feel guilty anymore but I still wanna wait for someone who I like and feel interesting for me. I need someone who has sense of humour but also that I could discuss about many things with him. Intellectual discussions and also about sports and many kind of things. I'm open for many topics and I need someone who is open as well. From my experience it's just so hard to find a man who I enjoy to talk with.

It sounds like you have reallyy been through some terrible stuff with this man. You need someone that will be the "man" you need in your life. However, wait until you get this jerk out of your life first. He may try to ruin your chances at happiness with another man.

I agree with you. I am a girl who is open to many topics. A closed-minded man would send me "through the roof". I need mental simulation to keep my interest or else I'm not happy.

Cappysweetie, you are lucky that you found out those things now.. I found those things out when we had been together for 6 years and we already had two kids and we had been married for six months.. And that wasn't the whole truth yet.. I found out six months later that there's more. I'm still not sure if I know everything. First I started to be skeptical and now I don't care about the whole truth anymore. Why should I waste my time on that. That was already unforgivable what I found out. There's no excuse for that.

I've been thinking that it's really so hard to find a man who doesn't lie.

"However, wait until you get this jerk out of your life first. He may try to ruin your chances at happiness with another man."

That's true. I'm not gonna fall inlove with anyone. Only if I feel that there's something to fall for..

"I've been thinking that it's really so hard to find a man who doesn't lie."

True, it's hard to find people who are honest anyway. The reasoning for this is because those that try to be honest are tactless in how they express themselves. As a result, these people are called harsh and/or mean. Sometimes that's the case, and sometimes it isn't. When I was younger, I had to growup really quick so that's how I learned to be observate early.

I'm very honest but I don't intentionally try to make others feel bad so sometimes I don't say everything I think of them. But I do tell what's my opinion. I just happen to tell my opinion in a certain group, with my friends or if dealing with business then I find a right way to say what is best in my opinion. But here.. Sometimes I tell what I think, sometimes I just don't feel it's worth it. So it depends.. With my friends it matters so with them I always tell what I think.

I meant that I tell my opinion on things, but I don't tell people what I think about them. So normally people don't think I'm harsh.

About two weeks ago, I was told by one of my students that I tell people the truth but I'm nice about it 🙂 hahaha, that was sooo sweet!

I try to tell people things without making the situation worse, you know what I mean? However, the only way I am straightforward is if it's my last option in resolving a conflict or a problem. I consider other's feelings because I am really sensitive ... I don't get an ego out of making some feel unconfortable by "pointing out the truth".

Even if honesty is hurtful, it's better than a lie!

Critics is always good, if it's meant to make you learn something. But there's always many ways to point things out.

"Even if honesty is hurtful, it's better than a lie!"

That is very much true.. 🙂 I hate lying the most.

Thanks to sb and jackdoniel, too.

I'm still not in a hurry to go out with anyone. I just felt that first time in years I'm ready for dating (or actually to meet new men). So, I didn't really mean to start any serious relationship yet. I'm not ready for that. It also won't be easy to get divorced for me because I think my husband doesn't want that. But soon I'll see what's gonna happen when I tell him that.. Right now it feels to me like it's gonna take months before I actually go for a date.