Capricorn girlfriend doesn't believe in marriage

I've been with my Capricorn girlfriend for just over three years. I want to get married but she doesn't. She talks about marriage like it's a curse, making all the 'ball and chain' type references that men usually make while saying how she learns from others' mistakes and won't do it because she's seen how it didn't work out for other people. She says it's all a display and that you can be committed without a ceremony or a ring. Sure you can, but in getting married you are making a formal statement of intent to commit and remain committed. Without marriage there is no such statement. Sure, marriages break down, but if you marry then you at least intended to make it work. But by not marrying you're effectively leaving the door open for an easy escape, like you're hedging your bets in case something better comes along. I'm starting to lose my enthusiasm for the relationship now, like I'm wasting my time working toward something that I've already been told is never going to happen. Hell - I'm a Virgo - I should be the commitment-phobe!

Sorry to hear that. But you can't change people. If she doesn't want to get married and you do, I think you should move on. It is a waste of time

I'm Taurus, Capricorn rising male, and I don't believe in marriage too, from my point of view it's total bullshit, "I ain't no socialite", y'know?
My ex girl was Libra and Virgo moon, and she didn't believed it too.
Strange you sayin' you want to marry.
Must be one of those Water pricks, that always find some way to start a fight or arguing.

You might be onto something... As a Virgo I strongly believe in marriage too !

I feel what's the point of dating if marriage isn't at the finsh-line?

I couldn't date someone that has a goal that drastic from mine. You deserve your "dream marriage". Don't put the passions of your heart in a box. Pursue them!

OK, if you don't wanna her 'cause she does not want to marry, send her to me, and I will take care of her. Simple as that.
Just BE a man to your woman, before someone else appears with the same intention.
Stop Thinking, just BE

Haha,marriage at this ages is a joke, few people are able to work on it in a good way. Men tend to use marriage to fill this gap of insecurity, NOTHING will assure you that she will be with you for the eternity, not even a paper or a ring you put in front of a priest will change it. Better be like that than spending money on illusions.

Grow up man, do you care about marriage or your your gf?

I hope this isn't code to say that she just doesn't want to get married TO YOU. Some people just make excuses like this when they're not that into you, but... idk just a thought.

Anyway, if she doesn't want to get married then that sounds like you should move on. Don't even bother pressuring her because if she doesn't even believe in marriage then your marriage will probably be doomed from the get-go. Many people who supposedly don't believe in marriage are people who are trying to avoid responsibility or know they can't be faithful or something. These people seem to forget that even though there are many divorces, there are still many happy, stable marriages out there.

I don't think anything is fundamentally wrong with marriage because the future of ANY marriage depends on the specific couple involved. If you're dealing with someone who has a problem with just the idea of getting married, then you need to find a women who would be more than happy to marry you.

Hi there, I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it, I'm a Capricorn girl myself and I feel the exact same way as her about marriage. When my bf brings up marriage I have joked that, "I don't love anyone that much to want to involve the government." I feel that it is a ball an chain as well, in a relationship, I particularly need to feel in love and not tied down, i want to be with someone who doesn't feel obligated to be with me because you can't get out. I think once you get married, it changes a lot of things and ppl get lazy and without marriage, it's more real.- Why change something that is going fine is another reason to not want to get married. You see it one way, she's probably seeing it the way i see it.. & I don't believe it has anything to do with you, so check with her again about why she doesn't want to get married, ask the exact reasons...you might be pleasently surprised... Good luck.

Those are the kind of conversations you should have had with her at the very beginning. A potential partner's outlook on life is very indicative of where the relationship will go. As now you have to respect her honesty and if it's really important for you to get married, you'll have to call it quit, otherwise you'll just miserably drag yourself through the relationship until it reach its end.

Thanks for all the interesting comments.

As far as 'growing up' and 'being a man' are concerned, I believe that is exactly what I'm doing. Men who won't commit at usually the ones accused of being immature, who need to grow up, who need to be a real man, who need to show their woman some solid commitment.

Her view of marriage has, no doubt, been influenced by seeing people close to her go through divorces, but we all see bad stuff in our lives. It doesn't mean we have to dwell on it.

Basically it just makes me sad because I don't want to go through life missing out on marrying the woman I love, so seeing someone who I'd choose to marry display such a negative view of it means that something I want to do, specifically with her, is something I probably won't ever get to do with her.

Perhaps I should have brought it up at the very beginning, but it never occurred to me that a woman would not to want to get married - it's usually the woman who dreams of the big day. Also, she mentioned fairly early on that she'd been engaged to a previous partner, so I figured she was open to that kind of thing.

Had I known at the beginning what her views were I'd never have got so involved, but having done so it's no so easy to become un-involved because of the way I feel about her.

We have discussed it many times and one thing she always said is that if a man where to ask her he'd have to have the ring ready. There's no way I'm going out and spending thousands on a ring, after everything negative she's said about marriage, without first having some indication from her that the negativity no longer remains. She's set a precedent in saying that things she has which she needs to undo if she's every to expect me to ask her properly.

If she's not said the things she has I'd already have gone out, bought a ring, and got down on bended knee, but after all she's said the ball is firmly in her court to show me that she's had a change of heart before she can expect me to make a decisive move. As things stand I'd expect her to accuse me of having not been listening to her if I were to propose.

Oh you young pups. People in there twenties are so self assured. You guys are told that you are smarter, wiser, and way more fashion forward then any other generation and you believe this crap. (While my generation cash our dividend checks and vacation the tropics.)

The marketers have you pegged.

Now as for marriage. One day your gonna want kids. Your gonna want commitment and stability. Your gonna meet someone who makes you feel like you did when you were a kid; safe, secure and able to conquer the world. Then what— Promise rings??

The institutions of our societies believe in marriage and if we didn't gay people wouldn't fight so hard for the right.

You go ahead and you tell yourself you don't believe in marriage and I promise you one day you will.

As for my Virgo friend with the reluctant Cap. I suggest you look at how you are operating and ask yourself looking at how you are handling your life right now would you marry you? If there is room for improvement then do it and then see if she changes her mind.

In your current form you may not be marriage material. Get to work and fix it.

I'm afraid that she may not be that into you, though she may appreciate nature and see the convenience of sharing this time with you, it doesn't worth the life time commitment. I don't think a woman who is head over heels in love will decline the declaration of a life of commitment from the one they love and she's been engaged before as you stated, she was once open to that idea.

Posted by Rays Heart
I don't think a woman who is head over heels in love will decline the declaration of a life of commitment from the one they love...

I think you hit the nail on the head. Perhaps it's time to review where this relationship fits within my larger life plan and make sure I tread a path that's true to me.

Stop discussing marriage with her, simply..just stop it. Capricorns are people with lots of (imagined) fears and marriage is just one of them for her. My guess is that she does care about you enough to marry you eventually, she just needs to warm up to the idea of marriage ON HER OWN PACE/TERMS, this is typical Capricorn btw, they are control freaks, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a self-detrimental way.

If you keep bringing up the topic of marriage to her she will just panick more and more, she has to find out by herself that there REALLY are functional marriages around, contrary to this stupid belief she has that "ohh..so no one that I know has a functional marriage, then it surely wont work for me" Caps can be stupid like that at times, they dont have enough self-belief but try too hard to be a reflection of the society around them. They lack real sense of independent thinking when they are immature.

Here's an interesting article I found. It's from the opposite gender perspective, but makes some points which I was trying to get across...

http://www.takeninhand.com/when.your.love.doesnt.want.to.get.married

I dont believe in marriage... but I did get married bc I was given an ultimatum. Marry me or we break up. I chose to get married. If I could do it over I wouldn't have. SUCH A FREAKIN RESTRICTION!!

Sorry to hear about your misfortune with your gilfriend virgo m20, but if she is a true cap. She secretly wants the life that marrige brings but has lost hope in mankind to fulfill that based off of her observations and research is terrified she might be left in the dust by her man like many has before her. That's what we do, we make informed descisions based off of observation. My opinion, show her that you want it.

She says it's all a display and that you can be committed without a ceremony or a ring. Sure you can, but in getting married you are making a formal statement of intent to commit and remain committed. Without marriage there is no such statement. Sure, marriages break down,

HAVE HER NAME TATOOED ON YOUR FORHEAD RIGHT UNDER PROPERTY OF

If she is a true capricorn then she prob will deep down want marriage and the fact that she did get engaged at some point in her life perhaps shows the intention must have been there. But certain experiences can throw a capricorn off certain things. I was married and tbh although i really want to settle down and have kids and be married i am scared because that commitment to someone who might not treat you right, once they feel they 'get you' is awfull. Capricorns find it really hard to trust people and we get scared and we take things securely. If perhaps you try to understand it from her point of view that there maybe a deeper reason other than what she is saying then it might help you understand her better.

I also get your point of view that you want to settle down and be married to her. But try not to get frustrated about it. The most important thing in a relationship is love, care, trust, understanding etc between each other. She also needs to try see it from your perspective and you both need a mutual agreement. I think give it time, be patient with her, build trust, enjoy your relationship together and one day she might realise that your really are there for the long haul and that you will always be nice to her and there for her. True capricorn maidens are always looking to be whisked off by there man even though we may not always show it. Certain experiences make us hard. I know this because i have been through certain situations that make us want to constantly protect ourselves from getting hurt.

Good luck

The V in Virgo stands for vagina.

Posted by VirgoM20
Thanks for all the interesting comments.

As far as 'growing up' and 'being a man' are concerned, I believe that is exactly what I'm doing. Men who won't commit at usually the ones accused of being immature, who need to grow up, who need to be a real man, who need to show their woman some solid commitment.

Her view of marriage has, no doubt, been influenced by seeing people close to her go through divorces, but we all see bad stuff in our lives. It doesn't mean we have to dwell on it.

Basically it just makes me sad because I don't want to go through life missing out on marrying the woman I love, so seeing someone who I'd choose to marry display such a negative view of it means that something I want to do, specifically with her, is something I probably won't ever get to do with her.

Perhaps I should have brought it up at the very beginning, but it never occurred to me that a woman would not to want to get married - it's usually the woman who dreams of the big day. Also, she mentioned fairly early on that she'd been engaged to a previous partner, so I figured she was open to that kind of thing.

Had I known at the beginning what her views were I'd never have got so involved, but having done so it's no so easy to become un-involved because of the way I feel about her.

You need to really do some soul searching & honestly think about this and ask yourself are you willing to continue with the way things are? Are you ok with the way that she feels right now and yes there is a chance that she could change her mind but right now this is how she feels. You don't want to anyone to marry you out of pity or just because you made it sound great. Sounds like a lot of fear on her part and only she can come to the conclusion that just because things didn't work out for someone else does not mean that they won't work out for her.

Aren't Cardinal signs into relationships and marriage? 😛

They love that stuff! Go go go commitment!

Posted by FeelingShred

Stop Thinking, just BE

This ^^^^^