Capricorn Introduction

Good morning! Happy 4th of July (and all that jazz)!

I fell upon the site while looking for some capricorn insight. Being born in January (4th, 1975), I sought to find the words that matched how I feel. There is something comforting about validation.

Anywho, I read quite a few of the posts and thought this might be a cool place to hang out. I also thought that if I could help answer anyones questions, as it relates to us folk, I might inturn learn something more about myself.

So, on that note, I look forward to meeting you and sharing any experiences that I might have on the subject.

Maybe you can help me figure out my new cap friends behavior. He is male, an older guy. We are both over 30. we met one month ago. I am scorpio.... we have amazing dates. We talk for hours. get along perfecty. the chemistry is off the hook. he touches me like no one ever has and looks me in the eyes and I think he is going to tell me he loves me, yada yada. then days go by and he doesnt call. It's so confusing. I think he only calls when he knows he has time to see me. He has part time custody of his son, so his time is limited. Is this normal cap behavior? I never met a person who was so non-communicative in between dates—?

My cappy has the same thing going - great chemistry and all that and not much calls I get from him. I hear the similar thing from other people on this forum dealing with cappy men. It sounds like a normal behavior but want to hear from capricorn men about that. My case is though he called me more when I was less into him...so right now I am trying to ignore him a bit.

Destinyschild,

If you don't mind, I could use a little more information. You say that you're both over 30 and yet he is still an older guy. How old are you both?

You guys met a month or so ago, where did you meet? How many dates have you been on? How often do you talk on the phone?

He has a son, but was he ever married? If so, how along ago was it? Are they divorced now or merely separated? How old is his son?

What does he do for a living?

What kinds of things do you all talk about? What is the most personal thing he has told you? Does he call you or do you call him more? If he does call, what time of the day is it?

What makes you think he is going to use LOVE?

That should help get me started. Hopefully, it's not too much to handle. (smile)

Enigma...how do you know when a cap likes you? I mean really likes you? Mine got burned really bad by his ex and he's going through that "I don't want a serious relationship" phase right now, however he really likes me and could see us being together. I don't know how to make his eyes only for me at this point. I know that he has some occasional "f!@* buddies," which I told him he'd get over sooner or later because I've been in his shoes. I already sowed my wild oats though. I just don't know how to handle his emotional outbursts lately. I was going to tell him how I felt, but all of this drama happened the other night and it just ruined it for me. He does like to have deep conversations and we're supposed to talk tonight, but I don't know how to go about saying how I feel without him flipping out. OH..and he lives with my brother...if that helps. So it's awkward right now. He's flipping out because friends are getting involved in our business right now and I figured out my feelings towards him and was scared to tell him the other night so I was acting a little sarcastic. Well then of course everyone was getting in the middle and he held onto something because last night he was a completely different person towards me. He knows that we're both going through the same thing as far as exes and what not, but how do I know that I'm special compared to the other girls right now? I heard that caps usually distance the one's that they like the most. Is this true?

Boy, I love it.

Gem, I think I got a taste of your situation from another post. Let's see if I can offer some light to your situation.

After a quick review of my recent dates, I'd say I become increasingly possessive around a woman I really like. In addition, I also tend to be a bit demanding (meaning, I start needing certain things from her). The problem with being possessive and demanding is that I require you to do something for me (a need), but at the same time I fight myself because I don't really need anyone (or so I like to tell myself).

Being needy is a sign of weakness and I'm not weak (cough).

Furthermore, let me also say that I can be a bit sensitive....ok, A LOT sensitive. On the outside, I look so cool, calm, and collected. Let something pop up out of the blue and I'm the first one to act so removed and unaffected, when really (on the inside) I'm going bizzerk.

Having said all that, hopefully it made some sense, I find the more I like you, the more I need reassurances that you like me too. I need to know that I can trust you with this fragile heart of mine. I've been hurt before and with each disappointment, I slap one more steel wall around my heart. So, I begin to demand LOYALTY (key word...along with TRUST) in all things. I need to hear that you care, often. I need to have my ego stroked by you, often.

(laughing) We're like paranoid chihuahuas on the inside, but we like to appear as rough and tough pitbulls. And, from the sound of it, we're doing a pretty good job.

E~~

Welcome aboard! Maybe you can help me out here.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________
I find the more I like you, the more I need reassurances that you like me too. I need to know that I can trust you with this fragile heart of mine. I've been hurt before and with each disappointment, I slap one more steel wall around my heart. So, I begin to demand LOYALTY (key word...along with TRUST) in all things. I need to hear that you care, often. I need to have my ego stroked by you, often.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________


What exactly would you to indicate that you need/want my reassurances if you like me? What if you already know you can trust me? How would you act then b/c I know I have the trust but that d@mm steel wall around your heart is driving me nuts - lol! How do you demand loyalty if you already have my trust?

We've been looking for a cappy man with a lot of advise around here so you might be biting off more than you can chew if you know what I mean - lol! Thanks for any advise you can give. Besos

Besos,

Yeah, I've noticed the number of questions with no answers and thought, to myself, this would be an interesting place to share some wisdom (smile). I'll try my very best to help you out.

Personally, if I like you a lot, I get really critical. I've heard women say to me that I make them feel like they're never good enough for me. My advise to them, especially the ones I like, is to stay strong and keep doing what you're doing. I also have a tendency to act awfully jealous or protective.

E~~

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom (smile) with me! Honestly, I do appreciate all your input/advise more than you can ever imagine.

__________________________________________________________________________________
Personally, if I like you a lot, I get really critical. I've heard women say to me
that I make them feel like they're never good enough for me. My advise to them,
especially the ones I like, is to stay strong and keep doing what you're doing.
I also have a tendency to act awfully jealous or protective.
___________________________________________________________________________________

I talked to the cappy I'm interested in for 10 months via phone/e-mail. Recently, I finally had the opportunity to meet him and I have to say that I have never in my life been so "intensely scrutinized." I knew it was a test as he has tested me all this time via phone/e-mail on numerous ocassions but I have to say my cancer insecurity was starting to flare up but I held it in check [smiling]! I found him to be very critical but oddly enough not in an offensive way! Does that even make sense? I truly wasn't offended by his comments. For example, he commented numerous times about how white I am. He's hispanic and has never dated a white girl so I guess the fact that I have a fair complexion was new to him I don't know. I know that probably sounds ridiculous to you but the man couldn't quite commenting on my skin color even during the conversations we had following out first meeting. I was never offended but like I said the cancer insecurity was really starting to flare up - lol! I'm really into him and I've noticed that the closer we have gotten the "less" intense our conversations have become. I feel though that our conversations are lagging and want to pick things up a bit but I'm scared that the minute I start probing (just in general about his past relationsips, things we use to talk about, etc.) he is going to thing I'm being too nosey and run. All the other post I read about you cappy men seem to indicate that you do not mind getting into serious conversations? What's your take on that? Thanks again for the advise and keep it coming......Besos~~

Besos,

Hmmmmmm. That's tough one, because I've been overly critical about the way a girl looks and it turned me off. It just depends on how important he thinks your skin complexion is in the scheme of things. If it's a real problem, he's probably weighing (there goes my Libra tendencies again) out the liklihood that he can deal with it. He might be thinking, to himself of course, hmmmmm, maybe she can go get a tan. If she gets a tan, how long would it last? Do you think she'll just turn red or will it stay a while? Can she keep a tan during the winter? If so, how much would it cost? Oh, but how will it affect her skin when we get old and gray? While he may never actually admit to it, he may be thinking about it far more than he's letting on.

Listen, some things, complexion for example, are not changeable for life. He'll have to accept that and every other flaw (trust me, he's looking) in his eyes, before he can really accept you as his numero uno. We understand that nobody is perfect, but we also have the power to allow a woman into our lives. Seeing that ya'll have been dating via e-mail and telephone, it's gonna take some getting used too. Even with pictures and webcam, the real life version of you is much different. I know because I've dated a girl for 3 months before we met and thought the same thing. I spent the whole first weekend together weighing out her good to bad points.

At this point, I wouldn't worry about it. Let him warm up to you in all your glory and allow him the freedom to decide. Geez, I make it sound like you're a product that he gets to buy, but that's how we think. (shruggin' shoulders)

I really enjoy deep conversations. I love (as you can tell) sharing my advice with people who will actually use it. Listen, we're pretty smart people and we learn a lot in life, so we feel quite comfortable giving you a piece of our ever expanding knowledge. Be sure that you're not filling conversation with fluff, but truely seek out ways to enhance the dialog. Try this one....put a problem on the table and encourage him to solve it. My girlfriend and I are dealing with long distance stuff and we're having to find creative ways to keep our relationship alive and well. Remember, let ME do it, but pose the problem for his review. Also, I really enjoy planning stuff. I like to talk about future plans (very important) as it helps me see the possibilities with you. I've gone so far as to write this stuff down. Oh, how exciting.

Does that help answer your questions? If not, feel free to ask more questions.

Believe me when I tell you I'm working diligently on the tan! Thanks alot for all your honest wisdom! I've gotta go but I'd like to talk to you some more so hopefully you'll be around tomorrow. I'm positive I have a million questions for ya (ok, not a million but enough to let you share some of that cappy wisdom with me again)! Have a good one!

I'd like that. I'll see you then.

E~
welcome aboard!!
I would hate to have to post my long drawn out saga! So maybe if you have a minute or hour LOL you can go back and read it all starts back in calling all capricorn men for questioning and rolls over into mind games! I dont know what to do...I love this man! And I want so bad to get passed this mess and to move on. I want to be here for him and I want him to know that I know people make mistakes and they learn from them. Hes only 20, we have a 7 year age gap but you will read about that you will also find out that you and Brian share the same birthday!!I hope you can help!! thank you!! ~B

I know girls stay away from him!! lol I have not called but I cant help it I love him Im guilty!!

Enigma your so awesome. Thank you for your words. These last couple nights have been so heart wretching for me. I realized my feelings ran so deep for him and I wanted to tell him, but then all of his friends were telling me that he just had a couple girls over the last couple nights. I was disgusted and I felt really used. He said that I shouldn't be mad because it was the only girl he's been with sexually since me. Then he got mad because he said we had agreed that we didn't want relationships because of the emotional state that he's in. I didn't realize how jealous I was getting. His last girlfriend was really controlling, protective, a drama queen, wouldn't let him so much as breath next to a girl let alone say anything, and then she cheated on him with his friend. So he's going through this I don't need anyone thing and now that I've figured out how much I liked him finding out that he has a "f!@* buddy" is making me so sick to my stomach. We talked a little about it and other people kept getting involved. Well he got really mad and started crying. I've never seen a guy cry like that before. I was so sad for him. He's also had a lot of other life changing things happen to him recently to make him feel horrible about himself. His dad came back into his life after seventeen years and then he got a dui so he has to pay all of this money to the state and yadayadayada. Even though it felt really good that the only people he told about it was his mom and me. It made me feel special. He said that there was no way he could possibly have a relationship with anyone right now because he can't even take her out to dinner. I felt aweful for him. So I just told him that I care for him so much and that I don't want to upset him. But when there's alcohol involved it's difficult to get feelings across so everything was miscommunicated. The other thing is that we've both said that it would be unhealthy to jump into anything, but yet we have so much in common and he told me he cares about me very much even though he doesn't say it. He said that he could definetely see having a relationship with me, but we just need time. I'm just so love sick over all of this. The last thing I want to think about is him with someone else sexually....I mean I know that's all it is is sex, but still. My friend who is a capricorn said, "hey...he's been hurt; that's something I would do if I really liked someone. I would find someone who I knew I wasn't going to get attached to to have sex with and push the person that I cared about most away." I don't know what to do. I'm so not patient. And then today we were supposed to talk, but of course I get back from the lake and call him and he's like..."oh I was just about to go to the pool. I think it would be better if we talked another day when we're sober. And then we'll sort all of these pent up frustrations out." I mean earlier he acted like I had hurt him somehow even though I was the one that was hurt last night. I said, "how are you doing?" He said, "oh I'll live." What is that? Am I to think that he's hurting? I don't get it.

E~
wow you express yourself so well. you have said things i could not even put into words. thanx dude

Enigma.......I am not sure if all of your questions are necessary. but I will answer a few......we talk and share everything. He is always asking me my opinion on things. both with ex girlfriends, and his financial sitution and his friends and family. he always wants to know my opinion on everything when we are together. he used to call alot on the phone in the beginning. Now, everything is the same when we see each other, he just dosnt call in between dates as much anymore. Our time together is amazing. Just no in between calls. He is divorced. has not been with his ex wife for 5 years. three months ago he broke up with a girl he went out with for a year because he wasnt sure that she was was stable enough for him. he wants someone solid for the future. He is over 40. his son is 10 and doesnt think that after a month he is ready to have us going out all three together, even though I have met his son and some of his family on our third date. so is the lack of phone calls a capp thing—?

welcome to the boards enigmanupe.

Hi all...I just talked with my ex boyfriend. The one that broke my heart. It was a great conversation and I found out a lot about myself. I just had this nostalgic feeling today and I thought...I'm going to find out what I can learn about me now that we're not together. I've always wanted to do that...call an ex and learn about what I did wrong and how I could do things differently. He basically told me, "there's absolutely nothing you did wrong. We were at a bad spot in our lives and I was partying too much. When there's alcohol and confusion guys don't realize what they're doing. I mean they could be completely in love with you, but because they're not thinking they just say things they don't mean to push you away and make you feel like crap. All you need to do is be yourself and I wouldn't change anything about what you did. You did everything right. I wasn't thinking at all when I was saying all of those mean things to you. I think all I needed was space at that point." It made me feel so good to know that. And it made me realize that I need to give my cap some space because he's acting just like my ex did before we broke up...scared, rude, defensive, confused. I think that's why this weekend just hit home...it brought back memories of what happened between me and my ex and it just killed me. So in essence my ex kind of helped me to see what's going on inside of his mind without me flat out asking about my cap. Clever girl I am.

AM ~ yeah...he's going through some strange mind thing right now and he's not being himself at all. He was burned baaaaad. And it doesn't help when you are drinking every night either. My ex and I partied too much and it ended our relationship because when alcohol is involved it makes you both different people. So that's why I decided on time and being his friend. His birthday is January 2nd, 1982 Sacramento, CA and he said he thinks his birth time is 4:00 am. Hope that helps. I have to say though that we did decide on not being together because we weren't ready for serious relationships and he has only being sleeping with me. He just slept with one of those girls recently.

AM ~ yeah...he's going through some strange mind thing right now and he's not being himself at all. He was burned baaaaad. And it doesn't help when you are drinking every night either. My ex and I partied too much and it ended our relationship because when alcohol is involved it makes you both different people. So that's why I decided with that last relationship on time and being his friend. With this one I think the red flags are telling me he's not much different right now. The only difference is that my ex doesn't think with his penis when he's drunk. This guy is super insecure so I'm assuming it makes him feel good that all of these ladies want him now. With his ex girl...he couldn't talk to girls at all. She was a controlling and possessive freak supposedly and then she went and cheated on him with his good friend. One of those scenarios. I'm not making excuses, but I'm trying to help you see what's happened to him. There's more issues going on than that though. His birthday is January 2nd, 1982 Sacramento, CA and he said he thinks his birth time is 4:00 am. Hope that helps. I have to say though that we did decide on not being together because we weren't ready for serious relationships and he has only being sleeping with me. He just slept with one of those girls recently.

Gemgem!!


WHAT? Hes slept with one of those girls recently? Like when? cause you have been with him recently as well..WOW no wonder your a mess! Im so sorry sweetie!! This is soooooo weird all of us going through the same Shiot...wow!!

r gemini's and capricorns all drinking hte same water? although Atlantic seems to be doing fine? hmmm maybe its because they are already "established"!

Judging from what enigma said I'm guessing this is part of the interviewing process. I think every guy has to sow his wild oats and he's lucky I'm super understanding. I actually feel a lot better today. I just completely shut my brain off to it. It actually made him look weaker to me for some reason, which helps me to move on more. I will probably be making dinner for my brother one of these nights so we'll see him then. I'm just going to be my confident self and be his friend. But yeah...there's definetely something in the water. I think my cancer rising is coming out...you know...the manipulative side where I start to seduce with my actions and my charm. hehehe. Or is that a gem trait? I can't tell. I'm just going to make him drool.

i think its the gem!! lol

where is enigma? I need your advice...lol

Greeneyed,

Wow! That is one long post. Is there anyway you can condense it? (laughing) I'd love to help where I can.

Oaf,

Thank you very much. I thought the same thing about Miriam.

Tiamat,

Thank you for the welcome. I'm glad to be here.

Gemgem,
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I think my cancer rising is coming out...you know...the manipulative side where I
start to seduce with my actions and my charm
______________________________________________________________________________________

I"m lmao b/c you just described me completely and I'm cancer. I hope it all works out for you although I know going to your brother's house to make dinner for him has to be hard since you'll be seeing the cappy. Is it safe to assume that since he lives w/your brother he'll be sharing dinner with you two as well. If so, girl cook your a $ $ and show him what's he missing but make sure your dressed to kill in something casual but head turning - lol!

yea like an apron with nothing under!! lol that ought to turn a few heads!! sorry being a bit silly today!! ( I did that once though!! )lol i crack myself up!!

G~~

LOL! Hey, if the apron works then I say go for it...a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.......